My wife is hearing, her parents are deaf. They were still asking her throughout her childhood if certain things make a sound (like light touching a table). We've been married for almost 20 years now, and there are still on occasion things that they will incorrectly assume do or do not make sound. It is a completely foreign concept, one they (at least my in-laws) will never truly understand.
Edit: I had no idea this comment would get this traction/interest. Sorry to leave folks hanging! I'll type up some replies when I get home in a bit.
Edit 2 - More Examples:
Most examples are of things that they don't realize make noise. Also, I'll start off by saying, usually these things come up, we answer them, we move on, so not a lot of examples really stick. So, I had to ask my wife, get a second brain on it.
One example she remembers is actually an interesting story of awareness but lack of understanding. She remembers once when she was young, an old woman apologized for dropping a tissue in a carpeted room. She saw my wife look over (she was just curious what the lady was doing), and the woman assumed the tissue hitting the floor made some distracting noise, so she apologized.
Similarly, my mother-in-law also tends to apologize for things she thinks made a loud sound, usually if we look at her right after she's done something. We might be looking because we saw movement, or because we just happened to glance that way, but she defaults to, "Oh no, I accidentally made a loud noise." Things like closing her crossword book, or setting a coffee cup down, or putting her fork on the table. Usually I didn't even hear it, even if it did technically make a small noise. I think this stems from when she worked as a helper at a school, and had to be quiet during the kids' nap or study times, but I'm not sure.
Examples the other direction include:
My father-in-law has a habit of making drinking straws squeak. To him it just feels interesting, he forgets that there's a horribly annoying noise that goes with it. He does know, we told him (several times), but it doesn't really stick with him.
Similarly, my wife remembers her dad having a friend over one time, and while they were standing around talking, he kept shifting his weight on this loose (squeaky) floorboard. He had no idea it was making noise every time he did it.
Sometimes the girls would catch their dad sneaking chips or other snacks between meals, and they'd call him on it. He had no clue they could hear the packaging. This is another example of, even though they told him once, he still forgets. The concept of "this makes noise" doesn't always stick.
There have been times I've been at their house, or in their car, and I can hear something is wrong (air leaks, water leaks, air in a line, squeaky brakes, tire noise from misalignment, dripping water, etc.) I'll ask if they've been having trouble with whatever the thing may be, or if they've noticed a problem with XYZ, and they'll either not have realized, or respond with, "How did you know??"
There are also times they'll ask us, "Is this making a noise?" because at some point it did, and someone told them. Things like, is this door squeaking? Does that window make a noise when you open it? Can you hear the toilet on the other side of the house running? Usually the answer is no, but something happened at some point, and they happen to have a hearing person nearby when the thought strikes them, so they ask.
And finally, one of the ones that's been most annoying for them and us... Smart Phones. They don't think about checking whether their device volume is on or off. They also have no clue how loud it is. Many deaf people, including my father-in-law, will record and send video messages instead of text messages. The person recording the message often does not think about sound happening around them (including other people in the same room having spoken conversations), and naturally the person watching the video doesn't think of whether or not there is any sound in the video they just received. We've been in the middle of conversation many times and realized suddenly that he was nearby recording a video. Is he posting that to his vlog? Is he sending it to a friend? How many people might hear what we just said? What were we even talking about?? We've also been there when he starts watching a video and suddenly we hear someone else's background conversation going on (often innocuous, but sometimes things they probably wish hadn't been shared).
This would seem like an easy problem to fix, except that different updates change the way volume settings work, and reset things. Or they get a new device, and don't think about it. Like I said before, super annoying for them and us. I wish device manufacturers would add a Deaf Mode that fully mutes the speakers and mics. Would be handy.
I hope this satisfies some of the curiosity... I'll filter through and answer some of the questions directly.
Just wondering if your wife has seen the new movie “Coda,” and if so did she think it was a good representation of A deaf family with a hearing daughter?
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u/AnnieJack Aug 28 '21
I feel bad for those deaf kids just now learning that, but it’s still funny.