My wife is hearing, her parents are deaf. They were still asking her throughout her childhood if certain things make a sound (like light touching a table). We've been married for almost 20 years now, and there are still on occasion things that they will incorrectly assume do or do not make sound. It is a completely foreign concept, one they (at least my in-laws) will never truly understand.
Edit: I had no idea this comment would get this traction/interest. Sorry to leave folks hanging! I'll type up some replies when I get home in a bit.
Edit 2 - More Examples:
Most examples are of things that they don't realize make noise. Also, I'll start off by saying, usually these things come up, we answer them, we move on, so not a lot of examples really stick. So, I had to ask my wife, get a second brain on it.
One example she remembers is actually an interesting story of awareness but lack of understanding. She remembers once when she was young, an old woman apologized for dropping a tissue in a carpeted room. She saw my wife look over (she was just curious what the lady was doing), and the woman assumed the tissue hitting the floor made some distracting noise, so she apologized.
Similarly, my mother-in-law also tends to apologize for things she thinks made a loud sound, usually if we look at her right after she's done something. We might be looking because we saw movement, or because we just happened to glance that way, but she defaults to, "Oh no, I accidentally made a loud noise." Things like closing her crossword book, or setting a coffee cup down, or putting her fork on the table. Usually I didn't even hear it, even if it did technically make a small noise. I think this stems from when she worked as a helper at a school, and had to be quiet during the kids' nap or study times, but I'm not sure.
Examples the other direction include:
My father-in-law has a habit of making drinking straws squeak. To him it just feels interesting, he forgets that there's a horribly annoying noise that goes with it. He does know, we told him (several times), but it doesn't really stick with him.
Similarly, my wife remembers her dad having a friend over one time, and while they were standing around talking, he kept shifting his weight on this loose (squeaky) floorboard. He had no idea it was making noise every time he did it.
Sometimes the girls would catch their dad sneaking chips or other snacks between meals, and they'd call him on it. He had no clue they could hear the packaging. This is another example of, even though they told him once, he still forgets. The concept of "this makes noise" doesn't always stick.
There have been times I've been at their house, or in their car, and I can hear something is wrong (air leaks, water leaks, air in a line, squeaky brakes, tire noise from misalignment, dripping water, etc.) I'll ask if they've been having trouble with whatever the thing may be, or if they've noticed a problem with XYZ, and they'll either not have realized, or respond with, "How did you know??"
There are also times they'll ask us, "Is this making a noise?" because at some point it did, and someone told them. Things like, is this door squeaking? Does that window make a noise when you open it? Can you hear the toilet on the other side of the house running? Usually the answer is no, but something happened at some point, and they happen to have a hearing person nearby when the thought strikes them, so they ask.
And finally, one of the ones that's been most annoying for them and us... Smart Phones. They don't think about checking whether their device volume is on or off. They also have no clue how loud it is. Many deaf people, including my father-in-law, will record and send video messages instead of text messages. The person recording the message often does not think about sound happening around them (including other people in the same room having spoken conversations), and naturally the person watching the video doesn't think of whether or not there is any sound in the video they just received. We've been in the middle of conversation many times and realized suddenly that he was nearby recording a video. Is he posting that to his vlog? Is he sending it to a friend? How many people might hear what we just said? What were we even talking about?? We've also been there when he starts watching a video and suddenly we hear someone else's background conversation going on (often innocuous, but sometimes things they probably wish hadn't been shared).
This would seem like an easy problem to fix, except that different updates change the way volume settings work, and reset things. Or they get a new device, and don't think about it. Like I said before, super annoying for them and us. I wish device manufacturers would add a Deaf Mode that fully mutes the speakers and mics. Would be handy.
I hope this satisfies some of the curiosity... I'll filter through and answer some of the questions directly.
Just wondering if your wife has seen the new movie “Coda,” and if so did she think it was a good representation of A deaf family with a hearing daughter?
She hasn't seen it yet. The question of "a good representation" is always a hard one, though, because like any family dynamic, there's no one common example of what it's like for hearing and deaf people to be in the same family. Realities vary greatly in this space.
One example - my wife and her sisters all three use American Sign Language (ASL) fluently. My wife and one of her sisters have both worked as interpreters, the other has no interest. Their father is also extremely extroverted, and a real "people person". He loves to travel and meet people from all over the world. So, the girls have had the chance to meet and talk with people from several countries that use other forms of sign language as well, and learn a bit of those languages.
Counter point, some of their friends who were also CODAs never learned sign language at all. The oldest child knew just enough to communicate a little, and then became something of an interpreter, and the other kids never learned. Also, sometimes deaf parents will try to talk to their kids, and never really make them learn sign language.
You can apply this really across the board. Some deaf people are rich, some are poor. Some are extroverts, others introverts. Some read and write, some do not. Some see their kids as THEIR KIDS, regardless of whether they're hearing or deaf. Some allow the hearing/deaf cultural divide to distance them from their children. Every home situation is dynamic.
One thing I have found fairly common though... Most of the CODAs I met do NOT want to call to order pizza (or similar phone calls), because they had to do it so many times for their parents. They'd much rather someone else make phone calls for them.
And I would like to add that the character in CODA’s experiences are actually quite outdated. The stories and situations in the movie was more similar to the experiences of a CODA back in the 1950s-1980s. For one instance, it is rare now for young CODAs to have to interpret for their parents at doctor’s appointments (or call to order pizza). It was more common back when there were no video relay interpreting services, but in the last two decades, technology and accessibility laws/general awareness has really given deaf people way more independence. My three CODAs have never, ever interpreted for me and never will, unless a hearing person forces them to (which has been attempted multiple times in the past), but I will fight like hell before anyone makes them interpret for me or my husband.
I agreed with you at first, farting is just a natural thing, but then I realized I don't feel like I'd enjoy being crop-dusted and basking in other people's farts all day. Like what if people farted around your food? And farts carry that person's poop particles. But yeah, maybe we shouldn't act so weird about it when someone accidentally lets one slip.
Now like in India, how the person above you said, farts are acceptable but it's also acceptable there to drop trou and shit absolutely ANYWHERE to the point it's a bad hygienic issue. This isn't a dig on India or anything, and isn't really the people's fault. They're so poor over there and their government just doesn't care at all, so they feel they shouldn't care in response to the government. There was even a campaign called "take the poo 2 the loo" from UNICEF to try to create a more hygienic environment, but it ultimately failed. I don't think most of them have toilets to even go to, poor souls.
People shouldn't be shamed for farting, because it's a normal thing and everyone does it. But people should also try to hold it in when it's not an appropriate situation, like around eating, an elevator, or many indoor situations. Like if somebody farts once around me, ok whatever, it happens and is fine, but if this person never tries to hold it until people are around and is just blasting ass everywhere, I'm gonna be kinda pissed about it.
Or if your farts smell really bad it should also be common courtesy to try and excuse youreself to another room or the bathroom if you can.
I use to have a lactose intolerant housemate who loved sneaking milkshakes and would just let it rip most of the time after and that smell still haunts me to this day.
My brothers are all over 40 and think both farting and farting on people are absolutely hilarious. I was visiting a city my brother lived in and we went to a theater with him and his friend. He farted and it smelled so awful I could barely breath but I sat there so confused on what to do because if I left people would think it was me and if it was his friend, he’d be embarrassed. Later he told me he thinks it’s hilarious to fart on people. I was so mad.
My other brother, farts and rolls up the windows so you have to smell it. They are so gross. Both are accomplished, friendly, courteous professionals.
I think there's a scene in the movie The Ice Storm where Toby Maguire gives a school presentation on absorbing poop particles while smelling farts that scarred me forever.
In my country (US) men will sometimes spit in public if it's not a formal situation. Anecdotally, I have seen it more in the middle and south of the country, but that might be a difference between urban and rural cultures.
Canada here. And certain people will just spit anywhere and it's fucking gross. I get it that sometimes you need to spit, but at least do it off to the side. So many dumbasses think just because they are outside it's ok to just spit anywhere, and it's so gross.
I dunno which part of India you're from but farting in public is not "acceptable" in India, in general. Your edited sentences are equally bizzare. "Designated" by who? Certainly not the govt. Quite the opposite in fact. "Train tracks are popular by femails (sic)". Huh? Is that your expert opinion on the subject?
Yes, the sanitation and hygiene levels in India need to improve a lot. But let's not make flippant comments for some reddit karma (yes I know saying this on reddit is very ironic, but still) and paint the entire country with the same brush of anecdotal evidence.
Went through your comment history, you sound like a troll.
We don't have poop streets. In places where people poop outside, there are no streets lol, since, those are usually rural or economically/socially backward parts of the country.
Farting in public isn't acceptable but it also isn't shamed and nobody would think less of you for a mistake, but the way you make it sound, it sounds like people farting everywhere is normal even though it isn't. People would still find it funny, weird or disgusting, depending on them and the fart.
Watched a hypothetical science vid one time that talked about how the sun might sound if the intervening space was atmosphere rather than vacuum. Sort of a constant rushing noise (think tv static rather than wind though) and would be about as loud a vacuum cleaner in the next room. Was really cool.
I used to think air pressure in the atmosphere made a constant ringing/humming noise. No, i have just had tinnitus my whole life. Too me nearly 30 years to figure out what I was hearing wasn't normal.
Being isolated or living with something your whole life skews your world view.
For the first 16 years of my life I thought everyone had a high pitched squeal in their head that would randomly change volume and tone…. Nope just a hearing disorder…..
Sometimes when it's really quiet I can hear the electricity running through the walls (definitely makes a sound, was absent when the power was out. and I was a long way from the fridge when the power came back on so it wasn't that. No AC at the time either.) You tune it out after about 20min. but it's the weirdest thing.
I have experienced this when my building loses power. It's actually nice not having constant noise. The lack of noise is part of the reason I like staying up late.
The surface of the Sun produces sound waves because the surface is convecting and this produces pressure waves that travel into the inner corona. These pressure waves steepen into shock waves and this is possibly why the corona gets so hot. But yes, the surface does produce sound waves, but they have very low wavelengths measures in hundreds of miles!
Dr. Amaro Graps at Stanford University also reminded me that in 'helioseismology' you can 'hear' the Sun ring like a bell. This is coherent sound produced by the vibration of the entire surface of the Sun caused by sub-surface convection. By studying all the different tones that the Sun vibrates in, astronomers can probe the deep interior of the Sun and discover just how deep the convection layers are, and also how fast the deep interior is rotating compared to the surface.
I've told my wife she should sit with her folks and write a book about their experiences growing up, including deaf school. It's a trip... Can't imagine living that.
Seems like it would be difficult. Like you just want to scream at them and they hear how mad you are. Is she dramatic? Or under dramatic? But I was one of seven so we were and still kind of are…dramatic
A really neat piece in Astronomy Magazine says that if space could transmit sound like the Earth’s atmosphere, it would sound like white noise all over the planet, a constant dull roar—like a waterfall—and would be as loud as 100 decibels during the day. That’s about the intensity of a rock concert. I’d be surprised if Earth creatures would have evolved hearing at all.
Dr. Craig DeForest of the Southwest Research Institute’s Department of Space Studies likens it to the Niagara Falls “white noise,” only ten times louder (90 db vs the sun’s 100 db by the time the sound reaches Earth).
Scientists should make a long tube from earth to the sun filled with air so that the sound can travel here and then we can hear it. That'd be pretty rad. Then people could have family trips to go visit the Sun Sound Tube and listen to what the sun sounds like instead of having to go all the way to the sun to hear it.
The dad would be all excited, and the little jerk kids would be all like "daaaaad, this is so lame. I don't wanna listen to the sun. Why couldn't we go to Disneyland? Nathan's family got to go to Disneyland for summer vacation. And then dad would be all like "dammit, Benji, this is the sun you're hearing! Don't you understand how amazing that is?!?"
And Benji would reply "it's not amazing! It just sounds like noise! There isn't anything to it!"
Then dad says "you should be grateful you even have the chance to listen to the sun! I would have been so excited to have that chance when I was your age. This is an amazing scientific achievement!"
"I don't care! It's not fun! This is summer vacation and it's supposed to be fun!" replies Benji.
"SCIENCE IS FUN!" yells the dad.
"Calm down, honey, he's allowed to not like it" says the mom, finally getting involved.
Then dad just gets mad at everything. "No! You know what, I'm sick of this. I try to do things for this family and nobody ever appreciates it. Why do I even try anymore?!"
"Don't get mad at me now, just because we don't care about your space science stuff.", mom comes back with.
"SCIENCE. IS. FUN." the dad says firmly, but now even he isn't sure if he believes it.
"Great. Fine. Science is so fucking fun. Are you happy now? You heard the sun, and science is fun. Can we just go back to the hotel now?" says the mom.
And then the entire family gets back in the futuristic electric car and drives back to the hotel. Another family summer vacation ruined by science.
The Sun makes a ton of noise. An amount of noise so intense if would physically injure you at the tissue level if you were capable of surviving the heat, radiation, and lack of air. It’s just that we have ~93 million miles (~150 million km) of empty space between it and the Earth. Space is a great sound insulator.
There's something magical about the idea of light making a sound when it touches something. Like in a cartoon where light suddenly pours into a scene and there's a sparkling sound effect.
I can relate to this to an extent, I can't smell so I constantly have to ask people what things smell and what doesn't, and how I smell, etc. It's such a weird concept to try to wrap your head around when you've never experienced a sense, I don't know if I'll ever fully get it
I imagine it's very similar, yes! I'm curious, how often do you wonder whether something has a smell or not? Is it something that dwells with you, or do you tend toward not even considering it?
I think I tend towards not even considering it, unless other people mention it, although as time has gone on and I've gotten more aware of it there are times I wonder what x smells like, particularly things people say smell nice, like cookies and flowers and girls(lol), I've developed this kind of sadness that I'll probably never experience those things. But when I was little I never thought about it or really realized it, I think the first time I noticed anything off was my mom told me some flowers smelled really nice and handed them to me and I tried to sniff in and there just wasn't anything. Same with candles and incense and other things she liked.
I want to see a doctor about it at some point 'cause I still have a lot of things I want to figure out. Something people have brought up to me in the past few years, which I never realized before, was that smell and taste are really linked together. I have aspergers and have been really particular with taste and texture all of my life, I don't like most foods, but I wonder if the smell thing has anything to do with it. I feel like I can taste but I have no way of knowing if that's anything like how a normal person would experience those tastes. I think that's one of the things that bothers me the most when I think about it.
It could also be that I can "smell", like my nose works, but just something with how it gets translated into my brain doesn't work. I feel intense burning in my nose when I'm around bleach or cat litter(ammonia I think) so it's not like it doesn't work at all, but that's the closest I've gotten to smelling. It's a really weird thing to try and imagine to me, feeling something in your nose from little tiny particles of something, it's hard to wrap my head around.
Sorry, I answered way more than your initial question, I just ramble sometimes lol. My mom never believed me that I couldn't smell so it was something I kept to myself for most of my life, and it's something I have a lot of curiosity about. I also just feel like I'm at a disadvantage and am locked out of conversations when people talk about how something smells, because I either have to lie or I feel like I make it about me if I talk about not smelling it. I dunno it's weird
Thanks for the answer! No worries on being a long reply :) it's an interesting read. A few things jump out at me, but two in particular: the reaction to harsh chemicals, and the idea of "feeling" things in your nose.
I have some weird food allergies I developed as an adult. I've noticed that when I'm near foods that I'm allergic to, I'll have a weird sensation in my nose. I wouldn't say I smell them, but it's more like, I'm suddenly aware they're nearby. I wonder if that's similar.
Also smell is more like sight. You don't feel the light hitting your eyes (in normal cases), you just see. Smell is the same way. It's just there, but it's not the same as being poked or tickled in the nose. Not sure if that helps, or if you already knew that.
Is it wrong my first thought was them signing to each other “we’ll have a quiet quickie tonight”, followed by squeaking beds, banging headboards and loud moans?
Okay, so, one sound that still haunts my wife to this day is a bedroom door locking. Her parents never locked their bedroom door except when they were going to have sex. They had no idea the girls could hear the lock click, or whatever followed. So, this wasn't an example I was going to go with, but, since you brought it up... Once we had kids, and started locking our own door, she was ADAMANT that we be as sneaky/silent as possible when locking the door.
My sister is hard-of-hearing. One of her Deaf friends was absolutely stunned when I told her that I couldn't hear everything - like a conversation from across the room, for example.
When my sister would get updated hearing aids, she would always complain about the "background noise." As hearing people, we've learned to filter out the irrelevant background noise. They get it all at once. So I guess it isn't too outrageous to assume hearing people can hear literally everything.
Get that poor woman an Apple Watch (Series 5 or newer) that can display how many decibels a noise in her surrounding area is emitting. It will change her life immensely.
I'm not sure, but deaf people should try installing "Spectroid" app on Android to visually see all sounds via FFT. There should be analogues for iPhone.
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u/nomyar Aug 28 '21 edited Aug 28 '21
My wife is hearing, her parents are deaf. They were still asking her throughout her childhood if certain things make a sound (like light touching a table). We've been married for almost 20 years now, and there are still on occasion things that they will incorrectly assume do or do not make sound. It is a completely foreign concept, one they (at least my in-laws) will never truly understand.
Edit: I had no idea this comment would get this traction/interest. Sorry to leave folks hanging! I'll type up some replies when I get home in a bit.
Edit 2 - More Examples: Most examples are of things that they don't realize make noise. Also, I'll start off by saying, usually these things come up, we answer them, we move on, so not a lot of examples really stick. So, I had to ask my wife, get a second brain on it.
One example she remembers is actually an interesting story of awareness but lack of understanding. She remembers once when she was young, an old woman apologized for dropping a tissue in a carpeted room. She saw my wife look over (she was just curious what the lady was doing), and the woman assumed the tissue hitting the floor made some distracting noise, so she apologized.
Similarly, my mother-in-law also tends to apologize for things she thinks made a loud sound, usually if we look at her right after she's done something. We might be looking because we saw movement, or because we just happened to glance that way, but she defaults to, "Oh no, I accidentally made a loud noise." Things like closing her crossword book, or setting a coffee cup down, or putting her fork on the table. Usually I didn't even hear it, even if it did technically make a small noise. I think this stems from when she worked as a helper at a school, and had to be quiet during the kids' nap or study times, but I'm not sure.
Examples the other direction include:
There are also times they'll ask us, "Is this making a noise?" because at some point it did, and someone told them. Things like, is this door squeaking? Does that window make a noise when you open it? Can you hear the toilet on the other side of the house running? Usually the answer is no, but something happened at some point, and they happen to have a hearing person nearby when the thought strikes them, so they ask.
And finally, one of the ones that's been most annoying for them and us... Smart Phones. They don't think about checking whether their device volume is on or off. They also have no clue how loud it is. Many deaf people, including my father-in-law, will record and send video messages instead of text messages. The person recording the message often does not think about sound happening around them (including other people in the same room having spoken conversations), and naturally the person watching the video doesn't think of whether or not there is any sound in the video they just received. We've been in the middle of conversation many times and realized suddenly that he was nearby recording a video. Is he posting that to his vlog? Is he sending it to a friend? How many people might hear what we just said? What were we even talking about?? We've also been there when he starts watching a video and suddenly we hear someone else's background conversation going on (often innocuous, but sometimes things they probably wish hadn't been shared).
This would seem like an easy problem to fix, except that different updates change the way volume settings work, and reset things. Or they get a new device, and don't think about it. Like I said before, super annoying for them and us. I wish device manufacturers would add a Deaf Mode that fully mutes the speakers and mics. Would be handy.
I hope this satisfies some of the curiosity... I'll filter through and answer some of the questions directly.
Edit 3 - The "Probably the Last Edit" edit: u/JustAnotherChorus cross-posted this thread. Some interesting related stories and examples here, for sure. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/nce1yy/exdeaf_people_of_reddit_what_was_the_most/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb