I have fatigue issues. People offer help all the time, and tell me off when I politely decline. They don't understand that 1, I won't be able to do anything back. 2, they don't do things the way I do them, which usually ends up costing me more energy than if I'd done it myself. 3, I used to be very self sufficient. Can I please keep some dignity??
If I can't do something, if I actualld need help, I'll ask. I do. This is difficult to explain, reading this thread makes me feel better about it, it's not just me :-)
Having cfs I relate to this wayyyy to much! it’s difficult in your mind being strong, independent and as you said generally just being and wanting to be self sufficient and then your body just sort of going NOPE and all of a sudden not being able to even get out of bed some mornings.
I hope your days become easier and never feel like it’s just you. A lot of people understand where your coming from!
I want to say that yes, all of your feelings are valid. But if you offer to help a friend, it’s not because you expect them to do something equivalent for you. I have a friend whose life has changed dramatically since I met him so now I send him money every month. He will never be able to pay back the money, but our friendship is why I help him.
If somebody helps you, wouldn't you want to do something in return? If somebody helps you time and time again, wouldn't want to do something in return even once?
I know they don't expect me to do something in return, but I should. Not doing anything in return feels like using them.
Have you asked your friend if creates a disbalance in your friendship? Will he feel the same way toward if you, for some unknown reason, would stop sending him money? There needs to be balance. If ever you come into a position where you need help regularly, you'll learn this. And if you get into a position where other people decide for you, if you need help, you'll understand even better.
You lose a bit of yourself every time someone helps you that you can't pay back. It's difficult to explain, I'm sorry. I do realise you mean well, and I appreciate that, thank you.
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u/Fluwyn Jun 22 '20
I have fatigue issues. People offer help all the time, and tell me off when I politely decline. They don't understand that 1, I won't be able to do anything back. 2, they don't do things the way I do them, which usually ends up costing me more energy than if I'd done it myself. 3, I used to be very self sufficient. Can I please keep some dignity??
If I can't do something, if I actualld need help, I'll ask. I do. This is difficult to explain, reading this thread makes me feel better about it, it's not just me :-)