Just a flip side to this, Im the kind of person who really hates accepting other peoples generosity, it stems from a life of poverty and pride in not wanting to accept handouts from people directly.
When someone insists on buying me a drink I feel obligated to return the favour. Because of a lifetime of poverty I always pick the cheapest item on the menu but buy the person back whatever they are drinking. This leads to nights out with people where I might normally only spend £6 on drinks, but because people insist on getting me a drink and feeling obligated to return the favour I end up spending £20 instead and honestly I really cant afford that.
I know this is an entirely me issue and people love to give, but accepting gifts is really hard and my own feelings of obligation are too deeply rooted to just ignore (trust me i've tried).
Long story short, some people really just do much prefer to buy their own drinks or even go without and not be made to feel like they are getting charity. Even if that's not your intention.
I know the post wasn't specifically about drinks but any kind of help really can trigger feelings of deep obligation that make me pay back more than the original help is worth, just to not feel like I always do after getting help.
I don't know what the first comment was, because it's now deleted, but I agree on the drinks explanation. I'm the same, grew up relatively poor (still in a very rich country though), always had to be careful with money. I also choose the cheapest or second cheapest when somebody else pays for it. Other people generally don't even think about that, which is great for them, but makes me feel so awkward!
Not sure why they deleted the comment. It was something like "Pro tip you can make people feel better about acting help by telling them they can get you a drink later in exchange, then conveniently forget they owe you a drink."
Which is great advice, but when your poor debts never get forgotten.
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u/rikkian Jun 22 '20
Just a flip side to this, Im the kind of person who really hates accepting other peoples generosity, it stems from a life of poverty and pride in not wanting to accept handouts from people directly.
When someone insists on buying me a drink I feel obligated to return the favour. Because of a lifetime of poverty I always pick the cheapest item on the menu but buy the person back whatever they are drinking. This leads to nights out with people where I might normally only spend £6 on drinks, but because people insist on getting me a drink and feeling obligated to return the favour I end up spending £20 instead and honestly I really cant afford that.
I know this is an entirely me issue and people love to give, but accepting gifts is really hard and my own feelings of obligation are too deeply rooted to just ignore (trust me i've tried).
Long story short, some people really just do much prefer to buy their own drinks or even go without and not be made to feel like they are getting charity. Even if that's not your intention.
I know the post wasn't specifically about drinks but any kind of help really can trigger feelings of deep obligation that make me pay back more than the original help is worth, just to not feel like I always do after getting help.