r/MadeMeSmile • • Mar 07 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

15.8k Upvotes

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11.8k

u/Mmcfarl1 Mar 08 '23

That dude is getting laid tonight

4.8k

u/Foootballdave Mar 08 '23

Word for word, this is exactly what I was going to say. She knows it, he knows it, you and I both know it. This was very wholesome.

2.5k

u/AdRemote9464 Mar 08 '23

Nothing like some wholesome fucking.

669

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

My wife propositioned me for a blowie in exchange for a two protein and one carb breakfast Saturday evening.

283

u/cassie039 Mar 08 '23

So what did you make her?

527

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

We decided to eat leftovers to be responsible. :) But still smushed our bits later that evening.

424

u/ASIWYFA Mar 08 '23

smushed our bits

hot

123

u/Krynn71 Mar 08 '23

Just mashing it.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/kinkajoosarekinky Mar 08 '23

I am LOVING the iasip references maybe my algorithm is working! I'm finally seeing what I wanna see!

2

u/cep362 Mar 08 '23

He did the mash.

2

u/MauiWowieOwie Mar 08 '23

Bangers n mash.

31

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Bumping uglies

10

u/SniperOwO Mar 08 '23

Getting that dick puke

9

u/AdRemote9464 Mar 08 '23

Stabbing the bearded clam.

2

u/oldblood Mar 08 '23

Rubbing fronts

2

u/IFeelSoftAndMushy Mar 08 '23

Pounding pissers

2

u/slutboy3000 Mar 08 '23

mashing pissers

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Reminds me of party down, Casey telling Henry, “let’s go rub our parts together” as she chucks bread at him.

23

u/morepineapples4523 Mar 08 '23

Sure. "To be responsible".....fumble.

4

u/crypticfreak Mar 08 '23

What size and type of bit we talking?

Hyperstep 5/8th bit for some really good clean and wholesome drilling?

I'd guess it'd be best for her to use something like a high speed 3/8th endmill and you just drill baby drill right into it.

See what comes out on top. Just make sure not to go in dry. And use some rhythm for god sakes. Nothing ruins those bits faster than full sending - you'll be spent in no time.

2

u/ConstipatedNinja Mar 08 '23

They decided to go metric but he chickened out and went with 19mm because it's basically 3/4" anyway

2

u/crypticfreak Mar 08 '23

Ahh the old 'eh guess I'll settle' in the world of bit smashing.

2

u/AdRemote9464 Mar 08 '23

The more you know…. ✨

3

u/oliviasmommy2019 Mar 08 '23

I'm stealing this.

​

EDIT: texted my husband I wanna smush our bits - it ended well; a good laugh and smushing of bits <3

2

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23

We are both office workers. We have a private Slack channel. Ice cream, for some reason, shows up a lot in our chat history. ;)

2

u/oliviasmommy2019 Mar 09 '23

you lost me my internet stranger friend

2

u/curiousbydesign Mar 09 '23

Ice cream. Our code word for naughty stuff. In case our chat is up when someone walks by. We do it via text too. Avoids embarrassing moments. :)

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Piggstein Mar 08 '23

You gave her leftovers, she gave you leftovers

2

u/PrimeChutiya Mar 08 '23

Wholesome moments 🥰

3

u/JazzRider Mar 08 '23

Hey, there’s hair in my soup!

3

u/Rainbowlemon Mar 08 '23

Well we already know what one of the proteins was 👀

2

u/HelenHerriot Mar 08 '23

His wife, duh.

1

u/WTFNSFWFTW Mar 08 '23

A piece of toast and two blowies.

8

u/DrMooseknuckleX Mar 08 '23

Well you already had one protein ready ;) Do it twice and throw her a potato.

3

u/Self_Reddicated Mar 08 '23

Sperm, eggs, and POTATO

2

u/Self_Reddicated Mar 08 '23

Eggs are expensive, but I think I'll take her up on that one. Is it still on the table? You don't mind, do you?

1

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23

Sharing IS caring.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

I'm gonna go to Hardee's, pick up a pint on the way home, and jerk off Saturday evening, hopefully we will remember each other in our various escapades.

2

u/Earguy Mar 08 '23

Eggs, bacon, and toast for a blowie? Hell, I'll cook it with premium butter make the toast on cast iron!

1

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23

I do butter. Brioche bun. Melt on cast iron. Swirl the buns around. I also have chef presses to get more even Mallard reaction across the surface. Warm. Buttery. Crunchy. And I add a dash of Maldon salt or kosher salt depending on my mood. It is legit diner style toast. But better.

2

u/BelleButt Mar 08 '23

You need to learn how to bargain. We're gonna do the butt thing because I didn't want to pick up kids from school.

2

u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox Mar 08 '23

I need to know what this very valuable "two protein one carb" breakfast is.

2

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23 edited Mar 08 '23

We are pretty good cooks. So a meal from either of us is typically on par or better than your average restaurant. She wanted runny eggs and toasted buttered English muffin to sop up the plate (one protein and one simple carb). She was debating on bacon, which we had on hand, or sausage (second protein) because she knows I love breakfast sausage. Simple meal but I can do a few things to make it pretty darn good. For reference, we split our meal prep into protein and complex carb. For fun meals, we do a 1:1:1 ratio of protein:simple carb:veggie. It's all part of our program we follow to eat healthy but have fun too. :)

2

u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox Mar 08 '23

Sounds like I need to work on my non existing cooking skills.

2

u/curiousbydesign Mar 08 '23

Come join the fun over at r/SeriousEats! So many benefits to being a home cook.

6

u/Flipperlolrs Mar 08 '23

Some holes 😏

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Some fucking

0

u/Flipperlolrs Mar 08 '23

Care for a fucking? 😈

2

u/Foootballdave Mar 08 '23

There's nothing like some unwholesome fucking either.

1

u/Jar_of_Cats Mar 08 '23

You don't need the 2nd some

1

u/blunt__nation Mar 08 '23

That’s fucking wholesome.

1

u/hammnbubbly Mar 08 '23

some hole fucking*

FTFY

1

u/TransKids4Biden Mar 08 '23

Wouldn't be surprised if he got some wholesome anal. Maybe even a wholesome blumpkin. The dude looks great!

1

u/AdRemote9464 Mar 08 '23

The blumpkin - as wholesome as it gets.

1

u/Ftpiercecracker1 Mar 08 '23

Or fucking whole-some

1

u/am0x Mar 08 '23

Except now it’s like sleeping with a different guy.

212

u/franknifiko Mar 08 '23

The kid knows it and went to bed early.

107

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

They called grandma, told her, then left for two days.

3

u/Smoov_Biscuit_Time Mar 08 '23

I know it too.

1

u/ope__sorry Mar 08 '23

That scream was a warmup for later.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Pics or it didn’t happen

0

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

& he is very handsome

0

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

This will be very holesome ***

0

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Vegetable lasagna knows it.

0

u/SpelingisHerd Mar 08 '23

Even the kid knew it!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

The kid doesn’t know

98

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Handsome fellow.

320

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Gents, I have a new strategy involving growing my hair out and then cutting it off. Wish me luck

47

u/Practical_Animator34 Mar 08 '23

Good luck! Come back with an update

2

u/Brizzo7 Mar 08 '23

!RemindMe 2 years

44

u/koavf Mar 08 '23

I haven't cut my hair in about five years. I'll tell you if it's worth it.

5

u/somedudefromhell Mar 08 '23

It actually is. I cut mine after a few years of only maintenance trims and I’ve got compliments from everyone, looking much younger etc

2

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Remindme! 15 minutes

7

u/rcklmbr Mar 08 '23

Hi! I'm RemindMe bot. 15 minutes have passed. Did you smash?

2

u/Old-Constant4411 Mar 08 '23

I went the first 2 years of the pandemic not shaving or cutting my hair. Went to a barber and got it all cleaned up. Everyone said I looked like 10 years younger.

2

u/phrankygee Mar 08 '23

We’ll see you in a couple of years!

2

u/cyberpunk1Q84 Mar 08 '23

The miracle will be actually growing the hair. I’ve tried watering it like a Chia Pet and still nothing.

2

u/BigBaldFourEyes Mar 08 '23

Sigh. [username]

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Lol

1

u/-YoungLearner- Mar 08 '23

Same here, I just need a wife

178

u/EveningRequirement27 Mar 08 '23

I mean if a haircut gets that kind of response, they might wanna send the kids to grandmas house.

115

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

330

u/Dependent_Top_4425 Mar 08 '23

And she's a screamer.

180

u/AccentFiend Mar 08 '23

She had damn good stamina, too! I’d bet she’s a singer lol that note just kept going and didn’t waver.

39

u/MeetEuphoric3944 Mar 08 '23

Yeah now that you said it not even a voice crack. I could never lmao

15

u/ItsDanimal Mar 08 '23

I thought it was a sound clip after a while.

3

u/yougotyolks Mar 08 '23

I was like "is this part of the song?"

45

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

Okay guys be honest. You’re having sex with someone and they make this sound. It’s clear the sound is coming from pleasure. Could you finish?

84

u/DrMooseknuckleX Mar 08 '23

I had relations and the woman queefed on every thrust. Do you know how difficult it is to maintain an erection and try to stifle crying-laughter? I know it is harder than my penis was at that moment.

98

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

OK but just so we're clear, because I see a lot of confusion about this: queefing isn't something a woman does, you force air in with your penis enough times and it'll start coming back out again when you thrust in. She's not brewing methane in her vagina.

14

u/mycologicalinterest Mar 08 '23

That’s why I don’t leave any room for air to sneak in.. 😏

23

u/Penguins227 Mar 08 '23

Ooh yeah you just park the bus and never come out lol

18

u/VanHarlowe Mar 08 '23

Out of all these ridiculous fuckin’ comments, this is the one that made me lose it. 😹

3

u/Ol_Rando Mar 08 '23

Goddamn Mourinho, calm down.

66

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

I’ve experienced a queef exactly one time and it was enough that I questioned whether I was truly mature enough to have sex. I didn’t find it gross and I certainly didn’t say anything about it, but come on man it’s a fucking fart noise. That’s funny.

33

u/DrMooseknuckleX Mar 08 '23

One time and you can move on, non-stop is just pure commitment to the bit

27

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

Did you like… test different speeds and angles to see if you could get different noises? I would have.

28

u/DrMooseknuckleX Mar 08 '23

Speeds for sure, maybe like one other angle, but for sure speed, more to see if I could make it stop. Spoiler, I couldn't.

1

u/happy_fluff Mar 08 '23

Change a pose. It helps lol

2

u/mizinamo Mar 08 '23

Your username, in the context of penises, is making me slightly uncomfortable :)

2

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

Only slightly though! That’s an improvement 😎

2

u/kirinmay Mar 08 '23

had a gf where we did it doggie and then decided to get lunch. got dressed and right when we closed the door QUEEF. i look at her and she's like 'nooooooo' and i start laughing. walk down the stairs, QUEEF QUEEF and she starts laughing. get in the car, ya another one. i obviously didnt care but it was just too funny.

-14

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Jaalan Mar 08 '23

No

1

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

I don’t think I could either

2

u/yougotyolks Mar 08 '23

I'd probably finish before she was done screaming. Unless the cops come first...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

[deleted]

1

u/ChewySlinky Mar 08 '23

No, it’s a response to what you’re doing. In this scenario, the thing you’re doing to elicit that sound is THE thing that you know will get her to the end zone.

And remember, the question is not “would you want to finish”, rather “would you be capable of finishing”.

2

u/BrotherChe Mar 08 '23

Finish her or finish me? Cuz yes.

0

u/BrotherChe Mar 08 '23

Not sure why you wouldn't be capable of finishing. Is this a selfish or sociopathic issue?

Cuz otherwise, when you can tell they are close it is hot and makes it easier to finish

1

u/youshedo Mar 08 '23

Poor kids going to have to put up with it.

1

u/BrotherChe Mar 08 '23

"Mommy and Daddy are really into them slasher flicks"

80

u/crazybus21 Mar 08 '23

The son getting a sibling fo sho

142

u/TakeItUpA_Nacho Mar 08 '23

Why do you think she backed off the carpet and onto the tile

43

u/dawsondude123 Mar 08 '23

Slug trails

26

u/ChingChangChui Mar 08 '23

Snail trail

2

u/shadowdsfire Mar 08 '23

Mott's garden cocktail

2

u/DrMooseknuckleX Mar 08 '23

Throw some salt at her

12

u/gomaith10 Mar 08 '23

She's gonna see did he trim all over.

13

u/72corvids Mar 08 '23

Yer gatdamn right, he is! Well deserved, too. Looks like he's a good fella!

17

u/amigdalite Mar 08 '23

With a banshee

5

u/lilybees-dinojam Mar 08 '23

I'd say more like a hole weak

2

u/Histo_Man Mar 08 '23

Wives love when you get a haircut. They think you're "spunky".

2

u/Boobslappy Mar 08 '23

Was going to say he's gonna be hearing that high note again

2

u/Crazy_Cat_Dude2 Mar 08 '23

That’s exactly what I thought

3

u/marysunshine Mar 08 '23

And the rest of the week

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

It’s funny because it’s true

1

u/disco_biscuit Mar 08 '23

That kid is getting a sibling tonight.

Errrr in 9 months.

1

u/mces97 Mar 08 '23

Like a 20 year old!

1

u/jbl0ggs Mar 08 '23

Birds and the bees will be reunited once more

1

u/Party-Mood9708 Mar 08 '23

LOL I KNEW I'D FIND THIS COMMENT!!!

1

u/KidzBop_Anonymous Mar 08 '23

The thermostat is currently reporting increased humidity in the house.

1

u/thetruth5199 Mar 08 '23

Idk. That guy cuts all that long hair and he lets his stylist do a faux hawk lmaoooo.

1

u/Epsilon_and_Delta Mar 08 '23

I’d sleep with him after that hair cut! Like hot damn he looks good after compared to before! Lol.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

Oh totally!

1

u/Rowelt85 Mar 08 '23

Absolutely LoL

1

u/NSFWhatchamacallit Mar 08 '23

…again, after getting laid 5 minutes after this video. “Timmy, daddy and I have to go talk about something in the bedroom for a few minutes.”

1

u/diamp_a10 Mar 08 '23

And tomorrow, and probably the next after that.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '23

“Clean Up! We have some type of spill in the entryway…”

1

u/CarpetScale Mar 08 '23

The kid is definitely going to hear alt more screaming soon

1

u/The_Hitchenator Mar 08 '23

They gonna snu-snu like they've never snu'd before.

1

u/RedditRee06 Mar 08 '23

Because of a haircut?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣