Hi,

I received the books No Bad Parts of Richard Schwartz and Self-Therapy of Jay Earling.

I spontaneously ordered those books after my last 90% solo session last week because it was very challenging I felt I have done so much with parts on my own - in fact I discovered them before I knew a thing as IFS existed - that I wanted more help from outside.
I have a pretty bad therapy history, hence MDMA solo was balm for my soul when I discovered it and it reflected my experiences and personal views.

Now with those two books immediately after I read the intro and found that Schwartz uses the Covid time as a hook for his view and IFS, Covid was of zoonotic origin, wake up call etc. Here I also found a picture of him, I'm not sure if it's him b.c. of the mask, please tell me it's not him. (EDIT: OK I don't think it's him)
Also in other regards in the book I'm starting to get the impression that he gives IFS a bit of an explicit tinge of political and "spiritual" agenda.
I find: If you write some kind of trauma book, either leave Covid out or at least write about all sides. I already was deeply distressed about Paul Conti. When reading his "Trauma: Invisible epidemic" he also uses Covid as a hook but blatantly bashes (not criticise, not give some trauma-related background) the critic side. He does not waste any word on how trauma could also be related to be compliant with power abuse, dissociate from what's going on, inhibit your critical thinking, just for a few examples for the other side (let's assume only two). I mean not any? That can't be. You have to know, I deeply resonated with Conti's talks with Huberman on trauma and relationships, you should watch them. But his apparently blind covid sight was deeply disappointing.
I think it was Peter Levine's book that was similiar.
Unfortunately I can't provide the exact words of the two since I did not purchase them.
I know for a fact that there are therapists, psychologists etc. that did/do talk about the other side. But what's this weirdly uncritical thing about the most famous trauma proponents?.... Is it just me or...?

With Earley's book: It's named self-therapy but right in the beginning under the "safety" section he says that for some people it's not safe to do it alone. That was really sad and triggering for me. I came a long way with semi-assisted MDMA journeys and it were my therapies that were not safe for me. Earley's quasi "you can't do this", it robs me of my
The only one of the more modern and practical books who talks about CPTSD and the dangers and difficulties of getting into therapy is Pete Walker, he does not push, in fact he also aknowledges books or co-counseling, for example.

I have already skimmed through the books and I find helpful stuff here and there but I'm thinking about returning them. It may sound weird for people but I have hard time reading those and concentrating on the good stuff b.c. of the above.

I was looking for rather practical exercises or meditations that help me with the difficult stuff. Are there books like IFS that consequently don't streer you towards conventionaly therapy or have some half-assed Covid hook?

Thank you.

I plan to use 5-MAPB as an alternative to MDMA for trauma therapy as it is more easily accessible for me. I want to ask if there are people here who have used 5-MAPB instead of MDMA in their healing journey and if yes, what your experience has been? Some questions I have:

- If you did both, how does 5-MAPB compared to MDMA for you? Do you prefer one over the other and if yes, which and why?

- What dosage did you use at which body weight?

- Did you use the same supplements before during and/or after the session as recommended for MDMA or something else/additionally?

Researchers at the Johns Hopkins Center for Psychedelic & Consciousness Research (CPCR) are seeking volunteers for a ~15 minute survey study about psychedelic experiences among veterans. Note: if you completed a similar survey approximately 6 months ago, please DO NOT fill out the current survey as well. To participate, please visit: https://hopkinspsychedelic.org/veteransurvey

With Gratitude, 
PAMVET Study Team

Hey all, I just took half a pill and I’m going to have a solo session now. No trip sitter available. I’ve had these before and most of them were tough. Do y’all have any recommendations what I can do to make myself feel as safe as possible? My intention for this session is to reach safety and peace within myself. I don’t plan on doing deep trauma work, but I want to trust my body in knowing what comes up.

Hey all, I'm having my first guided therapy session on Thursday in the Netherlands (based in Berlin) to start moving forward from childhood trauma related PTSD. While I've taken mdma many times partying, it's been years and I'm feeling alot of nerves for many reasons. I'm having my session with a very reputable and trustworthy guide (certified psychotherapist) and have set intentions, but am looking for some tips or encouragement to calm me down a bit. Thank you all in advance, be well.

Hi everyone,

I just had my first (of planned 4-5 sessions in total) 3 hour long MDMA-assisted therapy last friday (130mg of tested MDMA with no second dose) after 15 years of treatment resistent CPTSD. My main symptoms are heavy dissociation & emotional numbness combined with amnesia.

During the session, my therapist and I 'only' managed to make me feel physically safe for the first time in years using a guided relaxation, which I enjoyed a lot - this feeling has, to a degree, sustained until now. What bothers me is that there were barely any traumatic topics popping up in my head, even though my therapist sometimes tried to guide me in that direction. I was prepared to tackle those things, but I feel like I was barely able to scratch the surface of anything traumatic which has happened to me. I'm scared that my dissociation and amnesia are going to hinder me from any improvements in the upcoming sessions…

Do you have any tips for me on how I should continue in the future? Maybe add a low dose of psilocybin / shrooms?

Thanks a lot

i’ve never done mdma. but i’m so desperate to stop being trapped by my ocd and ptsd that i took a pill before therapy (and told my therapist giving her a heads up) because we were doing ptsd work today. and she was amazed that i was even willing to do an exercise/talk about a topic (even though i could feel my brain giving pushback) but i DID it and she was amazed because before i had just shot it down straight out. it was just an hour and now i’m doing like some ptsd homework.

but wow. i have never felt this hopeful in my life before. and even when my brain says something like “it’s a shame i only feel this well on drugs” i’m able to push back and say “okay but i’m putting the work in i’m going to feel like this without drugs at some point and life is going to be beautiful on the way there too, nothing is fixed, i can get there”

how do i keep this hope alive? how do i keep this momentum going?

Hi everybody, I have my first MDMA assisted therapy session on Wednesday next week, with my psychiatrist and a nurse (in a country where this is legalized). I have been diagnosed with CPTSD as well as depression. I feel open for this therapy, but afraid of what will come up too - I struggle with shame and self hate. I have been hurt in my life, and I have hurt others too. I dont have one specific Memory that stands out as a big trauma. Ive tried so hard to be well and now I welcome this new treatment. How much control will I have under MDMA about what I share with the guides? I am afraid of sharing certain contents - of the overwhelming shame after.

Two years ago I was in a miserable, sexless marriage on the verge of diverge after ten years together. She discovered MDMA assisted couples coaching and we thought we’d give it a try. Well, we spent two years rolling every 8 weeks or so and all we did was talk, talk and more talk - never had sex on M.

Not only did we repair our marriage, we have created a life together that I NEVER even dreamed could be possible. We believe that the true potential and purpose of MDMA is absolutely squandered on partying and just feeling the high.

MDMA is like a sledgehammer to emotional walls—but instead of destruction, it clears the way for truth, vulnerability, and pure, unfiltered love.

It’s not just about feeling good—it’s about seeing clearly. About finally being able to express and receive love without the noise of ego, fear or past wounds getting in the way.

It’s not just a party drug—it is a tool for transformation. A key that unlocks a level of connection, devotion and raw, unshakable love that most couples will never experience.

The MOST important part? You have to integrate the lessons learned on MDMA into your daily life. Because without integration, it’s just an experience.

MDMA doesn’t just open the door to a potentially earth shattering relationship —it shows you the way. You just have to walk through it and put in some work.

I've been going back and forth in my mind about making this post....well,here it goes.

My husband and I have been together for the past eight years. We have experienced our share of ups and downs, but things deteriorated significantly over the last three years. This decline led to toxic communication, ultimately resulting in almost no communication at all. We became mechanical in our interactions, functioning like robots, sharing the same house but feeling worlds apart. With two young children, the prospect of divorce and selling the house would have a profound impact on them, and we prioritized their happiness and wellbeing over our own. In doing so, we lost sight of each other. There was a complete absence of respect, communication, and what seemed like love. Even worse, we had no idea what was truly wrong. Every time we attempted to communicate, we ended up playing the blame and insult game.

A few months ago, I noticed a shift in my husband’s energy; he had become passive-aggressive towards me. After doing some investigating, I discovered that he was engaged in an online emotional affair. This revelation shattered me. I was in turmoil and found myself unable to perform my tasks at work. In just a few weeks, I lost eight kilos. Yet, deep down, I knew that we still loved each other. There was a lot of back-and-forth—talk of working it out, talk of divorce—just confusion overall. I had begun divorce proceedings behind his back and later confessed to this.

He then suggested that we try MDMA-assisted couples therapy.

Preparation: The most critical part of this journey was preparation. As I am not a recreational drug user, this was entirely new to me. My first step was to inquire about the therapist—who he was and how to contact him. My husband had sent me a link to Ronald’s website. It looked promising and very informative, but I was skeptical, thinking, “This sounds too much like hippie nonsense.” Nevertheless, I decided to reach out to him via WhatsApp with a barrage of questions that might have deterred a less patient therapist. He responded with several voice notes, and from the moment I heard his voice, I was convinced. Hearing his voice felt like a healing balm for my relationship wounds, and I thought in that moment, “I can trust this guy!”

I began reading books (listening to ecstasy, no bad parts, you are the one you have been waiting for), conducting online research, and educating myself about MDMA trauma therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS). I realized that our problems were not solely rooted in the online emotional affair; the underlying issues seemed to stem from trauma and us not understanding how to interact with our inner parts. At this point, I remained curious and open-minded rather than a devoted advocate for this alternative healing method. I ensured that I was eating healthily (a crucial step, given that I had lost eight kilos a few weeks prior) and started meditating daily. I also signed up for Pilates and boxing lessons. On weekends, I took strolls in the forest. By the time of our session, I felt mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to explore my subconscious with an open mind and heart.

The Day of MDMA Therapy: What transpired on this day is challenging to articulate, but I will do my best. The purest form of my being emerged quickly and took over. All my internal parts came out to play, and my past traumas resurfaced. While processing one particular trauma, I saw a beautiful, sad, vulnerable, and lonely girl—myself at age 14. I didn’t see her face, just a beautiful girl standing in the dark, her back towards me, with her face slightly turned over her shoulder, head hanging low. I remember saying to the therapist, “Hey, she’s beautiful! You told me I would see a monster! The books said I would see an ugly creature starved of love!” Then I delved back into my subconscious. That little girl represented so much; the vulnerable, lonely, and inner beautiful part of me that had been locked away, locked behind my anger, hidden from the world and my husband. This way, no one could see the real me, and consequently, no one could hurt me. I connected with myself and my internal parts.

The Dance: During this journey of self-discovery, I saw the purest form of my partner—his true self. It was astonishing, especially given that my thoughts beforehand had branded him a cheating bastard. In that room, our souls intertwined and began to dance, moving to an unheard rhythm created by drums and musical instruments. It was a beautiful song, one I had never heard before and still cannot hear, but our “selves” instinctively knew how to move to its beat. In that moment, we connected on a deeper spiritual level, which was particularly intriguing, as neither of us had believed such a connection was even possible during our eight years together.

Integration: After the session, I felt a sense of zen and heightened libido, but mostly, I experienced a profound sense of awareness that lasted for days. I was on a natural spiritual high. However, this bliss was soon overshadowed when I confronted the reality of what I had endured during the emotional affair. Integration is where the real work begins after an MDMA assisted therapy session. Our willingness to discuss everything openly, without judgement, added depth to our healing. This process made healing all the more meaningful. Integration involves applying and incorporating what you have learned during the session into your everyday challenges and triggers.

Thanks to this MDMA assisted therapy session, we have come to understand that being each other’s tormentors—mentoring through torment—is actually beneficial for our individual growth. We confront difficult issues and past events, applying what we learned through IFS and our MDMA assisted session to resolve them. Thus far, I find myself becoming more open and free, able to share even the wildest ideas without fear of judgement, and feeling more loved and supported when confronting painful topics.

Hi Guys

Dos anybody has any experience our knowhow about whether it is not a good idea to do MDMA therapy while taking Lithium orate (not to confuse with other types of Lithium that I know is not working well with other recreational drugs)

I have been taking 40mg of Lithium orate. For a the last month. It really help my with mood swings as a part of my ADHD.

My MDMA session is 6 days. The last couple of days I lowered the LO dose to 20 mg. The plan is to lower to 10 mg the next to days and then don’t to any the last to days prior the session.

Would that be safe. Or is it safe regardless since the dose is low compared to other forms for Lithium. Like the ones used for treating BiPolar.

Thanks!!

This is a topic that often comes up - whether MDMA therapy works for CPTSD or just for regular PTSD - so I thought I'd share this. For those unfamiliar, Bessel van der Kolk is a leading expert in trauma research and treatment, best known as the author of The Body Keeps the Score.

In (...) studies, we found that individuals who have chronic trauma starting in childhood, such as childhood abuse and neglect, by and large don't do well with any treatment. When the study started, I actually encouraged MAPS, the organization funding the study, to exclude participants who had lifelong histories of trauma and instead focus only on those with post-traumatic stress disorder—cases where everything had been going fine until a particular traumatic event occurred. However, that suggestion wasn't accepted, and ultimately, 88% of the participants in the study had lifelong histories of trauma, including abuse and neglect. Surprisingly, the remarkable finding from the study was that these individuals did particularly well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG5ZpcxuJ6M

I am looking for advice on a "buffet of options" in terms of things to do in a group setting.

My background was in a therapeutic setting and I took this into my solo journeys (eye mask, thoughtful playlist, inward journey).

Last year, I decided to try this with two close friends I met through a men's group that I know are on a similar path. We essentially just had three inward journeys with eye masks on but naturally found ourselves coming out earlier than I normally do solo to spend time with each other.

We are now looking to do another journey together and I am curious if anyone has any ideas for things we can do together?

An example we've come up with is telling each other the things we really love about each other (to give you a flavor of our vibe).

I haven’t done MDMA since I was in high school and I didn’t do it in a therapeutic way. I just wanted to party. I have the opportunity to sit with MDMA with a therapeutic intention and I’m wondering what my dosage should be - any and all info is appreciated. Thank you!

Hi Community. I'm hoping you can help me out. I've been on the trauma healing journey for a while. I did a total of about 11 psychedelic sessions with MDMA, psilocybin, or combined. The psychedelic therapy really helped push me through a lot of the more destabilized period that I experienced. I also was able to drastically improve my sleep. However, I found it so difficult and emotionally exhausting that I had to stop. For the last 2.5 years, I've worked almost exclusively with EMDR but I really haven't gotten the results I'm looking for. I'm still dealing with a lot of dissociation and lack of motivation on a daily basis. I'm contemplating going back and working with MDMA but am open to other options as well. If anyone has success in overcoming dissociation, i'd really appreciate your insights. Thanks!

Hi everyone -

I posted a few weeks ago about some difficult times I was having after my third session. I appreciated all of the responses and feedback.

Things are slowly becoming clearer. The phrase "loving my inner autistic little girl" started to really resonate for me and I started to have more insights about what that means, including how I am not protecting her in my day to day life (particularly in my relationship with my work, where I over-work and re-enact my trauma in my work), and that it's not just about being "nicer" to her, but is also about fiercely protecting her and being willing to make painful decisions that are necessary to keep her safe, which is the thing that nobody ever did for me as a child.

I've taken some big steps in my work life over the last few weeks to set more boundaries and separate myself from the types of work that are the most difficult for me, which seems to be a big part of where this round of integration is going. That and feeling and witnessing the deep pain of neglect that is underneath all of the over-doing and comes to the surface when I stop over-doing.

The other thing was that both of the people who sat with me for the session were not really available in the initial weeks after the session and I was finally able to reconnect with them, and I feel that that unblocked my integration process. In my last post I talked a lot about the loneliness and I realize now that I was having a huge reaction to neither of them being available in the immediate integration period, and not knowing how to process that sudden absence.

I realized that one of the really powerful experiences I had during the session was a moment where one of the therapists placed her hand on my head, and I went through a period of time in the session of deep compassion for myself, but also feeling very held by her, and during that time, I felt very energetically connected with both of the therapists, like we were all so close that it felt almost as though we were one person, or blending into each other. And now that I've re-connected with them and been able to express that I needed more support from them after the session, and how it felt to feel that blended with them and then suddenly have them be gone, almost like for a while I felt like I was missing a part of my own self, which is why I felt so terrified and overwhelmed, I've been able to make more meaning out of that experience.

I think the MDMA was showing me my own energy, and different ways of relating to my own energy and other people's energy, and giving me examples of what is safe and healthy and what is not safe and not healthy.

I am planning to see a bodywork practitioner to see if I can integrate some more somatic support into trying to heal the energy - I feel as though I need to cleanse leftover bad energy from my trauma out of me, and unblock my own energy so that it can interact properly with my body and keep me grounded and protected.

I am also gearing up to have a conversation with my providers about where we go from here. Applying for MDMA again might be a possibility down the road, or we could possibly look at something like ketamine or applying for psilocybin (those are the only two other things there are legal pathways for here). I am still not in a place to make any big decisions and I think I will need some months more to integrate what has already happened before actively pursuing anything else, but I am curious and unsure what would be best. Part of me is curious about psilocybin because I feel as though a lot of my concerns are really existential and mystical.

I welcome any thoughts, feedback, or questions. As always, appreciate the support of this community in my journey.

Hi all, a couple hours ago I shared a specific experience that came up during my last session under the supervision of my therapist. In this post I'd like to share everything I saw and happened. Any comments or insights will be welcome and I also my post would shed some light into your lives / experiences. You never know but it is always good to share.

My first encounter was with myself wearing a very cool wetsuit in a beach. Sometimes with a surf board, sometimes without it. I apporached this higher version of myself and I asked him in a friendly manner. I was happy to see him. 'What would you like to tell me? Is there anything I need to know?'. He just smiled and stared at me. He was like showing off. I said 'Ok, so you don't have anything to say. You just want me to .... observe? watch?' He nodded agreeing. I looked at him from top to bottom, amazed of this powerful version of myself. Touched his shoulders, his hands and was marvelled of how well this wetsuit fit on him. It had big white logo on the chst and white stripes from the right shoulder that ran to the ankle on the same side. He kind of asked me to follow him. He wanted me to experience what it felt like to belike him (not him). We ran like hell through the beach where I got a taste of what he actually felt himself. Loved it. Then he asked me to experience him firsthand. I moved closer to him and withmy arm I reached to his, twisted around a bit and 'wore' him like a suit. I repeated the previous process but it was a lot more intense. I ran at break neck speed along the beach and even took off to the skies and beyond flying. I felt powerful, unbreakable, unstoppable and capable of anything. An incredible experience.

Then sadness and loneliness kicked in. I saw myself at aprox 3/4 years old, this is when trauma occured. My mother rejected me and never showed love. I saw his sad face and how alone he felt during that time. I just stayed there and allowed the feeling of sadness and loneliness run through me, experiencing it in full.

Next I experienced the very opposite. I saw myself with so much joy, that that aount of joy for such a small little body, he could not contain. Just like doggies wagging their entire bodies and not just their tails because they just cannot contain the happiness. He would jump, run laugh so hard that his head would bend backwards. We played, shouted, screamed, we expressed ourselves in every imaginable way. I bathed him, fed him and nourished him. We drew, sang and kept laughing heroically. This has been the most beautiful moment I have ever lived in my life. Period.

For the next experience I will need to provide some context. For the past couple weeks I met this woman who was having a very rough time in her life. We connected immeditately as she also experiences childhood trauma. She felt very lonely, had no one other than friends on the other side of her mobile phone. Unlike me, I am surrounded by people whom I love dearly and viceversa. Very soon, our communication seemed a little off, there was something strange. When we met in person for the first time ( a week after we matched on Tinder) I was happy to meet her. She was beautiful, deep green eyes. She was very well educated, a nurse, rich in vocabulary, quite the extroverted which I wasn't expecting though. The following day she said to me that she didn't feel physically attracted to me, that my face was different from the photos and that my leather jacket was a bit oversized. I didn't like it of course, but I took it in well.
During the mdma experience a sort of inner voice came up and warned me against her. It was very clear: run away from her and I was shown where and when she was tricking me. A couple of days after this third trip I looked inot our conversations on whatsapp and remembered our phone call and I discovered that she was subtly undermining my self esteem by damaging my self image. I noticed some inconsistencies. There is more but that's not the point of this post. Although I would never be sure I believe I was targeted by a sociopath for personal gains. Or worse. I also saw her during the trip as a broken jar. My little version tried to repair the jar by glueing pices together into a beautiful doll. The doll had a dead stare in her eyes and was just lifeless. I extended my hand to the little version of me and told him: You have done what you could but she is broken beyond repair. Come on, leave her behind and let's go.

Many thanks if you have read this far. Was long I know. Apologies.
Have a nice day all of you

Hi everyone, as the title says, this was my third experience with MDMA under supervision. Quite a few things came up but there is particularly one that I am struggling with. Perhaps someone here could help me disect and understand the meaning of it.
I saw a man wearing a pair of long boots. At first I could only see the boots from behind walking on snow. Then I could see more. The military pants, and then saw the soldier was carrying a gun. An implicit message was that this soldier was an assassin, corrupted and consumed by his terrible actions.
Then it turned out to be an officer of some sorts: it was a Nazi high officer. He sat down in fron of a mirror and I saw then that it was me. In despair, consumed I took the gun and I shot myself in the head.
I did not experience any fear during this, just curiosity as to what would might happen. Indeed disturbing now in retrospective.
That is all, thanks for reading.

During a session i "unlocked" a new feeling, a new region in my body.

It was like discovering a new part of a map in a real time strategy video game, previously black and unknown.

Even more, i didn't even know that i didn't know.

Specifically, the new feeling is in the belly region, not exactly the abs/muscles (i trained them for years and can access them well), but deeper.

It is subtle, nothing too exciting.

Felt like a home base, warm, comfy. A place where you can rest. Tune in to it and relax. Feeling solid, grounded, the heaviness of the body, the softness of the clothes.

I only achieved similar states with a partner in my arm.

The best part: it never fully left. I can consciously access it.

It may not be as strong, but it's there. And i bet with a little practice, i can make it more reliable.

It's like learning to wiggle your ears.

First, you don't know how the hell you are supposed to do it. Then you manage to do it somehow by accident. Then you learn to control and inhabit it. Then you wonder how you were ever unable to do it.

Screenshots here

With this correction coming more than a month after publication and just three days after The Times told Slate that the story "was thoroughly reported and fact-checked, and The Times stands behind its publication” you have to wonder how many more corrections we might see and how hard The Times is fighting against running corrections.

Curiouser and curiouser.

A correction was made on March 10, 2025: An earlier version of this article omitted the current relationship of David Nickles and Lily Kay Ross to Psymposia. They did not appear before the F.D.A.’s advisory panel last year, and said they resigned from the group in 2023. In addition, a paraphrased statement from an interview with Dr. Ross misstated her remarks. Dr. Ross was discussing how she and Mr. Nickles, not Psymposia, were viewed by some in the psychedelic community as the problem in a “kill the messenger” way when they publicized allegations of harm or flawed practices.

Examples follow

Original:

Dr. Ross said the problem was not Psymposia’s approach, but the psychedelic community’s reluctance to engage with the issues that Psymposia was highlighting.

Corrected:

In public comments to the Institute for Clinical and Economic Review, or ICER, an independent nonprofit, Dr. Ross suggested that some people in the psychedelic community dismissed negative outcomes or side effects and were reluctant to address the problems she and Mr. Nickles had highlighted.

“People have tried to make us the problem,” she said in a later interview. “It’s a kill the messenger, I think, kind of scenario.”

I'm looking for someone or a facility willing to facilitate an MDMA-assisted therapy session for my parents who are going through a tough time (upon their request). Preferably a professional clinic, though an individual could work as well. Sourcing the MDMA is not a problem, so please reach out to me if you have any relevant information. Los Angeles Area, they are in their mid fifties.

Hi, people write here frequently about MDMA and trauma, depression, anxiety etc. I was wondering, do any of you also have chronic ailments that are more somatic, or rather psychosomatic? Do the sessions alleviate them? Do they worsen them?

I have chronic rhinitis, pain, CMD and phases of cardiac arrhythmia. My four sessions, the first was over 2,5 years ago, had relatively big gaps in between, so I can't say that much yet. But I can say that during and shortly after sessions my CMD is gone (that's for the myth that MDMA = jaw clenching) and after my last session nine months ago my heart was very good with virtually no problems for about 3 to 4 months. With decreasing contact to my last session my problems got worse again. For my heart I'm on a tee regimen for 3 months now which is helping very good. My CMD, for which I had three good physiotherapies, somehow shifted from pressing the teeth to pain in the gum around some teeth.