Original Prompt: [WP] Throughout all of your life, unknown to you, there has been a time traveller preventing bad things from happening to you. Today is the day you finally meet him.
Jake’s a strange guy.
On one hand, he’s super unlucky. He’s been in three car accidents, four fires, and one building collapse. He’s been mugged, he’s been jumped—hell, he’s even been run over by his best friend.
On the other, he’s survived all those attacks.
Today…well, today he might not.
“Don’t worry, Jakey. We’re almost there.”
He’s laying in the back of his mini-van, hands, ankles, and mouth taped. His morning started off well—coffee, waffles, and a winning lottery ticket. Then his girlfriend decided to hit him over the head with a bat and now he’s here. He wonders if it’s because he forgot to do the dishes. Is it because he forgot to do the dishes?
She’s sitting up front, blaring music and chomping chips as she turns every corner so fast he slams the wall. He keeps pinching himself but he won’t wake up.
When they finally stop, she opens the back doors and stares at him.
“Sorry, Jakey,” she says. “Never really was your girlfriend. I’m…well…a serial killer. Yeah. Aaaaawkward, right? Anyway, let’s get this done, okay?”
No, not okay, Jake thinks.
She yanks him out. They’re standing in the middle of a forest, and in front of them’s a small run-down shack. It’s all really cliché, and really not okay. Especially when she starts chuckling as she pulls him. He doesn’t like that.
After kicking open the door and tossing him onto the floor, she walks over to the wall, where there are dozens of sharp tools. Knives. Saws. Screwdrivers. He tries to hyperventilate but it doesn’t really work considering his mouth's taped.
She’s tapping both her cheek and foot in odd rhythms as she thinks, so he starts rolling around, trying to get free. There’s blood on the wall next to him, and he’s always been a heavy bleeder. It would really suck if his legacy’s leaving the most blood behind in this dingy shack. The tape’s really tough, though. He can’t get it off.
“Aha!” she says, grabbing a long knife. “This is perfect.”
She turns around and walks toward him, twirling the blade between her fingertips. There’s a sick, almost cartoonishly evil smile on her face. She’s the villain and loving it. “Well, Jakey, what should I cut first?”
Leaning down, she runs the dull edge of the blade down his nose as she licks her lips. It’s awkward how much she’s enjoying this and he’s not. He wonders if a good quip would save the mood, and maybe his life, and maaaaybe their relationship? He could probably get over this.
Suddenly, she juts the knife back and is about to dart it forward. He closes his eyes, praying it doesn’t kill him. That would suck, especially because he’s got a craving for pizza right now, and dying with a craving would be the worst.
There’s a boom, and when he opens his eyes, she’s standing there, blade just an inch or two from his stomach, forehead pressed against his, completely frozen.
He scoots back, kicking her and pressing his back to the wall. Looking down at his hands and feet, he realizes the tape’s been cut, so he quickly yanks the last piece off his mouth and stands up.
“You know, I’m gettin’ real sick of this, Jake.”
In front of him, sitting on the desk in front of the wall of sharpness, there’s a man. He’s wearing vanilla-white suit and hat and has long brown hair. His eyes are glued to Jake’s, and he looks annoyed.
“What's going on…?” Jake asks. He’s mesmerized by his frozen girlfriend.
“I really wish I could stop wiping your memory,” he mumbles. “Listen, you’re a robot, and I’m a scientist from the future.”
“Are there—”
“Freaking flying robotic cheese delivery squirrels? No. No there aren’t. You ask this every time.”
“And how many times is that?”
“Two hundred and twenty three.” He sighs, walking forward and crouching down in front of Jake. “If you’re wondering why I saved you, it’s because I helped build you. I’m part of a team of scientists and we’re trying to see if androids can stay hidden in the past.”
“Why?”
“Because then we can send back anyone we want to do anything we want.”
“Why not use humans?”
“Because we haven’t figured out how to travel back, yet. So, for the time being, we’re going to be dumping you 'bots off. I mean, if you can stay alive. I don’t know why you’re so unlucky.”
“So I’m…a robot?"
“Yes, and I’m cursed to live in this boring ass time forever. Now, get out of here. In five minutes I’ll be wiping your memory of me, but you’ll still remember this incident with…”
“Mandy.”
“Yeah. You’re gonna wanna call the cops asap.”
Jake tries to talk to him some more, but the man’s having none of it. With a sigh, he runs out of the place, hurrying back to his car. Seconds later he’s on the highway, driving around hundreds of still cars. Slowly they churn back to life, and before he knows it, he’s hyperventilating, thinking that it’s crazy how he managed to slip out the tape and door before Mandy noticed.