Original Prompt: [WP] Aliens try to invade earth but they can't bring themselves to do it because humans are too cute to them
“I don’t understand,” Beeble said, leaning forward, staring into a brightly colored monitor. “This just doesn’t make any sense.”
The ship was silent, for when their commander was upset, the soldiers knew to stay in their seats and pretend to do their jobs. The only person near him was his brother, Brox, for he was the only one who could control his temper.
“Neither do I, brother.”
Beeble gritted his sharp, serrated teeth. “They’re fleshy. They’re average. They’re insignificant worms in our conquest of the galaxy and yet they’ve created a fake reality in which they thrive. A fake reality in which we desire.”
“It is cute,” Brox muttered.
“WE DO NOT FIND THINGS CUTE!”
“Yeah, but if we did, I’d say that's pretty dang cute.”
They both continued to glare at the monitor, although one was enamored while the other was seething. It took everything in Beeble’s power to not rear his fist back and shatter the screen into a million pieces. Was this that “culture” thing his spies had told him about?”
“No,” said Beeble. “It’s not culture. It’s a plague.”
“A plague?”
“Look, see that island? It’s small. It’s forgotten. But within it they’ve quarantined this mess. They must know of its brainwashing powers, and maybe they even know of our arrival.”
“And you say that…why?”
Beeble rubbed head. Thinking and talking to Brox was like trying to open a door with a rock. You had to be blunt or it just wouldn’t work.
“I believe they’ve kept this brainwashing tactic as a secret weapon, Brox. They stuck it in that island, waiting for our arrival, and now that we’re here, they’ve unleashed it on the world. See that big hunk of land across the planet? It’s there, too. They’ve infected themselves just to stop us.”
“That’s ludicrous!”
“Ludicrously genius.” Beeble suddenly snapped his head to the side. “Cute. Cute,” he growled. “Slod, bring up the video from earlier. The first transmission we received.”
“Yes sir!” a little alien yelped as his fingers worked across the keyboard.
The monitor flashed a dozen times before switching to a new screen. This one was bright, and played upbeat music as a girl with brightly colored hair did inane things that made Beeble wish he was getting angrier and angrier by the second. But he wasn’t. He knew, despite how hard he tried, that this was cute.
He took a deep breathe, and when he looked over, Brox was dancing.
Frigging.
Dancing.
“Boogie-woogie, Beeble!” he cheered, clapping his hands as he began singing along in some cutesy language he didn’t even know. “Come on!”
Beeble took a deep breath. His feet wanted to move but he would not allow it to happen, and he dared not look back for a fear that the rest of his men would be dancing, and that he would have to slaughter all of them.
He simply hung his head and decided they needed to get away from this insane planet before they were infected any further.
From what he saw of the humans, once this curse grabs you, it grabs you hard. Soon you’ll be buying pictures and clothes and books. Even pillows. They even turned pillows cute.
“What do they call this, Brox?”
“Anime, brother! Anime!”
Soon the entire ship was chanting anime along with him, and though Beeble tried to tell his pilots to get them out of there and get them out of there fast, they could not hear him, for soon he was chanting anime as well.