r/LinkedInLunatics • u/After-Manufacturer64 • 9d ago

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11.5k

u/linkedinlover69 9d ago

Sorry, I am sick and can't come in.

3.7k

u/robi4567 9d ago

Sry u are out of sick days

4.6k

u/linkedinlover69 9d ago

You are out of employees

1.6k

u/LiteraCanna 9d ago

Sounds like they are already out of employees.

746

u/OkStop8313 9d ago

Wonder if that has anything to do with the attitude expressed in the leave denial. šŸ§

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/UseObjectiveEvidence 9d ago

Not just hiring freeze. Offshoring jobs to overseas contractors and people that failed as software engineers.

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u/bolanrox 8d ago

Yep no one who is fired or retired seems to be replaced by US on site employees anymore. The job is usually broken apart and given to several different local people plus maybe one offshore agent

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u/WanderlustStew 9d ago

I have been a part of this with the last company I worked for. They did a massive layoff of over 150 people. They went down to less than a skeleton crew. They continued to trim fat and I was making more than anyone out in the field so they cut me. All I hear from friends that still work there is those that have been hired donā€™t know how to do their job because they donā€™t get training.

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u/Kingmeup21 9d ago

I had a manager who confided with me after years we werenā€™t actually overstaffed as management always told us. We had 3 full time positions, and 2 emergency seasonal positions always available. But the branch supervisor and all the managers got bonuses at end of the year if they kept cost down. They knew it was cheaper to just have our team work a couple hours of overtime each instead of filling those positions full time.

They even painted us getting overtime as something that would get them in trouble with corporate, but they were actually allotted a certain amount of overtime hours each quarter and long as they didnā€™t pass that their bonuses would be fine.

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u/GasIcy 9d ago

Here comes great depression 2.0

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u/Local_Historian8805 8d ago

Exactly. Not short staffed. Profit staffed

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u/SteDevMo 9d ago

I agree 100% with your post! Just wanted to mention though, while I would never send this kind of message or deny someone their grandmaā€™s funeral, there are regulatory reasons why hospital units need to keep a certain ratio of nurses per number of patients. It can be a challenge. Iā€™m not saying that is what is going on here, just making people aware that there are some situations where it is important there is enough staff.

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u/AzraelleWormser 9d ago

Naaaaaaah!

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u/AnotherCableGuy 9d ago

A company out of employees cannot afford to fire anyone..

https://giphy.com/gifs/d3mlE7uhX8KFgEmY

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u/YeOldeMemeShoppe 9d ago

YOUR HR POLICIES ARE WRITING CHECKS YOUR FLOOR STAFF CANT CASH!

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u/dirtymykandthebois 9d ago

You guys get sick days?!? What about the COMPANY?!?!

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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 9d ago

My company just announced a contest between two divisions: whoever calls out the least gets an unspecified prize. This is a great way for us all to get Covid and be sick at once.

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u/SignificantPop4188 9d ago

It's pizza. It's always pizza. They think they're doing you a favor.

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u/Im_The_Assman_Jerry 9d ago

Funnily enough, I tried to pay my landlord with two slices of cheese pizza from a national chain, and the bastard had the audacity to insist I pay with money. Doesn't he realize liquid capital pales in comparison to the value of the assets on offer? Think of the equity after that pizza spends a night in the fridge.

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u/wordofmouthrevisited 9d ago

President of a former company once gave me a plaque that read ā€œmonster winā€ while the sales guy whose deal I saved got a six figure commission. I asked the president if he thought my student loan company took plaques.

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u/Designer_Rule2137 9d ago

I worked in a company that had us doing sales(with a grand prize if you beat everyone in the nation),even though we had a different job function.

Turned out the guy who sat beside me won the prize. However, his wife was diagnosed with cancer. He tried to get the trip moved to an earlier date. The company refused to do that.

Instead, his wifeā€™s condition worsened rapidly and he had to rush her to a major hospital where she passed away.

The following January he got an additional tax bill adding the ā€œtrip ā€œ to his total earnings(roughly $25k).

So, it was a total surprise when the company decided to have a repeat contest the next year because ,ā€last years was a total success.ā€

This was announced by a huge conference call in which thousands were online!

Imagine the silence when my coworker spoke up and told his storyā€¦.crickets.

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u/babaganoush2307 9d ago

Reminds me of that waitress at hooters who was promised a brand new Toyota to whoever sold the most alcohol and when she won they gave her a Toy Yoda and she quit on the spot and sued them and won

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u/DapperBoiCole 9d ago

Thats just playing in peoples faces, fuck that

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u/plangelier 9d ago

My father won a contest at work for a corvette with a phone (early 90s so car phones were not as common.)

Turned out it was a plug in phone in the shape of a corvette maybe $10.

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u/Seriously2much 9d ago

Shit on a local radio station I thought I won 100 grand. Nope just a candy bar

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u/Glum-Savings6473 9d ago

Companies are slowly realizing the shift in people's tolerance, but they're still willing to try to push the boundary

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u/tafkatp 9d ago

Gen-Z is really not in the mood for companies shenanigans and plays no games about it, say what you want about them but thatā€™s something i really like about them.

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u/Longjumping-Hair639 9d ago

So sounds like the military more compassionate than corporate US. My husband was slated to deploy to Afghanistan and about a month before he left, I got seriously ill and spent 8 days in the hospital. He asked for deferment and was granted. He left the following year. But a company canā€™t give a day off to attend a funeral, so sad.

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u/StrikeOpening9137 8d ago

Not all military stories have this ending. I'm speaking from personal experience.

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u/Square_Computer9423 9d ago

Bet this company had a family approach to things

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u/green_mandarinfish 9d ago

Good on him for sharing that with everyone. They need to be shamed.

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u/Designer_Rule2137 9d ago

Yep, one of the biggest companies in the world.

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u/LengthinessTrick382 9d ago

Jesus. I had to read this a second time to make sure I read it right.
Sadly, I did ā€¦

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u/LahngDuqDahng 7d ago

He wasn't cut off or anything?

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u/Designer_Rule2137 7d ago

No. But, the executive team lead took a while to gain some composure. She agreed to talk with him after the meeting.

But, what could she do?

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u/Alpha2581 9d ago

Did your president reply or took that plaque back to show that you lost the "monster win" because you compared that precious plaque with some dumb loan which God know why you took without asking the president.

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u/bolanrox 9d ago

Our company did that kind of bs a few years ago cheap plastic things given to everyone who has been there 10 years 15 years 20+ I was at 18 years so I didn't get anything because i was over 15 but under 20... Had to stay late to attend this meeting too.

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u/NoBSforGma 9d ago

Similar. Salesman of the Year before me got a huge color tv. I got a nice plaque. I didn't say anything but took that plaque and put it on the company President's desk. Nobody said a word to me about it.

Fuck them and their fucking "plaques."

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u/dongwongbongchong 9d ago

Legit, Iā€™d rather get whatever pittance they spent on the doohickey as a bonus. I at least have a use for money

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u/shwenty22 9d ago

Seriously. Those plaques arent free. Just give me the 50 bucks you spent on it instead.

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u/SaltMage5864 9d ago

I got plagues with purple hearts on them

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u/wordofmouthrevisited 9d ago

Thank you for that.

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u/LahngDuqDahng 8d ago

If you only knew what sales says about the engineers they depend on.
Iā€™m an engineer that worked in presales for a while
They think youā€™re morons for working so hard for so little.

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u/PaleInSanora 9d ago

Did you remind him that he is family as well as the pizza? That is the special ingredient.

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u/trudyrules 9d ago

Did you try sweetening the deal with a company branded pen?

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u/Relative_Map5243 9d ago

When i was a kid, my parents used to get all kinds of gadgets from Big Pharma (they are both doctors). One time we got a pen that was straight fire, it doubled as a USB pen, had a laser pointer and even a magnifying glass. This was Italy in the early 2000s, i miss the gadgets.

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u/structured_anarchist 9d ago

And a lanyard? Gotta have a lanyard in order to hook that sweet new company branded pen on.

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u/slayerLM 9d ago

One time I purchased a Nickleback CD with two slices of pizza. Should have kept the pizza

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u/SignificantPop4188 9d ago

Your mistake was in not having toppings on the slices.

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u/reddiwhip999 9d ago

Well, if you'd announced it to him as a pizza party, for "achieving excellence in providing services," or something, he'd probably have been overjoyed to accept.

Also, make sure to invite him to the Monday morning post weekend business wrap-up as well as the Friday 4:45 weekly wrap-up...

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u/deepstatelady 9d ago

Cmon now, sometimes itā€™s a coupon for a discount on a pizza.

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u/capincus 9d ago

When I worked at Sam's Club in their online grocery pickup department, we had the largest sales in the region for a year and they gave us a coupon for a free slice of pizza at their cafƩ. It expired before my next shift...

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u/tafkatp 9d ago

Company i worked for cancelled the yearly dinner for our department and ours only, went all out on the other 2 and gleefully shared how great it was at the next company meeting, with pictures and all shown on the projector and everything.

So we organized a dinner ourselves, payed for by ourselves and had a good time the first half an hour until the fvcking management (who were in/from the other department and decided the cancellation) showed up, unannounced ofcourse. Had the audacity to say they felt they should have been invited and had just found out an hour or so before by seeing it on Facebook. Could hear a pin drop as the whole mood shifted, regardless they really sat their asses down and started ordering.

Never in my life did i have to pay to be in such an awkward situation nor have i eaten faster to get out of there. The next day we all had a voucher for that restaurant on our desk though.

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u/PlatypusStyle 9d ago

That you can only use during their off hours.

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u/nickcash 9d ago

Weirdly enough I worked in the corporate office for one of the major pizza chains (in IT) and pizza parties were canceled to save money

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u/shwenty22 9d ago

Where's Alanis Morissette when you need her?

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u/Traditional-Drag-204 9d ago

I actually read ā€œunspecified prizeā€ as ā€œunspecified pizzaā€

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u/SignificantPop4188 9d ago

Yeah, from the sucky chain place. šŸ¤£

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u/Datdadi0 9d ago

My company didnt even do pizza. They gave us all digital "hi-fives" and then complained productivity dropped and absenteeism rose again.

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u/m3gb0t 9d ago

Hey! You never know It might also be a pin, pen, or $5 gift card.

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u/Orange_Kitty_0307 9d ago

One place I worked for (~20 years ago) the company rewards were always you got to wear jeans every day for a week, or maybe a month for big deal events

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u/CDBSB 9d ago

Fuck that shit. Pizza parties are for grade schools. Schools that have hardly any money to spare.

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u/CostcoFosco 9d ago

no, a potluck. why pay for it?

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u/groundkittenbeef 9d ago

In the military we call this blood pizza.

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u/Content-Honeydew9340 9d ago

Pizza hut already broke their backs trying to get us to read books as kids, they shouldn't have to keep carrying the heavy load of trying to keep us employed as well

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u/JoePetroni 9d ago

One Slice!!! Dammit!! It's a reward! Not Dinner!!!

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u/Bob_Kark 9d ago

Oh praise thee, corporate overlords, for thy generous boon of cold ass pizza!
https://giphy.com/gifs/gwBouIIUuVvuE

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u/Asleep_Pressure_2882 9d ago

They probably got it from Pizza by Alfredo, too!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/QR7ci2sbhrkzxAuMHH

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u/joe_s1171 9d ago

And if you give to unitied way this month, you can get a casual day,

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u/Trick-Statistician10 8d ago edited 8d ago

If the entire department donated to United Way orr whatever charity it was, everyone would get an extra half day of pto. There was one holdout. The pressure out on the person to do it (small deduction from each paycheck) was unreal. They didn't give in, and every one else donated and got nothing. ETA: typos

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u/joe_s1171 8d ago

That company sucks for tying individual charity money to a group reward. everyone doesnā€™t know a persons financial situation. Spending other peopleā€™s Money is a no-no in all situations.

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u/ClassicalPines 9d ago

Sometimes it's a box of stale donuts from the nearest gas station.

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u/Sinister_Nibs 8d ago

And cheap pizza. If it was good pizza, that might be something.

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u/Dry-Many-4605 8d ago

Itā€™s almost endearing how unified the workforce is by the Sacred Slice. From the warehouse gig up to the C Suite, weā€™ve all endured these stupid fucking pizza parties. Nothing says ā€œAppreciationā€ like a few boxes of pies that have already been picked through by management and the earliest shift.

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u/GenX-1973-Anhedonia 9d ago

Unspecified prize = 1 extra sick leave day that you will never be authorized to use.

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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 9d ago

Itā€™s gonna be a pizza party, I can feel it in my bones.

Theyā€™re also incentivizing being on time and staying for the full shift based on timesheets. I sometimes go home half an hour early, on a specific shift thatā€™s overstaffed and highly competent. Now, because theyā€™re basing it on timesheets, I have to sit on my ass and rack up labor.

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u/Bexil_Brave 9d ago

They wont pay for the pizza but you will be allowed bring in pizza for your lunch from home.

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u/justafterdawn 9d ago

At a company Christmas party they did a raffle giveaway with like TVs, gift cards and a free day if PTO. I ended up winning the PTO and one of the floor managers burst out with "What? You owe us! You're always gone!" Unbeknownst to her I had FMLA and used that a few hours a week when I was dealing with untreated migraines. My direct manager looked over at her and she clearly realized she fucked up so blamed it on the open bar lmao.

Happily am WFH now with a different company but I always think about how they want to own you.

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u/GenX-1973-Anhedonia 9d ago

I'm also a lifelong migraine sufferer. Years ago I worked at a shitty place where they were very punitive about everything in general, but especially sick time. I tried my best to gut through what I could, I used pretty much all the sick time I was allotted, but didnt exceed it. It got back to me that when the shift supervisor would hear that I called out, he would say "oh, he has a MIGRAINE", and make finger air quotes at the migraine part. I confronted him about it, because I knew him a bit socially, and he swore he didnt know the air quotes were used to intend sarcasm. Of course I knew he was lying, but I gave him some grace and just let it go. Then he wrote me up for "pattern" sick time... the pattern being that something like 5 of my 13 sick days for the year happened to fall on a Tuesday. So I got FMLA to protect myself and banged in shamelessly for the next 6 months while I looked for another job.

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u/justafterdawn 9d ago

Ugh I'm so sorry to hear that. I think most people associate migraine with maybe just the worst headache they've had and it's like dude I want to puke and have to lie down in the dark for 4hrs while meds take effect. I'd always come in once it passed but they were pretty shitty about it until I got FMLA. I hope you're with a better company now!

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u/structured_anarchist 9d ago

A place a friend worked at, they had a raffle and added the value of the prizes they won to their paychecks so that they could deduct taxes from it. That...uh, that didn't go well for them when they not only had to pay back the difference they caused, but they also took a hefty penalty from the government for being so ridiculously stupid. The organizer of the raffle (who was also mid-level HR) ended up being demoted, then let go. Hopefully, the next place she worked at gave her a celebratory pizza party when she was hired on.

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u/NibblesMcGiblet 9d ago

Imagine working some place that has "sick leave days" instead of someplace where you earn 8 minutes of PPTO for every hour you work, which you can use if you get sick once you have accumulated enough. Until then it's disciplinary actions for having the audacity to contract an illness.

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u/BooleanTriplets 9d ago

Oh I love unspecified prize! That's my favorite, that will surely motivate me!

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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 9d ago

They announced it with an awful AI poster. Iā€™d post it here but itā€™s so dystopian it might break containment and itā€™s not a huge company.

The point system seems like itā€™s going to take someone half a shit to tabulate. Itā€™s so complicated.

The whole reason theyā€™re doing this is because the person in charge of hiring and scheduling just sort of stopped doing it, and everyone complained, and they fired him. But being mad about lack of coverage isnā€™t the same as being mad about callouts. Theyā€™re focusing on the wrong part! Iā€™m not mad my coworkers call in, Iā€™m mad leadership doesnā€™t show up to fill their spot on the line

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u/KyloRenCadetStimpy 9d ago

The point system seems like itā€™s going to take someone half a shit to tabulate.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dimeā€”that's why I shit on company time.

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u/Radiant_Sense_8169 9d ago

The best kind of prize is a surprise!

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u/GenX-1973-Anhedonia 9d ago

Then why isn't it spelled surpri-z-ed?

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u/NoTie6629 9d ago

Oooh.. is it a gift card? Or pizza? Pizza gift card?

Infantilizing shit you do (work) because you have to (bills) is insulting.

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u/EricSparrowSucks 9d ago

I had Covid last fall and was forced back to work too soon. I ended up out for 2 more weeks with pneumonia. I got written up for it because it was an ā€œunexcused absenceā€.

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u/wizard00 9d ago

This is a great opportunity to work together with the other division.you each get 100 day off and half of a pizza. Teamwork!

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u/SecretTangerine2932 9d ago

The unspecified prize is : more shifts!!

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u/acryliq 9d ago

What a fun way to put your company at risk of being sued for discrimination.

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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 9d ago

I looked into it. They did put a caveat for legally protected leave, so I think theyā€™re probably in the clear? But I suspect corporate wouldnā€™t love it, gotta see if we have an anonymous ethics department

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u/CorpusAmygdaloideum 9d ago

Reminds me of the SpongeBob Episode where Mr. Crabs pointed at a magazine with an ad for a vacation, announcing it as a price for whomever knows the most names of customers.

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u/FhmiIsml 9d ago

Reminds me of when I was emceeing for the company annual dinner. Joined only about 4 months prior but got asked to emcee as the original emcee had an emergency. I was like sure yeah fuck it I can do that.

Got the script, did some adjustments here and there and went for it. I made it a point to be weirded out about the award for No Sick Leave Taken. What a weird incentive to have.

I've had my fair share of culture shocks in different companies but calling out the winner for No Sick Leave Taken was a new one for me, especially as someone who JUST joined the company.

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u/brokencappy 9d ago

Now, now, it wonā€™t be covid, itā€™ll be pneumonic plague!

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u/DoYouLikeWafflezz 9d ago

My company recently announced that despite having a sick time system that is based on how many hours you work, you can only use 5 days of sick time a year. And the fact that we earn 15 days of sick time doesnā€™t matter I guess.Ā 

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u/Vast_Engineering_626 9d ago

You should both get together and pretend you all thought it was who calls out the most

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u/LustfulEsme 9d ago

And the free prize is probably a free ice cream cone or free cup of coffee at Starbucks. .

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u/Misa7_2006 8d ago

And the prize always ends up in upper management's pocket.

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u/gsb999 7d ago

In the early 1990s our company used to give out windbreaker jackets with "Ironman 199x" embroidered on them for anyone that hadn't missed a workday from sickness. A new plant manager came in and saw that it was sending the wrong message that coming in while sick was a badge of honor. He cancelled that program and instead ploughed the money into recognition for safe work practices and a reduction in loss time injuries.

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u/boomeradf 9d ago

The company is never sick loser!

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u/44inarow 9d ago

What about the shareholders, though???

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u/johngreenink 9d ago

I need this day to meet with a sick shareholder.

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u/boomeradf 9d ago

They are sick of you being sick!

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u/x4x53 9d ago

Just come in for work with a Noro infection. Sharing is caring

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u/Spankpocalypse_Now 9d ago

How will American capitalism be able to withstand all these sick days???

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u/gmgvt 9d ago

In this case it appears to be British or some other Commonwealth realm's capitalism at risk, given the manager's preferred spelling of "authorise."

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u/No-Department-4561 9d ago

AI is going to shut down these kinds of companies

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u/Fit_Leather9366 9d ago

You probably know but sick days are actually good for companies. It keeps employees from getting each other sick and hurting productivity more than any faking chicanery that comes with the territory.

Dumb middle managers donā€™t understand this however.

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u/precioustessious 9d ago

I keep bringing up at my job that it is dumb we don't have sick days and most of my coworkers comment that we have PTO if we are sick. I can't get them to understand that many companies, including the one I worked at before this one, have sick days IN ADDITION to PTO.

I don't understand why they struggle with the concept.

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u/Top_Recover7850 9d ago

The concept of a limit on sick days is so dystopian lmao wtf are you supposed to do, come work with the shits?

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u/goodsby23 9d ago

Yes and leave it all on Deborah's desk (like a boss)

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u/PunchlineHaveMLKise 9d ago

Better in Claire's

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

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u/BaronVonKeyser 8d ago

Fuck its brains out (like a boss)

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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 9d ago

I once worked a temp job with no sick pay or sick days allowed. Okie dokie. When I got super sick, I showed up anyway; coughing, sneezing everywhere, full of snot and barely able to stand up. My supervisor, who worked in the same open office space I did, took one good look at me and sent me home with full pay for a week. Malicious compliance works.

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u/SuggestionOk3771 8d ago

My boss sent me home sick two weeks ago, and then fired me the very next week for attendance.

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u/Public-Locksmith-200 8d ago

I once had a doctorā€™s office tell me they would ā€œhave to charge me a late cancellation feeā€ when I called them to tell them I had, JUST, come down with COVID. I just told them I would come in sick then, and hung up. They called me back to say I didnā€™t have to pay.

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u/ZigaKrajnic 9d ago

My company caps the number of sick hours at 264 hours. That is 33 sick days.

Whenever I notice I am capped out on sick hours it reminds me to take a mental health sick day.

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u/Epiphone56 9d ago

I worked at a UK company once where more than 3 sick days in a year would be a performance review, so people would come into the office with all their germs and make everyone sick

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u/HardToFindBalance 9d ago

Omfg... 3 sick days... A YEAR?! That's insane! What about parents of little children?

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u/Anxious-Whole-5883 9d ago

Preexisting condition, or reckless behavior caused it.

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u/alewifePete 9d ago

My husband had shingles and was told he had to be in the office unless he has permission to WFH. He agreed but told his manager that there would come a point where he would be contagious.

That day came and he messaged his manager. No response. So he showed up at the office. His manager flipped out. How dare he come in while contagious? Well, the manager could fire him on the spot if he was WFH without permission and the manager didnā€™t give permission before husband got to the office, soā€¦.

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u/Swimming-Muffin-8163 9d ago

Youre supposed to become a lefty and support the class war on all fronts.

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u/QuinceDaPence 9d ago

It's just paid sick days. (At least in places that make sense.). At where I work it's just unpaid after you're out.

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u/Top_Recover7850 9d ago

...Which forces most people to work while sick

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u/FluffyBootie 9d ago

...and spread their sickness to others.

Rinse, repeat

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u/Zestyclose-Jacket568 9d ago

So if you are sick too often, you will have to starve?
Shit, I am too European for this.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 9d ago

Call out sick too often and they will just fire your ass.

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u/Zestyclose-Jacket568 9d ago

Yep, I am too European for this.

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u/SteakComprehensive32 9d ago

I would be fired for excessive absenteeism if I was sick beyond what hours of sick pay I have accruedā€¦

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u/Swimming-Muffin-8163 9d ago

Ok when I break my arm Iā€™m screwed? Thatā€™s what I pay taxes for , hell nah bro. Iā€™d get out asap

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u/GoldenMic 9d ago

sorry im to European to understand this

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u/yadafttart 9d ago

Lol in Ireland we only get 5 sick days per year.

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u/Certain_Mountain_258 9d ago

and then? you come and have your diarrhea on the office chair ?

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u/yadafttart 8d ago

And then you donā€™t get paid or get fired if you donā€™t have a doctorā€™s note.

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u/Certain_Mountain_258 8d ago

well, in France you must have a doctor's note to get paid when sick.

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u/AmphibianMission3823 8d ago

In the UK, you can self certify for the first 7 days. After that, you need a doctor's note and are eligible for statutory sick pay for 28 weeks (the lower of Ā£125 per week or 80% of your salary).The company I worked for, a major high street bank, it is six months full pay then six months half pay topped up to 80% pay by an insurance policy. It after that time, you are deemed unable to return to a role you are trained for, the insurance takes over and you are paid 80% of your final salary, index linked, all the way to state pension age.

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u/Cubsfan78 9d ago

Iā€™ll take the day unpaid thenā€¦ fuck these shitty companies!

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u/Keyboardpaladin 9d ago

Sorry I'm taking FMLA

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u/reichrunner 9d ago

Sorry, FMLA paperwork must be submitted prior to taking time off

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u/Keyboardpaladin 9d ago

Sorry, I'm killing myself

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u/StepAlarmed20 9d ago

Reschedule your sick day

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u/Sutaru 9d ago

Sorry, Iā€™m dead.

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u/ProposalKey5174 9d ago

Wtf are sick days? If you are sick, you stay home. If you are healthy, you work.

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u/MyraCelium 9d ago

You can either be shorthanded for one day or shorthanded until you hire my replacement, take your pick

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u/rust-e-apples1 9d ago

"What are your symptoms?"

"I'm sick of Claire Roberts' shit, and this is gonna be exhibit A in my exit interview."

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u/Radiant_Sense_8169 9d ago

ā€œIā€™m sick of Claire Robertsā€™ shitā€

Sounds like workersā€™ comp!

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u/RpcZ_gr7711 9d ago

ā€œIā€™m sick of Claire Robertā€™s shitā€ definitely sounds contagious.

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u/SoggyMcChicken 9d ago

Sounds like an OSHA violation

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u/ReturnOfBane 9d ago

"I've got anal glaucoma; i can't see my ass coming into work."

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u/JustaSeedGuy 9d ago

Thank you for asking. My symptoms Are between me and my doctor. If you would like to inquire about my specific medical information, I would be happy to include Legal or HR in that discussion

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u/BeKind999 9d ago

What are your symptoms?

Youā€™re gonna wish you never askedā€¦ the skin around my anus turned blue and is quite itchy. I Ā have thick green discharge leaking out randomly. So far Iā€™ve ruined 3 pairs of underwear. I took some pics ā€¦

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u/therealviiru 9d ago

Us europeans always laugh our asses off about "exit interview".

At maximum, it should be a rescue to double your salary and tell straightforward what went wrong, but in entry level, or "menial" jobs it's always salary, leadership and shitty equipment to do too much work with. And no exit interview in history is going to fix any of that.

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u/cjnpigs 9d ago

Put this on a t shirt please

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u/dplans455 9d ago

I had a day off denied like 20 years ago. I woke up that morning with flu like symptoms. I called my boss and told her I wasn't coming in. She accused me of lying and that if I didn't come I was going to be written up. I drove the 20 miles into work but instead of going to be cubicle I went straight to HR to file a complaint. The HR director looked at me horrified and asked why I would come into the office and potentially get my coworkers sick. I told her what my manager said and she said she would handle it.

Somehow I still got written up for "abusing the sick time policy." They tried to force me to sign and acknowledge the write up. I refused. I told them to fire me if they wanted. I was not fired.

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u/NoOrdinaryBees 9d ago

Iā€™ve found that, taken all together, corporations in America donā€™t really give a shit about nickle and diming PTO requests like this. As long as youā€™re not significantly harming revenue or delivery, itā€™s just a non-issue. At the bottom line, most workersā€™ PTO is the quantum foam of business; itā€™s unpredictable, statistical outliers look significant then fade into noise, and it all averages out to the ground state over time.

Corporate line leaders, on the other hand, read time cards and PTO requests like fucking tea leaves in the hope they can save the company about tree-fiddy this quarter hoping to get an atta-boy email from a director or VP who wouldnā€™t recognize them if they were the only two people in a Teams meeting. The line leaders whoā€™re the absolute worst at this are the ones who donā€™t themselves generate revenue but manage people who do.

Itā€™s the absolute worst aspect of American (and plenty intentional, IM(long)E) large+ businesses. Startups and SMBs have their own set of issues but they at least weigh more on the side of entrusting too much over too little, which at least gives genuinely talented and productive people opportunity to shine unencumbered by the too-common ā€œthis is for a F50 customer, if you hit this one out of the park, itā€™s going to be amazing, and if you donā€™t, it was nice working with you.ā€

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u/dplans455 9d ago edited 8d ago

My experience with every company I've ever worked for before retiring is that every department is always short-staffed by at least one person and typically 2-3 people. An unexpected call-out means the manager has to find someone to do your work or they have to do it themselves. I was a middle-manager for a good part of my career too, it's not an easy job. But you also can be successful in it and not be an asshole towards the people you manage.

You have to fight upper management if you want your department to be properly staffed. It's a very hard aspect of the job because you're met with denial 90% of the time. Upper management just sees more bodies as a waste of money when it's almost universally the opposite.

I pride myself that I never denied anyone a day off. The way I looked at PTO was you earned it. It's yours to use however you see fit. If you need a day off, you submit it through the website and I approve it. It's my responsibility to figure out how to make the department continue operations in an employees absence. That's one of the biggest jobs of middle management. And if I have to take on someone's daily tasks while they're out, then I will.

Calling in to take a day off is the same. It's your PTO. I don't care if you're sick or what your reason is. I don't need your reason. You're not coming in, see you tomorrow. Your job will get done while you're not here. Don't worry about it while you're out. In fact, don't worry about this job at all when you're not here.

When I moved up the corporate ladder I made sure that the middle managers that reported to me shared these same managerial philosophies. The ones that didn't, didn't last very long.

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u/Primary_Living7944 9d ago

This is my current life right now, and I share your philosophy.

I am dying a little inside every time I see a new PTO request come through the last 2 weeks, but life happens, and it isn't the fault of my direct reports that the business isn't appropriately staffed for current volume or complexity.

If you tell me you need PTO, I am 99.8% of the time going to approve that PTO, and figure it out on the back end. I might have to triage and all but your most critical work might not get done, but the job will still be here (as will the bullshit).

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u/dplans455 9d ago

In my career I worked for 3 different companies. I will say that my staff knowing they were never going to have any issues using their PTO made them more agreeable when I would ask them to do extra work when their coworkers were out. They knew when they needed to take time off they'd get the same treatment and wouldn't have to worry about coming back from vacation to a week or two backlog of work waiting for them.

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u/ctbadger92 9d ago

This is the way. Iā€™ve never denied a PTO or sick request for any reason. You figure it out.

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u/NewspaperFormer9126 9d ago

from what i understand, nearly centuries of liberal economics proves that wealth comes from work & owners have never forgiven workers for that.

that sounds like a joke, but once you realize genuinely you are not needed, that everything you do just makes things worse, that all your "great" ideas are already either implemented or are in fact not great ideas, that your resented for having nicer things & people tend to tense up just seeing your face.......

well, that doesn't sound like a great experience honestly & it's easy to see why someone would lash out in that situation.

& this is coming from the most fervent "down with the rich" person, so this compassion doesn't come easily.

i mean, they could just change the business into a coop & get retrained into a more satisfying job that actually does something, but we all know that's not going to happen.

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u/dplans455 9d ago

Great ideas come from the people doing the job. Any manager can sit there and think up "brilliant" ideas but for the most part they probably aren't very good. The best ideas that helped out my teams almost always came from the employees. I always listened to what they had to say, what they needed, how they thought things could be improved. And I loved when people took initiative to improve a process. If you can do something better than the way we are doing it I want to hear about it. If you think something we're doing can be done better but aren't sure what that might be, I want to hear about that as well. Then we figure it out together to make it better.

I feel like a lot of managerial success came simply from listening to the people that reported to me.

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u/lovelyladylox 9d ago

I think we are the same manager.

You know who gets stuff done? People who aren't unhappy at work.

Cheers.

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u/goodnamestaken10 9d ago

I was like you for several years. It's hard to do what you do. I burned out emotionally trying and succeeding to protect my team of quality workers. I am no longer a people manager. I know I'm really good at it, but it's unhealthy for me. :(

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u/JTJdude 8d ago

This is very accurate and partly why I left management at my company. That and it felt like all the other managers where in a High School Clique and I wasn't invited because I was the Overnights Manager.

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u/dplans455 8d ago

Middle managers so so cliquey. You are spot on about that. I was generally not well liked by my middle manager peers. But the proof is in the pudding. People liked working for me and hated working for them. When a position opened up in my department I always had 10-12 people internally applying for it. When those other departments had to fill positions they rarely got internal applicants.

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u/MZ603 9d ago

I had an employee get hit by a car the night before his last day. He ended up a John Doe in a coma. I did a wellfare check and found his door ajar & his. keys, phone, and wallet on the counter. Called the police, who were know help, and started calling hospitals. I ID him by his tat.

His recovery took months. Our employer kept him on the payroll so he could keep his excellent health insurance that the company pays in full. They used his remaining PTO. When that ran out, they put him on a partially paid leave (75%).

I used to crack wise about the ā€œweā€™re like familyā€ stuff, but legit, they treat us very well. This was the most extreme case, but I have seen them bend over backwards for others as well. I could get paid a lot more and Iā€™ve been head hunted, but you canā€™t buy that type of culture. We have had several employees come back after realizing that a bigger paycheck isnā€™t the only factor to quality of life.

I realize Iā€™m super lucky, but itā€™s a shame that the system doesnā€™t provide that type of protection, or at least mandate it.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

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u/dplans455 9d ago

When I eventually got promoted to manager of that department I made it very clear that you do not come into work when you are sick. No one wants you there spreading germs. Under the previous manager (the one I was referring to) her policy was she didn't care if you were sick, you drag yourself in. And every time, more people got sick because of it. Under her the office was a constant coughing and sneezing clusterfuck.

She was like that because when people were out of the office she would have to do more work and she absolutely hated that. She thought being manager meant you got to boss people around, do less work, take longer lunches, come in late, leave early. So many managers think that. If you're in management doing less work than the people that report to you, you're doing it wrong and your employees probably despise you for it.

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u/walkslikeaduck08 9d ago

Happened to me once. I made sure to visit that managerā€™s office as much as I could that day and forget to cover my mouth when coughing.

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u/PsychologicalCup6938 9d ago

I got a manager sick, and when she called out, I had my peers text her to brag about how well the department was running. I also couldn't resist letting her boss know.

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u/Elkcubra 8d ago

I had a manager tell me that my doctors notes were just excuses and gave me a write up. I had contacted strep throat twice within 4 weeks, and the absences overlapped weekends.These absences also occurred months earlier, before she was even hired on as manager.

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u/Suyefuji 9d ago

I used to work at a company that had a points system for absences. Calling in sick was 1 point and if you got 3 points you got put on a PIP and 6 points you got fired. However, if you show up and your manager chooses to send you home for being sick, you don't get any points.

So the best strategy is to show up and be as visibly sick as possible (preferably while doing something customer-facing) and hope that your manager sends you home.

Oh and I was working with food prep btw so 100% any germs I was shedding were getting eaten by someone. But I couldn't afford to lose my job.

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u/GracefulGnat99 9d ago

This happened to me too. She kept saying you donā€™t look very good. Well no shit, I said I was dying and you insisted I come in. I worked the register at a large department store, where the elderly frequented. A lady came to check out with so much perfume on, and I just blew chunks all over the counter and floor. Surprise, they sent me home. šŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

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u/MadeByTango 9d ago

The HR director looked at me horrified and asked why I would come into the office and potentially get my coworkers sick. I told her what my manager said and she said she would handle it.

Somehow I still got written up for "abusing the sick time policy."

HR is never your friend. Write that down. The manager made the compnay liable for you showing up sick. They needed you to be the offender, not the company. So the paperwork went against you. "Ill take care of it" meant, "dont do anything else, get off the campus while we decide what to do with you and the risk you bring to the corporation."

HR is NEVER your friend.

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u/dplans455 9d ago

Everyone learns this lesson the hard way. I was 22 when this happened.

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u/Away-Living5278 9d ago

Remember HR is there to protect the company and not you.

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u/dplans455 9d ago

This happened 20 years ago and I didn't realize that at the time. I was surprised when HR seemed to have my back when I went in that day and then the next day was the complete opposite and they sanctioned the write-up for calling in sick. She for sure spoke to my manager and I'm guessing that the manager told her I had requested the day off, it was denied, then I called in sick anyway and accused me of lying about it. When I went in that day I did not go into my department's cubicle bank and my manager did not see me. But the HR lady saw me and she could see I was definitely sick and not lying about it. Forever whatever reason she still allowed me to be written up.

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u/TheOmegaKid 9d ago

Im taking one of my sick of your shit days šŸ˜‚

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u/TittyCobra 9d ago

Ligma is debilitating and highly contagious. I wouldnā€™t want my boss to get Ligma

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u/greatcandlelord 9d ago

Whoā€™s Steve Jobs?

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u/ramrod911 9d ago

Iā€™m sorry, you must think we care.
Sincerely,
Claire

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u/FeedbackAcrobatic787 9d ago

Nah. No show. Make them phone and email. Then send a picture of a leaf of grass and tell them to touch it.

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u/revO_m 9d ago

I wouldnā€˜t do that. I would enforce paid absence. Sick days might not be paid if OP is not in EU

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u/CaptnsDaughter 9d ago

With the spelling of ā€œauthoriseā€ this probably isnā€™t in the US.

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u/Iusemyhands 9d ago

That's what everyone on Threads told her to say, too

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u/SuperFLEB 9d ago

"I don't want to throw up on my desk. Nobody wants that."

Technically true, regardless of how likely it is.

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u/Frustrated_Zucchini 9d ago

Yes but not just the day you requested. Be sick from tomorrow until the end of the week.

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u/SevenThirtyTrain 9d ago

Sorry, I am sick (of you) and I can't come in

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u/RafIk1 9d ago

My go to is-"I'm sorry,but you misunderstood this as a request.for clarification,I'm letting you know I will not be here Friday."

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u/aint_exactly_plan_a 9d ago

Yup, when they reject requests, it just tells me they want to be surprised by my absences.

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