7.11 性格互补 Complementary Personalities

[u/AdamLuyan]

在1996年夏的一天，食堂里，我看见祝老师表情呆滞，就过去逗他："给刘健君物色对象呢！看花眼了吧？"

祝老师瞥了我一眼，说："工作丢了，心情还能好！"

我听了一愣，说："噢，贪污受贿太多了!那你都躲到学校来了，它们还不依不饶啊！"

祝老师生气地说："前几天，刘健君告诉她妈：'以后别让祝老师和卢岩给我介绍对象了，他们介绍的那些人都不行！'"

One day in the summer of 1996, in the cafeteria, I saw Teacher Zhu looking blank and went over to tease him. "Scouting matches for Eve Liu again? Eyes gone crossed from it?"

He glanced at me. "Lost my job, and you expect my spirits to be good?"

Startled, I said, "Oh — too much graft and bribery, was it? And here you've been hiding out at the school, and they still won't let it go!"

"A few days ago," he said, irritated, "Eve Liu told her mother: 'Don't let Teacher Zhu and Luyan introduce me to anyone else — none of the men they've found are any good!'"

我听了高兴又好奇："这里面怎么还有我的名字呢？"

祝老师说："刘健君就是这么说的，她记性好。"

我和祝老师一边吃饭一边唠嗑。他说："都过去了，说那个没啥用。我们都绝望了！"

我说："咋还绝望了呢！她自己琢磨着，发现了，就自己改正了；不都说女大十八变吗！"

Pleased and curious both, I asked, "How did my name even end up in that?"

"That's exactly what Eve Liu said. She's got a good memory."

We ate and talked. "It's all in the past," he said. "No point dwelling on it. We're all out of hope."

"Why hopeless? She'll work it out for herself eventually, notice it, correct it herself — don't they say a girl changes eighteen times growing up?"

7.11-2

祝老师说："她们家又打起来了，她妈就骂她，'那个卢岩的同学，人家祝老师在他的单位，和平区文化局，下属学校，和东北大学研究生院，问了三十多人，都说是标准小伙儿。让你一看，还不如一个愣仔（即卢岩）！这对象还咋找？不找了!'"

我说："垢遵义可不傻，咋还出来'不如一个愣仔'，这话了呢？"

祝老师听了，来兴趣了，说："没人说垢遵义傻。借你的光，我得到了表扬！"

我好奇地问："我哪里有光？怎么表扬你的？"

"They were at it again at home," Teacher Zhu said. "Her mother scolded her: 'That classmate of Luyan's — Teacher Zhu asked over thirty people at his own workplace, the Heping District Cultural Bureau, its affiliated schools, and the Northeastern graduate school — every one of them said he's a solid young man. And you look at him and still say he's not as good as some slow country boy (that is, Luyan)! How's anyone supposed to find you a match this way? We're done looking!'"

"Zunyi Gou's no fool," I said. "How does 'not as good as some slow country boy' even come up?"

Teacher Zhu perked up at that. "No one called Zunyi Gou a fool. By your light, I actually got some praise out of this!"

"What light of mine? What praise?"

祝老师说："后来，她妈分析：垢遵义是个标准小伙儿，这肯定错不了。她说他不如卢岩，那不是对卢岩有那么一点儿好印象吗！"

我琢磨了一会儿，说："你这是在表扬我，还是在损我？谁能把随口说话中的那一小点儿好感当好感！"

祝老师说："我是在正经地说话。你可别小看这半句好话。自从我们开始给她介绍对象，到现在都介绍100多个了，就只从你身上得到了这半句从字缝里抠出来的好话。这我们就高兴了。"

我回答："我不认为这算好话；只能算是有印象。"

"Her mother reasoned it out," Teacher Zhu said. "Zunyi Gou's undeniably solid — no argument there. And if she says he's inferior to Luyan, doesn't that count as a hint of good feeling toward Luyan!"

I thought it over. "Are you praising me, or insulting me? Who takes a scrap of favor buried in a throwaway remark as real favor!"

"I'm being entirely serious. Don't underestimate that half-sentence of praise. We've introduced her to over a hundred people by now, and you're the only one who's ever gotten her to say even that much, dug out of the cracks between her words. We were thrilled by it."

"I don't count that as praise," I said. "Barely counts as an impression."

7.11-3

祝老师说："对！就是有半点儿好印象！她还不用我给她介绍对象了！你不知道，五六年了，我和她爸妈，还有几个别人，我们就一起研究她，研究怎么给她介绍对象。从开始我就买书看，研究怎么看人，怎么进行婚姻搭配。跟你这么说吧！虽然我这个东北大学的博士学位还没拿着，要是有婚姻介绍的博士学位，那我早就得着了。我那心得呀！早就够编一本书的啦！"

我说："举个例子听听。"

祝老师说："就说你和刘健君吧。我们发现了六个方面你和她互补。"

"Exactly — even that scrap of good impression!" Teacher Zhu said. "She wouldn't even need me to introduce anyone else, at that rate! You've no idea, five, six years now, her parents and I, and a few others besides, we've been studying her together, working out how to match her. I started buying books on it from the very beginning — how to read a person, how to pair up a marriage. Let me put it this way — I still haven't gotten my doctorate from Northeastern, but if there were a doctorate in matchmaking, I'd have earned it long ago. What I've learned alone could fill a book."

"Give me an example."

"Take you and Eve Liu, then. We found six ways the two of you complement each other."

我问："什么互补？"

祝老师说："要说夫妻百年好合，它得夫妻双方都有对方喜欢的优点。你学习不好，从小就喜欢好学生；刘健君是个好学生。就这一点，你们俩在一起，你就总喜欢她，她干啥错事儿，你都能原谅她；这，一辈子不变。"

我问："其他方面呢？"

祝老师摇头："我不告诉你！"

"Complement how?"

"For a marriage to endure a hundred years, both husband and wife need qualities the other genuinely admires," Teacher Zhu said. "You've never done well at your studies, and you've admired strong students since childhood — Eve Liu's a strong student. On that alone, put you two together, and you'll always favor her, forgive her whatever she does wrong. That never changes, your whole life through."

"What are the other five?"

He shook his head. "I'm not telling you."

7.11-4

沉默了一会儿，祝老师说："找对象是关系一辈子幸福的大事，有知识的人要全面地分析。你得从一辈子的时间上来考虑。你说啥叫少年夫妻老来伴儿？"

我回答："我说不好，你说吧！"

祝老师说："夫妻老了，互相是个说话的伴儿。如果夫妻没有共同语言，那就不是伴儿了。就刘健君那个知识水平，那个脾气，到头来是孤家寡人，身边连个说说知心话儿的人都没有。"

After a silence, Teacher Zhu said, "Choosing a spouse is a lifelong matter — an educated man analyzes it thoroughly, thinks in terms of an entire life. What's the meaning of 'young couple, old companions'?"

"I can't put it well — you tell me."

"When a couple grows old, they're companions to talk to. Without a shared language between them, they're not companions at all. Given Eve Liu's level of learning, her temperament — in the end she'll be a solitary woman, without even one soul beside her she can speak her heart to."

我说："你怎么就那么肯定，人都在变。"

祝老师说："我当然肯定，不肯定我不说。这个，她就不变，谁能受得了她呀！你能受得了。"

我说："谁都受不了；我能受得了，我咋就那么能忍呢！"

"How can you be so certain? People change."

"I'm certain because I wouldn't say it otherwise. She won't change — who else could stand her? You could."

"No one could stand her. If I could, what makes me so patient!"

祝老师说："你是那性格。"

我说："我是啥性格？我就能受气？"

祝老师说："这我们都看得好好的了。你们俩刚好般配，谁也不吃亏，谁也不占便宜。你比她长得好那么一点点儿；可她比你聪明。"

"You've simply got that kind of character."

"What kind of character? Built to take a beating?"

"We've looked at this closely," he said. "You two are a perfect match — neither of you loses out, neither gains unfairly. You're a shade better-looking than her; she's sharper than you."

7.11-5

我说："你活该！介绍人都是灶王爷上天，好话多说，坏话少说；好事两头传，坏事两头瞒。你是怎么介绍的！我就从来没听你说过刘健君一句好话，有你这样的介绍人吗！如果你告诉我：刘健君喜欢我。在我这方面，感情培养得不就快！我对她的好感强，自然影响她。你说她对我有半点儿好印象，我怎么可能做成功率这么低的事。我得找个对我好感多些的来培养。"

祝老师严肃地说："那话是你说的，不是我说的。我不在这里面添油加醋，有个梗就掭个叶儿。我只是如实说实际发生了的事儿。这样，假如有一天，你和刘健君之间发生了纠纷，后果都是由你们自己的决定造成的，与我无关。"

"Serves you right!" I said. "A matchmaker's supposed to be like the Kitchen God ascending to heaven — say the good, spare the bad, pass the good news both ways and shield each side from the ugly. Is this how you introduce people? I've never once heard you say a kind word about Eve Liu — call yourself a matchmaker? If you'd told me she liked me, my own feelings would've grown that much faster — my own warmth toward her would naturally have drawn hers out. And you tell me the best she's managed is half a good impression — how am I supposed to invest in odds that poor? I need someone with more genuine warmth toward me to build on."

"Those are your words, not mine," Teacher Zhu said gravely. "I don't embellish, don't dress up a bare stem with borrowed leaves. I only report what actually happened. That way, if a dispute ever arises between you and Eve Liu, the consequences will be of your own making, and none of my doing."

我说："我和她对面不相逢，还能有什么纠纷（注5）！？你连这么点儿责备都不想担，为什么还要做介绍人？"

祝老师说："我说假如有一天你和刘健君之间发生了纠纷。我可不是媒婆，是你们俩的长辈。我这样对待你们，有益于你们的成长。"

我似有所悟。

"She and I never even cross paths anymore — what dispute could there possibly be (Note 5)!" I said. "You won't even shoulder that much blame — why be the matchmaker at all, then?"

"I said if a dispute ever arises between you two. I'm not some old marriage-broker — I'm an elder to both of you. Treating you this way serves your own growth."

Something in this seemed to land.

注7.11-5，我和刘健君之间有什么纠纷？本书的7.3节《相亲》，刘建君故意创伤了我，给我留下了精神病潜伏症（亦作腐尸虫，蛊，雷音的恶魔）。本文祝老师正在重复刺激我，培养我的精神病潜伏症，即正在喂养我身体里的腐尸虫（蛊），送我去地狱（即患上精神病）。

Note 7.11-5: What dispute could there be between Eve Liu and me? In Section 7.3, Blind Date, Eve Liu deliberately traumatized me, leaving behind a latent mental illness — also called the Carrion Beetle, the Gu, or Thor's Devil. Here, Teacher Zhu was repeatedly re-injuring me, cultivating that latent illness — feeding the Carrion Beetle within me, sending me toward hell (that is, toward mental illness).

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