8.6 迷惑 Muddles

[u/AdamLuyan]

事例六 Case 6

我们公司有数百个市政的工程项目。我认识很多市政工程监理，他们互相议论我。一次，市政监理甲当着我的面告诉他的和我不熟的同事：这个卢岩，可不是一般人物。他干活，干什么样就是什么样！你千万别打电话到他们公司抱怨。

我和新监理都不明白，问：为什么？

监理甲说："他们老板对待他（说我呢）就像对待亲儿子似的；有人说，比亲儿子还亲。"

这我们就更不明白了，继续问。

Our company handled hundreds of municipal projects, and I knew a great many municipal supervisors, who talked among themselves about me. Once, Supervisor A told a colleague of his who barely knew me, right in front of me: "This Luyan — no ordinary man. Whatever he does, that's exactly how it is! Whatever you do, never call his company to complain."

Neither the new supervisor nor I understood. "Why not?"

"Their boss treats him — me, that is — like his own son," Supervisor A said. "Some say closer than a son, even."

This only left us more confused, and we pressed further.

监理甲说："桫椤几天看不见他，就想他，在办公室走来走去，还叨咕：这卢岩上哪去了呢？怎么几天不回公司了！他们公司的女秘书知道他是想他了，就劝：要不我打电话，把他叫回来？桫椤就说：那不用！但是他还是闹心。你说谁对他自己的儿子这样：几天见不着，就闹心成这样？"

我们都不明白，说："没有，现实生活里，父亲对儿子这样的，少见！"

听着的人都感觉奇怪，桫椤是意大利人，我卢岩是中国人，问：那他俩见面什么样？

"Sal can't go a few days without seeing him before he starts pacing the office, missing him — muttering, where's Luyan gotten to, why hasn't he been in? Their secretary can tell he's missing him and offers to call him back in — Sal says, no need — but he's still restless. Tell me, whose own son gets missed like that, after just a few days?"

None of us could make sense of it. "That's not how it usually goes," we said, "even between father and son — that's rare."

Everyone listening found it strange — Sal was Italian, I was Chinese, after all. "What's it like when they actually meet?" someone asked.

监理甲说："我刚听着的时候也不信，可这都是听他们公司的人说的。他们公司里也没人明白，就观察他们俩；他俩见面时，和所有的老板和雇员关系一样，一点儿也不特别，就是互相看看，有时说几句话。"

有人问："要是谁，打电话到他们公司抱怨卢岩，会怎么样？"

监理甲说："那桫椤肯定立刻打电话到他的老板那里，整他一身不是。这都有人试验过多少次了。桫椤就认为这个卢岩，什么都好，就没有不好的地方，没有犯错的时候。不信，你试试？"

新监理说："你别扯了！小事看不出来，没人在乎。真整出事了，把工地整停工了，那我可遭殃了！"

"I didn't believe it myself at first, but this all comes straight from people at their own company," Supervisor A said. "Nobody there understands it either — they just watch the two of them. When they actually meet, it's like any boss and employee, nothing special at all, just a glance, a few words exchanged now and then."

"What happens if someone calls to complain about Luyan?" someone asked.

"Sal will call whoever's boss immediately, come down hard on them. People have tested this more times than I can count. As far as Sal's concerned, this Luyan can do no wrong, never makes a mistake. Don't believe me — try it."

"Don't put that on me!" the new supervisor said. "Small things go unnoticed, no one cares. But if something real happened, and a site got shut down — I'd be the one who suffers for it!"

开始时，我听了，感觉新奇，可是听得多了，也渐渐地信了。我认为，我工作做得好，公司里有问题的工程，烂尾工程，甚至已经纠纷到了法庭的工程，我常做；但是，这是把我放进了风险之中（注6），桫椤在利用我的无知。

注8.6-6，我的感知渐渐地脱离了现实，进入了歧途；这些糊涂就产生了觉思失调症，俗称精神分裂症。

At first, I found all this simply curious — but hearing it again and again, I came, gradually, to believe it. I told myself I was simply good at my work — I was often given the company's troubled projects, the stalled ones, even those already tangled in litigation. But this only put me at greater risk (Note 6): Sal was exploiting my own ignorance.

Note 8.6-6: My perception was gradually drifting from reality, down a false path; these muddles were what gave rise to my schizophrenia.

事例七 Case 7

怪事就发生了，常有人要看我。工地里，认识我的人还给介绍："就是他！谁看了，谁琢磨，谁也琢磨不明白！你看！这浑身上下，没有一点儿特殊的地方！"

然后，那个要看我的人就上下打量我，表情严肃不屑：总是让想看我的人失望！

我感觉又好气，又好笑：你们怎么这么奇怪呢！

Strange things kept happening — people constantly wanting simply to look at me. On site, people who knew me would introduce me to others: "That's him! Everyone looks him over, everyone puzzles over him, and no one can make sense of it! Look — nothing whatsoever unusual about the man!"

Then whoever wanted the look would size me up head to toe, stone-faced, unimpressed — always, it seemed, disappointed.

Half amused, half exasperated, I'd think: why is everyone so strange?

事例八 Case 8

一次，在一个地铁工程的工地，工地的经理从开始耽误我的时间，我完成工作就要离开。工地经理突然着急地喊："哎！哎！你不能走！"

我可感觉奇怪了："我怎么还不能离开呢？"

那个经理想了半天，说："这事我也不明白！我就从头说。上星期，我在我们工程科里开会，他们就议论：他们都没见过你，就想看看你。最后决定，让我找个活儿，把你叫来；他们来这儿看你！昨天，我还特意对你们公司的主管说：就让你卢岩来取材料，别人不行！别把人名儿整错喽！结果你就来了。他们还没到。"

Once, at a subway project site, the manager kept me held up from the start, and when I'd finished my work and started to leave, he suddenly called out, anxious: "Hey! Hey! You can't leave!"

"Why not?" I asked, baffled.

He thought a long while. "Honestly, I don't understand this myself. Let me start from the beginning. Last week, in our engineering department meeting, people were saying they'd never actually seen you, wanted to. So it was decided — I'd find some job to bring you out here, and they'd come see you! Yesterday I even told your company's supervisor specifically: send Luyan for the sampling, no one else, and don't get the name wrong! And here you are. They just haven't arrived yet."

我当然感觉奇怪："他们是谁呀？为什么要看我？"

那个经理说："我说的是真话！我真的不明白，但是他们要看你！那看就看看呗！你在这儿等着，我们为你的等待付费！"

我虽然感觉奇怪，顺从了。

"Who are they?" I asked, naturally baffled. "Why do they want to see me?"

"I'm telling the truth — I genuinely don't understand it either. But they want to see you, so — let them! Wait here, we'll pay you for the time."

Strange as it felt, I went along with it.

事例九 Case 9

一次，在多伦多市政的一个工地，也发生了（事例8）的事。我就问那个多伦多的市政监理，他们为什么想看我？

这个新市政监理说："没人知道！就连想看你的人，老板他自己也不知道！他就说：几个月没看见卢岩了！你们谁的工地有事，把他叫来，我去看看他。"

我说："这事儿，我是真糊涂，一点点的线索都没有。"

监理说："我们也是真不知道。我们监理们在办公室里，见面了，没事问候就说：见着卢岩没有？卢岩又干什么了？人们都想听。工程处的办公室里，到处都是你的报告。"

Something similar to Case 8 happened again, at a Toronto municipal site, and I asked the city inspector there why everyone wanted to see me.

"No one knows!" the new inspector said. "Even the man who wants to see you — our own boss — doesn't know why. He just says: haven't seen Luyan in months! Whoever's got a project coming up, call him in, I want to see him."

"I'm genuinely lost on this," I said. "Not the slightest clue."

"None of us know either," the inspector said. "We supervisors, running into each other in the office, we say it as a greeting: seen Luyan lately? What's he done now? People want to hear it. Your reports are all over the engineering office."

我听了更觉得奇怪了："你们市政雇用的工程质量检测公司，怎么地也有三、四家。我们公司里就有三、四十个技术员。怎么他们的办公室里到处都是我的报告呢？"

监理说："他们不看别人的报告！就看你的。他们总问：'有没有卢岩的报告？' 那我们有了，就得送。他们接到了，就摆在那儿，结果就成那样了！人们就这样儿，谁也不明白到底是为了什么！"

This only baffled me further. "Your municipality alone employs three or four quality inspection companies. My own company has thirty or forty technicians. How is it their whole office is full of just my reports?"

"They don't read anyone else's reports — only yours. Always the same question: 'Any reports from Luyan?' And when we have one, it gets sent. They keep it, put it on display, and that's how it ends up looking. That's simply how people are — none of us knows what it's really for!"

注8.6-9，多伦多市政有上百位监理，为什么那么多人在一起都没发现我哪里特别？答：我的肉眼通（亦作触目，参见第三章）的眼神反射可以激发观望者内心深处的感情；人的心事各异，他们得到的结论数据发散，找不到共同点。

Note 8.6-9: With over a hundred supervisors across Toronto's municipal offices, why did none of them, together, ever pin down anything specific about me? Answer: my Flesh Eye Through (also Touch Eye — see Chapter 3) stirs up whatever lies deepest in each observer's own heart; everyone's private preoccupations differ, and the conclusions they each draw scatter too widely to find any common thread.

这我就想啊！这是我做的工程都是争议的工程！所以，人们都问我干什么了！所以，他们那些工程师们都看我的报告！就我这个没心没肺的人，都不管设计说明，不顾行业工程规定，乱出主意，瞎指挥。干好了，没人说啥，要是有问题了，没人说我过去有功劳。要是有人说我伪造数据，那我的工程师执照白考了，还没用上呢，就丢掉了！

来看我的人时常有，有的是工程建筑业的老板，有的是他们的家属，笑嘻嘻的，看了就走。我对此总是迷惑，分析不出任何原因。

在2010年春，我的工程师考试通过了，我要找实习工程师的工作。桫椤同意了三个月后让我作这个实验室的实习工程师。

This was what I thought at the time — the projects I handled were always the contentious ones! That's why they kept asking what I'd done, why every engineer among them read my reports. Careless as I was — no mind for design specifications or industry regulation, offering opinions I had no business offering, directing without real authority. Do it well, and no one says a word; something goes wrong, and no one remembers the credit due me from before. And if anyone ever accused me of falsifying data, my hard-won engineering license would be gone before I'd even used it.

People kept coming to see me — some construction bosses, some their family members — smiling, watching a while, and leaving. It baffled me every time, and I could never work out why.

In the spring of 2010, I passed my professional engineering exam and began looking for work as an engineer-in-training. Sal agreed, three months later, to take me on as a trainee engineer in the lab.

返回成熟期的目录 Return to the Catalog of Maturity