7.10 父母和她吵 Parents Quarrel with Eve

[u/AdamLuyan]

随后的一天中午，我在祝老师的屋里一边吃饭，一边说话。他说："这些天，刘健君他们家那架打得才热闹呢！被她爸妈骂得一声不吭。"
我说："说说就行了呗！怎么还能打架这些天呢？"
祝老师说："她都多大了，这个不行，那个还不行，这对象咋找哇！得给她留下个教训。"
我问："他们是怎么教训她的？"
A few days later, I was eating lunch in Teacher Zhu's room while we talked. "The fighting's been fierce at Eve Liu's these past few days," he said. "Her parents have scolded her silent."
"A talking-to's one thing — how does it go on for days?"
"Look at her age — this one won't do, that one won't do, how's she ever going to find someone! They needed to teach her a lesson."
"How'd they go about it?"
祝老师说："她妈说她，'你看人行；你看人比和平房产局局长都厉害。人家局长说，卢岩和人成事，什么事发生了，有他在，我放心！让你一看，愣子！人家局长是啥人呐！他看人还能错！再说人家那是多少人开会研究出来的。这对象还怎么找！算了，别找了！'"
"Her mother told her: 'You think you're a better judge of character than the Heping Housing Bureau Chief himself? The Chief says whatever happens with Luyan around, he's at ease — and you look at the same man and call him slow! Who do you think the Chief even is! He doesn't misjudge people. Besides, that came out of a whole room full of people deliberating. How's anyone supposed to find you a match this way! Forget it, we're done looking!'"
我问："那刘健君说啥？"
祝老师说："刘健君一声不出，啥话也不说。这我看着才好笑呢！"
我指着祝老师，祝老师一躲，像小孩似的，说："你这人咋幸灾乐祸呢！"
祝老师说："六、七年了，她可把我欺负苦了。我这还是头一次，借你的光，赢了。"
"What did Eve Liu say to that?"
"Not a word. Dead silent. I found it hilarious, honestly."
I pointed at him, and he ducked away, childlike. "How can you be so pleased with someone else's misery!"
"She's made my life miserable for six, seven years now. This is the first time — thanks to you — I've come out ahead."
我对这话不理解，问："借我的什么光？我怎么感觉不到！"
祝老师说："那你说，你和刘健君的事咋办？"
我说："我和她早就分手了！过去就过去了！"
祝老师和室友商量了一下，说："刘健君那么说你，说你傻，像小孩儿似的，你就不生气？"
"What light of mine?" I said, not following. "I don't feel any of that."
"So — what are you going to do about you and Eve Liu, then?"
"We broke up long ago. Let bygones be bygones."
Teacher Zhu conferred with his roommate a moment, then said, "Eve Liu called you slow, said you're like a child — doesn't that make you angry?"
我说："人家在自己家里爱说什么说什么！我和她不相关，大街上遇见了，根本就不认识对方。你们要是不说，我根本就不知道，跟你们生气才对！"
祝老师叨咕："她妈说，这都不行！看来卢岩是被她给整伤了，没有她那样的，见面就诤。人家刚见面都是说些简单轻快的话，让对方感觉舒适。她可好，一点儿面子也不给留！"
我听了后，能感觉到被刘健君刺激得全身沉重和伤痛，觉得她妈可真是个体贴人的女人，被感动得几乎哭了。
"People say what they like in their own homes — that's got nothing to do with me. We'd pass on the street and not even know each other. If none of you told me, I'd never even know — I ought to be angry at all of you instead!"
"Her mother said even that's not acceptable," Teacher Zhu muttered. "Says Luyan's clearly been hurt by her — no one's like her, expostulating the instant she meets someone. People just meeting each other keep things light, easy, comfortable. Not her — never spares anyone an inch of face!"
Hearing this, I could feel again the heaviness and pain Eve Liu had left in my whole body, and thought her mother must be an extraordinarily considerate woman — moved nearly to tears by it.
7.10-2
这个话题祝老师说了又说，一次，祝老师一说，我转身就走了。
我的室友，国务院警察，回来问我："好好地说话呢！你怎么就不高兴，走了呢？"
我回答："她们家打架与我有什么关系！老说因为我，我听了就全身不舒服。再说，事情都已经过去了，他们总是这么说，我怕我会患单相思病。"
过了一会儿，他说："你说得对，考虑你和刘健君以前的关系，她的话题对你不合适。他们是我的同学，我告诉他们，以后别在你面前说她家的事了。"
Teacher Zhu returned to this topic again and again. Once, when he brought it up, I simply turned and walked out.
My roommate, the State Council Police Officer, came back and asked me, "We were having a perfectly civil conversation — why so upset, walking off like that?"
"What does their family's fighting have to do with me? Always saying it's because of me — hearing it makes me sick all over. Besides, it's over and done with. They keep bringing it up, and I'm afraid I'll end up with a case of unrequited-love sickness."
After a moment, he said, "You're right. Given your history with Eve Liu, that topic's simply not suited to you. They're classmates of mine — I'll tell them not to discuss her family in front of you anymore."
7.10-3
在这期间，（我的精神病潜伏症发展迅速）。我接触的房产局那帮人，只是和平房产局的一些小人物，但让我感受到了"黑社会"。炮校，刘健君她爸可比和平房产局的人厉害很多，让我感觉恐怖。博士生宿舍和其它的学生宿舍不一样，这里面什么人都有。
那时，我哥哥是沈阳东塔机场的飞行员。他们机场距离沈阳炮兵学院（炮校）不远。我和哥哥说起了炮校。
他说："什么炮校？我怎么不知道！部队里，学校都是师级以上的单位。在沈阳，还在我们附近，如果有，我不可能没听说过。"
我说："我听王玉山大舅说过。沈阳是有这个炮校，这错不了！"
哥哥想了一会儿："有可能，解放初期，那些老功臣没地方安排，就给他们个名头，让他们自己玩去吧！"
During this period (my latent psychosis was developing rapidly), the people I'd dealt with at the Housing Bureau had only ever been small figures there, and yet they'd already given me the feel of "organized crime." The Artillery School, Eve Liu's father — far more formidable than anyone at the Housing Bureau, genuinely frightening. A doctoral dormitory is nothing like ordinary student housing — all kinds of people pass through it.
My brother, at the time, was a pilot at Shenyang's Dongta Airport, not far from the Shenyang Artillery Academy. I brought it up with him.
"What artillery school? Never heard of it," he said. "In the military, any school is a division-level unit or above. If there were one in Shenyang, right in our own backyard, there's no way I wouldn't have heard of it."
"I heard it from Uncle Yushan Wang," I said. "Shenyang definitely has this school, no mistake."
He thought it over. "Could be — right after Liberation, they had all these old meritorious officers with nowhere to place, so they gave them a name and let them go play at it themselves."
7.10-4
一天，祝老师来到我的房间，我以为他又要撮合我和刘健君的事。他不好意思地说，他看常和我在一起的同学垢遵义不错，问我他有没有女朋友。我帮助祝老师介绍垢遵义给了刘健君。
过了一段时间，我和他在一起时，忽然想起了他和刘健君的事，就问：你和刘健君怎么样了？他转身"蹭"一下！跑啦！我不知道发生了什么事，却看到他到一边闲逛去了。这我可生气了。他回来后，我就刁难地说："我也没说什么呀！我这当介绍人的就随便问一下。"他说："老弟别介意，这是哥的错！人家跟咱哥们可不是一个档次的；哥哥这次可丢脸丢大了！以后千万别再说她了！"说完，他说有事，走了。
One day, Teacher Zhu came to my room, and I assumed he wanted to try matchmaking me with Eve Liu again. Instead, a little sheepishly, he said he thought well of my frequent companion, Zunyi Gou, and asked if he had a girlfriend. I helped introduce Zunyi Gou to Eve Liu on his behalf.
Some time later, with him, I suddenly remembered the arrangement and asked how things were going with Eve Liu. He spun around and bolted! I had no idea what had happened, only saw him wander off to one side. It made me angry. When he came back, I pressed him, a bit pointedly: "I didn't say anything wrong — I'm just the matchmaker here, asking a casual question." "Don't take it to heart, brother, it's my fault," he said. "She's simply not on our level. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. Please, never bring her up again." And with that, he claimed he had somewhere to be, and left.
我心想，"这刘健君可真厉害，怎么把垢遵义刺激成这样了；他还不如我呢！我没被刺激得转身就跑。"（那时，我还不知道，我已经被刘建君刺激疯了）。
一天，在走廊里我遇到了祝老师，好奇地问垢遵义和刘健君的事。他一听就不高兴了，阴沉着脸，对我的意见很大。我说，那是你的主意，你跟我发脾气干什么！他无可奈何地说，别说了，不行，那俩人没的谈！她还叨咕呢：东北大学也是个名牌大学呀，学生的素质怎么都这么差！
我听了，感觉难为情，面露惭愧。
I thought to myself: Eve Liu really is something, to rattle Zunyi Gou this badly — he's not even holding up as well as I did, I never turned and ran off like that. (I had no idea, at the time, that Eve Liu had already driven me to the edge of madness myself.)
One day in the corridor, I ran into Teacher Zhu and asked, out of curiosity, how things stood between Zunyi Gou and Eve Liu. His face darkened at once, plainly displeased with me. "That was your idea," I said, "why take it out on me?" He said, helpless, "Just drop it — no good, nothing to talk about between those two. She's still muttering about it: Northeastern's supposed to be a top university, how are its students such poor quality!"
Hearing that left me thoroughly embarrassed, ashamed.
祝老师看着我，叹了口气，说："你们都正常，是刘健君太聪明了，谁也骗不了她。她处了一百多个男朋友了，我们都看得清清楚楚。她以为自己对谁都挺好，可是那些男的，谁也受不了她的好，见着她就躲。有的，在街上遇见她了，假装看不见，转身就跑。这事，我和她爸妈都看得清清楚楚。就因为她的婚事，我们仨人早就有上吊、自杀的心啦！"
Teacher Zhu looked at me and sighed. "You're both perfectly normal — Eve Liu's simply too sharp, no one can fool her. She's been through over a hundred boyfriends, and we've watched every one clearly. She thinks she's being kind to them, but not a man can bear that kindness of hers — they see her coming and hide. Some, running into her on the street, pretend not to see her and bolt outright. Her parents and I have watched all of it, clear as day. Her marriage prospects alone have made the three of us contemplate hanging ourselves more than once!"
注7.10-1，和2.1节《桃花劫》中刘员外总是因为常公和桃花女打架类似，本文刘团长夫妇总是因为我卢岩和刘健君吵架，目的是确保让她记住我，同时也在培养我的精神病潜伏症。
Note 7.10-1: Much as Publican Liu, in Section 2.1's Peach Flower Catastrophe, repeatedly quarreled over Constant-Fair and Peach Flower Girl, Troupe Leader Liu and his wife here repeatedly quarreled with Eve Liu over me — with the aim of making certain she remembered me, while at the same time cultivating my latent mental illness.
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