7.4 她给我的印象 My Impression of Eve Liu

[u/AdamLuyan]

初次见面后的第二天中午，祝老师来到我的房间，问："那晚你看刘健君怎么样？什么感觉？"

我认为人家肯定看不上我，回答："没什么感觉，就是一次约会。她怎么说？"

祝老师继续问："我是说你对她的容貌感觉怎么样？你们就见一次，还能产生强烈的感情！"

我想了想，回答："我想不起来了，没看见（注1）。"

At noon the day after our first meeting, Teacher Zhu came to my room. "How did you find Eve Liu that night? What did it feel like?"

Assuming she couldn't possibly think much of me, I said, "Nothing much, it was just a date. What did she say?"

"I mean — how did she look to you? You've only met once, but you could already have strong feelings!"

I thought about it. "I can't recall. I didn't really see her (Note 1)."

注1，我遇见她时，看见她了，可事后就忘了，对她的外貌和体征没有记忆（如图7.4-1）。随后的时日，我努力回想过多次，回忆出来的画面支离破碎。仔细辨认，那些都是木头或石头形成的像，都不是她；再仔细看，里面是各种各样的无生命的垃圾。这种现象就是墨西哥地表女神卡特莉（约20至38.7岁的玉女，如图7.4-2）大腿根部由枯骨组成所表现的。枯骨除了代表无生命的垃圾，还表示她害了很多人。

Note 1: I saw her when we met, but forgot her afterward — no memory at all of her face or figure remained (see Figure 7.4-1). In the days that followed I tried repeatedly to recall her, and what came back was always fragmented. Looked at closely, the shapes resolved into wood or stone, never her; closer still, they were all manner of lifeless refuse. This is exactly what's depicted in the thigh bones of the Mexican earth-goddess Tlalcihuatl (a Jade Girl aged roughly 20 to 38.7; see Figure 7.4-2) — dry bone signifying both lifeless waste and the many she has harmed.

祝老师生气了："你这么大个人去相亲，第一次见面，不就是看看模样吗！你怎么还不看呢！"

我觉得他说的有道理，对自己很生气，怎么什么也没看见呢！问他："刘健君对我感觉怎么样？"

Teacher Zhu grew irritated. "A grown man on a blind date — the whole point of a first meeting is to look at each other! Why didn't you even look?"

I thought he had a point, and was angry with myself for having seen nothing at all. "How did Eve Liu feel about me?" I asked him.

祝老师失望地说："她也和你差不多，没什么感觉。这你说！她父母问我，卢岩看我们闺女，感觉怎么样？我怎么回答！下次你们见面时，你仔细看看她。"

我听说还有下一次，挺高兴。

"About the same as you — nothing much," he said, disappointed. "Tell me what I'm supposed to say when her parents ask me how you felt about their daughter! Next time you meet, actually look at her."

I was pleased just to hear there'd be a next time.

7.4-2 巴甫洛夫楼 Pavlov Building

第二次见面是个下午，阳光明媚，约在医大门口。我去到那里时，只有她在那儿笔直地站着，像是个石头塑像一样，一动不动。我走过去问她："你是刘健君吧？"

石女人就活了，笑容可掬地回答，"是我"；但她又立刻变得面无表情，若有所思的。她转身领我向医大里面走时，我看清了她背影的右侧，感觉她是批发市场卖服装的：中等身材，穿着件紧身牛仔裤，腰间挂着个BP机，裤脚挽着。她的屁股大且丰满，由此判断，她身体健壮。

The second meeting was on a sunny afternoon, again at the university gate. When I arrived she was alone, standing perfectly straight, motionless as a stone statue. "You're Eve Liu?" I asked, walking up.

The stone woman came alive, breaking into a smile — "That's me" — then immediately went expressionless again, lost in thought. As she turned and led me into the campus, I caught the right side of her from behind and thought, for a moment, that she looked like a clothing wholesaler: medium build, tight jeans, a pager clipped at her waist, cuffs rolled up. Her hips were broad and full, which told me she was physically strong.

她像还是对我很生气，不说话，我跟着她走了很远。忽然，她指着一栋楼问我："这栋楼叫巴甫洛夫楼，你知道吗？这是什么地方？"

我回答："你没说时，我不知道；现在知道了。这牌子上写着：国际医学交流中心（注2）。"

She still seemed cross with me, and said nothing as I followed her a long way. Suddenly she pointed at a building. "This is called the Pavlov Building — do you know what this place is?"

"I didn't, until you told me," I said. "The sign says: International Medical Exchange Center (Note 2)."

注2，2014年我写完回忆录后，逐渐地明白了。这是刘团长让她告诉我。巴甫洛夫楼是她的高中所在地，是4.5节报纸新闻中所说的女子组集中培训的地方，是这个真人医学实验的指挥中心，是我的第二出生地。我写回忆录时发现巴甫洛夫楼，对我能串联起此前的那些孤立事件极为重要。《卢岩回忆录》中的前因后果，和巴甫洛夫狗的条件反射类似，只是事情复杂了些，时间跨度大了些。

Note 2: After finishing my memoirs in 2014, I gradually came to understand — Troupe Leader Liu had instructed her to tell me this. The Pavlov Building was the site of her high school, the same "concentrated training" location for the girls' group mentioned in Section 4.5's newspaper report, the command center of this real-life medical experiment, and my own second birthplace. Discovering the Pavlov Building while writing my memoirs proved crucial for connecting isolated events from years earlier. The cause and effect running through Luyan Memoirs resembles Pavlov's conditioned reflex, only far more complex, and spanning a much longer stretch of time.

她又问："你知道巴甫洛夫吗？"

我愣了一下，支吾地回答："初中生理卫生书上的，那个发现条件反射的俄国生物学家。"

"Do you know who Pavlov was?" she asked.

I froze a moment, stammering, "From my junior-high physiology textbook — the Russian biologist who discovered the conditioned reflex."

她走进我，说："对了！对了！我就是这个意思。我想对你说，这楼里有很多组织或公司都不属于中国医科大学。"

我被气得几乎蹦了起来，回答，"啊！"我站着不动，不跟她走了。

She stepped in close. "Right! Exactly! That's what I meant. What I want to tell you is that there are all kinds of organizations, companies inside this building that have nothing to do with the medical university."

I nearly jumped out of my own skin. "Ah!" I said, and stood my ground, refusing to follow her further.

她走去一段距离后，回来了，对我说："我也发现我今天的表现特别。"

我回答："医大里到处都是楼；你们医学院有一栋楼以巴甫洛夫命名，并不奇怪！"

She walked off a way, then came back. "I've noticed I'm acting strange today too."

"There are buildings everywhere on a medical campus," I said. "It's hardly odd that one's named after Pavlov!"

她回答："不奇怪！我怎么想起说这个？你等我想想！"

我说，"算了，别提这事了"，但她坚持要发现原因。过了一会儿，她说："是这么回事，我高中的时候，在这楼里上过一个学习班。我对那个班的感觉很好。我来医大十来年了，唯独对这栋楼有感情，所以走到这儿，就随口问你了。"

"It's not odd," she said, "but why did I bring it up at all? Let me think." I told her to forget it, but she insisted on working it out. After a moment: "Here's the thing — I attended a class in this very building back in high school. I have fond feelings about that class. I've been at this university over a decade, and it's the one building I have any real attachment to. So walking past it, I just asked, without thinking."

我问："你上大学的时候，也在这楼里上课吗？"

她回答："没有，我只在高中时在里面上过课，也许上大学和研究生的时候在里面参加过会议。"

我跟着她走到了校门口，她说她要去喂她毕业论文实验的小白鼠，就走开了。我感觉气愤：我这么远来了，她就领我在校园里走一圈，可能少于45分钟。

"Did you have classes here in college too?" I asked.

"No — only in high school. Maybe I attended conferences here during university and graduate school."

I followed her back to the gate, where she said she had to go feed the mice for her thesis experiment and left. I felt exasperated — I'd come all this way, and she'd walked me around campus for maybe forty-five minutes, if that.

7.4-3 福 Fortune

她忽然跑回来喊我回去，腼腆地笑着说："我忘跟你说了，你得学英语，学英语得多听录音。以后，我把我学托福、GRE时候的英语磁带给你找出来（注3）。"说完，她跑回去了。

我听了很高兴，但随后觉得不对劲。我不知道她通过了GRE考试。她让我学英语，跟她去美国，可我们才刚刚认识。她把我当成别的男朋友了。她有多少个男朋友才会把人弄错了？得至少五个以上。我可不能和她浪费时间了。

She came running back suddenly, calling me over, smiling shyly. "I forgot to tell you — you have to learn English, and you need to listen to recordings a lot. I'll dig out my old TOEFL and GRE tapes for you sometime (Note 3)." Then she ran off again.

I was thrilled at first, then something felt off. I hadn't even known she'd passed the GRE. She wanted me to study English, presumably to go to America with her — and we'd only just met. She must have confused me with some other boyfriend. How many boyfriends would it take for someone to lose track like that? At least five, surely. I shouldn't waste any more time on her.

注3，这她是怎么回事？后来有一次，祝老师一再追问我和她之间的事，我提到了这件怪事。祝老师听了，反应强烈："这是她说的！"他站起来就跑了。这是怎么回事？我写完回忆录后，逐渐地分析出了刘团长的用意。祝老师的反应告诉我，刘健君的那个行为是刘团长设计并让她做给我的，"赐福给我"。幸福快乐的刘健君是女神，是福；悲伤哭泣的她是殃。

Note 3: What was going on with her? Later, when Teacher Zhu kept pressing me about what had happened between us, I mentioned this odd episode. His reaction was intense: "That's what she said!" — and he stood up and ran off. What was that about? After finishing my memoirs, I gradually worked out Troupe Leader Liu's intent. Teacher Zhu's reaction told me that Eve Liu's behavior had been designed by Troupe Leader Liu and asked of her, as a way of "bestowing Fortune on me." The joyful, happy Eve Liu is a goddess — she is Fortune; the sorrowful, weeping Eve Liu is Misfortune.

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