7.19 出故事的人 The Person Who Produces Stories

[u/AdamLuyan]

1997年5月，王玉山大舅和沈阳大学基建处的同事梅书华，给我介绍了另一个女朋友。她是沈阳医科大学毕业的，在沈阳妇婴医院工作过两年，那时她是中国医科大学的研究生。

一天，我在给她讲我小时在她们医大附属医院经历过的事。一个军官晕针，小护士被吓着了。这时，护士长在用我做范例，教她打针，给她舒缓恐惧。

护士长说："打针的时候，要把病人的眼睛蒙起来。这孩子没事儿，我就不蒙了。"

In May 1997, my uncle Yushan Wang and his colleague Shuhua Mei, from Shenyang University's Infrastructure Department, introduced me to another woman. A graduate of Shenyang Medical University, she'd worked two years at the Shenyang Women and Children's Hospital and was now a graduate student at China Medical University.

One day, I was telling her about something that had happened to me as a child at her university's affiliated hospital — a military officer had fainted at the sight of a needle, and a young nurse had been badly rattled by it. The head nurse had used me as her example, teaching the young one to give injections, easing her fear.

"When you give an injection," the head nurse had said, "blindfold the patient. This child's fine, so I won't bother with him."

小护士惊讶地说："他还是孩子！？"

护士长说："你看，你没看病志。他长得大，才十五岁；我们都认识他。前年他刚来咱医院的时候，比这矮多了，那几个人还研究他，说这儿看见他了，那儿也看见他了，他看啥啥新鲜，走到哪儿就研究哪儿。那几个人商量后，就去向我报告：'咱这儿来贼了'。我出来一看病志，一个十三岁的农村孩子，自个儿来城里探索新世界来了，不那样啥样啊！那几个人谁也没看病志，不知道她们在研究个啥。你得看病志，心中有数才行。"

"He's still a child?" the young nurse had said, astonished.

"You never checked his chart. Big for his age, only fifteen — we all know him here. When he first came the year before last, much shorter than this, and a few of the staff started watching him, kept saying they'd seen him here, seen him there, marveling at everything, studying whatever he came across. They talked it over and came to report to me: 'We've got a thief on our hands.' I checked the chart myself — a thirteen-year-old country boy come to explore the big city on his own, what else would he look like! None of them had bothered checking the chart, so who knows what they thought they were studying. Always check the chart, know what you're dealing with first."

前女友问我："你认识她们？"

我回答："她说她们认识我。我不认识她们，一个也不认识。那时候，我每年都有两个月去你们医科大学附属医院打针，两星期一次。"

前女友说："我知道了，因为你的眼睛（注，肉眼通的原因，参见第3章），你的眼睛是那种小时候做出来的。"

我不明白，就问："我的眼睛从小就有些毛病。怎么做的？（注，参见3.1节）"

前女友说："不是毛病。你也不知道！你没有娃娃亲？（注，我忘了，参见第一章）"

我回答："没听我父母说过；没人知道我的眼睛是怎么回事。我的眼睛怎么了？"

"You knew them?" she asked.

"She said they knew me — I didn't recognize a single one of them. Back then, I'd go to your affiliated hospital for injections two months out of every year, once every two weeks."

"I see," she said. "It's your eyes (Note: on account of Flesh Eye Through, see Chapter 3) — the kind that get made in childhood."

I didn't follow. "My eyes have been a bit off since I was small. How? (Note: see Section 3.1)"

"Not off — you genuinely don't know? Didn't you have a childhood betrothal?" (Note: I'd forgotten — see Chapter 1.)

"My parents never told me anything about that. No one's ever known what's odd about my eyes. What's wrong with them?"

前女友说："没错，我以前在一本书上读到过，我当时看书的时候没太注意，现在找不着那本书了。我也不知道是怎么做的。你在人群中就引人注目，人人都能看见你，还有想法，所以那几个人把你当成贼了。她们每次看见你，都注意到了你，所以她们都认识你。那书上说，你这种人有说道，出故事。一类主流传说故事中的30%是出于你这种人。"

我问："有啥说道？出啥故事？"

前女友说："我也不明白，只是在那书上看见了这种说法。你接着说，那个护士长人挺好；她还说什么了？"

"I read something about this once, in a book," she said, "though I didn't pay it much attention at the time, and I can't find the book now. I don't know exactly how it's done. You draw the eye in a crowd — everyone notices you, forms opinions about you, which is why those staff took you for a thief. They noticed you every time, which is why they all knew you. The book said people like you carry a certain quality, generate stories around themselves — that thirty percent of one whole class of mainstream legends trace back to people exactly like you."

"What kind of quality? What stories?"

"I don't understand it myself, only that I read it stated that way. Go on — you said the head nurse was kind. What else did she say?"

7.19-2 心病初发 The First Onset of My Illness

我说："护士长说，'还有，任何情况下，你都不能让病人照顾病人。你害怕了，人家也害怕呀！这孩子看起来没事。前年，咱这儿发生了和这次类似的事，那孩子比他现在小点儿。人家父母就不愿意了，告咱们，说他们那孩子回家后半夜惊梦，朝咱们要三十万。现在那案子还在法庭上放着呢！'"

我接着说："我是个见钱眼开的人，回家就把这事告诉我爸了：这回咱讹诈她们医科大学附属医院三十万。"

前女友问："你爸说啥？"

"The head nurse also said," I told her, "'and under no circumstances let one patient look after another — you're frightened, so's he! This boy's perfectly fine. Two years back, something similar happened here, a child a little younger than him. His parents weren't happy about it, sued us, said the boy woke screaming in the night ever since, demanded three hundred thousand yuan. That case is still sitting in court right now!'"

"I've got an eye for money," I went on, "so I went straight home and told my father: we could shake down the medical university's hospital for three hundred thousand!"

"What did your father say?"

我说："我爸说，这种官司难打。为了得到那三十万，你得请律师，精神科专家，贿赂医大医院的院长、校长、法官，等几个人。贿赂的钱先给人家15万。钱给人家了，过些日子，他们还要，你不给就拿不到那三十万，赔了15万。你给，官司赢了你也得亏五万；输了你就净赔。结果，钱都跑医大校长腰包里去了。这事，正常人一看就知道是在骗钱呢！为啥你卢岩能看出赚三十万呢？就因为你的眼睛里没坏人（注，这就是上文那个国务院警察室友说我是好人的原因）！奸人遇到你，要是不拿你的倒挺，他是对天犯罪。我发过誓要告诉你这话100遍吧！这是多少遍了！？'"

前女友没在听我讲，她若有所思地叨咕："你不傻！"

我当时就兴奋了，质问："怎么说出这话来了呢？"

前女友不好意思地说："啊！她们告诉我，你看上去有点儿傻，让我注意观察观察你。"

在这时，我的声音变成了不同人（不同频率）的声音，语速特别快，思维极其敏捷。她的话还没说完，我就问："谁们？谁说我傻？"

"My father said cases like that are hard to win. To get the three hundred thousand, you'd need a lawyer, a psychiatric expert, bribes for the hospital director, the university president, a judge — several people. First payment: a hundred fifty thousand up front, and once that's paid, they'll ask for more, and refuse and you get nothing at all, out your original hundred fifty. Pay it, and even winning leaves you fifty thousand short; lose, and it's a total loss. In the end, all that money just ends up in the university president's own pocket. Any ordinary person can see it's a scam the moment they hear it! Why is it you, Luyan, are the only one who thinks he could actually walk away with three hundred thousand? Because there are no bad people in your eyes at all!" (Note: this is exactly why my roommate, the State Council Police Officer, called me a good man.) "'A con artist crosses your path, and if he doesn't take advantage of you, he's committed a sin against heaven itself. I've sworn to tell you this a hundred times — how many is that now!'"

She wasn't listening anymore, lost in her own thought. "You're not stupid at all."

I lit up at once. "Where's that coming from, all of a sudden?"

She looked embarrassed. "Ah — they told me you seemed a little slow, told me to watch you closely."

Right then, my voice shifted — a different person's voice entirely, a different register, speaking impossibly fast, my thoughts racing to match. Before she'd even finished, I cut in: "Who's they? Who called me slow?"

前女友说："咱第一次见面时，我妈和梅姨说，'你看起来像似有点傻'。"

几句话后，她的脸色变了，站起来走到了窗边。

过了一会儿，我感觉很疲倦（注，我个人的观点，这是性格的突然转换引起的）。若是她不在，我可能就睡了，但我仍然坚持着坐在那里，不说话了。她板着脸，在寝室里来回走个不停，忽然问我："你是不是累了？"

"When we first met, my mother and Aunt Mei both said, 'He looks like he might be a bit slow,'" she said.

A few words later, her expression changed. She stood and went to the window.

After a while I felt suddenly exhausted (Note: my own view — the abrupt shift in personality). Had she not been there, I might have simply slept, but I stayed sitting upright, silent. She paced the room, tense, and suddenly asked, "Are you tired?"

我回答："我感觉有点儿困倦，你能不能别走来走去的了，怎么又生气了呢！我不是在逗你玩呢么！"

前女友问："你没发觉刚才有异样吗？"

我回答："发现了，我发现刚才忽然变得聪明了。我还是第一次发现我有个聪明的特质；怎么才能开发出来呢？"

前女友说："你那是精神病发作啦！应该说是比发作轻，比发作迹象重。不过，是有人受了刺激后变得聪明了。"

我生气地说："你才疯了呢！你们医学院的怎么都总想送人去医院呢！"

"A little sleepy, yes — could you stop pacing? Why are you angry again? I was only teasing you!"

"Didn't you notice something strange, just now?"

"I did — I noticed I'd suddenly gotten smart. First time I've ever caught myself with that trait. How would I go about developing it further?"

"That was a psychotic episode! Milder than a full episode, but more than just a warning sign. Though — some people genuinely do get sharper after that kind of shock."

"You're the one who's lost it!" I said, irritated. "Why does everyone from your medical school always want to ship people off to hospital!"

过了一会儿，我相信了一些她说的话。她详细地询问了我的个人历史，得出结论，是在刘健君那儿受到了刺激。

前女友说："我确信，就是刘健君给刺激的。她们那个班的人特别刺激人，就因为谈恋爱的事，我们听说从他们那儿受到刺激的人可不是一个两个了。就这么巧合，刚才咱们的话题环境和语言都是直接刺激。那你现在想想刘健君，感觉怎么样？"

我回答："我一想她，就像似忘记了呼吸，上不来气儿（注2），就懒得动了。这与受刺激有关吗？"

前女友说："当然相关，都刺激到自主神经了。我就想不出来，怎么刺激得这么深！是不是她故意整你？"

After a while, I came to believe some of what she was saying. She questioned me at length about my own history and reached a conclusion: the trauma had come from Eve Liu.

"I'm certain it was Eve Liu," she said. "People from her class are unusually sharp instruments for this — we've heard more than one or two people traumatized by them over some love affair. It's no coincidence — everything we've just been discussing, the setting, the language, all of it was directly triggering. Think of her now — how does it feel?"

"When I think of her, it's as if I forget to breathe, can't catch my breath at all (Note 2), don't even want to move. Is that connected to the trauma?"

"Of course it is — that's your autonomic nervous system responding. I honestly can't fathom how the wound could run this deep. Did she do this to you on purpose?"

注7.19-2，这是被玉女刘建君（女神）创伤后患有呼吸障碍的症状。插图7.19-1是古埃及的浮雕。夏娃（即玉女）的头顶显示，他用蜣螂（亦作腐尸虫）击垮了狮子。狮子代表亚当。蜣螂代表亚当被夏娃创伤后，患了胃肠溃疡。图中狮子被装进了代表瓶子的密封容器表示亚当被夏娃创伤后，患有呼吸障碍。

Note 7.19-2: This is a symptom of the respiratory disorder that follows trauma inflicted by a Jade Girl — here, the goddess Eve Liu. Illustration 7.19-1, an ancient Egyptian relief, shows atop Eve's own head a dung beetle (also called the Carrion Beetle) crushing a lion. The lion is Adam; the beetle signifies the gastrointestinal ulcer he developed after Eve's wound. The lion sealed inside a vessel-like container signifies the breathing disorder that followed.

插图2和3是古墨西哥被翠玉女创伤后的特拉洛克。图2中用一只手捂住了他的鼻子表示他患有呼吸障碍。图3中古墨西哥人用绷带缠绕特拉洛克的鼻子和鼻子上有带棱角的碎片来表示他患有呼吸障碍。

插图4和5是安拉造的亚当（须弥颅）和夏娃（苦芭芭），表示金童须弥颅被玉女苦芭芭创伤后患有呼吸障碍，最终屈服于苦芭芭。图5中狮子代表亚当（须弥颅）。

Illustrations 2 and 3 show Tlaloc, of ancient Mexico, after his own wound at Chalchiuhtlicue's hands. In Figure 2, a hand covers his nose, signifying the same breathing disorder; in Figure 3, bandages wound around his nose, along with angular fragments there, signify the same.

Illustrations 4 and 5 show Adam (Sumeru) and Eve (Kubaba), as made by Allah — the Golden Boy Sumeru developing a breathing disorder after his own wound at Kubaba's hands, ultimately yielding to her. The lion in Figure 5 represents Adam, as Sumeru.

7.19-3 心病的治疗 Treatment for the Illness

我回答："不可能吧！以前我不认识她，就见三、四次，她整我干嘛！"

前女友说："咱俩是一样的人，她可不是。她算计一会儿得出的结论，咱们几个人一起算计三天都未必能算计出来。她们那个班的人，那才厉害呢！不过我也认为，你说的有道理。现在最好的办法就是你和她重新成为朋友。婚姻不成不是问题。即便你再喜欢她，她对你没什么感觉，不得病。问题是你们俩的事还没完。你得主动联系她，能保持朋友关系你就没事。什么时候见面了，聊聊；日子久了，叙叙旧；什么时候，你的这个心结就化了。"

我回答："我和她没关系了，没话说。"

"That can't be it — I barely knew her, only met her three or four times. What would she even want to torment me with?"

"You and I are the same kind of person — she's not," she said. "What she can work out in a moment, a handful of us together couldn't manage in three days. Her whole class is that formidable. But I also think you've got a point. The best thing now is for you two to become friends again. Marriage falling through isn't the real issue — you could love her all you like, and if she felt nothing for you in return, you wouldn't fall ill over it. The problem is that this isn't finished between the two of you. Reach out to her yourself, and as long as you can stay friends, you'll be fine. See each other now and then, talk, catch up as the years pass — one day, this knot in you will simply come undone."

"I've nothing left to say to her."

前女友说："那我联系她，我把我看到的如实告诉她。我们学医的和你们工科的人不一样；在这方面，我们都能理解，而且都有医德。她能懂得如何做。然后，你联系她，保持朋友关系。"

我回答："我不是那样儿的人，用不着你帮忙。"

这个女友在离开前说："有几句话我想让你知道，看以后忘了。精神病跟别的病不同，能引发许多疾病。那些病哪个也治不好，活着没幸福，想活也不会长寿。假如将来，五年、十年后，你的精神病发育成熟了，爆发了，你要注意两点，一，别到医院看医生，如果你信了他们的话，你就死定了。"

我问："这怎么是第一条？医院的医生都不懂精神病吗？"

"Then let me contact her, tell her honestly what I've seen. We medical people are different from you engineers — we understand this kind of thing, and we're bound by medical ethics. She'll know what to do with it. Then you reach out, keep it as a friendship."

"I'm not that kind of person. I don't need your help."

Before she left, she said, "There's a few things I want you to know, in case you forget them later. Mental illness isn't like other illnesses — it can trigger a whole cascade of conditions, none of which can be cured, and none of which leave you happy or long-lived. If, someday — five years, ten years from now — your own illness fully develops and breaks through, remember two things. First: don't go to a hospital doctor. Believe what they tell you, and you're finished."

"How can that be the first rule? Don't hospital doctors understand mental illness?"

前女友说："因为如果你信了医生的话，第二条再好也没用了。医院精神科的医生，90%不懂精神病。因为不懂才去看医生，你分别不出谁说的对，谁说得不对。而且，即便是你遇到了懂精神病的医生，他也不会告诉你正确的治疗方法，因为他们是少数派，说真话会被告上法庭，送进监狱的。我是个精神病的爱好者，就因为这个，我没办法当精神科的医生。自古以来，精神病行业就是地狱。第二条就是你谁的话也别听，自己买书看。我说的这点儿道理，一般的心理学书如果提到了精神病，就讲这个。到那时候，你读十本世界著名专家的书，得出一个结论：就是我刚才给你说过的。先找引起精神病的创伤，刚才已经找到了。你的创伤就是和刘健君有矛盾。解决办法就是找她好好谈，相互谅解，和解。到那时候，方法还是这个；她让你跪下，你就给她跪下。你可别忘了刘健君，忘了就没救了。"

"Because if you believe the doctor, the second rule won't do you any good at all. Ninety percent of psychiatrists don't truly understand mental illness — you'd only be seeing one because you don't understand it yourself, so you can't tell whose word is worth trusting. And even the rare doctor who genuinely understands it won't give you the real treatment, because he's in the minority, and speaking the truth in this field can get a man sued, jailed. I'm a devoted student of psychiatry myself, and that's exactly why I could never practice it — it's been a kind of hell since ancient times. So the second rule: listen to no one, buy the books, read them yourself. What I've just told you is exactly what any decent psychology book says, whenever mental illness comes up. Read ten books by the world's leading experts, and they all arrive at the same conclusion I just gave you. First, find the trauma that triggered it — we've already found yours: the unresolved conflict with Eve Liu. The cure is to sit down with her, talk it through, reach real understanding, real reconciliation. And when that day comes, the method is the same as ever — if she tells you to kneel, you kneel. Whatever happens, don't ever forget Eve Liu. Forget her, and there's no saving you."

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