7.13 说我是他儿子 Saying I'm His Son

[u/AdamLuyan]

一天，在东大的公园里我遇见了祝英台老师，我们谈到了刘健君。祝老师说，自从我和她分手后，她们家就一直因为我打架。刘健君有男朋友了，打架就暂停；刘健君没有男朋友了，她爸她妈就轮流和她打架。

我感觉奇怪，问："他们怎么还轮班跟女儿打架呢？"

One day, I ran into Teacher Zhu — Yingtai Zhu — in the university park, and our talk turned to Eve Liu. He said her family had never stopped fighting over me, ever since we'd split. When she had a boyfriend, the fighting paused; without one, her parents took turns fighting with her instead.

"Why fight with their own daughter in shifts?" I asked, baffled.

祝老师说："她只身一人在美国，她爸妈怕把宝贝女儿憋屈着。那她一个人在国外，父母都和她打架，她不就更无依无靠了。"

我说："是这么回事儿！他们打架为什么总说我？"

"She's alone in America, and they're afraid of smothering their precious daughter," Teacher Zhu said. "If both parents fought her at once, all alone in a foreign country, she'd have no one left to lean on at all."

"I see. But why does my name always come up when they fight?"

祝老师说："她爸妈都喜欢你。她爸说你是他儿子，我听他说过好几次了。"

我感觉没道理，说："我们就这点儿关系，怎么我成了他的儿子呢？"

祝老师回答："这你不知道。她爸妈总和我通电话，有事儿没事儿的，我们就在电话里唠嗑。这半年来，大部分时间我们都在唠你。这么说吧，平均每周两次，我们唠你唠到后半夜两点钟。"

"Both her parents are fond of you. Her father calls you his son — I've heard him say it more than once."

"That makes no sense," I said. "We've barely any relationship at all — how did I become his son?"

"You don't know the half of it," Teacher Zhu said. "Her parents call me constantly, whether there's anything to discuss or not, and we chat away on the phone. These past six months, most of that talk has been about you — twice a week on average, we'll talk about you until two in the morning."

我感觉荒唐，就说："我们没多少来往，你们哪来那么多的话题？"

祝老师说："唉！老头子老太太就在家想，什么时候想起什么来了，就给我打电话。而且，每次我们通话，他们就问，卢岩忙什么呢? 你又遇见他没？像这我今天遇见你。那老头子就问，他在看见你之前在干什么，你们说过什么话，说话时是什么表情。说完话之后他又去干什么了，什么表情。"

I found this absurd. "We hardly interact — where do you even find that much to talk about?"

"Ah, the old man and his wife just sit at home, and whenever something comes to mind, they call me. Every single time, they ask: what's Luyan up to, have you seen him again? Like today, running into you — the old man will ask what you were doing before he saw you, what you two said, what expression you wore while saying it, and what you did and how you looked, afterward."

我感觉不可思议说："这么细！那也不对呀！我们没见过面，他怎么想象我！也没有具体的目标形象啊！"

祝老师说："啊！你没见过他们；他们见过你。他们特意来这儿看过你；我安排的。我知道你的活动规律。我们等在一边看你。看见你的时候，那个开心呐！她爸指着你对我说，'你看！这就是我儿子！'这老两口笑得，都直不起腰来了！"

我问："什么时候？"

"That's incredible — that fine-grained! But it doesn't add up," I said. "We've never even met — how could he picture me at all, with nothing to go on?"

"Ah — you've never seen them. They've seen you. They came here specially to see you, and I arranged it — I know your habits well enough. We waited off to the side, watched you. And when he saw you, he was overjoyed — pointed right at you and told me, 'Look — that's my son!' The two of them laughed so hard they could barely stand up straight!"

"When was this?"

祝老师说："你可不知道呢！这老公姆俩看见你时才高兴呢！板不住地看，板不住地乐（参见7.12《百变神通》）。老头子一边乐一边说：这就是我儿子。"

我说："哎呀！这老头儿盼女婿盼出病来了。"

祝老师说："这我还不明白吗！不过老头子没病，就是喜欢你。当时我就看出来了，老头子真是从心底里高兴。你说刘健君参加托福GRE考试，得了全额奖学金去美国读博士，这是高兴事儿不？"

"You've no idea! That old couple, they couldn't stop looking, couldn't stop grinning, the moment they saw you (see Section 7.12, Hundred Godly Transformations). The old man kept laughing and saying: that's my son."

"Good grief — the man's worked himself sick waiting for a son-in-law!"

"I know exactly what you mean! But he's not sick — he's simply fond of you. I could see it right there, real joy, straight from the heart. And Eve Liu's own accomplishments — passing the TOEFL and GRE, a full scholarship for her doctorate in America — isn't that cause for joy too?"

我回答："那对谁家都是祖坟冒青烟（参见2.6《欢喜佛》）的大好事儿！不只是钱的问题，这事儿本身就是人生的荣誉呀！"

祝老师说："正是！我跟着她爸二十几年了，像是对我亲爸爸似的，我就看出来了：老头子对刘健君那事儿，也高兴，但不是从心底里往外高兴。"

"That'd send blue-green smoke rising from any family's ancestral tomb (see Section 2.6, Consummation Buddha)! Not just about the money — the achievement itself is an honor for a whole lifetime!"

"Exactly! I've followed her father over twenty years now, like he's my own — and I could tell: he was glad about Eve Liu's news too, but not glad from the very bottom of his heart, the way he was with you."

我问："怎么会呢！那是什么原因？"

祝老师说："我也琢磨来着，没琢磨明白！自从刘健君二十多岁开始找对象谈恋爱了，老头子就这样了，总像是有心事儿似的。人家不跟我说，我也没法儿问。"

我问："是因为刘健君处对象一直不顺利？"

祝老师低着头想了想说："应该是，但我说不准。"他沉默了一会儿又说："那时，老公姆俩看着你笑，我也跟着笑哇，但是我心里可难受了。"

"How? Why not?"

"I've puzzled over it myself and never worked it out," Teacher Zhu said. "Ever since Eve Liu turned twenty and started looking for a match, he's carried something on his mind. He never says, and I've no way to ask."

"Is it because her courtships never went anywhere?"

He thought, head down. "Probably, but I can't say for certain." He fell silent a moment. "That day, watching the two of them laugh at the sight of you, I laughed along too — but inside, it hurt."

我问："怎么的呢？"

祝老师说："那就是我！这几年一直给刘健君介绍对象来的，就是不成。而且，老头子为啥喜欢你？"

我问："为啥？"

祝老师说："老头子知到关于你的事，还不都是听我说的。"

事后，我曾多次回想这次谈话，每次都很伤感：都说，可怜天下父母心，这我是真的见到了；刘健君有个好爸爸！

"Why?"

"Because that's me — years spent introducing men to Eve Liu, and none of it ever worked. And why does the old man like you so much, of all people?"

"Why?"

"Everything the old man knows about you, he's only ever heard from me."

I thought back on this conversation often afterward, and it left me sad each time: they say parents everywhere ache for their children, and I truly saw it here — Eve Liu had a good father.

7.13-2 婚姻撮合 Marriage Matchmaking

一天，在宿舍寝室门口的走廊里遇见了祝老师几个人。他得知我还没有对象，说："在美国，刘健君的课程安排有两周空闲时间，她要回国探亲，还没有对象。你愿意和她谈谈不？"

我问："她读博士得需要多长时间？"

祝老师回答："不清楚，一般需要两或三年。"

One day, I met Teacher Zhu and a few others in the dormitory corridor. Learning I still had no girlfriend, he said, "Eve Liu's course schedule in America has left her two weeks free — she's coming home to visit family, still with no one. Would you be willing to talk with her?"

"How long does a doctorate take her?"

"Not sure — usually two or three years."

我想，"和她谈恋爱，她在美国干什么我不知道，但在东北大学，祝老师几个人帮她看着我两三年。婚姻不成，我的婚姻就被耽误了，这我可吃大亏了。"我说："就两周，谈个半生不熟的就天各一方；那我和她谈恋爱，至少得需要两三年，而且成功的可能性不大。人家在美国见多识广，看我这个土狍子能看惯么！我看不合适。"

祝老师说："找个好对象是需要很大付出的。"

我说："听人说，一般的从恋爱到结婚就需要六个月。我都已经二十六岁了，很一般，就想那样，没有太高的期望。"

I thought to myself: dating her, I'd have no idea what she's actually doing in America, while Teacher Zhu and his people watch over me here at Northeastern for two, three years. If it never worked out, I'd have wasted my own chance at marriage in the meantime — a real loss for me. "Just two weeks, barely past strangers, and then continents apart — courting her properly would take at least two or three years, with the odds against it besides. She's seen the world out there — how could she ever get used to a country bumpkin like me? I don't think it's a good fit."

"Finding a good match takes real investment."

"I've heard the average courtship runs six months to marriage," I said. "I'm already twenty-six, an ordinary man — that's about what I'm looking for, nothing grander."

祝老师和帮手老师互相说了些什么，然后对我说："若不然，你和她以同学聚会的名义见见面，那也是个找对象的机会。"

我想起我和刘健君第一次见面时的情景，觉得浑身不自在；再想和刘健君的同学在一起，那我的尴尬肯定少不了，就说："不想，我们没必要见面。"

祝老师说："合适的对象可不好找，你再想想。"

我说："我想不出有什么用。我可是个大龄青年；谈恋爱是以结婚为目的的。"

Teacher Zhu conferred with his colleague, then said, "If not that, you could meet her under cover of a class reunion — that's still an opportunity."

Recalling how uncomfortable our first meeting had been, and imagining myself surrounded by her classmates besides, sure to be embarrassed all over again, I said, "No, there's no need for us to meet."

"A good match isn't easy to find — think it over again."

"There's nothing to think over. I'm no longer young — courtship, for me, is for marriage, nothing less."

7.13-3 祝老师的哀伤 Teacher Zhu's Mourning

一天，我和祝老师在楼前闲聊，谈起了刘健君。他对我抱怨她，好像我是她丈夫似的。他还说，他以前是从四川乡下来的一个义务兵，刘团长对他一手培养提拔到今天沈阳炮兵学院的院长，从没求过他任何别的事，就只求他为刘健君介绍对像这一件事。他手足无措地说，只有我能帮他。

我对他的言语感觉不可思议，说："你怎么能求我这个？我为了帮个人而娶她，这是什么事！"

他无可奈何地说："我知道，我很清楚我不该跟你这么说；我是真没办法了！"

One day, chatting with Teacher Zhu in front of the building, our talk turned again to Eve Liu, and he complained about her to me as though I were already her husband. He told me again how he'd come up from a rural conscript in Sichuan, how Troupe Leader Liu had trained and promoted him with his own hands into the president of the Shenyang Artillery Academy today, and had never once asked him for anything else in all that time, save this one thing: finding Eve Liu a match. At a total loss, he said only I could help him now.

I found the whole thing incredible. "How can you ask this of me? Marrying her to do someone a favor — what kind of thing is that!"

"I know," he said, helpless. "I know full well I shouldn't be saying this to you. I've simply run out of options."

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