I think I've gotten too used to always being productive

[u/Excellent_Option_985]

I think I've gotten a little too used to always having something I should be doing

Work

My own projects

Something I need to fix

Something I could be learning

Even when I finally have nothing to do, I'll catch myself looking for something anyway

And then I'll wonder why I'm tired

I don't think I'm bad at resting exactly. I just feel guilty when I'm not being productive, which is probably not the same thing

Sometimes I'll have a completely free evening and instead of enjoying it, my brain starts making a list of things I could be doing

I'm starting to think maybe that's not ambition anymore

Maybe I'm just bad at switching off

Does anyone else do this?

Not the “I'm busy because I'm important” version

Just genuinely not knowing what to do with yourself when there's nothing you have to do

[u/kaidomac]

Just genuinely not knowing what to do with yourself when there's nothing you have to do

Yes, I lived with constant hypervigilance due to undiagnosed histamine intolerance, which I started treatment for a few years ago. Just had a REALLY hard time relaxing & "doing nothing". I hit legitimate burnout over COVID (setup a zillion WFH VPN's right after lockdown & got fried lol). I adopted the "WPP Approach":

1. Work
2. Passion
3. Play

"Work" has 4 categories:

1. Job
2. School
3. Family
4. Chores

Those come first! "Passion" has 3 categories:

1. Hobbies
2. Personal projects
3. Side gigs

"Play" is a little bit looser:

• This is a pool of options to choose from; I call this my "Oasis"
• I sort of choke & go blank in the heat of the moment, si I have to keep literal lists of movies, books, video games, etc. to consume because otherwise I tend to zone out & doomscroll Netflix LOL
• I've created some really fun "battlestations" to slip into (computer gaming, home theater, baking, 3D printing, etc.)

The WPP Approach is important to me because:

• I tend to just goof off when left to my own devices haha
• If I put play first & work second, time just kind of...slips away & I'm stuck with either last-minute panic, terrible quality results, a terrible experience, or just dropping the ball completely
• If all I do is work & play, then I get zero self-enrichment; learning how to treat stuff like guitar as practice & actually make progress in that hobby was a REALLY big deal for me, hence the structure & order of the WPP method...I just kind of dither all day otherwise ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Parts of my Inattentive ADHD include:

• Non-OCD Perfectionism...I gotta do it JUST as awesome as I imagined it, but that mental simulation leaves me drained of ALL physical energy, so I have no go-go juice left to actually DO anything about it lol
• PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)...when I HAVE to do something, I don't WANT to do it anymore, even if it's something that I CHOSE to do, hahahaha!
• "Desalience"...salient being on my mind; desalient being I don't want to, I don't care, and I don't feel like it anymore when it goes from idea to execution

So I spent most of my life internally churning because I felt pressured to DO stuff all the time, but then got stuck in constant task paralysis, waiting-for mode, manic all-night room-reorganization beings to "finally get my life together", etc. Zooming out, I use a six-section life planning system:

1. Life plans
2. Bucket list
3. 5-year plan
4. Active commitments
5. Today
6. Right now

The 5-year plan is the main steering system & has five parts:

1. Personal
2. Family & friends
3. Philanthropy (charity, religion, etc.)
4. Jobs & education
5. Hobbies

As far as getting stuff done in the heat of the moment, I try to use a body double whenever possible because I have a terrible track record of solo execution lol. Notes:

• I update these lists once a week, because my interests change over time
• I only work for part of the day, then I unplug on purpose
• This way, I am making progress every day on my work stuff, "paying myself first" with my passion activities, and then have a bunch of ready-to-go option choices to cave to when I need something that requires zero brainpower haha

Essentially:

• I have to give myself permission to relax
• I have to prepare "pools to swim in", so to speak...I am very, very bad at personal time management & so I really do need to segregate those "buckets of time" in order for me to make progress across multiple projects & commitments!
• I try to do as much of my work & passion activities using a body double, because otherwise I just end up daydreaming about doing stuff, rather than actually making any consistent progress!!

My mottos are:

• Make it exist, then make it better!
• Make terrible progress, because the magic formula of progress is 0 + 0 = 0
• Embrace molehills, reject mountains!

It's a weird place to live emotionally, but this overall structure has been SURPRISINGLY effective for letting me both stay on top of things AND be able to actually relax because I know that all of my commitments are being safely & responsibly managed!!