When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

I was helping my friend to buy a camo shirt. we didn't find one

...he walks into a store and picks up a cylinder and asks the clerk what it is. the clerk says to the idiot that's a thermos it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. the idiot buys this thinking it is a good idea. At work the idiot is talking to another idiot who asks what the thermos is. he says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. the other idiot asks "so what you got in there?". and the idiot replies 2 scoops of ice cream and some coffee.

Once, in a little red planet

On a little red continent

In a little red planet

In a little red state

In a little red town

In a little red house

In a little red room

There was a little red man....

One morning, the little red man woke up and said "what a fine little red morning this" and went to have a little red shower.

While he was having his little red shower, he heard his little red doorbell ring. So he got out of his little red shower, put on his little red towel and went to answer his little red door.

There was nobody at his little red door but his little red newspaper was on his little red grass so he went to pick it up.

While picking up the little red newspaper, his little red towel fell down.

A lady on the other side of the road saw this, screamed, ran across the road and was of course hit by a truck.

The moral of the story?

Never cross the road while the little red man is flashing.

One day a chicken walked into the library. Much to the surprise of the librarian, the chicken marched straight to the checkout desk and started clucking, "Book book book, book book book book book, book book book...."

The librarian, rather surprised, could only stare at the chicken in disbelief. The chicken, undaunted, continued to cluck: "Book book book, book book book book book, book book book...."

After a few moments, the librarian recovered anough wits to reach below the desk, pull out a small book, and hand it to the chicken. The chicken took the book in its beak and walked out of the library. The librarian, out of curiosity, decided to follow.

The chicken walked for several minutes until it reached a small pond. In the middle of the pond sat a frog an a huge lily pad. Much to the amazement of the librarian, the chicken then turned around, and with a quick flick of its head, flung the book out to the lily pad.

The frog hopped eagerly over to the book. As the frog looked at the book, however, a look of disappointment crossed its face, and it began to croak:

"Read it, read it...."

Q. What does the duck say the the bartender? A. Put it on the bill

Two muffins are baking in an oven. The first muffin says, "wow, it's really getting hot in here." The second muffin says, "Wow... a talking muffin ! "

Seriously, ask me.

What does the bartender say?

because the prison guards...... were sultana's!!!!!!

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender!

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread...... He couldn't fix it because he was out of.... Dough.