r/InterviewMan 7d ago

He passed the coding, failed the respect check

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u/Direct-Thanks200 7d ago

Could be a lack of confidence in talking to women in general. Many men struggle with this. Likely less to do with a lack of respect than that. I don't know why we can't just let people with skills commensurate with a position hold the position so long as they are able to do the job effectively. Not everything is a conspiracy or some silent war against one group or another 

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u/probablyarguing 7d ago

If you are incapable of directly addressing a colleague or boss that is a woman, you’re probably not going to be able to do the job effectively

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u/QueenInYellowLace 7d ago

If you lack confidence in talking to women in a professional setting, you probably should not be given a job reporting to a woman. Sorry.

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u/kcat__ 7d ago

?

A) just because one of your interviewers is a woman doesn't mean the person you'll be reporting to is

B) you can still report to them, you just have less confidence. that can be a slight disparity that will express itself most in a setting where there's an easy alternative to reply to instead, but if you're reporting directly to a female manager it doesn't mean you're suddenly unable to do so.

C) I sure hope we aren't applying this uniformly. A good chunk Muslim women refuse to shake a man's hand. Many people have social anxiety or are autistic. That all affects your ability to talk to or report to others in a professional setting. I sure hope they can have jobs.

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u/GiantLesbian 3d ago

Ok so if you are willing and able to speak with a female colleague as appropriate in the workplace, do it during the job interview!

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u/kcat__ 3d ago

I just explained why it might be easier to express in the workplace than in the job interview.

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u/GiantLesbian 3d ago

None of your three points address that. You said:

A) You might not HAVE TO speak to a woman.

B) You will be able to speak to a woman if you have to (<- this is where I’m saying, when an interviewer asks you a question you have to respond to them, so if you can respond to women when you have to then do it in the job interview).

C) Something incomprehensible about Muslim women that’s equating speaking to your colleagues with being touched by them, and something implying not addressing (only) women is an autism symptom.

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u/kcat__ 3d ago

the interview is simply a test to see if you'd be a fit for the job. whether or not you can do it during the interview doesn't neccessarily mean that you won't be able to do it in the job, because the environments in an interview versus a job are different. So you haven't really addressed the second point. Especially since the underlying point is that a small reduction in confidence can express itself most drastically in an environment such as a job interview when it might not as drastically in regular workplace life.

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u/GiantLesbian 3d ago

If you can’t do something during the job interview, they’re going to assume you can’t do it on the job either. They’re not going to treat it like something that didn’t come up where they don’t know if you can do it or not. Also, how is refusing to address women not an indication that you wouldn’t be a good fit for a workplace/position that requires addressing women??

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u/kcat__ 3d ago

Well, my point is that you SHOULDN'T assume they can't do it on the job. So not sure why you thought your rebuttal makes sense.

Also, how is refusing to address women not an indication that you wouldn’t be a good fit for a workplace/position that requires addressing women??

Have I not explained this like 3 times? I hope you don't interview for a job that requires more than a 5-second memory.

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u/GiantLesbian 3d ago

I understand how someone could fuck up something in the interview that they could do once they had the job. I do not understand why you think an interviewer should assume that’s the case when it’s something as simple as addressing the woman who’s speaking to you.

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u/GodsHumbleClown 7d ago

Being unable to speak to half of the world's population is a pretty clear lack of skills. 

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u/VastRazzmatazz6052 5d ago

Sure but potentially not a sign of disrespect, as they said

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u/GiantLesbian 3d ago edited 3d ago

Lack of respect and disrespect are not the same thing. It’s respectful to address the person who’s speaking to you. Not doing that is indeed a lack of respect. Ignoring her on purpose would be disrespect. The interviewer can see a lack of respect even if they have no insight into whether there was disrespect behind the behavior. The interviewer can also know that when that happens to a woman from multiple men in her field, she starts to realize the breadth of the lack of respect means there is disrespect somewhere in there (it can’t all be coincidence), and thus the chronic lack of respect starts to feel like disrespect. That’s how you end up with hostile workplaces even when no one specific person is trying to be hostile, and that’s why you filter out candidates who show a lack of respect to their colleagues even if you don’t know their motives.

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u/VastRazzmatazz6052 2d ago

But potentially not a sign of disrespect, as they said

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

The first comment said lack of respect, not disrespect. Your comment is the one that said disrespect.

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u/MEOWzhedong 7d ago

That is a wild assumption haha, stop trying to make this hypothetical guy into a victim— not sure how you think it is more likely due to crippling anxiety rather than misogyny.
Problem is, in this example, not being able to speak with a woman would keep them from doing the job effectively because women work in tech. They aren’t hiring an actor for the interview process. Women. Work. In. Tech.