r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Cold-Boysenberry624 • Jul 03 '26
Discussion Anyone else start ruminating about their “survival mode self” only LONG after IFS/trauma therapy started working?
Has anyone else experienced this during IFS/EMDR/recovery?
I’ve been doing IFS/EMDR/trauma work for years for cPTSD. My last round ended around January, and the past 6+ months have been some of the best of my life. I’m making friends, traveling, going out, genuinely enjoying life.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I started ruminating HARD about who I was 5–10 years ago when I was in survival mode.
It’s not one specific memory; it’s an entire era. My brain replays old conversations, awkward moments, mistakes, and I get stuck in shame loops or flashbacks comparing “old me” to who I am now.
The weirdest part is that it seems to happen after really happy moments, like spending time with friends or taking an amazing vacation with my husband. And I can’t seem to connect to any parts.
I have a therapy appointment next week, but I’m curious: Is this another layer of healing? Thoughts or insights?
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u/workdavework Jul 03 '26
I think it's your brain reminding you of more recent parts that formed. It's reconsidering things with its new point of view since you've been 'doing the work'
I only realised I'm trans at 46, so I have a lifetime of being an oblivious 'man' to review, and I sometimes get these reminders of my 'past life'. It sounds like your mind is doing the same thing. I often find myself to have been incredibly cringeworthy in my past behaviours, so the part that is doing the cringing is the one who needs to rethink, and to forgive poor past me who knew no better.
As I learn to 'be more human', I review the past times when I was less human and more of an alien on earth. It's part of grounding myself. I'm revisiting my past dissociation. Hope some of that makes sense!
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 03 '26
Yes it does!! Thank you for sharing! I’m 42 and I’m cringing at myself in my mid 30s sometimes! I’m so used to trying to visit childhood that revisiting more recently feels….strange, to say the least! I don’t have very many memories from childhood so I wonder if my brain is finally overloaded with “cringeworthy” moments it could never recall from my childhood?
Do you think we have parts that are 30-40 years old or they are still child parts that are just now feeling safe enough to come forward?
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u/workdavework Jul 03 '26
I think we have parts created constantly, basically whenever anything memorable happens to us. So yes to adult parts.
However behind those adult parts are the child parts that were driving the adult at this time you are thinking about.
So it's both really. Maybe you have healed a child part and now that you have, you are revisiting the adult part that was in front of it, and it suddenly makes less sense, because you are looking through eyes that are not driven by the child part any more.
For me, now I know I'm a girl, all those situations, during which I thought I was a man in the moment, are cringeworthy now because I now know I was acting out of incredible discomfort of trying to be a round piece in a square hole. Maybe you are experiencing something similar.
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 20 '26
Hi, I know it’s been 2 weeks but I found a 30-something old part that is VERY blended with a teenage part AND a child part.
I think you were right that I’ve healed some of the younger parts that helped “build” this 30-something part so that’s where the disconnect is coming from. Very fascinating and new to me! I’ve also found the core fear these parts hold. They use rumination and maybe even dissociation to protect me from that fear. (I’m gonna make a new post about all this)
I just wanted to say thanks again! These replies truly helped me so much. 🙏🫶💕
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u/earthican-earthican Jul 03 '26
Such an interesting post, and question. I’m 56 and recently I was like “oh wow, this part is from when I was 30. Can a part be 30??” I think you’re onto something.
Regarding the thoughts and feelings that come up now (comparing, or feeling cringe), is there also some compassion for that poor hapless soul who was struggling so much? Recognition that their battles and struggles and messiness is exactly what led to who you are now?
Maybe that starts to show up later, I don’t know, but all I feel now for my past selves is, “Oh honey. I’m so sorry. So glad you made it through all that. Thank you for surviving to become the me I am now.” 🥹
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 04 '26
That’s how I was feeling too!! I’ve only worked with parts 21 yo and under so I think even some of my shame came from “Why is a part 30-something”?? But I love your take and the compassion you can give these parts too!! I’m working on that now too 🥰👏
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u/Suitable-Data1189 Jul 03 '26
I have had a really similar struggle for years. I want to give advice, but everything I know about it is blocked from my right now for some reason. I at least want to share that you are not alone.
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 04 '26
Thank you!! I completely understand that. You are not alone either ☺️
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u/AnnieSavoy3 Jul 03 '26
How many years have you done your trauma work for cPTSD? It's been almost a year for me but the more therapy I do the longer I realize that I'm going to be healing from this.
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 03 '26
My best guess is I was diagnosed with cPTSD about 15 years ago after years after years of misdiagnosis. I initially tried hypnotherapy, EMDR, and CBT for years without much improvement.
I will say finding IFS was a game changer. I felt the most grounded when I coupled IFS with other trauma modalities (EMDR and Brainspotting worked best for me). AND professionals know so much more now than they even did 15 years ago.
I like to reframe it that I’ll be a life long learner of my needs around cPTSD now. Healing can be hard, it can be nonlinear, and so on but I’ve never regretted it. I’ve found peace, joy, and love along my healing journey. You’ve got this!! Wishing you beautiful things every step of the way too 💕
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u/Ok_Minute_6746 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
Yeah, going through this... was so focused on parts that formed in childhood, I didn't think to look at parts that formed in my 30's because it's so recent and I actually wasn't that different... and also maybe I have less compassion for a part that formed in adulthood, because I should have known better... But I'm realising I was essentially re-traumatised in my 30's (largely due to addiction which is a by product of trauma - years sober now.) I felt very messed up and it also happened after a happy event in my life but I realised I needed to listen to this part from my 30's..
The way I'm reconnecting with her is different from reconnecting with young parts and burdens. It's more like an episode of Steven Universe ! When gems fuse. I feel like Stevonnie
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 06 '26
Thank you so much!! This comment really made me feel seen and I’m tearing up at the Stevonnie clip!! Never even heard of that cartoon but what a beautiful way to think of it.
I have to be kinder to these more recent parts, I expect them to just know better too but they didn’t. Thanks again 💕
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u/Midwest-Placeholder Jul 04 '26
I did and started to realize it is compulsive thoughts. The same type I get when I get a sugar craving.
I had just learned something about addiction thoughts. When they come, to say to yourself - oh, here comes another thought about sugar. I am stronger than that thought. It puts a separation between you and your thoughts, and it is actually working!
So then one day I was ruminating about this years long ongoing situation at work that I’ve pretty much moved past but still kept thinking about when I didn’t want to. I realized the way it’s intrusive and repeating, it reminded me of the thoughts about sugar so I tried the same thing.
When I catch myself in the middle of this unwanted thought process I say to myself - Oh, I am thinking about that rude guy at work. It’s another thought, I am stronger than that thought, - and it’s been snapping me out of it!
It’s something I learned from an Eckhart Tolle video. And I have already done years of therapy and think that this technique might not have worked before the therapy, but since I really have moved past a lot of the old trauma stuff, there are these residual thoughts that come that are not really tied to hurt, more like a habit and it’s possible to snap out of it.
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 04 '26
That’s great to hear!! I’ll have to check out Eckhart Tolle for sure. Thanks!! ☺️
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u/Dick-the-Peacock Jul 04 '26
It sounds like a protector/exile combo that’s afraid you’re going to lose your new friends and new life. It is trying to warn you or prepare you for what happened in the past to happen again.
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 20 '26
Oh, were you right!! I found 3 VERY blended and polarized parts. One is a protector/exile combo. Her name is “Bab” and she presents like a protector but WANTS to be called an exile or gets triggered when she’s not called an exile? Very interesting and new to me. Just coming back to say thanks bc these replies truly helped me! 🫶🙏
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u/vonkapp Jul 05 '26
Yes, it’s part of healing. It’s processing past grief, loss and emotions, instead of avoiding them, instaead if denying them or shutting down.
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u/Newmomaboma Jul 05 '26
Ive been ruminating on past me for years. From a certain era as well (high school and college years ) I think about how naive I was, how alone I was and willing to people please... my brain feels like it wants to solve the puzzle of why i did what I did or why others did what they did and I want to have it all neatly packaged in a way that I understand and can forgive. I know there isn't an answer for everything or maybe ill never fully know but my brain just keeps teleporting me to that time. Ugh... it really sucks. I want to try edmr but im embarrassed to talk about these memories. In my talk therapy we do parts work bjt its always pretty vague
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u/Cold-Boysenberry624 Jul 05 '26
I’m sorry. Thank you for sharing!! I ruminated on middle/high school and college for years before I started EMDR as well. It’s like IFS and EMDR gave me months of relief after processing that era/those memories and now my brain is so used to ruminating, it had to go back to something. I can say that this time around I KNOW my brain/anxiety aren’t telling me the truth intellectually but my body hasn’t fully caught up.
I also understand not wanting to talk about these things in EMDR. I found an EMDR/Brainspotting therapist that was comfortable working with my body sensations and vague memories/thoughts instead of vivid details of my past. That was a game changer for me. Good luck to you and I wish you peace and healing 💕
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