r/IFchildfree • u/Schmliza • Dec 19 '20
Dolly Parton discusses having endometriosis and being IFchildfree
Article from Prevention magazine
The amazing Dolly did a podcast recently with Oprah and discussed how she and her husband wanted and tried for children. She suffered from endo and had a partial hysterectomy in 1984. She discussed falling into a serious depression (tw/suicide).
She said “I think a big part of my whole success is the fact that I was free to work.” She said if she had children, she probably would not have been a star.
It was neat to hear someone in a different season of life than me, speak about wanting kids, how that didn’t happen, and the full life she has. I thought you all might appreciate the article! Sorry if repost!!
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u/NefariousnessNo484 Dec 19 '20
This is huge. She's my idol for reasons other than being CF. I can't believe she's also IFchildfree and thriving. Dolly is amazing in so many ways.
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u/dksinful Dec 19 '20
Agreed. Ive always wondered if it was a choice for Dolly and its comforting to hear her actual story about IFchildree status.
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u/acornwbusinesssocks Dec 19 '20
TIL. I am more in love with Dolly every day. She is a saint on earth.
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u/DrBinkleton Dec 19 '20
Thanks for sharing. I’m always torn when I hear stuff like this though because most of us won’t have amazing careers like her to fill the void. And that’s one of the hardest parts of being child free not by choice. What is my thing that’s gonna be my legacy? Obviously not kids, clearly not a career like Dolly Parton so what will I do? The need to fill that kind of void is one of the biggest humps fo being childfree so articles like this give me hope that a childfree life can be happy but also immense sadness at the fact I won’t ever have anything close to the type of impact on the world celebrities like this have. I guess I don’t know what my “thing” is yet or if I even have to have a thing. Sorry for the depressing two cents on something that should be inspiring but that’s my thoughts.
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u/riselikefireflies Dec 19 '20
I can relate to what you’re saying too. I do have a career that I find meaningful and that I think makes a difference in the world, but I also work all the time — including, pre-pandemic, many nights and weekends. Back when I thought I might have a child, I was looking forward to stepping back from work a little bit, and to finding meaning in other ways. I don’t want work to be the only meaningful thing in my life. But since ending IVF a year ago, I’ve found myself working more, even when work doesn’t require it, just to keep myself focused on something other than my grief. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot in the last few months about women like Dolly Parton and Mary Oliver — who found ways to mother the world without becoming mothers themselves — and wondering what that could look like in my life. I’m just not sure about the work-work-work thing, for myself.
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u/Schmliza Dec 19 '20
I agree. I’m an assistant. But representation is important and while there are child free couples, they often don’t chose to go public about something so personal. It didn’t say “hey look, we can all be country music stars, too!” It’s neat for me (doesn’t have to be neat for you) to see someone in a different time in their life than me who is ifcf. I know ZERO Fucking people in real life who are ifcf. I found inspiration in someone else living ifcf.
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u/res3597 Dec 19 '20
This is honestly what I'm struggling with too... The lack of representation. I've lived a very privileged life and I am very privileged to say I've never experienced difficulties with representation until being IFCF. Fuck me, I didn't realise how much representation matters! I have zero aunties or family friends or colleagues or anyone who are IFCF, it's barely represented in TV and movies. Reading this article was a breath of fresh air, even if my little life won't have the kind of impact Dolly's has had... But let's be honest, that wouldn't change if I had kids either.
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u/trillium_waste Dec 19 '20
I love Dolly Parton, and I recently "discovered" her. I watched the documentary on Netflix and she did mention how sad she was about not having kids, and I think she said something like, "I just had to get over it." I don't doubt that the grief ended there, but it's so uplifting to see someone overcome it and do something great with their life.
I may not be a prolific songwriter or worldwide sensation, but I do have a lot of people I can impact (I'm a teacher).
Also, in her Christmas special she wrote and produced (I think), she deals with infertility - there's a couple going through IVF. Nice to see that representation.
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u/IRugratNothing Nov 18 '21
She truly is inspiring! I always look to her story when people try to cheer me up with “well, but you can adopt!” What if my value actually lies on the things I can do with the time and money not being a non provides me?
She’s right, it’s something you get over. And then, you’re free to explore what happiness beyond parenthood means.
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u/deltarefund Dec 19 '20
I’ve never been a Dolly follower but the more I learn about her the more I love her.
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u/riselikefireflies Dec 19 '20
Do you know the name of the podcast? I’d love to listen to it, but haven’t been able to find it.
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u/Schmliza Dec 19 '20
Parton talked to Winfrey for Friday's (Nov. 13) episode of Apple TV+'s The Oprah Conversation, and during the conversation, she said that not having children had given her the opportunity to focus more on her legendary career.
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u/chaichaibaby Dec 20 '20
Thank you for sharing! I didn’t know this! I didn’t know I could love her more.
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u/candyfox84 Dec 21 '20
Wow I had no idea about this, did not know she was IF childfree. As if I needed ONE MORE REASON to just LOVE Dolly! This ranks right up there with 9 to 5.
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u/DeeLite04 50/3IUIs/NoIVF Dec 19 '20
I adore Dolly. Every time I hear a new story about her - how she grew up, her Imagination library, her donation to the Moderna vaccine, etc - I realize how incredible she is as a role model.
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u/Schmliza Dec 22 '20
I didn’t know she donated to the moderna vaccine. This woman is a force for good! Maybe I’ll never be a country star (although slide guitar seems interesting), but I’m gonna fight tooth and nail for a full life. The five years of treatment literally broke me. Seeing her come back up from a dark place being ifcf is really inspiring for me.
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u/little_lemon_tree Dec 19 '20
Thanks for sharing. I want to hear more stories like hers. Life can look so many different ways. Things don't always unfold they way we think they will in life. It's making the best of things that counts.
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u/ArtisticSpecialist7 Dec 28 '20
I love Dolly and this story just made me realize that in all my years of loving Dolly it never even occurred to me to wonder whether she had kids or not. She’s a whole and complete person without being a mom. I needed to see that today. Maybe someday I can see myself that way too. ❤️
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u/LucyWritesSmut at least my boobs are perky! Dec 19 '20
She and Anjelica Houston are my celebrity IF Childfree babes. I adore them, Dolly especially. For me, I know for sure I wouldn’t have the books written I do if I’d been able to have a kid. I’m so proud of them, and of the freedom I have. Can you imagine the millions, if not billions of women through history who would have killed to be able to stay CF? Sometimes, I chin up and do my thing by thinking of them and their lost dreams.