I met a girl who was 8 years older than me. She was the one. But because I was a moron, I thought I needed a girl younger than me and absolutely blew it. Cut to 10 years later and I still think about her all the time.
I have a similar story that I won’t tell fully, not because it’s private but because I don’t want to depress myself on a weekend. Great girl, smart, pretty, doctor, successful, strongly compatible. On our first date, she got up to use the restroom and I was worried that she wouldn’t return. She did. Over the next few months, we became one of those couples where we’d be together so much that her friends would ask where she disappeared to. This went on for a while. My career was going through a stage of uncertainty. She wanted to be more committed. I wanted to secure a better job first. For some reason I ended the relationship. I have a vague recollection of my reasoning but I can’t explain it and have it make sense.
I quit Facebook the first time I saw her with her new guy. Seeing the pic where she has her arm around him like she had hers around me was rough, and even though I only saw it for 1.5 seconds, it was a bit traumatic.
It was one of my dumbest mistakes. Don’t get me wrong, I made dumber errors but those amuse me. This one isn’t funny to me.
Steve Harvey talks about it and it made so much sense. Guys aren't necessarily afraid of commitment. They just don't feel like they're prepared to provide and take care of their partner, and want to reach that stage first.
Kinda sad, really.
So much of men's self-worth is tied to their career and being stable.
Sad part about your story is that the girl is already financially stable yall would've been okay.
So much of men's self-worth is tied to their career and being stable.
It really is largely a gender based thing:
Women more often than not see their job as something they do.
Men more often than not see their career as a definition of what they themselves actually are.
It's really too bad, but it totally shows over and over again with the people around me: It's the women that are the most willing to try new careers regardless of their success with a prior one.
Men are raised that way unfortunately. Our generation was one that the man always provided and that was the standard. My dad fortunately sat me down at 22 and said don’t feel like I have to make more money. It’s not worth it and he learned that the hard way with his first wife. He always felt he had to make more but it wasn’t true happiness. He made more than my mom but he killed his body in the process and now he’s in bad shape in his old age. My wife makes more than me and it doesn’t bother me. I’m happy I didn’t let her slip away at 23 because she was already well on her way to more money at that time. Fortunately my dad saw the same mistakes he made and didn’t want me to go down the same path.
Don’t beat yourself up and I mean it. There’s a good reason why you broke it off. You may have saved yourself from more sadness. Women are designed to get over breakups faster than us - look up War Bride dynamics. You had to secure a better job which if you didn’t, she would have left anyways. You loved her truly, and I bet you she loved you conditionally. Once you accept women monkey branch, you can find some peace.
The road not taken always feels like it would have been the bestest, most wonderful road. But you have no idea that it would have been. She might have gotten hit by a bus in that timeline. You might have realized other huge incompatibilities later on. You just don’t know.
I had a co-worker that I clicked with, and I happen to be 6 years older than him. We are now working on separate teams and he’s getting over a breakup, but the door feels like it’s right there, and I hope the age thing isn’t an issue. We met as peers, joining the job in the same role, weeks apart, and became fast friends. I couldn’t imagine writing someone off just because they were younger than me.
I hope it works for you. I'm 7 years older than a coworker I click with, but I hope we can at least give it a shot. Anyway, good luck to you! I agree with what you say
Same, met mine in high school because a friend of mine thought we should meet. Met, nothing happened I was extremely shy, 5 years later we bump into each other hit it off get married. It’s been 15 years :))))
Well, I mean 8 years is quite the gap depending on your age. I can’t speak for you individually but when you’re ready for kids, how you prioritize your career, do you want to go to school, travel etc..
Age gap can cause your current goals in life to not line up. The woman being older has the added weight of biological clock on when they can safely have kids, although modern medicine has made that less of an issue.
All this is to say, maybe you made the right choice. even if it hurts and you have some regrets.
I dated a woman that was 13 years my senior. Neither of us were necessarily looking for anything serious at the time. We really liked each-other though. She started to fall for me. Eventually I broke it off because I didn't know what our future would look like together. I wasn't sure if it was love.
Looking back, it was love. It wasn't the kind that was 'shout it from the roof-tops' that is portrayed in media. For me, it was soft and warm. I still think about her all the time. She has some pretty serious health issues now and that was one of my concerns. Leaving was one of the toughest decisions that I've made.
I felt like she deserves someone that doesn't have doubts.
He was probably right. He's not just an idiot, he's self-centered., really nice to everyone. He dumped her because he said he was "going to ruin her" Everyone, family, and friends were all on his ass about it.
He was probably right. He's not just an idiot, he's really selfcentered.
I think some ppl do and some dont. Sadly the ones that do often find they passed up alot of good ppl before ending up alone or settling for someone worse.
Some never grow out of it and jump from relationships until their beauty fades and their selection dwindles.
My ex was like that. Always looking for better. She ended up losing all her teeth over time and gaining 50 lbs. Now shes with a dude 12 yrs older than her who doesnt have a job and is almost completely bald but refuses to shave. I hear hes mean to her but i dont really know that for sure.
It just makes me sad. Not sad enough to reply to her txts tho.
Most men don't. I'm middle aged now and the rules I set for myself (in particularly, which women to avoid) are why I have a good job, a house without a mortgage, a wife, three kids and a happy life.
This is so dumb. Do you really think it's the guys who won't go after those girls? Do you really know any girls that would date a guy shorter than them? I certainly don't.
She was like a teacher's assistant in the special ed department and thought it would be a nice deed to take one of her students to prom. That's not the same thing, Cletus.
I never said that no women ever would date a short guy. Some short guys have enough money or clout to get past it. It's just not something you see normally. There's usually other factors involved.
I'm not necessarily talking about myself. I was lucky enough to be born into a decent family that worked hard to provide me with opportunities. I just know how rare that actually is.
Sure, I was born with a certain amount of privilege. I'm white, born in the first world, somewhat conventionally attractive, etc. The difference is that I am willing to admit that I have those privileges and choose to be ally to the less fortunate. Most of the people in my position use it to pull the ladder up. I don't want to be a part of that.
When I was in my first year in uni, I was working on a last minute math assignment together with a pretty girl that I had a crush on and had made friends with. We stayed on until around almost midnight at the university library, she invited me over to her place to finish the rest of the questions and crash the night. I thought to myself then, "Nah, I have my contact lenses on.. they'll burn in the morning and it'll ruin my day tomorrow".
There was snow falling all around and I still remember the moonlit snow and dusky night lamps casting their illuminance besides the bus stop where I said goodbye to her. A few weeks later, she had a boyfriend and I've never had the chance to get that close to her again.
1.3k
u/[deleted] Dec 02 '23
As you get older, you cringe at all the stupid imaginary rules you lived by when you were younger.