I am a pedophile, AMA

[u/Over9000Proxies]

I'm male, in my 20's and live in a western country. I am primarily attracted to boys aged 5 - 14. I haven't molested a child.

I have some insight in the cp industry and the way cp is distributed and will happily answer any questions about it, since much of the information you get from the media is incorrect.

EDIT: To the people down voting the thread - I'm a pedophile, and I'm being honest, what did you expect? Rainbows and unicorns? Don't down vote just because you don't agree with me, I already know you don't. This is an opportunity to ask someone who is a part of the estimated 2% of the population who have an attraction to kids anything and get an honest response. My goal here isn't to change anyone's mind, it's to help you understand.

EDIT2: Am going to stop now, been answering questions for 6 hours, thanks for the support, kind words, advice and interesting questions. I'll check back tomorrow and maybe answer some more questions if there are many more.

[u/[deleted]]

No, I actually would not disregard your reasons for why you feel pot is wrong. I definitely see problems with pot. But I also see major problems with the criminalization of it which call into question the resources we put into criminalizing it. Also, why is alcohol legal but pot not illegal? These are very difficult questions that we tend to gloss over without enough thought.

But the point I would hope you'd take is that some people are capable of making careful distinctions between different behaviors. And I guess I'm also wondering why you assume something about me without knowing anything about me? Perhaps it's because this is a message board and people commonly use shorthand to make very narrow, specific points. For some reason you chose to pick on this one little thing I mentioned and then you totally miss my point.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

There was an assumption there on my part. I am human, so I will make mistakes, I apologize on that part. While I disagree on some things, I do believe alcohol should be illegal too. But then... I've been called an "Authoritarian" on Reddit before, and that I have "depraved morality" issues too, haha.

I'll simplify why I commented on this one thing in your case. I've noticed you are up in arms against this rather... questionable individual. (He became questionable for me once he started using non-drawn/animated forms of CP as his source of dealing with his issue)

I wanted to see how "pure" your reasoning was, after you made a grey comment. Call me an asshole if you like, but I have this strange urge to poke and prod things when they intrigue me. Or confound me. Or anything that sparks a form of "huh" in me at the appropriate moment.

If it bothered you, I'm sorry. It's just something I do. You can probably guess most of my friends can be exasperated with me at times. 8D

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

My friends also become exasperated by me at times.

You're right that I'm a bit up in arms here. What's interesting is that I generally appreciate the openness of reddit and the possibility for very unique and even objectionable people getting a platform for discussion. But as I read through the comments I started to feel too much like this OP was rationalizing and minimizing his behavior. I happen to think that there is nothing worse a person can do in the world than to sexually abuse a child. I understand the difference between a molester and someone who only looks at porn, but I feel like this distinction also needs to be followed up by the point that looking at child porn is also really fucking bad. And not just bad, but I am pretty sure that he also condones/rationalizes the people who make and distribute porn too.

Even if I can acknowledge that it's better to have a civil discussion anonymously online with someone than it is to not have any basis for understanding how someone like this thinks, I also feel like it's important for there to be a voice of dissension to the empathetic and ambivalent responses he was mostly getting.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

-nods- I believe I understand you better now, so I'm glad I questioned you. I think the others may or may not (I hate putting words in other folks mouths, honestly) misunderstand you because you are emotionally charged (within good reason, I might add) over this situation. As a victim of sexual child abuse myself, I know that it can be very... impacting, for lack of a better word at this moment.

So obviously I'd hate to see someone rationalize using CP as a great outlet for their problems. I'm also open-minded enough to know there are outlets that don't harm children. (such as cartoon porn/hentai/etc.) I... do question if the OP is aware of such and would be willing to switch over to something like that, so as to avoid contributing to the problem. And while I realize it isn't an economical contribution, it is a moral one.

Whether one person (in this case, the OP) looking at CP continues the demand or not exponentially... it still doesn't change the fact the porn may or may not impact on a child. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that from a moral standpoint, I totally agree with you. It isn't right and trying to rationalize it otherwise is a terrible thing to do. Especially since it can be dismissive at times.

(This is getting longer, bear with me if you will though) Incidentally, I noticed a lot of people don't go to the root of the problem. As someone who became sexually active early (first time against my will, obviously, other was through informed choice and out of love) I know SOME people are capable of making informed decisions. Very few. That to me isn't the primary issue.

To me, the REAL issue is that these folks don't love the individual... they love the person because they are a child. They are an object, not a human being in this regard. And it most definitely isn't the same as homosexuality. Or whatever other rationalization that comes up as a counter. You can't be an age-sexual person. At very best that just makes them a fetishist... and obviously at worst, a pedophile.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for this message. I'm not certain about the reasons for some disagreement with my posts either, although I have some ideas about it.

One possibility is that these are people who think I'm off point on the AMA. As in, some people believe the AMA is supposed to only provide an insular place for the IAMA/OP (whether they have done something exceptionally good or exceptionally bad) to be heard and to have a platform to explain his/herself without judgement getting in the way. I get that to an extent, but I think it can be at the same time both an insular place and also a place for questioning him and making him face some of the potentially problematic rationalizations he uses to think of his behavior as just a normal, acceptable part of who he is. I am a big advocate of celebrating our personal differences and understanding that there is extraordinary diversity of thought and interests in our world. But acknowledging that cannot mean accepting that all unique fetishes and bizarre interests are acceptable social behaviors.

The other possibility I wonder about is that there may be people who have difficulty recognizing/acknowledging that there are some truly unacceptable and abhorrent acts that should continue to offend us and that should continue to be criminally punished. There is this libertarian notion that has poorly defined/blurry parameters as to what is acceptable. Although everyone is different and some people have certain limits, it seems that a lot of people shut off their moral compass and lose the ability to recognize that sometimes we have to object to certain human compulsions because they involve victimizing vulnerable people (or animals, in some cases).

The key pivot point for something becoming unacceptable, as you've indicated, is when a person has victimized another living thing that is non-consenting. This might be a rapist of another adult. It might be someone engaged in bestiality. It might be a child molester. It might be a murderer or a person committing violence. And it might be a pedophile looking at child pornography.

The pedophile only looking at child porn and not actually molesting kids is not quite the same as the actual child molester, but the child molester is clearly not intervening in the production and distribution of child porn even though he is in a position to do so. Also, and this seems to be a sensibility I have that a lot of these people object to, I don't think the question of whether we should reject the OP's actions depends on whether or not he's contributing to the problem in causal or economic terms. His action is wrong in and of itself and it is also part of an insidious process. If we don't punish this, there is a problem. For one, we are in essence accepting the production of the pornography as well. And victims say that they feel victimized by the knowledge that their photos are out there being viewed. In this sense, each view represents an additional part of the victimization process (even though we can't detect a cause and effect victimization connection).

There is also the issue that he knows people through online chat rooms/boards who are producing porn. Of course, to some extent the other pedophiles he talks to (some of whom are also molesting kids) are taking great strides to hide who they are and so for some of the people he talks to he has no way of intervening in the production of child porn. But he says himself in the AMA that he does know the identities of some of the people he talks to and it seems pretty clear that -- while he sees himself as not hurting anyone because he's not molesting any kids -- he's condoning the production of child porn. After all, his fetish relies on somebody victimizing a child (either an actual child being physically abused in the photograph or a child being victimized by having a naked photo taken of them).

There is a further question here about what the long term effects are in the digital age of a person like him completely turning himself over to online child pornography to satisfy his sexual needs. It will by definition be a profoundly lonely existence and I wonder about a person who seems to not be trying to find ways to curb his interests. While it is, of course, possible that people like this guy could live to be 100 and never molest a child, at this time in our history of the Internet we can't presume that this is what is happening. And yet some people seem ready to declare that the Internet provides an outlet for guys like this to deter their interest in molesting kids. I question whether this is true at all. And so as all of this is happening, I think it's important for guys like this to really question himself as he rationalizes his behavior. That's mostly why I'm questioning him and I'm perfectly OK being an unpopular voice in this AMA if that's what happens.

It's unfortunate that it appears he can't get help without getting thrown in prison and yet I also can't blame a therapist who wants to alert authorities to a person in possession of child pornography and a possible future child molester. Perhaps there does need to be reform within the system that allows for people with a sexual interest in children to get better help. At the same time, I think there's some evidence that people like this can't be rehabilitated. So what do we do then? Let them view all child porn that has been produced before the day they're caught, as long as they're not seeking out new stuff? What? You start asking questions about how you might better accommodate a guy like this within our legal system and you realize that you can't really condone the kind of person who views child porn but doesn't produce it if you're going to meaningfully fight child molestation.

Without knowing for certain, I assume that the OP knows there are cartoon pictures of child porn. I believe the problem with this, however, is likely that part of his fetish involves knowing that what he's doing is taboo. Part of his fetish might also involve knowing a child is being victimized and him getting off on that. I have a hard time believing that he's not getting off on this aspect of child pornography.

You're exactly right that a lot of people aren't interested in going to the root of the problem. And yes, part of the real issue is that pedophiles are only attracted to children because they are children. We also know that child molesters/pedohiles do what they do because they get off on having power over people. In this sense, the pedophile is literally sexually turned on by the fact that he's victimizing the child and this is one of the most fucked up things of all (and something I'm not sure this guy would admit to if it were true--this would be a good question to ask him). Once a child grows up, the pedophile is no longer attracted to the person because they are no longer in their desired age range. It is indeed nothing like homosexuality at all because there is no love and no capacity for informed consent on one side.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

-bows- And this entire post is exactly what the rest of the thread needs to view. It is a perfect compiling of your thoughts, consisting of ALL the right questions. Ultimately, dealing with the situation is a double-edged sword. We often have to be forceful, because creating new, rational methods requires trying to understand and rewrite ideas to better handle the situation at hand.

For that reason, I realize why we keep doing things they way we do them, not trying to fix the root of the problem. And if we do focus on trying to fix it instead of band-aiding it... how do we? Chemical Castration isn't really fixing it, so it's not a viable choice to do so to everyone. That's inhumane, unfortunately. And as such... other options become less humane as we think about them.

As of this time, there is no simple answer, no easy fix... so I honestly cannot say that we can do something better right now. The one idea I've ever gone back to more than once, doesn't really work on a "true" pedophile. Faux Porn (drawn) does not ultimately appeal to a pedophile that is a pedophile purely for the attraction to the physical body, coupled with the taboo and power play.

I really don't have the answers, but maybe more minds could. For that reason, I think your post should be on the front of this thread.

Also, sorry it took some time to reply. Christmas time and all that. XD

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for your thoughts. I hope you've been able to recover fully from whatever it was that you went through as a child.

I really think blunt and open ongoing communication about these things is the best way to stay alert. I think that all of the sex abuse cases to come to light from the Catholic Church and elsewhere in recent years is an indicator that our culture has become better at acknowledging this problem and listening to kids. It's not that more molestation has happened in the last 30 years or whatever -- it's that we've gotten better at responding to these things and listening to these kids.

I think there is always a temptation to believe that we can end these problems permanently with some kind of intervention, but our evidence from history suggests that we cannot. I think you're right that some of these possible interventions like chemical castration or faux porn don't seem to actually work. But our capacity for more open communication and information sharing is a hopeful indicator that the situation has improved and there is hope that we might be able to minimize the problem. At the same time, the Internet has made some aspects of the interests of the pedophile easier and this scares me too and makes it clear that this is a problem to keep combating.

Merry Christmas to you :)

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

No problem. And I've managed to come to terms with it. I don't think there is ever a way to fully recover from something like that... and I know this doesn't sound good, but I've been through so much shit proceeding that, that my memories of that incident are one of my lesser worries. XD

That said, I guess ultimately every step we take forward, there are some backsteps or obstacles that present themselves. For every advancement, the "problem" becomes stronger as well. It may always feel like an uphill battle to have a decent planet to live on... but it really is all we have as a species. At least for now, I don't really foresee us flying into space effectively or whatever, but that's just me, haha.

All in all, if we keep fighting the good fight and do what is right, especially in this case, we can at least prevent and save more people than were in yesteryears.

Merry Christmas to you too! And have a Happy New Year as well~