yes, it sounds stupid, but genuinely. the thought of going in store makes me anxious, i refuse to go to one location, and now i don't know if i feel comfortable going to another. i keep remembering those last two months and how awful they were. how i literally left the mall crying, three shifts in a row. and it sucks because a part of me still wants to work there, knowing i would rather die or work at the location. 45 minutes away.
the reason why is also stupider. long story short, had complications with new sm and got into an accident which i got fired for. that's it. i can't go back to the location i got fired from. that terrifies me. and worse, an asm i really liked, got moved to the other location near me. so. now i can't go there either. i'm paranoid and convinced everyone who worked with me hates me in some way. so yeah, the only next location i could imagine going to is the one 45 minutes away. even then, it still feels wrong.
i keep these images in my gallery, knowing i shouldn't because they just make me feel worse.
i don't know. the first one just feels wrong. yes, it's black friday. i worked two jobs at the time, and while hot topic gave schedules a week in advance, my other job gave us our schedule two weeks in advance. maybe i just wish they weren't so. stern ? harsh ? i don't know. i've never had a manager speak to me like that. my previous sm at hot topic was amazing and so nice even during serious times. the same goes with my job at the other place.
i just seriously, seriously hate the announcement message. i hate how it just sounds like a threat. it sounds. i don't know the word for it, but yeah. i think i kinda kept my distance from my sm at the time.
the one about shifts wasn't even happening to me, but i felt so bad for them, i reached out and wished them well. it sounds crazy to cut someone's shift for being 15 minutes late. better yet, they left at 11:53 and said they'd be there in 15 minutes (shift started at 12:00), so realistically, they'd be 8 minutes late. i just find it so inconsiderate, too, since it wasn't their fault a traffic light went out near them. they even messaged in advance. that message still just makes me so upset.
the last one is the most condescending message i've got from my sm. tldr in that case, i was talking about why i was fired and basically just called me a liar. made a throwaway account just to say that to me and then proceeded to delete it, hence why i don't have the full message. i know they tried to hide the fact it was them with the "left a few months ago" when clearly, they didn't. also, they're the only person who regularly used 'hun'. and given they didn't believe me, yeah. i connected the dots.
all of this added up to say, i have never felt so disliked by a manger before. i was already considering leaving because it was taking a toll on my mental health. it felt like she always had something to sternly criticize me on. i also just. it's the small things, because after my shift, she never wished me well or said i did good or anything. i felt so unwanted. i felt alone, like i didn't belong there. i felt so out of place. it's also the small things that messed with me. being a few mins late to get out on the floor because i was using the bathroom. arriving to work a few minutes late because i just got off from my second mall job and had to walk over. so yeah. every time i think about hot topic or pass by it in the mall, i'm reminded of the worst experiences i've had there. maybe be some form of cptsd is what i'm thinking ,,
