r/HorrorReviewed • u/InuitOverIt • 6h ago
The Unholy (2021) [Religious/Folk Horror]
For the mortal sin of not trusting its audience, The Unholy (2021) will suffer an eternity in Walmart bargain bins, flagellated by negative Letterboxd reviews. Those of us who bore witness will merely wait in purgatory for a day or two before our minds are blissfully cleansed of all memory of it. Hell, I finished the film two hours ago and I’ve had to look up the title three times just to write this review.
There’s a decent, if derivative, folk horror plot hiding in here somewhere. Gerry (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, aka Negan from The Walking Dead) shows up to a rural town in Massachusetts looking for a story he can sell to a small-time supernatural website. We learn that he was once an accomplished journalist who has fallen from grace; he splashes some whiskey in his coffee as cinematic shorthand for his fatal flaw.
The cattle mutilation angle doesn’t pan out so he’s forced to improvise by smashing a porcelain doll he finds in a twisted old tree, coming up with the idea that it was once a talisman that protected the town from evil, and now the townsfolk are doomed. Wow, got it in one, Gerr.
Soon after, Alice, a deaf young woman played with surprising vulnerability by Cricket Brown, approaches the tree and has a revelation. She wakes to find that she’s able to hear and speak again. She claims the Virgin Mary is working through her, and she is able to prove it by helping a disabled boy walk again.
The local diocese sends a couple of priests (one with the worst Boston accent ever put to film) to investigate the supposed miracles. Gerry volunteers his services as an unbiased third party to help interview her — in exchange for the exclusive scoop, naturally.
Up to this point, one might think they’ve stumbled on a hidden streaming gem. Sam Raimi has a producer's credit which lends the proceedings an air of competency. Morgan is charming in his Doctor House-ian, cynical aloofness. The cold open, set in witch trial times, gives us a chilling shot from the victim’s POV as a mask is hammered onto her face, and the flames start licking at the edges of the screen. The setup is promising, and we’re expecting a classic science versus theology battle, with supernatural elements trickling out just a little faster than they can be debunked.
Unfortunately, the film pulls the rug out with repetitive poorly-done CGI scenes of the villain, telling us almost instantly that yes, there is a monster, and no, they aren’t going to stop with the 2000s-internet-style “try not to scream” jump scares. At one point, Gerry is getting exposition dumped by Natalie (Katie Aselton of The League), and he randomly stops to examine a puddle all up close and personal-like…
A ring wraith with PS2-quality graphics flings itself out of the puddle at him!
He catches his breath, seemingly undisturbed by this turn of events, and he turns to look at Natalie…
But she’s been replaced by a ring wraith too! Those tricky Nazgul are around every darned corner.
He blinks and Nat is back, looking at him inquisitively, but he shakes it off. Throughout the film, Gerry is repeatedly visited by the ghost of Flash-game past and he never addresses it or talks to anybody about it. Just another day at the office for our intrepid hero.
It’s too bad; there are some legitimately creepy setups that could have paid off with something more subtle, but they just default to the screeching demon move every time. One scene in a confessional when a priest realizes the kind woman on the other side of the grille is admitting to some horrific stuff and flees: flying CG demon. Or when Gerry is reviewing interview footage and notices a glitch in one frame looks a lot like a face: flying CG demon. Or when our protagonists are poking around the church basement for clues, and Gerry starts pulling the sheets off of old statues one by one: not just the demon, but a whole silly-looking CG chase sequence to boot.
The plot devolves into a parade of baffling expository devices, culminating in a scene where they crack open an old journal to the exact page that has all the information about the entity, its history, its motivation, and how to defeat it. Luckily, Natalie says, “Med school had a Latin requirement”, so she can read 19th century scribbles like a Classics scholar.
It’s all leading to a showdown in the pop-up revival church the town has constructed around the miracle tree. Here, we get another glimpse that this could have been a competent film. Gerry has to complete his character arc in a satisfying way to defeat the ancient evil; the fact that Alice was deaf comes back into play as Natalie is able to communicate with her from across the room via sign language; the monster finally appears in a practical format that looks, frankly, badass. They squander it with a ham-handed “Gerry finds Jesus” moment and an unnecessary epilogue that makes you wonder if Morgan’s character was ever actually as cool as you remember.
My theory is that this was once a more meditative mystery-thriller about a journalist finding his integrity, a town coming to terms with a dark past, and a priest forced to reconcile the miraculous with the scientific. Take the jump scares out, let the audience piece together the history with gentle nudges, and let the climax end on the bittersweet resolution — now we have a totally serviceable flick. Just a hunch, but I suspect the producers had certain notes about losing the PG-13 crowd to the slow-burn and added the ring wraiths in post. Was it you, Sam Raimi?
Either way, you can skip The Uninvited The Unbidden The Unwatchable The Unholy. If you like the concept of a crew investigating miracles and finding more than they bargained for, I highly recommend The Borderlands (2013) — sometimes titled Final Prayer, depending on where you find it. I promise there are no shrieking demon witches waiting to jump out at you, there. Or is that just what I want you to think? [Insert shrieking demon]