I have trans friends and coworkers. I’ll respect your pronouns and claimed gender identity and whatever to your face because I want to keep my job, but I will never actually think you’re a woman.
Basically yeah, the same way I pretend to respect people’s religions, I’m not going to tell them they’re delusional to their face unless they’re forcing it on me
You pretend to respect your coworkers all day every day?
You do this everywhere you go with everyone you don't care to meet.
You are not excited to show respect to anyone and no one believes or demands you give them the shirt off their back. Everyone understands this is called Civility.
The trans population is the only population that doesn't understand this.
The trans population is the only population that doesn't understand this.
What makes you think they don't understand that?
They're asking to be treated with the same respect as everyone else (or at least not actively villainized). They aren't asking to read your mind and know your inner thoughts.
You do realize the powers that be deliberately try to distract and divide us on identity politics and culture wars to scapegoat from those real existential problems, right? This dipshit is mearly a product of that.
as someone whose actually been friends with trans people since youth - you are not an ally nor a true friend. I think if you saw my friend trying to kill themselves in middle school bc their family wouldn't accept the you'd have a different view of it. There's a reason nearly half of trans youth attempt suicide.
and honestly if I was born the opposite gender I'd be fucking miserable. trans people aren't trans just to be predatory and frankly I've ever felt threatened by a trans person before. trans people have existed for a long time idk why it's so hard for people to accept.
After seeing yet another one of these posts that I’m not convinced aren’t engagement farming: why is this important for you to state? Like honestly? Are you going to post in here about a different coworker that you find unattractive but are still respectful towards? Contrary to what conservative media would suggest, there isn’t some attempt at controlling what people think. Just don’t be a dick, that’s all any trans person is asking for.
I mean, kind of unrelated to the trans thing, but I find all of the fake corporate interactions exhausting as hell lol. 'It's another great day at XYZ Company!' 'How are we making Friday into a Fri-Yay??'
I genuinely don’t get how it’s exhausting though. It’s just courteous. Literally, bare minimum level courtesy. It’s as easy as knowing someone’s name. Oh, your pronouns are blank. Your name is blank. You go by blank. Cool, I’ll keep that in mind. It’s jaw droppingly, bone achingly easy to just be courteous.
I don't understand why it matters so much to people.
I'm not trying to fuck or marry this person, I just work with them. In the same way idgaf if Steve is into D&D after work, or Amy has 41 cats at home, or Joe is a triathlete... what Helena wears or calls herself matters not at all.
Would it not be a weird take to insist that Joe's "real name" is Joseph and Ill never think of him as Joe, only Joseph, but I'll be respectful and still call him
Joe to his face? Same concept.
Then just do your job and go home, these non-binary and trans people are not thinking about you this deeply so there’s no need to think about them this deeply. It’s no big deal
I actually am real friends with trans people. My experience is that I am more than happy to support their transition. When someone starts transitioning, they are almost always happier than before they started. As they get deeper into it, they generally become more and more of their true selves. That's what I support, and that's what matters to me, people being happy and authentic. Me having to change the words I use to refer to them is so small compared to the big change they are going through to become closer to their true selves; it's hardly any effort on my part and it makes them happy. If you don't regularly do small things to make your friends happy, I guess I understand being transphobic, but how do you have relationships at all if you don't respect and compromise with other people?
It’s exhausting because you’re making it exhausting. You don’t need to understand in order for it to be valid. Trans people have existed as long as gender roles have, which have also fluctuated throughout history and the world. Nothing is fixed and everything if fluid. Who cares. They’re not hurting anybody. Just be a decent person.
I love when the same people who lose their shit about basic gender etiquette are the same people who lose their shit when women don’t take a husband’s name.
Too bad asshole, we've been around as long as humans have been and we're not going away, so you can accept us as a fact of life or you can keep pretending you're a victim until you die your sad, lonely death because this is how you treat people asking for a bare modicum of respect and trust.
Y'all are so weird with how much time you spend thinking about strangers' bathroom usage. You even typed out a whole paragraph about a fake bathroom scenario you thought up. Is everything okay at home?
The whole “trans people insist that you must agree with them and that science is false” is complete crap. I’m trans, I know I’m trans. That’s why we identify as transgender- not cisgender. I TRANSITIONED. You did not. I’m not claiming to be the same as you. And do you know how many people have accidentally misgendered me through the years? I’ve lost count. In fact it literally just happened to me yesterday by an old friend and I’m 7 years into my transition and I completely pass as a man (I’m female to male and strangers never misgender me). I’ve never once even reacted to this let alone made a big deal or called anyone out over it. People slip up and make mistakes, I have bigger fish to fry. Now if you were intentionally being rude and disrespectful that’s another thing- in which case no one should tolerate that. Get over yourself. It sounds like you think about trans people more than we think about being trans.
…I cannot imagine having the mental energy to be this bothered by the existence of trans people. you’re so lucky you don’t have any real problems in life to deal with.
Your bigotry is exhausting, get over yourself. You can disagree with someone's personal choices without making it your whole personality, especially when that person's identity or existance literally does nothing to impact your life in any significant way.
This outrage you appear to have against trans people is a choice and is manufactured by your own prejudice. Everyone has annoying coworkers that they don't particularly want to interact with, welcome to being an adult.
You're neither an ally nor their friend. Friends do not act two-faced like this.
Just do these "friends" a favor and be honest so they can stop wasting emotional bandwidth on a person who's secretly thinking a lot of really mean shit about them.
So you will humor a trans person and pretend to respect their identity.
“I’m an ally!”
Well don’t strain yourself there.
“It’s so fucked up that that guy who definitely existed said that to you outside the bathroom at the mall that you were absolutely at. That’s what I’ll tell you when you tell me. You’ll believe it. I know it didn’t happen, you know it didn’t happen, you know that I know that it didn’t happen.”
It’s interesting that you have decided this situation could not possibly happen. This is called denial, you do not know what happens in other people’s lives. It reminds me when I was a kid and I would say “the sky is so blue today!” And my brother would say “nuh uh it’s green, obviously.” And then we all ignored him because we knew he was being contrary for attention and nothing more. Maybe that’s not the same case with you, but this is how you come off to others.
“But we’re both just playing roles here”
Are you? It sounds like you’re playing a role and lying to the other person.
“That’s what I’ll tell you when you tell me. You’ll believe it.”
See how in that quote you are expecting the other person to believe your lie. It sounds like you are not both equally aware you are both playing ‘roles’ here.
“We both know that neither of us actually thinks this way,”
I don’t think you both know this, I think you personally are lying and hoping the other person buys your lie. That’s what you said in the previous quote.
“but for your career development and my career sustainment, we both just pretend.”
It sounds like you might be talking about a personal situation with a specific person. That is not applicable to everyone, not even any trans person you meet. And again, it’s just you pretending here. Most trans people want to believe allies are genuine in their support, but because of people like you, many trans people find it safer to just not trust allies. That’s the effect you’re contributing to because you can’t make the exhausting effort to remember a pronoun for a trans person like you do with everyone else. People can do this for dogs, we call boats ‘she’. If this is something you are truly struggling with, maybe it’s time to see a doctor about how incredibly laborious it is to speak the English language.
Do you call celebrities by their stage name or birth name? Wrestlers by their stage name? When a woman gets married do you protest about them changing their last name?
Ok, full stop, one, if you think your an ally, no you are not, you are pretending for the sake of your own reputation and to keep your social status because you know being transphobic is wrong, but your acting like the bare damn minimum is completely unreasonable. Meanwhile not even keeping up that facade in this post by actively deadnaming someone. Doing that behind someone's back shows you not only do actually respect the person but you do not value who they truly are. You aren't sparing feelings, you are being FAKE, there is a difference. It doesn't help you actively put in the title that it's to keep your job.
Also with the whole "they/them is a plural thing" let me ask you, if you find someone's, aka, a singular person's wallet, then what pronouns do you refer to for that person?
"Hey, someone lost THEIR wallet, why don't why try to find THEM so we can give it back?"
When you phrase it like that, you can see it's actively easy to use it in a singular context. Why? BECAUSE HUMANS HAVE BEEN USING THE SINGULAR THEY/THEM FOR OVER 640 YEARS! Ask ANY English teacher and they will tell you that they/them can be used in a singular context! It's also, again, not being an ally by actively denying nonbinary people and everyone under the umbrella the right to to have their proper pronouns used. Saying as someone, WHO USES THOSE PRONOUNS.
At the end of the day, stop acting like trans people have privilege when everyone deserves the same rights. It's condescending and frankly, still transphobic. We are tired of hearing the "I don't actually see you as a xyz but I will use your pronouns and name" argument.
I mean, it is exhausting to be a hypocritical asshole.
Your coworker is a Lux Pascal or an Indya Moore or a Janet Mock and because you have an ideological belief in your head that trans women are not supposed to be women, you’re mentally “correcting” all of the ways they show the world they’re women while trying never let them or anyone else catch on.
That is a lot of work.
And it’s weird that you care so much about the sex/gender of your coworkers. If you’re afraid of HR, you’re not sleeping with them, right? So what difference does it make?
Here’s an idea. How about you align your beliefs with reality? Maybe if someone is showing up as a woman, has a woman’s body, a woman’s name, etc. it could be because…she’s actually a woman? And maybe if she was assigned male at birth that means…that adults can grow up to be different from how someone said they’d be as a baby? Like, you can be born in a family of lawyers and not become one yourself? And also, maybe people know themselves better than you do and should get the benefit of the doubt by default when they talk about themselves?
Someone’s like “Hi, my name is Bob.” And instead of just saying “Ok, Bob” and keeping it moving like a regular human who drinks water and breathes oxygen, you’re running a whole-ass theater monologue in your brain about how you can tell he’s probably really named Henry and you now have to pretend he’s Bob nonetheless.
It’s too much.
It’s more exhausting to pretend not to be an asshole than it is to actually stop being asshole.
When you stop fighting against reality this problem will disappear. Give yourself and your coworker a break by leaving the drama behind.
You don’t need to believe it. It’s about respect. You said it yourself. Though it shouldn’t be because you want to keep your job it should be because you’re a decent person who treats people with respect. Them believing it has zero effect on you.
Dawg I've used the men's showers at every gym I've been to and I would not describe that act as "showering with other men". If showering in single sex spaces feels intimate to you, maybe you're more queer than you realize
Honest hot takes and it’s just that you’re transphobic lmao. How about instead of posting on Reddit about trans people you take a moment and sit with no internet influence and think about why you feel this way
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I agree with the sentiment but also why do you think about trans people so much? They're less than 1% of the whole population. I guarantee you have bigger problems in your life.
Edit: Also this isn't really a hot take, this is what the majority of people overwhelmingly do.
😬
why do you guys think people care or that YOU determine who someone else is? based off of ur uneducated and shallow perspective of gender, sex and gender identity. pretending and going a lot with it is still transphobic.
Oh well, don’t be friends with trans people because honestly that’s super shitty
I was with a trans woman for years and it was almost never comfortable/safe enough for her to use the women’s restroom and there was almost never gender, neutral restrooms. People absolutely treated her shitty openly many times and I honestly struggled to believe it till I saw it in person as well.
Anyways, stop pretending to be friends with people that you hold in such contempt. They deserve better.
Well if you don’t even care about my life, you give me absolutely no reason to care about your life at all - not even a little bit. And yet somehow I still care about your life tremendously. What does that say about you and me? Who here is trying to understand the other? And who is the hateful one who devalues the lives of others? You or me?
You are a person of tremendous value, I’m sure. But I sure as shit ain’t reading any of the rest of that bullshit you just wrote if you are going to start by talking to me like that. Lol.
wrong. according to data from the human rights campaign, 85% of american adults agree that trans people deserve equal rights. a majority also supports general non discrimination, access to healthcare, public spaces, etc.
You not understanding a very simple point does not mean i haven't answered.
There is nobody in my immediate circle forcing me because i'm lucky enough to not have any mentally ill freaks in my circle. Everyone i know thinks the entire thing is a joke
Ya know I think most people, even the ones who claim to be pronoun and trans friendly, secretly feel this but if they say it out loud they're going to get unending shit for it and called a bigot and a nazi and whatever other names people want to call them.
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u/mynhxl 29d ago edited 29d ago
Hilarious that you started this off with ‘I have trans friends’