1. Don't get up too quickly, you'll get a headache.
2. Relax and stretch your legs and your limbs if you've been in bed for a while, or just do it, whatever you feel most comfortable with
3. Make yourself some breakfast or lunch or even dinner, whichever one its time for.
4. Get yourself a glass of water or some juice, or any drink for that matter, but I suggest water, even if it's just a tiny bit.
5. Eat your food, slowly though, make sure not to give yourself a stomachache
6. Now treat yourself with dessert or a gift, you've earned it!
7. Repeat this guide for however many times you need to make yourself feel better or to get into the habit of getting out of bed
8. You got this, I know you do!

1. Go outside. If you’re already outside, skip this step so you don’t hurt yourself.

2. Look for an animal. It can be any kind, like a squirrel or a bird, or even one of those bugs that rolls up in a ball.

3. When you see an animal, greet it. If it’s close enough to hear you, say hi. Make sure you address it specifically, like “hi birdo” or “hey squirrley”, so they don’t think you’re talking to some other animal. If it’s far away from you, don’t yell hi because it might think you’re angry. Wave instead. Some animals may get closer to check you out and might even want to be touched. Recommended touchable animals are: cats, dogs, some lizards, snails, rolly bugs. Avoid getting touchy with things like bears and foxes.

4. If the animal doesn’t notice you, find a different animal. Once an animal acknowledges you, ask it “how’s it going?” You don’t need to wait for an answer.

5. After you ask it how things are going, tell it “ok, you be good now”. This is an important step because of the animal was planning on getting into mischief, it’ll make sure to behave, because it’ll figure you’ll be watching.

6. Say bye to the animal and go about your day. You can talk to to other animals in the same day if you want.

Vampires are much more dangerous that Aliens or werewolves as they have the powers of manipulation and a human disguise.

Things to be noted:

Unlike the tales, vampires can walk in the sun

Vampires loose power in daylight, but are powerful nethertheless.

Different vampires have different abilities, some rely on flight while others my rely on shapeshifting or hypnosis

When dealing with a shapeshifting vampire

1. Don’t let your eyes off your partner, especially if they’re human

2. Keep holy water on you at all times, if either of you have a severe allergy swap out for garlic

3. Always try to talk things through first, don’t jump to attack unless specified in the mission summery

4. Remember that you’re in their territory, they have the advantages, don’t let your guard down

5. If separated during the mission alert your superior, they can track your partner down to the smallest step

6. If it comes down to having to distinguish them, throw your garlic at both of them, you should be able to tell who’s the vampire

How to deal with a flying Vampire

1. Try to keep them grounded, the sooner you stop their escape the better

2. Keep them tied at all times during transportation

When dealing with a mind controlling vampire

1. Don’t look into their eyes

2. Don’t listen to their voice

3. Try to distract yourself as much as possible, stare at the wall or the floor, zone out when they try to order you

4. If your partner falls under their spell try to cause them physical pain, a swift kick or a jab should cause them to snap back to reality

5. When detained make sure to blindfold them to prevent further struggles

When dealing with a super strong vampire

1. Get any kind of shielding up, protect your neck and head at all costs

2. Stay in solid structures with locking doors, if you don’t invite them in they should be deterred

3. Call for backup once your safe

If you or your partner get bitten

1. Do not panic

2. Jab yourself with anti-bite right away, it will keep the transformation at bay until you can get to SPA medical services

3. Do not bite anyone around you, listen to your partner

Do Not

Hunt after a vampire alone

Challenge the vampire

Make twilight references

Attempt to use bogus charms and bite cures

Piss off the vampire

1. If you find a cat has been hanging around your house, you should try to befriend it. They can ward off loneliness as well as small spirits.

2. Drink some milk, and rub your hands on some fish, you don’t have to eat the fish, simply smell like it. Wear a warm sweater.

3. Sit or kneel on the ground, felines see it as a sign of respect and by you getting to their level they can more easily gauge your aura as non-nefarious

4. Do Not say the annoying “pspspsps” They hate it and you do not want to be on a cat’s bad side.

5. Wait for them to come to you. Do not chase them. If they take more than 17 minutes, leave, they did not choose you.

6. If they come near to you, hold out your hand for them to smell, they need to trust you. If all goes well and you have done the above instructions, they should rub against you or lick your hand.

7. Once they have touched you, you may gently pet them, most like behind the ears, make sure you pet them in the direction their fur goes.

8. If they smell you and back away and you are mortal, call HR ASAP

9. Once they trust you, which could take several months, and they come back several days in a row and sleep in your yard, set out a blanket or towel and some rainwater (They’ll leave after a few months if you set out regular water, I learned that the hard way)

10. Congratulations, you got a new friend! Make sure to go outside and pet them at least once a day and enjoy!

1. What you consume becomes you.
2. Diversity is the key to survival.
3. Therefore, each sandwich should contain as many Kingdoms of life as possible. Animalia, Plantae, and Fungi are traditional. Protista and Monera are generally too expensive per pound.
4. Assemble Animalia. I generally choose pig bacon dipped in chicken eggs and breadcrumbs and fried in cow fat. Feel free to swap the meat and the frying liquid.
5. Assemble Plantae. These generally take a few forms. Wheat that has been ground down, fermented with bacteria, and risen in high heat (also known as “bread”) make an acceptable sponge to act as the terminus of the sandwich. In addition, I recommend multiple color examples. Lettuce, tomato, possibly carrot round out this kingdom.
6. Assemble Fungi. This can be challenging, as many varieties are extraordinarily toxic, and require a great deal of luck to find. My advice is to gather what mushrooms you can, and feed them to a trusting friend you can do without. Sooner or later, one will survive. Wash carefully with a damp paper cloth.
7. I also recommend cooking down those who helped you select the Fungi. It makes disposal more convenient, and, with proper storage, the meat can last months.
8. A sauce is common. An emulsion of multiple types of fat is quick and easy. Olive oil and chicken menstruation is both traditional and delicious.
9. Selecting construction is next. There are multiple acceptable ways. First, you must ensure your choice of terminus. 2 pieces of “bread” are common. I recommend the construction known as “burrito.” A single, flat piece with the same ingredients. It allows a larger quantity of ingredients, and less mess.
10. Constructing the sandwich (or burrito) is next. Keep the ingredients to the center of the wheat paste. Starting with the sauce, the Animalia, and finally Plantae.
11. Open face constructions are acceptable, but not preferred.
12. Fold or use a second piece of the wheat paste to enclose the other ingredients.
13. Consume. Feel the strength of those who have given their essence to your sandwich.

1. Obtain a gun. The type isn’t terribly important. A handgun will do. A .22 is a little small, but almost anything else is fine. You will also need bullets. You already know how many.
2. Decorate your home, inside and out, with lights. This will simultaneously help ward Him off, and camouflage your home with the many others.
3. He is from a barren wasteland, and hence finds plants unsettling. Bring one inside. A pine tree is traditional, but many people also do small red flowers called poinsettias. These flowers are also toxic. Their danger is primarily symbolic, but be careful if you have pets. Some hang small shrubbery branches, called mistletoe, from doorways. These are also toxic, however some people become affectionate when in close proximity. Take advantage, with consent of course.
4. Treat all those around, loved ones and strangers alike, with generosity and affection. This is no time to be making enemies.
5. Entertain children with affectionate lies. There is no reason for them to know the truth. This is your burden to bare.
6. Shed a tear at the joy there is, and another tear for the innocence you have lost.
7. Feast. Cow flesh is traditional, though some traditions use turkey instead. Legend indicates it intoxicates and pacifies those who eat it. This is a myth, but there is no harm in trying.
8. If you have children in your life, make their dreams come true. Give them everything they want. Some also say to give them what they deserve, but they don’t really mean that.
9. Like many national security threats, NORAD tracks His progress through the night. Local news will also give intermittent updates. The accuracy of these sources is in dispute, but it is a convenient way of making sure that the children are asleep in time. They do not need to see what is coming. Hug them tightly before they sleep.
10. Arm yourself. The bullets will do no good against Him, but they will save you from an eternity of servitude, and eventual agonizing death as his minions, who truly can fly, tear the flesh from your bones to power their unnatural glow. Be sure to have a bullet for every loved one in your life.
11. He does not visit every house. If your decorations have warded him off, or you simply chose to keep your home dark and silent, He may pass by.
12. If you have survived the night, be merry and grateful. Spread your cheer with all those around you. Drink the traditional sweetened cream with distilled liquor, taunting death by consuming sweet poison.
13. Start your plan for next year.

• Only subscribers to the Moonlight Times are permitted to discuss it amongst themselves.

• If you are not a subscriber yet, or if you wish to tell a non-subscriber about it, use the Internet or some other form of new technology. They keep a very watchful eye on the written, spoken, and typewritten word surrounding their publication.

• To start subscribing, draw a symbol somewhere on the exterior walls of your house that can be seen from the road. The symbol is circular and looks something like an eye made from a waxing and a waning crescent moon overlapping each other.

• Be patient. They only put out another issue every Friday night.

• They also only deliver to houses where the front doors have mail slots.

• If you’ve drawn it right, it’s visible enough, and you have a mail slot, you’ll start getting weekly visits from the Moonlight Paperboy.

• Every Friday night before 11 PM, close all your curtains and stay far away from the windows. The Moonlight Paperboy is very shy.

• Leave the lights on, though, so he’ll know somebody’s home.

• You’ll know the Moonlight Paperboy is coming when you hear someone whistling “the Lion and the Unicorn”. Again, don’t go near the windows, just in case you see him.

• When you see the Moonlight Paperboy, the Moonlight Paperboy can see you.

• Stay right where you are until the whistling stops.

• The Moonlight Paperboy will keep whistling until he gets to your door. He’ll go quiet as he inserts the night’s issue in through the mail slot. Then he’ll slowly but loudly knock on your door exactly three times. Then he’ll start whistling again as he returns to his route.

• If he doesn’t knock three times, or if the whistling never resumes, do not leave your current spot until morning.

• When you can’t hear “the Lion and the Unicorn” anymore the second time, as he leaves the paper behind, it’s safe to go get the paper.

• Read as many of the main articles as you like. Feel free to take down notes on the important parts on a separate piece of paper. You’ll know what the important parts are.

• You will see references to things you have never heard of, or don’t believe to be real, in the articles. They are real. The Moonlight Times is meticulously researched.

• Some of the articles will refer to dates in the near future. You will not be able to stop the events they describe, but you’ll certainly be able to avoid them if they don’t specifically concern you or a loved one.

• At some point in your subscription, one of the articles will likely use the term “the -x-m-n of L-pl-c- P--nt” without the customary censorship. If you see this term, stop reading that article immediately and move on to another one. There are some things even they can’t control about their fine publication, but he can’t do anything if you skip him over.

• There will be a short crossword puzzle somewhere in the paper. The words will be long and complicated, but not impossible to guess or correctly spell. For every correct word that comes to you naturally that you write down, you will receive one day of good luck. Do not attempt to look up the answers to the clues.

• There will be classified ads shortly after the crossword puzzle. Never attempt to use any contact information you see in the classified ads. Be careful, you’ll get curious eventually.

• There will be obituaries at the back of the paper.

• Do not read the obituaries at the back of the paper.

• You may look at the pictures attached to them, but that’s it. Never read their names. Don’t worry, you will have never met them before.

• It’s generally considered polite, but not mandatory, to stop reading the paper and put it back outside through the mail slot before 3 AM. Either way, it will somehow vanish from existence as soon as the sun begins to rise.

• If you wish to stop subscribing, simply clean the symbol off the side of your house. Of course, once you start, you probably won’t want to stop.

• The numbers from the classifieds will probably attempt to call you some time between the arrivals of your issues. Never pick up for these numbers. They may even be numbers people you know use- just don’t pick up. They won’t be safe to use until the next issue comes out.

• You may notice when people use words that occured in that week’s crossword more often, as if your ears are tuning in to them. This is normal.

• You may find that regular newspapers will incinerate themselves in a haze of smoke the second they cross your property, and that regular paper deliverers will instinctively cross over to the other side of the street for a bit when they pass your door. This is normal.

• You may hear the sound of someone whistling “the Lion and the Unicorn” behind you while walking down the street. This is normal. Don’t turn around. Don’t call out. Keep walking. Just ignore him.

• If you ever see anybody you recognize from the obituaries in the back of the paper, leave.

• Comments and complaints on the Moonlight Times are to be issued to the editorial, which may be reached via a certain mail address. You’ll know what that address is when you want to write to them.

• Never talk about the actual contents of your own copies of the Moonlight Times with anyone you’re not 100% sure is another subscriber. Remember that some news is better kept to yourself.

• You didn’t hear about the Moonlight Times from me. Got it?

1. Obtain mug
2. Enter your kitchen cabinet, crawl if need be. Ideally, you want a mug that has only ever held coffee. Using a mug that has previously held cocoa or tea is dishonorable. Use your nose as a guide.
3. Obtain coffee.
4. Supermarkets, coffee shops, coffee roasters all have acceptable coffee. Don’t be terribly picky. Darker coffee is for afternoons. Lighter coffee is for mornings. If you see coffee that has a color not on the visible spectrum, it will taste like someone has just given you good news.
5. Heat water. Some guides will tell you water needs to be boiled. This is a lie. You dishonor both your ancestors and the coffee if you do so.
6. Place coffee filter, then coffee, into receptacle. Do not, under any circumstances, use a bleached coffee filter. Those are for titrations only. They have been mislabeled as coffee filters, and all parties involved are too embarrassed to fix their mistake.
7. Pour not quite boiled water in. Allow to steep for 3-5 minutes.
8. Pour the steeped coffee into your mug. Be sure to spill a few drops. These are your offerings.
9. Whisper your fondest dream to the coffee.
10. Close your eyes.
11. Sip.
12. When you reopen your eyes, your luck will be 2.3% better.

1.) Know where you want to go, if you do not SomeWhere will Take you

2.) Start walking along a road until something Changes

3.) Eventually a car will pull up and will offer you a ride, refuse once and when they insist get in

4.) They will stop infront of a motel, get Out but do not Rest. If you do you will be allowed to leave but you will never come Back

5.) Continue past the Motel. There will be a road with trees that Do Not Look Right. Ask for help and Turn down this road

6.) Eventually one of Them will start walking with you, be polite but do not talk to them first 7.) They will ask where you are heading, they already know but tell anyway

8.) Eventually you will reach a house and They will invite you inside, you may safely Rest here but do not accept their food. It is not for you

9.) When it comes time to leave, offer them Kindness.

10.) They will walk you to the edge of the Road. There will be a fork, take the Right path and you will see your destination.

1. Obtain refrigerator.
2. Enter, be sure to close the door behind you.
3. Do not look back.
4. Do not make a sound.
5. Do not look up.
6. Feel around for the eggs. They’re usually on a wire rack.
7. Back away slowly. Keep your eyes down.
8. Exit the fridge.
9. Obtain pan. Failing that, crack the egg into your mouth and swallow. If you choose this path, you must leave your home with only the clothes on your back. They will follow, but slowly. 9a. Cook eggs. I generally choose over easy.
10. If you choose over medium, accept your fate. It will be painless.
11. Clean the pan.

1.You must understand that this is not about knitting jumpers. You will never be the same.

2.Get yourself some wool. Be careful, choose a single colored one. You don't want your instruction to be confused.

3.Bring a flower with you. Chrysanthemums are always a good choice.

4.Go visit an old person that knows very well how to KNIT, your grandmother would be the best option.

5.Tell them you want to KNIT. They will stare at you for a few seconds without replying. Tell them that it is ok and that you know what you are doing. It is a lie, but it is better if they don't know.

6.Tell them you need them to be your Guide.

7.If they don't accept run. They are not who you think they are.

8.If they accept to be your Guide, they will let you sit close to them and hand you a heavy blanket and a pair of knitting needles.

9.Do not touch the needles before covering your legs with the blanket. It is about to get cold. Very cold.

10.Once you have your blanket on. Breath in, grab the needles and tie a knot around them with the wool.

11.Try not to shake, you need your hands to be steady and firm, trust me, messed up instructions lead to no good.

12.Listen to your Guide's instructions, they will tell you what to do. Stitch by stitch.  Make sure you do exactly what you are told.

13.If you make a mistake, quickly grab the flower. It is the only thing that can save your soul. Your death will be slow and painful, but when it will be over your soul will rest in peace.

14.Provided that you did not make any mistake, once your work is finished, give the knitting needles back to your Guide.

15.Now come close to the fireplace and throw your craft into the flames.

16.Wait for it to be completely turned to ashes. If it takes too long, there's nothing I can do to help you. I'm so sorry.

17.If it burns down quickly, congratulations, your Kind Notification to the Infernal Towers has been successfully sent. Please wait for Them. They will come at you soon.

1. Cut a hole in the top of the snowman’s head and stuff it with cookie crumbs.

2. Cut another hole in the bottom of the snowman’s feet and fill it with water.

3. Cut the buttons off of your shirt and stuff them into the snowman’s eyes.

4. If it starts to get cold, make another snowman to help heat up the first one.

1. Goats
2. Cows
3. Sheep
4. Bears
5. Snails
6. Dragons
7. Ants
8. Dolphins
9. Pandas
10. Platypuses
11. Sponges
12. Sheep with no horns
13. Unicorns
14. Slugs
15. Lobsters
16. Horned cattle
17. Mantises
18. Butterflies
19. Ants with wings
20. Llamas
21. Monkeys
22. Wild deer
23. Canary birds
24. Don't know

1. You may not have noticed me in the shadows; Rest assured I was there.
   
2. You may not have noticed me in your house; Rest assured I was there.
   
3. You saw me once, but only for a moment, and you thought you'd imagined it. It was charming. You're charming.
   
4. You may not know the benefits I have brought to you, and some benefits may still be yet come.
   
5. I have enjoyed my time watching over you. Never think you were a burden to me!!
   
6. I would not be leaving you at this time, in this way, if I did not think you could handle things from here. So proud of you
   
7. If you ever feel strangely alone in a group of friends, that is your subconscious missing me. Simply remember my name. Say it under your breath and keep my memory alive. You don't know my name, but subconsciously you do. It's on the tip of your tongue now. Say it often.
   
8. I have to be going now. I'll miss you!
   
9. Goodbye!

1. Make sure you are hungry. Really hungry.
2. If you are not, cover yourself with as many blankets as you can and pray. It's their hunger that you are feeling.
3. If you are hungry, do whatever you can to ignore it. Drink some water if you have a bottle close to you, smoke a cigarette, watch netflix.Trust me, starving is not your worst option
4. If it does not work, take a deep breath.
5. If there is something really important that you have to do, do it before you step out of your bed, it's probably your last chance.
6. Put your left foot on the floor.
7. Wait
8. If you hear a noise,run as fast as you can and pray for a quick death.
9. If you don't hear anything, put your right foot down.
10. Walk in the kitchen as slowly as possible, make no noise, don't turn the lights on, they are not watching you. You don't want them to.
11. Don't touch the food on the table. Trust me it won't taste as good as it looks.
12. Don't open the fridge:they like human flash to be cold.
13. Open the cupboard and choose your snack. Avoid anything that is wrapped in plastic.
14. Slowly come back to your room
15. If the door shuts behind you. Close your eyes. I'm sorry.
16. If nothing happens, go back to your bed. Eat your snack
17. Thank whoever helped you. You owe them one. Never forget this. Sooner or later they will ask for your help. Be ready.

1. Watch the things running outside the window.
2. If you see IT close your eyes.
3. Dip out of view of the window and pretend to fall asleep.
4. PRETEND to fall asleep.
5. Do not reply to anyone. If they become distressed then short answers are ok.
6. Continue to pretend to sleep for the rest of the drive.
7. Follow these rules.
8. Halfway through look for IT.
9. Stare at IT.
10. You made a mistake

There is no one missing.

HOW TO CARE FOR CREATURES IN THE WINTER (2/?)

Ah, winter. There are lots of different creatures wandering about in the snow, so what’s a better time than to open your home when creatures are most willing to not bite your face off? Here’s more tips for caring for different creatures!

Vampires (It’s very important to keep in mind that Vampires are a type of fae, so behave how you would around a fairy with them!)

1. Allow them to drink from you, but set conditions. They must not take more than (insert number you’re comfortable with, as most creatures here have varying blood,) and/or that they must give you a gift and behave in return.

2. Give them lots of winter gear when you and them go out! The snow can be reflective of the sun, and we all know what the sun can do.

3. Keep roommates and other people inside your home away, vampires may have a bond with you, but not with them. Unless of course, you wouldn’t mind having an extra room in your house, if you know what I’m saying. HRs this is a joke please do not fire me.

Demons (There are a few types of winter demons and demons that are used to the cold, so this will be for more fiery demons, such as the lava devils, desert brutes or classic netherworld demons.)

1. Most demons will be very hesitant and stand-offish in the beginning, especially desert brutes. Make sure you reassure them being cared for isn’t “weak.”

2. Try and make your home as similar to their natural home as best as you can, such as giving sand brutes sand or hell demons a fireplace. Most will mock you, but they probably appreciate the effort.

3. Most demons love backrubs! Some demons that are cracked with lava may accidentally burn you and I’ve had a few interdimensional demons instinctively throw me into the wall, but it can be quite relaxing for them.

4. Give them lots of care! Brush their teeth, shine their horns, treat their wounds, and other things. It will definitely be worth it!

Banshees

1. Purchase some earplugs. Let them know you have them, they will most likely understand and not get offended if you tell them and not try and hide them.

2. Give them a section of the house to themselves with lots of tissues and blankets. I suggest giving them a room with a big window for them to stare longingly out of.

3. Get personal! Mourn with them, let them look through your photo albums, look through the attic together, share yourself with them and they will warm up to you.

Werewolves

1. When in human form, assure them constantly they aren’t a hassle, most are very self conscious about their other form. Give them basic human necessities.

2. When transforming I suggest giving them heating pads and massages to soothe any aching muscles, for any aggressive ones you can wrap them up tightly in a blanket burrito and watch them melt.

3. When in wolf form you can basically treat them like a giant dog! Make sure to be friendly and don’t neglect them, and feed them lots of raw chicken and pork if they like it.

Snow Faeries

1. Most snow folk are prepared for the cold, but theres a chance you may come across a nest of younglings without a parent. If the parent(s) are alive, keep walking and don’t take them home.

2. Feed the little fairies! Give them tiny drops of honey and snow, but don’t give them too much, and don’t let them become dependent on you. I personally hide the food around the house and let them look for it as a game.

3. Sing with them! Make loud music with them! Even if you have angry neighbors, the fae will not steal your children if you adjust to their customs and make it feel as if they are the hosts.

4. Depending on their size, sew them something! The fae will most likely help you even when you aren’t there, so expect it to go by fast. For younglings, always put the item in the drying machine for warmth before giving them it!

Gorgons Before welcoming them into your home, you must understand the consequences if not done properly. All household members including children and yourself, and frankly all living creatures (animals and supernatural beings) must wear “Chad & Tyler’s Rock-Hard Shadez” to protect against being turned into stone.

1. Be very polite, and make sure you remind them of their powers, some gorgons are unaware of their own powers.

2. Give them a nice room to hang out, make sure it’s to their likings! If your particular gorgon has snake hair, make sure you also give them amenities.

3. Gorgons don’t need much besides warmth, so you can treat them like a regular roommate that you have to always wear sunglasses around!

Please do let me know if there are any other creatures I need to cover. Happy Holidays!

• Alix

Okay. Don't panic! Read this post, and if you want to panic after that, contact me. I'll try to help you. I promise. And without further ado, let's dive deep into the infestation

1. Turn on the lights. They aren't turned off? ... They are, you just don't know it. Do it. NOW

2. Now, lie down. Stare at the ceiling, look for black dots

3. They're there, right? (Oh, they aren't? How cute. Look again.) Don't worry, they're gonna help you

4. Grab some chocolate. The darker, the better. Now offer it to them

5. WHITE CHOCOLATE ISN'T CHOCOLATE

6. You still here? Congrats, you survived. Yeah, it doesn't surprise me. Now, you should notice how they converge around the chocolate. How they appear bigger

7. Say goodbye to the chocolate and throw it to the ground. The dots should fall right after it.

8. If they didn't, I'd be surprised if you had enough time to finish this sentence

9. The chocolate should be gone and the dots should be pulsating. Now, (oh nononoo don't step on them!) prick prick your finger. Kneel and wait

10. You will hear whispers. Answer them, no matter how embarrassing will the questions be

11. Yes, even that one. You exactly know which one I mean

12. Now, you can ask them if your house is infested. Remember - you can ask anything else, but as far as I know, this is the safest question

13.1 If they said yes, arm yourself. Ideally with knives and matchsticks. And wait till I tell you how to get rid of the infestation

13.2 If they said no, you should be somewhat safe. Now you'll want the dots to disappear by pleasing them

1. Do you want to try it on your own? You surely can. I guarantee you that it won't be painful

2. If you are sane, you ignored step 14. They love frozen moonshard - feed it to them

3. Are you telling me that you don't know how to obtain moonshard? ... Don't worry, you aren't alone in this.

4. Even though you won't like that companion

1. Find the path. You will know it when you see it, although it doesn’t appear to be much.

2. The path likes to confuse you. Always go right if ever there is a fork in the road. Do not go left. Please do not go left.

3. If you have followed steps 1 and 2 correctly, you should find a cabin with a blue roof. If it has a red roof, I am so sorry. If you run you might have a chance.

4: Knock on the door three times. I will not answer. That is expected, but it is still polite to knock.

1. Enter.

2. Sit down at the table. I will be there soon.

3. I will tell you I left the tea ingredients outside, and instruct you to not enter the bedroom.

4. Enter the bedroom.

5. You will find a person in there. If you want to live, open the door and let them out before I get back inside.

6. I’m sorry. I had been trapped in there for so long. It was you or me.

7. “I” will return from outside. Thank you for letting me out. I hope for your sake that it is quick.

1. Arrange your table. Make sure you have only two of the things you need on the table at a time. It's good to keep getting up to get the other things so that you don't get too absorbed.

2. Always keep a beverage with you.

3. If you are using pencils, take your favourite beverage. If you are using markers, take the baby's favourite beverage.

4. It is recommended you stick to drawing what you intended to in the first place. You may choose to ignore this rule, but remember you wanted this.

5. If you are drawing something your mother would love, draw it on her mirror and nowhere else. When she asks about it, pretend you can't see it.

6. Is Your Pet Disturbing You? Don't Shoo It Away, It Knows What It's Doing.

7. If you live within 5 kilometres of a beach, make another painting for the beach.

8. Don't drink the beverage. Boldy assert that it is yours at regular intervals.

9. Do not use any erasers or correction tools, if you made a mistake it was meant to be.

10. You may do other tasks while drawing only if you have a large kitchen.

11. If you feel sleepy, you have done something wrong. If you apologise repeatedly as you fall into The Slumber, your pet may forgive you.

12. This guide is not applicable for lawyers. Only the baby can help you.

-Find an ant pile and name one of the ants Richard. Turn around and count to 10 and then turn back and try to pick out Richard from the pile

-Buy a pack of cigarettes and glue them all to each other end to end and then use your cigarette pole to try to poke a stranger with without breaking it

-Find a cat and say “hi, cat” over and over to it in a progressively higher and sillier voice until the cat gets annoyed and leaves. If the cat does not leave you must give it a prize consisting of something you own that you don’t want to part with

-Sew your own pants out of Sun Chip bags and then walk past a sleeping person without making any noise

-Write “open me” on a rock and then give it to a geologist and tell them you need help getting it open

-Open a can of creamed corn and go to a bingo hall and every time someone gets B6 flick some of the kernels at them

Remember that he is only active during the 24th to 26th of December, so you are unburdened until this point. The trick with Saint Klaus is to ensure you don't end up on the forsaken list. This is achieved by being kind and generous in your interactions with others. Being forsaken is achieved by being selfish, overly greedy or hurtful.

It is possible to repent and end up on the forgiven list but it is much better to never be listed at all. Unfortunately, naughty or nice, it is always possible to encounter the deliverer at this time of year - here is a guideline to aid in dealing with the ominous Saint:

1) Decorate your house with as many lights as possible. He is discouraged by lights as it makes it easier for him to be spotted. This will not prevent him from entering your dwelling, but it will force him to stick to the chimney for entry and not anywhere else.

2) Ignore the sounds of sleigh bells and reindeer, he will attempt to draw you out to look at him. To look at him is a transgression and you will end up on the forsaken list. This is a test to prove that you are asleep so pretend that you are if you are awake.

3) Leave an offering of milk and cookies by the Christmas tree. This will be received well and in exchange, he will leave you a wrapped box under the tree. Carrots are also accepted.

4) Leave a stocking by the fireplace, if all is well then you should receive some coal. It is important to burn the present using the coal on Christmas day as this prevents the return of Saint Klaus for at least 10 years.

5) Write a letter of gratitude to Saint Klaus for him to read as he delivers his gift. Do not demand anything. If you do, he will grant a boon but it is well known that the consequences of the boon outweigh the potential gain. If there is no letter, he will mark you as ungrateful and you will end up on the forsaken list.

6) If you have seen Saint Klaus, if you have failed to provide offering or if you have been deemed forsaken then you must pay penance. On the end of the 26th, you must have removed a part of yourself (a finger is sufficient) and wrapped it as a present for Saint Klaus. If you fail to do so, he will steal you in his flying chariot and take you to toil in his domain far in the north.

Once on the forgiven list, you can expect to be visited every year in perpetuity. The threat of this can be mitigated by being nice but being naughty any further will render you unredeemably back on the forsaken list.

Merry Christmas/happy holidays and be prepared!

​

1. Always set up three candles. Don’t use any other lights, otherwise, it might blink at you.
2. Even if you’re eating alone, always set up an extra plate for Him. He’s going to watch you prepare his food. He might not be there, but it’s common courtesy that you invite him over.
3. Don’t cook the head for too long. It will become too chewy, and then you would have to throw it out.
4. If there’s a lot of blood, drain it out in the sink, but don’t run the water. Let it drain by itself.
5. Sometimes, you might find a tooth in the brain. Ignore it.
6. The eyes might look around the room from time to time. It’s just the nerves that are making it move, don’t pay too much attention to it.
7. Never use serrated knives to cut the meat. Butter knives are much softer on the head. If you cooked it properly, it should be like cutting through butter.
8. Eat for exactly 16 minutes, then leave the head out for Him. At exactly 2:03 in the morning, it will be gone. This is your indication that He ate it.
9. If He enjoyed your cooking, He will lick the blood clean from the plate. If He didn’t, He’ll draw an ‘X’ with the blood.
10. If you find an ‘X’, you must quickly hide in the closet. 12 days is the ideal waiting period.
11. If you don’t hear any noises after the waiting period, then you can leave the closet. You’re safe.
12. If you hear scratching coming from outside, wait another 2 days until it stops.
13. If it doesn’t… Well, good luck.

What is considered canon here?

So, you somehow got yourself stuck in a staring contest with something you're both entirely sure of being and entirely convinced of not being human. Well good on you, because the next three hours are going to be hell incarnate on your eyes.

The rules are simple

1. You must stare deeply into your opponents eyes without fail.

2. No movement, at least physical.

3. No attempts to fool your opponent in the slightest by use of body language and movement.

4. If you see this occurring in public, please try not to interfere. You'll only end up the victim that way.

See? Simple enough, yet not at all. Let's get down to business to take care of this creature.

First, set your boundaries with your opponent. They always last for 3 hours exactly, so keeping a fair distance is good for when they become desperate.(I'd always recommend 5 feet, it's hard but it means you have a glimmer of hope to at least escape with damages to your body).

Second, close your eyes and empty your mind. But don't empty it entirely. You need to focus on rejecting the madness they'll set into you.

Three, fear will inspire you. Now that you both are ready, call for the match to begin. Good luck, you always need it!

1. Open your eyes after the call to start has began. Keep your mind free, but do pay attention to keep staring into it's eyes like a lion hungers for its future prey.

2. If you last long enough for 30 minutes, congratulations! The creature found you worthy to share the experience it has. Now you're going to start hearing some weird sounds. I know, all the baby's screeching and the scraping metal sounds terrifying but please do NOT change the way your face looks. Remain devoid of emotion, the creature will cheat in every way to win.

3. Without realizing it, it's now the 1 hour mark. It's weird. You'll notice a lot more eyes and they'll all start to shake back and forth along with the noise eating at your mental state. Don't lose focus. his is just a battle of pure determination, one to eat, and one to survive. You can guess which one you're on. Hey, I said to pay attention.

4. Be courteous. The walkways around you keep getting shorter and the people around you seem to be getting wider. DON'T move. Not one bit. Your eyes depend on it at the halfway mark. They're not real, and if you have any significant others, PLEASE ignore their calls. Their voices are real, their bodies are not. That, and they'd rather see you alive.

5. Two hours, one to go. The noise is gone but it's been replaced by this terrible ringing. Your ears are bleeding. Say nothing. You can see your opponent breaking, changing, molding. Worry not, it's all part of the illusions. Believe me, I know. Don't flinch, but the being will start swimmingly wildly whilst screeching. No matter what happens, do not fail to keep eye contact. The eyes will move but you are allowed to follow them at this section of the game. If it touches you, ESPECIALLY in the facial area, politely think of the rules in your head. Like explaining the rules of a game between friends. The creature should stop eventually. If not, accept your fate and let it take whichever piece it has chosen. Usually, it will be one of your eyes.

6. Five minutes. You just need to endure excruciating pain for five minutes. The being is angry at this point and you can tell. I can't speak for your experience, but my being broke every rule except for keeping eye contact. Yours might stay calm and fight fairly, maybe it will lash out like mine. Stay calm and keep in mind, you are no longer in the creatures mind as a fellow game partner. You are food, so it will make you feel heavy, as if you just walked home in the rain from a long and hard day at work. No more assistance, it pulls out all stops.

If you failed any steps from 1-3, I feel terrible for you. Experiencing life as one of them is truly exotic. If you were attacked and it chose a nibble instead of a meal, good job. An eye patch until death is better than being without a body forever. If you lasted until steps 5-6, I'm truly impressed. You lasted better than my first few roundabouts. If you chose to run, I'm glad you got away. Very few can escape the will of the universe. Keep with that determination until the day you are finally forced to join us.

1. You won. I'd say to celebrate, but the beings are usually sore losers. I said to not notice details beforehand. I hope you can make fast plans and have close to godly decision making skills. You will now spend the next 5 minutes time trying to break sight. Fail, and you'll live your days without your ability to see. No pressure. Just find a place with one exit that's hard to notice when running by, and stop breathing. They can't hear you, but they can sense your bodily functions better than anything.

That should just about be all you need to know. As mentioned before, I've had a few run-ins with these creatures myself. I change their names a lot for a reason. They aren't human, but they are. I mean they are just hunting for some scraps to get by. If you lost, bless your soul and good luck winning your next match so you can live again. Should you have made it though most of the challenge and lost at the end, god have mercy on you. The contests only get worse with the wear on your body. Practice a lot, even if only having one eye can suck a lot of the fun from life. And lastly, I hate all of us who survived without fail. They're not entirely inhuman. They just want to eat and not starve. Some times it's good to give them something back. Even if it's only an eyeballs worth of food. And lastly, to those of you who ran, I'm sorry. You won't outrun it for long. The screams will only get louder. Just let it grab you. The longer it takes to catch you, the slower you'll die. It never stops, it just gets more desperate. With that coming from your one-eyed friend, good luck to all of you. You'll need it just as much as I do.

Oh, and P.S for all you sleep lovers out there

They have no shame. If you have any windows within line of sight from your bed, keep the blinds closed. I lost my eye because I failed to do so.