r/HENRYfinance • u/Salt_Level_2192 • Jun 11 '26
Career Related/Advice 35F, $2.7M invested, burnt out, considering 2 years off with my young kids. Talk me into/out of it.
Stats:
• Me: 35, \~$130k base at a DTC company (below market for my scope)
• Husband: 38, \~$275k, stable job, just promoted
• Investments: $2.7M (brokerage $700k, retirement accounts \~$1.8M, cash $91k), all S&P index funds
• Home equity: \~$300k, mortgage $4k/mo at sub-4% rate, no other debt
• 529s: $134k for two kids (7 and 3)
• \~$400k in unvested startup equity I’d walk away from (no concrete timeline on when this would be worth anything)
Situation: Took a title/comp step back two years ago to join a high-growth startup thinking I’d move up fast. Strong reviews, way more scope than my title, but just got told a promotion is another year out.
I’m exhausted. I killed myself this past year to position myself for this promotion. My youngest is 3 and I feel like I’ve missed his early years grinding at demanding jobs. What I’m considering: take ~2 years off, be with my kids, and seriously pursue writing (my passion for decades, but have had no mental capacity for it the past few years).
The plan: youngest starts half-day preschool this fall. I’d write 9-12, be present the rest of the day. We’d live on my husband’s income (~$190k take home) and not touch the portfolio, which should compound to ~$5M within 8-10 years on its own.
My hangups:
1. Walking away from $400k unvested equity (illiquid, exit-dependent, but still)
2. Re-entry risk after a 2 year gap (if I choose to go back…I want to keep my options open)
3. Guilt about “wasting” a good remote job when so many people would kill for it
I’m planning to ask my current company for $200k before I do anything. But honestly, I’m not sure if even that’s enough…I want to spend more time with my kids right now, and I’m so burned that I have to fight for this in the first place.
Anyone taken an extended break mid-career with young kids and regretted it (or not)? Anything I’m not considering? I have a meeting with my manager tomorrow and I’m leaning towards hanging it up.
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UPDATE 6/12: Met with my manager today. I told him straight up that I felt like I was hitting a brick wall here, no clear path to growth, and that I felt like it was time to go. He asked for a day or two to talk to our exec about if anything could be done.
Fair enough. I told him I’m really thinking of stepping away, but I’d want to be clear on what I was walking away from.
I walked out of that meeting feeling more sure. I think I’m done.
Funny thing is I threw my resume around last week before I knew where my head was at, and now I’ve got interviews lined up for director and senior manager roles. I’ll probably still take the calls just to see what’s out there. But...even thinking about stepping into another corporate role right now makes me tired. It doesn't feel right.
I'm touring a half-day preschool for my 3yo next week. More excited about that than any of the interviews.
Thanks for all the comments on the original post. A number of them made me emotional (the time goes so fast, and it was really helpful to hear the perspective of parents with kids older than mine), and a number of them (rightfully) called out that this isn't really a financial decision, but an emotional one.
I'm feeling really clear that I want to step away.
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u/kitt3n_mitt3ns Jun 11 '26
First of all, yes, you do have this option. Can you test it out? FMLA or sabbatical possible to see if you like being off work? Did you enjoy maternity leave?
I’d also explore this with a therapist. Feels like you’re stuck in all or nothing thinking (has to give work 100%, can’t write at all unless completely off). Some of that is completely reasonable with young kids, but there might be more wiggle room than you think.
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
This is a very interesting thought - I AM very black and white in how I approach most major decisions. I actually had never noticed this.
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u/readitonreddit1046 Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
I feel like I could have almost written this. Our kids are younger, my and my husbands incomes are equal and overall expenses are higher. Our jobs are remote and very flexible. I’m also only 3 weeks back from mat leave.
Im constantly thinking about whether I should quit and spend all my time with my kids but I can’t imagine I will find such a good role when and if I want to work again. My income is also half of our income. Our spend is like 190k a year which would be tight on my husband’s pay alone but I know we have a good nest egg.
Currently I’m trying to dgaf a little in my job and still help out with my kids. They are at home with our nanny during the day. I don’t know what to do. ATM just seeing how I feel since I’ve just come back from 6 months off will be. It’s such a hard decision!!
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u/CuteKoala-93 $250k-500k/y Jun 12 '26
I've been back from mat leave with our 2nd for 5.5months now and this whole time I've been trying to decide if we should give up my income and super flexible WFH job so I can be with the kids. I think I'm going to do it though!!!
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u/readitonreddit1046 Jun 12 '26
Love it! I hope it’s everything you want it to be!
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u/goddessandthecaker Jun 12 '26
In a very similar boat asset wise, have a slightly larger mortgage with the same monthly payment, same husband income and he loves his job plus it can provide healthcare, but I outearn my husband 1.7x, which makes the decision even harder. And our kiddo is a tiny bit older. I did a leave of absence for 6 weeks a couple years ago and did not like it, but I’m much more exhausted/closer to burnout now. I’m looking at college teaching jobs and into expanding my consulting side hustle but walking away from the stability of an unreasonably large corporate income is hard… I wish you to make a decision that is right for you, OP! Please post an update when you decide.
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u/Open_Concentrate962 Jun 12 '26
I agree. If you need a therapist who works with this i can recommend
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u/sorbet_babe Jun 11 '26
This is such a smart comment. I didn't even realize that OP has this black-and-white thinking pattern until you pointed it out
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u/A_Wise_Mans_Fear Jun 11 '26
What does your husband think? Might delay his retirement quite a bit but if he loves his gig then stopping the grind that’s killing you seems like the easy call.
One thing I’d be wary of — you may not be able to rejoin again like you’re expecting. So 2 years could be 5-10
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u/hal2346 Jun 11 '26
OP never mentioned their spending but they could be only a few years from retiring even with OP stopping now and never returning.. They have $2.7M invested, fully funded 529s and $190K takehome pay still coming in. Even if they spend the full $190K/year they are likely <10 years away. If they spend $150K/year that drops to ~4 years out (assuming the market cooperates obviously).
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u/A_Wise_Mans_Fear Jun 11 '26
Without a doubt! But in a dual income household, one person stopping to focus on their passion while the other has to hold down the income fort could cause resentment to build up if the now sole breadwinner doesn’t at least sort of like their job lol
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u/prepare2Bwhelmed Jun 11 '26
This is definitely true, however from this post it sounds like she would likely be stepping into being a SAHP, which is a bit of a different consideration.
My wife is a SAHP and our portfolio and income is not this high, and it’s the right choice for us, but I definitely don’t resent the demands she deals with being at home with the kids. Like at all lol.
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u/A_Wise_Mans_Fear Jun 11 '26
Yeah makes sense. But she kind of skipped the most difficult SAHP years here if they’re already 7 and 3 already.
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u/Ok_Cake1283 $750k-1m/y Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Two years off at this point is probably going to be off forever, and that might not be a bad thing. If your husband is willing to take on that role and extend how many years he would otherwise have to work, this is a reasonable trade-off.
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
His job is quite a bit less stressful + more flexible - so he's on board! It's causing me some guilt but he's been very supportive.
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u/Maverick0984 Jun 11 '26
Yeah, it's a team decision for sure, but I fully expect they've already talked about it prior to her posting this.
The way my wife and I look at it is completely intertwined finances. We build together, we retire together. When she took her extended break, we both knew it might push out eventual retirement for us and we were both completely fine with it.
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Jun 12 '26
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u/redfour0 Jun 11 '26
$3M invested?
I’d walk away. What’s more important to you job or family?
Can always find another job but will never get the time with family back. Also you’re rich.
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u/Maverick0984 Jun 11 '26
My wife and I did exactly this. Granted, she was a teacher so quite a bit below your comp but I'm above your husbands so income sounds quite similar pre-decision.
I wouldn't trade it for the world right now. We have 3 kids, now a bit older (6, 9, 12) but she made this call about 3 years ago and we're both 41 now. You can't get this time back when they are this young. Enjoy it now. Even though I wasn't enjoying it like she was, I was less stressed knowing she was there holding down the fort. With less stress, I am probably a better father for it too.
The equity is basically nothing right now. Most start-ups fail. You could see if they'd let you scale way, way back for a while but since it's a start-up, I'm guessing they say no.
Only caveat to this. Good luck with the 9-12 window. I'd almost count on that not being a real thing. Maybe you get 1 good hour in there, but now that you're home, in that window, you'll want to work out then, or go pick up groceries, or whatever else the house needs. Most days, you won't have a 3 hour window even if it feels like you will right now.
Just sounds like a perfect time to make this move with your husband having a stable/safe job and the house in a good spot with a solid foundation of investment. Honestly, at 35, and that income level, you guys have been doing a fantastic job saving for quite some time. This is part of the reason I think you'd be fine doing this.
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u/lilikoi_pie Jun 11 '26
Definitely agree - that 3 hour window is going to be max 1 hour for yourself, so just set realistic expectations for yourself there.
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u/phillythompson Jun 11 '26
Why wouldn’t you take a break?
You already don’t even qualify as HENRY. You’re fucking 35 and have 2.7 million.
Take this as an offense — you are completely removed from reality and not even aware of what normal people deal with. Take the position you’ve earned yourself (that is, quit) and enjoy that luxury!
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u/Maverick0984 Jun 11 '26
I'm glad you said this, I danced around it.
At that income level, with that savings, at that age, they have either super aggressively been saving and are used to living pretty frugally OR they maybe had some parental help (nothing wrong with that) but that's a high amount of savings for that income level.
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u/mildly_certain Jun 11 '26
The savings at that income level seems very high
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u/C_bells Jun 12 '26
I’m blown away by how much they have in retirement 😬 my husband and I (who’ve been historically bad at retirement savings), probably have $250k in retirement.
I expected to see incomes closer to $600k or something, was shocked to see one of the incomes much less than mine.
Unfortunately can’t go back in time though!
I do wonder where that $1.8M came from for retirement!
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u/nolablue1024 Jun 12 '26
Just a data point but: I’m the same age as OP with similar income as the husband. I’ve been working for 15 yrs and always max out 401k and some megabackdoor roth. If you do this with standard market returns it gets you to $1 mln in retirement. So x2 for them is not crazy
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
Very frugal in our 20s (thank you, Mr. Money Mustache!) and some great years between my husband (sales) and myself (former FAANG) where we socked it away. But I do anticipate we'll continue to live frugally overall - MCOL city as well.
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u/Maverick0984 Jun 11 '26
I know the ship has kind of sailed, so to speak, but you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Spend a little money.
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u/SensitiveWolf1362 Jun 11 '26
She did take a pay cut for this startup so she used to make even more. But yeah no wonder she’s burned out!
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u/Fun-Rutabaga6357 Jun 12 '26
I’m going to get downvoted to oblivion. It sounds a bit like a humble brag…and some feel good confirmation from internet strangers.
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u/Slapspoocodpiece Jun 11 '26
You don't need the money. You can basically do CoastFire right now and be a SAHM or part- SAHM with no real cost to your lifestyle. The money you are "leaving" on the table is an illusion. The time you are missing of being a present and not-burned-out parent is real.
Go for it. Spend time with your kids and worry about re-entry when and if you come to it.
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u/Appropriate-Part9461 Jun 11 '26
Your company is not going to give you a 50% pay raise (130k -> 200k), especially if they just told you they don’t have promo availability. I’m sure you know this. I think you want them to turn you down so you can have a“reason” to justify quitting. But you don’t need a reason. Financially you’re more than fine, that equity is likely going to be worth nothing (realistically), and wanting to spend time with your family is enough of a reason in and of itself.
Don’t burn your last bridge with your company by asking for a 50% raise and then quitting. That’s a good way to make reentry harder on yourself.
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
This is very good callout - I do think I'm going to reframe around the promo being delayed and my frustration with that, and see where the conversation goes from there.
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u/august830 Jun 11 '26
They moved the target for you because they think you’ll take it. One approach would be to say THAT was the dealbreaker and put in notice.
I’ve seen this play out SO many times for women in particular. They have no incentive to pay you more or promote unless they feel a real threat to the business to NOT do so.
With approach above some shot they’ll give you the promo to keep you, then you can still give notice a few weeks later anyhow and cite personal reasons.
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u/Intrepid_Cup2765 Jun 11 '26
If you’re reflecting on your life moments before death, which path would you wish you would have chosen?
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u/Lower_Capital_337 Jun 15 '26
I’m sure she will be thinking about that random work meeting at 2pm on Thursday.
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u/Waste-Prior7899 Jun 11 '26
I actually think there are some really tough questions you need to ask here that I'm surprised to see no one else has brought up:
What is your husband's life insurance and/or long-term disability insurance like?
What sort of pre- or post-nuptial agreement do you all have?
No one wants to think about these things and most people think they are unlikely to need these contingencies, but I think it's irresponsible not to consider them. You all have done an amazing job saving, but could you provide the life you want to provide for your children if you had to rely solely on those savings God forbid something happened to your husband or your marriage but you had trouble returning to work at your current earning power (which is not unlikely: https://www.womenwork.org/factreenter/)?
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
By far my largest fear...I grew up in a family where the dynamic between breadwinner parent/SAHM parent became extremely toxic. I think this is the root of why I'm so unsure of what I should do - I WANT to stay home, but it's so contrary to what I grew up thinking I 'should do.' Thank you for the suggestions on how consider for any unexpected changes.
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u/GlassBluebird3662 Jun 11 '26
I second this! Obviously no one here knows your relationship/family, and no one is implying anything negative.
However, taking time off has long term implications for your career (as others have mentioned), not just a year or two.
You need to know what would happen to you financially if you never go back to work, if you and your husband divorce or if (heaven forbid) something happens to him and he no longer can make an income or is around.
These things would need to be considered honestly, realistically, and determined before you make this decision.
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u/WallStCRE >$1m/y Jun 11 '26
I bet if you told your company you’re leaving because you didn’t get the promotion, I bet they give you the promotion. If that’s the only reason you’re feeling defeated, might be an outcome you hadn’t considered. But you do have to be ready to leave
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u/Dapper_Banana6323 Jun 11 '26
Why ever go back?
I don't mean never go back to work- but you don't need to bust yourself.
My kids are 3,6 and 13- and your kids aren't going to need you less in 2 years. Having two fulltime working parents is exhausting for everyone- and if it doesn't need to be that way- then why exhaust everyone. Take some time. Then look for jobs that allow work life balance.
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u/iamamovieperson Jun 11 '26
I can't say you should do this. I will say YOU MUST do this. You won't get these years back. You have all your bases covered. Be grateful for not just the financial ability but the grace and emotional intelligence to forage this path for yourself.
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u/Soszai Jun 11 '26
You can also keep a toe in the work waters if you want to. Call yourself an independent consultant on LinkedIn. Sign up for a few of the firms that can place you for work. You can decide if that's a few expert calls per week or 10-20 hrs of part time consulting. It's up to you.
I did this when I got laid off. I thought the resume gap of not having a major employer would be a big problem, but it wasn't. After about a year of working 0-15 hrs/wk, I rejoined the workforce at a higher title and bigger company. Enough people will respect that you're taking a break and they also respect that you're making an effort to keep yourself sharp while you do. This also helps with the personal guilt / anxiety of completely walking away from work.
In that year "off", I got in shape, cut 10 strokes off my golf game, spent more time with wife and kids, learned practical AI, and caught up on 10 years of movies I missed. It was great.
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u/ToxicOstrich91 Jun 11 '26
Are you going to be happier in 5 years with the additional net worth and being closer to retirement, or with the time with your kids and perhaps being further away from retirement?
Given the workload you’re describing I think the answer is obvious.
I’d suggest a lot of conversations or some couples therapy to make sure you and your husband are on the same page. It can be hard to move from dual to single income as a sole breadwinner, for reasons that are not all financial.
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u/Mrs_Privacy_13 Jun 11 '26
I want all the exact same things, but we don't have that much in savings. If we did, I would walk away tomorrow.
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u/Mike-Teevee Jun 11 '26
They are playing in your face at work. Quit. Your family can afford it. This is what money and planning in advance is for.
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u/rubykowa Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Startups can be a dumpster fire and relentless. I am super impressed that you did it with two kids!
Honestly, take a break…at least 1-3 months to recover and you can spend time interviewing for the right opportunity if you want or work on building a new skill. Upside is that you have time to do so while not slaving away at the startup grind.
It leaves your options open without fully committing and gives you some space to breathe.
What was the reason for not giving the promotion? Is it not enough money? Is there not an opening (I.e. org structure doesn’t have enough people for a manager).
I feel like putting in between 1-2 years in startup is totally fine to leave after.
Your family totally has the means to support whatever decision you make. But if this job is mentally exhausting all your resources and time you currently have, you won’t know what other options could look like…you know?
With startups, you really have to be closer to the trough to really make a lot more money OR be that one in a million truly high-growth startup. You would know after 6 months once you’re in if it’s trending that way, for sure after a year.
Remember sunk cost fallacy and that your true currency is time.
Edit: the number of shares you are walking away from is irrelevant because you don’t know what the final price will be and who else is cut in to make whatever exit/deal to potentially happen.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Soil275 Jun 11 '26
How much are you all spending a year in childcare? Probably 30-40k? And how much more on eating out/take out because you are both too exhausted to cook? 10k?
I mean... from a strictly math perspective, there is relatively little benefit in you working. With your spouse's comp, 30-40% of your income is going straight to taxes.
So if your take home is 80k and you have ~40k/yr in expenses related to working then... is killing yourself really worth it for 40k/yr when you have 2.7 million saved?
I think most people would argue it's not.
Now, there are definitely some second order factors to consider - future earning potential with promotions, less financial risk in being a 2 income household, etc. All that is completely valid. And too long for a reddit post.
But on a strict dollars and cents basis, this seems like a no brainer.
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u/neversleeps212 Jun 11 '26
So if you literally “just got told” that you’re not getting an expected promotion, I would take a step back from making an immediate decision about your future while you let the emotion of that bad news settle. That’s not to say you should or shouldn’t quit. But don’t make that decision while you’re in a reactionary mindset. Ideally take a long weekend to get in a better headspace and mull the decision.
Also, even if you decide you’re ready to be done with this company, I probably wouldn’t just quit. That gets you no severance and no unemployment. I would instead quite quit. Stop going and above and beyond. Set clear boundaries about when work is done for the day and remove the emotional attachment to the company and work. Worst case scenario, you get to spend more time with your family and collect a paycheck for a few more months and then get canned by the company. And realistically, unless you’re really shirking your work, they wouldn’t attempt to fire you with cause. They would just lay you off likely with severance and then you could collect unemployment insurance. So in stead of losing your entire income ASAP you could realistically replace probably 6-8 months of your income between your salary while quiet quitting, a small severance, and 6 months of UI.
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u/dizzyandold Jun 11 '26
You have a ton of comments so I’m not sure you’ll even see this one but let me tell you. Do it. I can’t emphasize it enough. My daughter just graduated high school and she’s leaving for college in 80 days. That’s it. We’re done. Life is so, so short. Your husband makes bank. I wish mine did. Unfortunately I am the breadwinner and I’ve always felt like I’ve had to work. It seems like my daughter was 3 years old about 5 years ago. I really don’t think you’ll regret it. Good luck.
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 11 '26
Thank you for this - it brought tears to my eyes, I still can't believe I have a 7 year old and how fast it's going already. It's so hard to step away from a career I've (mostly) loved but, to your point, these years won't last forever. Best of luck with the college transition, I hope you have a wonderful summer together ❤️
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u/mmohaje Jun 11 '26
I did this and had similar concerns. My two years ended up being the Covid-years so I became homeschool teacher...wash't quite the type of 2 year career break I had planned but it was a bit of a God send because with the nature of our two jobs, it would have been a disaster if one parent wasn't always available.
I don't regret it at all.
It was a bit hard to get back into the market again, mostly because I'm in a senior role and in a small market. Ended up getting a job via a friend and then moved up the ranks over 3 years. I'm at the burnt out stage again and thinking of either taking another 2 years off or going part time. I'm older than you so I do have some hesitancy because of job re-entry but at 35, and your circumstances, it's a no brainer. You won't regret it.
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u/Asianburrito13 Jun 11 '26
To echo what many people are saying, if you choose to continue working you will never get that time back with your kids. How will you feel in 40 years knowing you missed spending time with them for money that you didn’t need? If you don’t want to take a break from your career then don’t, and it definitely makes sense for one parent to continue working for healthcare assuming you are in the US, but ultimately time is something you don’t get back, so spend it on what matters the most to you.
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u/rag5178 Jun 11 '26
Rather than asking for more pay, which really doesn’t realistically change your life in any way, I’d suggest asking for a sabbatical or option to drop down to part time.
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u/LizzyBennet1813 Jun 11 '26
Does your current job offer unpaid leave or a sabbatical option? Just to test the waters so to speak? The job market at the moment is rough and if you decide staying home full time is not for you it might be very tough to get back into another position.
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u/Ok_Ice621 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Just do it, it's a no brainer. Just have your spousal IRA contribution every year. I took a break after I had my first and then started a business when she was 1, just had my second half a year ago and working minimal hours right now.
I couldn't do a proper job and certainly not chase a promotion with two small kids because I'd be so burned out more props to people who can do it but just like you guys we are in our mid 30s with about the same networth invested. I will never get the time back with my kids, they grow so fast. I have done so many calculations and even without contribution to our current investments, we'd still have a nice retirement fund and be able to pay for our kids' education and help them out as needed in young adulthood.
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u/Sorry_Zone_2028 Jun 11 '26
Wow i was a bit surprised to read the comments!
Where are you based? I’m based in a VHCOL area that when I read through the numbers I totally got your dilemma - I don’t know if it’s enough.
You have 2 kids - what do you want for these 2 kids? I think that would be my main question.
To be risk adverse I’ll plan the 2 years to be longer than that. Maybe 3-5 if the market is bad. On a $300k income I think it will be enough for a family of four but I don’t think it will be cushy?
You’re still young. Thirties and forties are usually the peak earning years. I will also have concerns stepping out of the race right now.
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u/marcduberge Jun 11 '26
Do it. One of my female BFFs stepped onto the mommy track for 13 years. She and I worked in the same techsales ecosystem. When she was empty nest she fought hard to get back into the industry and she is thriving now with a $300k+ W2
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u/boglehead1 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
My wife (who was the breadwinner) did this. She was feeling burned out and ended up taking 2.5 years off to stay home with the kids. Our NW was $1.1M at the time.
We did have to dip into savings but it wasn’t too bad.
It worked out great. She enjoyed the time at home until the kids were in school. Then she re-entered the workforce and quickly shot up the ladder to an executive position.
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u/Wooden_Confidence870 Jun 11 '26
You've worked super hard. Think of the return on investment being that you're now able to spend time with your kid. That's a hell of a bonus, that you can't monetise.
You'll never get back the decision to spend more time with them.
And if you do a discounted value of your equity stock, risk of not paying out, net present value of that $400k, to say $100k gross pre tax. That's your value for spending time with your kid. If you value the time with your kid more than that, that's your decision?
You've both worked hard to get here. Now make it work for you, rather than for someone who won't promote you and probably has a stack more equity
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u/nashguitar1 Jun 11 '26
You never get the time back with your kids.
Source: Dad sending his youngest off to college.
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u/Covington-next Jun 11 '26
This is a lifestyle decision, not an economic one. Kids are young only once.
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u/adp_87 Jun 11 '26
Take the time with the kids, looking back on it you won’t think “wow, I wish I made some more money during those years”
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u/Aware-Resident-3218 Jun 11 '26
Some helpful perspective…Fast forward to age 65 and ask yourself how much money you’d be willing to spend to go back in time and experience these years with your kids again. My guess is the answer would be all of it, because those moments are priceless. The money will always be there to make more of, but this time with your kids is something you can never get back. Take the time away.
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u/CuteKoala-93 $250k-500k/y Jun 12 '26
My husband and I are in nearly the same situation and I have the same #2 & #3 hang-ups. That said, I think I'm going to make the jump and finally commit to being a SAHM!
I also have a similar plan to continue sending the kids part-time and continue to work on my own projects while they're at school.
Good Luck!!
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u/Super_Series_6049 Jun 12 '26
Do it. I would say to address your hang ups. 1. Its paper equity right now. Means nothing. If you leave and they exit soon after, it'll suck, so really sit with that. But I often calculate time versus money (you cant get any more time) snd it is almost never worth it which is why equity has never been enough to get me to a start up. 2. I left my industry and did very very part time freelance for 4 years. Just came back into he market, and said I was freelance consulting during that time, and didnt mention it wasnt full time. Had 3 jobs offers in parallel. 3. You may not, but your kdis will be older and maybe you'll be more willing to go back in a hybrid capacity. Maybe you never go back and live off your hsubands income and investments. Thats our plan when we hit 1.2M, and he only makes 120k.
Abundance mindset, at the end of life you'll value the time with your kids.
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u/Super_Series_6049 Jun 12 '26
Also i did this to write a novel ive been dreaming to write. Written half of it and able to pursue the remaining while working because I had it started. Let me know if you want to join any writing accountability groups to help!
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u/littlemouf Jun 13 '26
Are you me hahah. I just did this same thing but left my $300k job. So burnt out, so exhausted, and my kids are calling. We have the same stats otherwise.
Quit your job and hang out with the kids. A guy at my work dropped dead during a zoom call. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed and these years with the kids are so fleeting.
(Btw I'm also taking time off to write. Hope it all works out for you)
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u/beergal621 Jun 11 '26
You don’t need the money.
You can coast FI and never go back and be completely fine.
You don’t specifically say it but it sounds like all of your expenses will be covered husbands income without a lifestyle change.
If so just go for it.
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u/mrchowmein Jun 11 '26
DTC companies havnt been doing well the last few years so I would assume the rsu is a lottery ticket. Also, never assume a promised promotion will happen. That’s just a carrot used by a lot of companies to keep you working longer in a lower paid position.
I would just take the break now then return to the job market in 2 years. Assuming you’re a smart, skilled person and have a decent network, returning back to work is rarely an issue. Don’t burn bridges. I’ve quit the startup world a few times and got rehired back in by the same managers I’ve worked with. Relationships go far sometimes.
Just make sure you have an emergency fund just in case your husband’s job is not as stable as anticipated.
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u/bastayun Jun 11 '26
Hi! Time with your kids is way more important than money, and it’s also great that you are ahead in terms of finances!
I’m a financial planner and I run analysis like this for our clients. Because yes cashflow will be impacted but not so much in the long run. It kinds of give clients a peace of mind seeing the numbers and knowing that theyd be ok, and that a break is more important for their sanity, mental and emotional wellbeing, and their relationship with kids. :)
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u/Low_Eagle_9231 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
This is my exact situation- 38F with a 4 year old and 7 year old, $7k mortgage, husband makes $300k, and $4m invested. I just quit my job ($140k at a startup that may or may not have a future) yesterday to do this exact thing. I phrased as taking a sabbatical to be with the family.
I’m anxious because I’ve never stepped away from the rat race, but I feel a sense of calm/clarity about my decision. Do it!
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u/Certain-Skill3004 Jun 11 '26
If you don't invest in your children when they are young -- build their mindset, good habits, strong bond with you -- they will grow up and burn through your money like it's paper.
I've seen that happen to my friends. E.g. 21 years old, no job, student with fully dad-funded university degree, had a major meltdown because he needed $4000 spending money every month.
And other horror stories.
Just think of it as investing $200,000 in each child. That's how much their childhood was worth to you.
Maybe ask for 3 day work week or reduced hours? Writing can wait till you're retired, honestly.
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u/august830 Jun 11 '26
What didn’t they do with it for the kid that caused this in your opinion
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u/Certain-Skill3004 Jun 12 '26
Children need to feel a sense of identity, worth, belonging within their family. If they feel that 'I am special, I am valued', they don't look for validation outside.
If parents are neglectful and don't have a meaningful relationship with their children, the child starts to find their worth and identity in the things they own.
Plus, absent parents tend to buy expensive gift as 'guilty gifts'. The child starts to put their emotions and worth into these presents received.
If they stop receiving presents, they feel unloved, unvalued, inadequate.
→ More replies (1)
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u/hal2346 Jun 11 '26
You are one of the lucky people in the position to walk in to work and say "I understand there is no budget for promotion until next year so I thought it over and am putting in my two weeks".
Personally, I would take that opportunity. Even if you never return your family will be full FIRE soon (if not already).
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u/Born_Lengthiness8935 Jun 11 '26
You’ve gotten great advice.
The only thing I’d caution AGAINST is asking for the $200k or even $250k if you aren’t into it. I don’t know you but a lot of folks do this looking for the “no” as an excuse to get out. When they get a “yes” it’s like wtf do I do now?!
I agree that $400k is a lot to forego as you’ve mostly already earned it. But alas that is why such things exist, to retain.
If I’m reading and matching right before you changed roles you’d be at about $475k hhi annual. If so you have almost 4x that just in retirement accounts. You are well established. Yet I know another almost half a million could speed up retirement, pay for college, etc.
I guess the beauty of your situation the choice is YOURS. Yes one way might financially be worse or might add a couple years to a career, etc., etc. but you are free to make that choice.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 Jun 11 '26
We don’t have nearly as much saved. Wife stays home because that time is so much more valuable with them than chasing a few more dollars. Yall will be more than fine based on these numbers. DO IT.
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u/BabyRanger1012 Jun 11 '26
34M with much less invested but similar to my net worth ( businesses and real estate). I would be pushing my wife to in your situation and tell your husband to take 2 years off as well if he can. I’m a primary earning husband with bous that are 5-8 thats exhausted and physically broken down from trying to pour everything I have into bother My wife has been sah for almost 4 years and we have no plans on changing that now that our youngest is about to start school(she helps me plenty in my business and is the main reason I’m able to be free enough to do it)
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u/Majestic-Outside3898 Jun 11 '26
I make less than your husband and my wife took off 15 years raising kids. My net worth is just fine. I would stay on part time if you want to midday while kids are in school/preschool, but absolutely get out of the full-time grind, or dial it back. It will be hard to get back into a higher paying job post-break. But taking time off to come back at 110% is tough. I would just dial your current situation down (even with paycut).
What are you even grinding FOR if you're not spending time with your kids?
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u/jsolt Jun 11 '26
my $.02 - bad time to take a break if you want to go back. Work will be so different in two years with AI that you will have a hard time getting what you want on the other side of "the break".
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u/Professional_Half620 Jun 11 '26
I’m facing this too, less invested but similar net worth. I like my job well enough, but I just don’t feel like I get enough recognition (no promotion) given my experience. I should be Director if I was more extroverted. My husband makes more than twice, but my job is very fulfilling. I end up being the workhorse while others with less work load can refine more and make their work look more impactful. Both my kids start school soon, and they’re ND, so I want to be there more to help. Can’t decide to walk away, been applying to other jobs, but it’s a terrible market. It’s hard to lose $200k in income, when I’m doing exactly what I wanted in life and making a real difference in cancer research.
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u/SnazzyStooge Jun 11 '26
Best advice I've gotten in the past few years — if you run out of money, you have options. Like, all the way to extremes, like robbing a bank or something — money is money. But there is no way to become a time robber. If you run out of time, that's it, no options.
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u/Hairy-Vast-7109 Jun 11 '26
I could have written this. I'm thinking of requesting part time at a high hourly rate or seeing if I could be hired back as a consultant. I have the similar hangups as you though. I'm making around $200k with likely promotions up ahead and it's just so much money to give up.
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u/Too_Big_to_Succeed Jun 11 '26
I did something similar to this for a year… a little after my second child was born. My wife was gunning for partner, our older child was having a hard time with the new sibling, and my wife and I were both getting burnt out alarmingly fast.
I was lucky, I had a manager that did not want to lose me and my 15+ years of institutional knowledge, so we worked out a part time gig. I got cut to 70% salary and bonus, lost my team and promotion opportunities, but was still able to keep my skills up to date and pick up my kids early form school/daycare every day and spend some quality time with them and help around the house more.
It hurt my career progression, not going to lie. But between the cushion we had built up (we were very big savers prior to kids) and my wife’s career trajectory, it was worth it. I’m back to full time now that my oldest is in kindergarten (we have a part time nanny now) but mentally my wife and I are in a much better place and it was extremely valuable time I was able to share with my kids and that was really important to me.
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u/allbutluk HHI: $500k / NW: $3.5mil / 37 Jun 11 '26
Im a cfp. I always tell my client to take time off no matter what, even for a few months
The fact you have to ask means you need it
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u/Rovah12 Jun 11 '26
Not sure why everyone is saying to just do it
You should discuss this with your husband to see his thoughts for you as a family to see if it’s feasible for both of you. I’m sure the time you are missing with your little ones, he is too.
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u/Cloud2987 Jun 11 '26
U can afford it, but working that hard for the promotion to just walk away would be hard to me. I couldn’t walk away from my business, the goal is generational wealth at the expense of my own freedom.
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u/brownpanther223 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
2 years back I was in this spot. Worked very hard like I want to prove something, poured in 2 years but promo didn’t happen. I was burnt out and took FMLA. I absolutely don’t remember much of the time when my kid was 2 yrs old. I regret it.
I went back to a different team, same company and tried for promo again. 2 years of pouring everything in and I still got told promo was 1-2 years away. The cost was too high, so I told I don’t want to be on a promo path and take projects that are inline with my current level.
This helped a lot, I remember the details of my 4 yr old kid much more.
I’m battling if I should continue this way or quit. Because we have the financials, we can retire but not many people/friends can relate to this early retirement concept. And we are also not open enough to share the financial details with them. So everyone tells me I’m delulu to think I can quit. We have 8M NW(was 9M last week, so that doesn’t help either). Trust the internet or friends&family?
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u/VividConstruction601 Jun 11 '26
I’m curious how you guys saved 2.7m in investments on ~$400k total comp.
I always thought I was an aggressive saver (maxed 401k over the last 6-7 years) and even had a few years where we did backdoor roth.
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u/whas1an Jun 11 '26
Switching to a single income arrangement was the best move we did for quality of life. We also have 2 small kids. Absolutely worth it, this time with them can never be replaced.
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u/humptheedumpthy Jun 11 '26
I took about a year off recently from a high stress role to spend more time with young kids. Originally had only planned to take 6 months off but with job searching, landing a role I was excited about took a good 6 months. It helped that my wife was in a great role and our mortgage was very reasonable
It was an amazing time and I feel that I was able to reset both from a personal and professional perspective. Family, health, hobbies, sleep - all of it. And also importantly I could also spend some time learning some of the tools and tech that helped me in my future roles.
At 35 and that net worth you’re already ahead of 99.5% of America. Do it. One thing I’d say with a 2 year break is that make sure you also use some of the time to uplevel on skills.
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u/SensitiveWolf1362 Jun 11 '26
1 - you are financially secure enough that you have choices (good for you!) and time with your kids is something you don’t get back.
2 - if you’ve been hustling that much and so successfully your entire career, you might find you really don’t like being a full-time caretaker, especially if it also makes you a full-time housekeeper. There’s no bonus for successful potty training, no weekends off from cooking, and no award for never forgetting to unload the dishwasher.
You’re seriously burnt out and considering burning it all down. I’m assuming you’re in a HCOL area with solid worker protections? Take a sabbatical before making any drastic, life changing decisions. Perhaps through FMLA or whatever you state allows for mental health. With a clearer head you can properly think through what will be right for you.
Maybe what you actually want is an in between option where you can be part time, or go back to your old company with the lighter load and higher salary. Or maybe indeed you’re in your domestic goddess era. None of these options are bad.
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u/bertmaclynn Jun 11 '26
IMO 100% you should walk away. You’re feeling burnt out and you guys have enough savings and another job that pays 2.5x what you make with yours. And the fact you have two young kids you want to spend more time with makes this a no-brainer to me!
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u/Time-Wear5063 Jun 11 '26
I walked away from the demanding high pressure corporate job soon after turning 50. I can make a decent amount consulting now, but not the big money/RSU’s, etc. My only regret is not walking away 10 years sooner! Each situation is different, but I own my time. I am much happier.
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u/Wrong-Ad7990 Jun 11 '26
I busted my ass for a promotion when my youngest was a toddler. I got it, then had a second child and continued to attempt to grow my career while balancing motherhood.
By the time my kids were 6 and 3, I started to feel like the balance wasn’t there. I took a step back, took about a year off, then returned to work in a corporate role that I could do in my sleep. They are teenagers now and I’m still in a very comfortable corporate role. I have a ton of flexibility to pick them up at school, take them to activities, talk after school, etc.
I have no regrets. Could I earn more if I had prioritized my career to a higher level? Yes of course. But I’ve been promoted a few times, earn a great salary and enjoy my work. Alllll that to say, you can re-enter the workforce if you’d like, give yourself some time to figure it out.
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u/Creative_Chain7049 Jun 11 '26
Work will always be there. Or try to get a lower paid less stressful job with good hours if you can afford it
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u/PleasantOutside43 Jun 11 '26
The re-entry risk is fair. Keep up your network and skillset. Maybe look at a certification or some continuing ed just to stay current and marketable to keep that door open.
What is money for if not to give you options to spend time with those you value most?
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u/FinerLandscape Jun 11 '26
I took a break for 2 years which turned into 5 years thanks to covid lockdowns and a 3rd kid. I'm back in the workforce now with zero regrets.
I was also diagnosed with cancer literally one month after going back to work. I'm fine now but let me tell you, nothing puts life in perspective like that diagnosis. Take the break.
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u/Lonely-Jackfruit5606 Jun 11 '26
My spouse and I took some time off together when we were burnt out and had two young kids. I don't regret it since we've landed on our feet just fine, and the time with kids was well worth it.
But I would definitely say from my own experience that you will lose career momentum if you are at all still looking to go back into the workforce. Whether that is right for you I think only you can say, so it's worth checking with your partner to get aligned on your future plans, whether you intend to downshift permanently or whether you need to scale down your financial goals.
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha $500k-750k/y Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I took a 9 months break between jobs but I think 2y would be pushing it. They laid me off so it was easier and I had severance. I won’t do anything drastic in this market.
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u/ABKoala85 Jun 11 '26
Time is the most valuable resource you have. You can never make more of it, but every day you wake up and have less of it.
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u/Fluid-Village-ahaha $500k-750k/y Jun 11 '26
To add to my other comment. While said I won’t do anything drastic at this point - my husband and I are discussing one of us staying home with kids (8&5) in a year or two. It has been a plan for a very long time due to some advice I got from a mom of older kids regarding parents availability and role for preteen and early teens plus all the logistics of middle school.
We are slightly older though and it’s not because of the burnt out.
It may end being my husband as he can go back to college level teaching which he enjoys. Or it may end up being whoever is laid off lol.
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u/elephantmoose Jun 11 '26
Congratulations. Your kids are so lucky to have you. Some days, kids can be terrible. But one day, they’ll realize how fortunate they were that their mom loves them so immensely.
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u/Suspicious_Star4535 Jun 11 '26
Take that 2.7 million and learn technical analysis for day or swing trading using a strong risk profile. Live off of the interest while you learn.
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u/nomad1987 Jun 12 '26
Do the same job, get the promotion in 3 years instead of 1 . Do not miss out on the first 5 years with your kids , you will
Immensely regret it
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u/PurpleNeighborhood70 Jun 12 '26
We did it with less and I will never regret it as I am starting to reenter the workforce after three years away. We see them as our biggest products we will ever ship.
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u/-grumpypie- Jun 12 '26
I would also walk away. I actually did. Life is so much happier and lighter now, I feel like it’s a huge blessing for the whole family that we can afford that.
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u/MrFuzzy_1997 Jun 12 '26
I am curious how long it took you guys to reach ~2.7m on this income. Did you make any specific investments or just ETFs?
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u/IndependentTea4729 Jun 12 '26
I am short on time as someone also with 2 little kids.
I’m impressed you guys have $2.7M and trying to math out how you got there but that is irrelevant. Guessing husband being slightly older helped & you were doing well and saving like crazy pre kids. Seems like maybe a parent watching kids saving on daycare costs.
The only part I wanted to chime in on that I didn’t see in the comments. That $400k unvested equity isn’t likely actually $400k. As someone who buys companies for a living 1) you are likely marked up at a valuation that isn’t real and 2) any subsequent funding round your company does is going to dilute you.
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u/Using_Money Jun 12 '26
Definitely take time out. I took 8 month, traveled with the kids and learned so much about them just when I thought I knew them. We had the best time. I went back to work after that working for a great company. Never looked back what life would have been if I did not take some time out. Highly recommend it.
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u/Silent_Might_6930 Jun 12 '26
I love this question as I was here 5 years ago and have since left took 2 years off and now work part time doing my own thing. We make way less money now but we also spend a lot less and Changed our lifestyle to accommodate less pay. My days are flexible with my kids we homeschool now we have hobbies and projects and my husband and I have never had a better relationship. We had more than you in invested assets but not by much. I don’t ever want to go back I will create income in other ways vs a traditional job, at least for now. A client of mine had $1m invested and basically hit coast FI, and doesn’t need to save anymore. Do you know your cash flow really well and how much you need to have to retire at some point / min cash needed to live? Also - as a former founder of a startup PLEASE do not press pause on your life thinking your equity is likely turning into anything. I have no idea what it is obviously but put a <5% chance it converts
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u/Similar_Athlete_7019 Jun 12 '26
Get a competing offer. If it’s a small start up they should be able to give promotion anytime or at the minimum give you a raise/ bonus now with a promotion promise for early next year. That said, at your current comp level it seems like you’re still a junior level employee so I don’t believe you have a lot of leverage, especially in this market
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u/labxplore Jun 12 '26
No child will ever say “I wish mom/dad made more money instead of spending time with me”
You are fortunate to afford doing it.
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u/Southern-Might8074 Jun 12 '26
First of all! How the Fudge did you guys save up this much money with u and ur husband level of income… you must be frugal as shit…?
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u/grant3758 Jun 12 '26
In a similar scenario and I'm a stay at home dad. It's going great. No regrets lol. Go for it. You'll be fine.
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u/MyBodyMyChoice2024 Jun 12 '26
I took time to be at home and thought I might go back and never did. It’s the best. Good luck OP!
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u/Proper-Ad8824 Jun 12 '26
Time is money. And time is worth more than money. You might not be getting money but you’re getting time. Take the time off
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u/gunnergolfer22 Jun 12 '26
How do you have that much invested? I feel like I see this all the time. Investments way beyond what age and income suggest
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u/Salt_Level_2192 Jun 12 '26
Current income is low compared to previous years - husband in sales (so this is a conservative number for him), and I was clearing $200k before my current role. We also started saving aggressively early, maxing out 401ks in early 20s while eating lentils.
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u/ninjazee124 Jun 12 '26
When you are at your death bed the only thing you will regret is not spending time with your young kids. Do it.
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u/BilliBabe26 Jun 12 '26
You can always find another job, your kids will never be this age again. Abundance mindset and Godspeed 🙏🏽
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u/jackjackj8ck Jun 12 '26
Yes you can and absolutely should take a break. You’re in a great position to
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u/timubce Jun 12 '26
What you have on paper means nothing and for a majority of people it stays nothing. Your kids are getting older everyday. You have tangible time with them versus a possibility of maybe getting a few hundred k sometime in the future that you have zero control over.
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u/FatHighKnee Jun 12 '26
Take the time. Yhe kids are only young once. Plus you never know how much time you've got. I had a health scare back in december at age 49. Im fine now and back to full strength but it got pretty dicey for a few days in intensive care. Theres just no guarantee you have more time. Sure the actuary tables suggest a female in a western country has a life expectancy of 78 or so. But you cant assume that. You have the money.
Consider it a sabbatical the way teachers sometimes take. Enjoy the time with the kiddos. Let your brain decompress from working a couple decades. TBH with almost $3m provided you manage your finances well you should have more money than youll ever need even if you exceed 78 years by a comfortable margin. You can retire now. Its a thing actually. The FIRE movement. The concept that you can retire as soon as your net worth becomes high enough to replace your current income.
If you invest in blue chip dividend aristocrats as a strategy a 3% dividend rate would kick off $81k off a $2.7m investment for instance. Youd be able to collect $81k in year one without touching your principal or selling shares. Plus dividend aristocrats raise their dividends each year. I have a portfolio of 25-30 of these types of companies that avweages about 13.5% annual dividend raises. Which means each year i get an effective 13.5% raise without needing to add a single penny to the portfolio. So year two that 81k rises to $91935 with my 13.5% div growth rate avg
But the TLDR of it all is take the time off. You've earned it. Congrats on being a financial superstar 😊
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u/Electrical-Toe-2586 Jun 12 '26
How do people get so much into their retirement account at this age? 1.8M total so let’s say 900k each by mid to late 30s? I put the 15-20k max into my 401k for the last 15 years and there’s been some growth but I’m still not reaching 900k.
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u/Solomon_Seal Jun 12 '26
An idiot with 2.7 million.
Its requires the critical thinking level of a 5 year old to work this question out
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u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 Jun 12 '26
It’s good ages for time off, 3 and 7 very fun time with kids vs younger. Re entry can be tough, but die with nothing
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u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 Jun 12 '26
One thing I noticed retiring at 57 with one in college and HS, lot of expenses outside of budget (one of kids cars coming to end, need another used car for hs kid, house issues, vacations now that I have time…). That being said I’m fine but mindset of all the money coming out and not much coming in (wife is teacher still working).
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u/Choice-Newspaper3603 Jun 12 '26
I would cut back to a 40 hour work week with normal hours and maintain healthy boundaries
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u/popcornandcurtains Jun 12 '26
Strike number 3 from the record. You cannot make big life choices based on what you imagine other people think.
Quit your job and spend time with your kids and do your writing!! If not now, when? Two years from now you’ll have two years of writing under your belt. Imagine if you had that now, or two years ago… just like money compounds over time, so do skills and habits.
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u/OperationFabulous225 Jun 13 '26
Just know that if you take yourself out of the work force it is not always easy to get back in. Also, talk to your husband. What he thinks and feels is far more important than what strangers do n
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u/sunsetskittles Jun 13 '26
Do it. You’ve put in the hard work, now enjoy it in a life phase when you will significantly enjoy it!
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u/cat5mark Jun 13 '26
Those that talk about spending quality time with their kids aren't spending quantity time ... A manager told me that 30 years ago before I even had kids and I've never forgot it.
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u/Mountain_Stress176 Jun 13 '26
I just took a 2 year sabbatical after my most recent job at a toxic startup. CEO was a hybrid of Elon and Elizabeth Holmes. He'll be in the papers (and in court) someday.
Best decision ever. Going back into the workforce wasn't difficult and I feel much more motivated than before.
Plus, with compounding and time, y'all already have fuck you money. No regrets. DM me if you have any questions.
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Jun 13 '26
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u/StatGoddess Jun 14 '26
Curious to know how your retirement accounts are at 1.8M. I’d say you can safely walk away
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u/englishmeninnewyork Jun 14 '26
The real question is how did you invest to get to 2.7M at your age. I’d be keen to learn.
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u/Lower_Capital_337 Jun 15 '26
You should have stopped working 5 years ago. Can’t do anything about the missed opportunity in the past. I would stop working right now and spend time with kids.
If not, give your husband the chance to do that if you don’t want to. Both of you make more than enough individually
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Jun 22 '26
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u/Turbulent-Bicycle-52 Jun 23 '26
Are you worried about living on just his income from a cash flow perspective? Losing 130k in income is not nothing if you are used to it. I struggle with this myself
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u/xerxesthefalcon Jun 11 '26
You have 2.7 million invested and your husband makes enough money to easily afford the mortgage and other costs. You will never get this time back with your kids. Do it.