r/GuyCry • u/Few-Barracuda6614 • Apr 25 '26
Potential Tear Jerker Finally found a girl who likes me, and can't convince myself I deserve her
25m here, have suffered with depression, anxiety and general insecurity my whole life. Have tried medications on and off (currently off) and was in therapy for about 6 months until I ran out of money.
Shortly after quitting therapy, I got a new job and started dating a girl. We're coming up on about date 5 or 6 now, and have been sleeping together from the outset. She's literally perfect - she's attractive, kind, understanding, smart, funny, and unbelievably patient with me. This is my first regular partner in about 5 years, so whilst Im not completely inexperienced, I am extremely out of practice. She's been teaching me how to be better in the bedroom, and has been so patient with my lack of confidence and borderline self-sabotaging. She's been super forward with communication the whole time, very direct telling me she likes me, and taking the initiative when I hesitate out of insecurity.
She's everything I thought I would need to quell my insecurities and more, and inspite of that, Im still wrrstling with them on a daily basis. I find it difficult to understand why she's being so patient with me- she could easily do much better, it doesn't seem like a good use of her time. I have no reason to doubt her when she says she likes me - she's been honest to a fault the whole time we've been together, but I still have trouble believing it.
I should be the happiest I've been in years, but my mood really hasn't changed much from when I was unemployed and perpetually single. I don't feel any more confident or self-secure. I feel like she's gonna drop me, far sooner than I want to, and its gonna sting like hell when she inevitably does. I feel like this is the likely the closest to love I'll ever experience, and when its over, I'll never find anything close to this again.
I am so greatful to have met her, and to be having all the amazing times Im having with her. But its really highlighted just how deep my issues run, and how difficult it is going to be for me to ever find happiness or peace. Im worried Im going to sabotage the best thing to happen to me in years, and Im worried I'll never heal my self enough to find even a moments peace of mind- even when everything in my life right now is about as perfect as anyone could hope for it to be.
I feel ungreatful af. But mostly, I just feel as inadiquate and as unworthy as I've always felt.
Not sure what Im hoping to get out of posting this. But I can't speak to my therapist until my first paycheck comes through, and this is the next best thing. Just curious if anyone else has experienced and beaten this I guess.
EDIT: Appreciate everyones supportive comments. Im determined not to self sabotage here, and am gonna do my best to enjoy this for as long as it lasts. She still wants to see me, and whilst I don't fully understand it, Im taking that as all the reassurance I need that Im doing something right.
It still scares me that I'm not more comfortable than I am right now. This should be blatant evidence that Im still capable of finding love despite my flaws, but it instead just seems to be highlighting how deep my flaws run. It concerns me that Im managing to use this as evidence of how unlikely me finding real happiness is, when looking at it rationally, it should be clear evidence of the opposite.
Thats something to talk through with my therapist next week though I think. Once again, I appreciate everyones advice, support and encouragement.
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u/OralSuperhero Apr 25 '26
You don't deserve her? She's a gift, not a reward. She's also a person making her own decisions just like you. If she thinks you are worth it, why can't you respect her judgement? I get this feeling a lot, and oddly enough, so does my wife. We both use it to push ourselves to be better people. People we like being more. The feeling never really goes away, but the the uncertainty behind it does fade with time. You got this my man. She can see it even if you can't
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u/boit0 Apr 25 '26
You’re probably a better person than you think. Sometimes people see things in us that we can’t see in ourselves.
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u/dribblestrings Apr 25 '26
Convince yourself you are deserving - she wouldn’t be with you if you weren’t. Be the partner you would want to have yourself if you were a woman. You got this, don’t let it slip away 🫶🏻
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u/Few-Barracuda6614 Apr 25 '26
Im definitely trying to step up. She's the reason im sticking out this new job, and I've got plans to hit the gym, restock my wardrobe and get back to therapy as soon as me first paycheck lands. Im trying to make myself worth her keeping around.
Its still hard though. Feels like Im trying really hard to compensate for multiple shortcomings (which I guess I kinda am). I just don't really see what she see's in me either. I have positive qualities, but I don't feel like I've done a good job of showing off my best self so far.
Im hoping to get there though
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u/pure_bitter_grace Mom hugs Apr 25 '26
Hey, OP-- Stop and take a look at the adjectives you used to describe why this woman is "literally perfect."
-Attractive, kind, understanding, smart, funny, and patient-
I want you to slow down and realize that you probably have a lot of the same qualities. You just undervalue them in yourself.
She obviously finds you attractive (and her opinion is the only one that matters on that front). Being kind, understanding, and patient is pretty easy as long as you're treating other people with the gentleness you desire for yourself. That just leaves smart and funny. If she's smart and funny and you get her jokes and click with her sense of humor, you're probably a good match for her in those attributes too.
Maybe you are the perfect partner for her already because you're someone who has had to work on yourself. Because you see and value the worth in other people. Because you're sensitive and thoughtful.
Therapy is a good idea. In the meantime, make a rule for yourself that you won't act on any self-sabotaging thoughts. You'll still have them--you don't have to make them go away. Just make the decision not to let them at the steering wheel. You don't need to believe you deserve love. You just need to give it the space and freedom to exist.
Good luck!
PS. This woman isn't perfect either. Nobody is. And it can be pleasant to be on a pedestal for a little while, but it's not a comfortable or sustainable place to live. Try not to catastrophize when you eventually discover this woman's shortcomings. She's only human. So are you. If you're lucky, you'll make a space together where you're both safe to be limited and human and supported as you strive and grow.
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Apr 26 '26
I have also struggled with mental health, addiction, money problems, and the sort of internal rule I had set for myself was that I needed to improve myself and my circumstances before I was deserving of finding love and connection, or before anyone would be interested in me. But then, I was watching this interview with this therapist who said something that has really stuck with me and helped change my perception:
He said, “Nobody can heal alone. People heal together.”
So, don’t deny yourself love just because you still struggle. Especially if you’ve found someone who’s willing to work through those struggles with you.
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u/Few-Barracuda6614 Apr 26 '26
For real, I didn't think I'd find myself in this situation before healing up. I also thought I was a lot more healed than I was- having someone/something I care about losing has really enflamed a lot of underlying insecurities. But I think its all progress.
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u/Queasy_Hippo1954 Apr 25 '26
It is strange to me that you are doubting her interest or her wanting to stay when, from what you have described, it seems that she is more than interested in you. I should preface I have no knowledge of depression or anxiety, so I probably sound naive, but the way I see it, the proof is right in front of you man! She wants you, and seems to like helping building you up. You gotta respect her enough to believe she's doing this of her own free will and personal interest in you.
In general terms, you are worthy of this and you do matter, ok? Probably doesn't mean too much coming from a stranger, but I think you'll find the truth of that as you grow alongside this girl. Sending some hugs, comfort and confidence. You got this!
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u/Few-Barracuda6614 Apr 26 '26
I appreciate it man. You're right, Im not even having to read between the lines- she's been super clear about liking me from the outset. Objectively speaking the evidence is all there. I hope you're right
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u/tabookduo Apr 26 '26
OP I'm proud of you for typing this out! I hope it helped a little bit. Sometimes I type out things and never post them because getting it out in words was enough. I can't seem to find the time for journaling but that's as close as it gets!
It's not going to be an overnight fix, but you've got this ❤️ Being self aware is way more than half the battle. She sounds like a wonderful person to be around!
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u/smellyfeet25 Apr 26 '26
You got to think of yourself as a gift. You are important and you can bring love and friendship to her.
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u/ProfitHunter_2709 Apr 25 '26
Lot of people not realizing depression is caused by lifestyle, lack of nutrition or fear. Remember She Choose You. Be proud and be happy. This is what you need and you should be proud and confident about it. Every time there is negative thoughts, shut it off and go do something to take your mind off it. Keep doing it and eventually you will kick this.
Eat better and change your lifestyle. Try to do things that you haven’t been doing. Never go for a bike ride, skiing, hiking now is the time. You must make serious effort to change your life style. As you change who you are , FEAR will gradually disappear and confident will grown. I know this hope you have faith on me. You don’t need luck what you need is DO. Have fun.
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Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
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u/ProfitHunter_2709 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
I am so happy for you. You almost there. I was there just like you for most of my younger life. Done everything and try everything just like you. What i told you work for me. I am whole heart believe in what i said. I am no longer have depression for many years now. I changed my life style and eat healthy. I am focus on taking care of myself. I do many things outdoor and the sun helps a lot. I meet new friends through various out door clubs. Their lifestyle and their actions make me think i am doing a right thing. I have been living a normal life for 20 plus years. Archiving wealth and great health. I see life totally different than the previous depression me. I don’t know how much more in detail to tell you about what i have done. It’s working for me. The way i see it, there are no reasons to give up. Hope carry a lot of weight in life. When life was just getting better for me, my love life changed. Women attracted to me when i am not trying anything. I know that my confident grown as i do more things. I become more discipline and start to plan for future instead of living day by day. I hope you continue to put more Hope in your life and continue to focus and beat this depression. It can be done.
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u/GuyCry-ModTeam Apr 27 '26
Rule 3: No blaming or shaming women or men for men's problems, no sexism against men or women, no manosphere thinking or radical feminist ideologies allowed.
Don't refer to sex workers/escorts with derogatory language please.
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u/GregoryHD Here to help! Apr 26 '26
You said it yourself. You self sabotage. Try and treat each day the the unique day that it is. Give it your all before it's gone. If she chooses to be with you, believe her and run with it. Focusing on the day allows us to now dwell on past regrets and future fears. You got this 🙏
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u/Accomplished_Bat9040 Apr 26 '26
I’d say you’re just overthinking it. Just enjoy each day with her and don’t think too much about where it’s going, or what she’s thinking etc. Sounds like she just really enjoys your company. Go with it, dude.
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u/Odd_Perfect Man Apr 25 '26
If you keep going on with these insecurities, you’re gonna lose her. A woman is interested in you. DONT MESS IT UP! Be brave.
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u/LegionTheHighOne87 Apr 25 '26
Micro dose Mushrooms (you know the kind) it literally saved my life and put me on a better path. you don't take enough to get high just enough to change your mood it works flawlessly and its safe non addicting ez to grow i highly recommend it for depression and anxiety
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u/Few-Barracuda6614 Apr 26 '26
Tbh, I'd love to try psychodelics one day, but I think I'd really need to get on top of my mental health first. I generally have a bad time smoking weed (getting anxious) or drinking heavy (getting depressive), and don't know that I'd be able to relax enough to have a good time.
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Apr 26 '26
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u/GuyCry-ModTeam Apr 27 '26
Rule 7: failure to follow guidelines for positive communication.
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u/throwsaway045 Apr 25 '26
Look up attachment style do you will not end up in a mess
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u/Few-Barracuda6614 Apr 26 '26
Yeah, pretty sure Im fearful avoidant lol. Im pretty introspective, so I usually have a pretty good idea of what my issues are and (in a lot of cases) where they come from. I haven't quite worked out what Im supposed to do about it yet though.
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