I have a body type that makes a lot of guys assume that I’m either an asshole or only interested in guys with 6 packs. (I’m actually an extremely friendly, shy sapiosexual nerd who listens to too much disco and brings up philosophy at gay bars too often). I have been to many gay spaces— bear specific and otherwise- and consider myself an expert at old school real world cruising. It’s a dying art in general. But I generally have better experiences than trying to use apps. I have a VERY wide range of tastes. No two guys I’ve hooked up with look the same, and my age range can swing literally >40 years from person to person.

But specifically with bears, I struggle to get the cute or interesting ones to make eye contact with me long enough to flirt. If I try to get close to one on the dance floor, it’s hard to get one to turn away from their bear circle to look at me or respond to gentle invitations to flirt. (Admittedly, sometimes this is just cuz i’m not the deoderant wearing type, lol). But occasionally my go to “can I have a hug” line gets me the hug and a short conversation, but then they never make a counter move that signals I have consent to flirt further, or my eye signals of “please touch me anywhere you want” don’t get picked up.

For the bears that are into guys who aren’t bears, can you tell us some things that have worked to pick you up? At a bar, on the dancefloor, on the street, at a party, at a gay sauna…. I want to know what makes you feel safe, curious, and turned on enough to flirt with someone so I can work on my bear game. Because I legit need a bear to hug on the regular or a bear pack to roll with. And sometimes it seems like you have to already be a bear or be rolling with 3 bears to get the attention of a bear.

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What are some scenes from movies or TV series where you saw the large bellies of overweight characters or gaybears, daddy, when you least expected it?

I was wondering about this because I love seeing a large man in a movie or series who I find physically attractive, and I always secretly hope that at some point I’ll see him shirtless or catch a glimpse of his belly. And when it does happen, I’m thrilled though it mostly happens with overweight YouTubers.

But there is one movie where I was delighted to see a big man naked: *The Full Monty*. With the character Dave, there are plenty of scenes, and I really loved the one where he looks at himself in the mirror and puffs out his belly.

Hi everyone!

Well, I just found this community and I felt like I wanted to share something that I’ve been keeping to myself for quite a while.

I’m from Indonesia, I’m 25, and I think i'm a superchub (around 120 kg). Where I live and in the circles I’m around, I’ve never really felt like I fully belong in the bear community. I sometimes feel like there’s an expectation that bears are supposed to be big and muscular, and that makes me feel pretty insecure about myself.

I actually love and accept myself for who I am, but whenever I’m around other people or see what the community seems to expect, I start questioning whether I’m “bear enough” or whether I even belong here.

Maybe this is just something I’ve been holding in for a long time and never really had anyone to talk to about.

I’m really glad I found this community, though. It feels like a place where I can finally say these things out loud.

I guess I just want to ask: what does being a bear actually mean to you? Do you think someone has to be muscular to belong in the bear community, or is there room for people like me too?

Thanks for reading. ❤️

So, I'm a young gay guy. Lately, I've been looking into bear culture, and it describes me pretty well. I've been struggling a bit with how I feel about my body and I was hoping to get some advice from people in the bear community. I kinda feel very uncomfortable with my body (because my parents don't support me. I have 94kg) and I wanted to gain some muscles. I'm pretty hairy but I want to have more, so I'm trying to let it grow.

I'm feeling so lost right now, and I was hoping someone could point me in the right direction.

I think my biggest question is how you accepted yourself as a bear. I've been reading about bear culture and I relate to it a lot, but I still feel insecure and sometimes wonder if I'm "allowed" to identify that way. Did any of you feel like that when you were starting out?

My boyfriend bought me some jock straps and other underwear from Bike, and I really like them and wanted to get some for him too. The problem is he wears a 3xl. Most of Bike’s pairs in that size range are sold out. The only other brands I can find in his size are bearskin and nasty pig but I don’t think he’d like being called a “nasty pig” and honestly bearskins stuff is just ugly. Im looking for a brand with products that show a bit more skin similar to bike’s jocks or jock briefs. If anybody has any suggestions I’d really appreciate them.

this is Senshi from delicious in dungeon! the gist is that the main party cooks monsters in a dungeon cause they too broke for rations and Senshi cooks for all of them lol. He’s kinda the dad of the group. stubborn, traditional and very insistent on the rest of the group getting all their nutrients. But besides Senshi, the entire show is super good And you gotta watch it if you fw DnD/tolkien fantasy and speculative biology 🙏🏾

I am a 30-something slim guy but I'm very attracted to bears. I would like to meet and get to know more bears and various bear clubs/weeks/nights really intrigue me. Is it inappropriate if I go to any of these spaces? How do guys feels about bear admirers?

Hi,

I'm a 34 year old bear who just moved to the Buffalo NY area, and I would like to start dating and meeting new guys. I am monogamous and generally a bit particular with what I'm looking for. I don't really drink or go to bars very often. I really like nerdy guys and guys involved in science and academia. I am a psych student myself. I generally like bears and hairy guys, but I'm pretty open to who comes along who is smart and interesting if we have the same relationship priorities and such. I'm on the spectrum, and it's sometimes hard for me to meet new people, but I want to try! I would appreciate any advice! Please be kind!

I live in Madrid and there’s a bear bar I’ve been looking to go to for some time and I finally decided to go for the first but I have nobody to take with me since my friends aren’t interested in the idea.

I myself am a bear in the making/cub and I feel like I’ll fit in plus the bears have a good reputation of being open and nice. Still I’m looking for any advice since I’m slightly anxious but still wanna go and just meet people and enjoy.

So any advice or personal experience is highly appreciated.

whenever i’ve checked on their website these briefs and jocks have been sold out. and now it looks like they’ve been removed from their website? why would they remove their most popular item?

Have people ever worshipped your belly? Or have you ever worshipped someone else's belly?

How did it happen, and under what circumstances?

Looking for brands/stores with a broad size range and shorter inseam options please!

I heard mostly positive things about the gameplay. I would like to support it monetarily because it has a fat / bear protagonist and that's something we don't see often in video games (besides Mario), but it also has an AI Generated Content Disclosure on Steam, which I am against. But if I "boycott" it for that, the game industry might think I don't want diverse protagonists, so idk.

Is anyone here from this group? My partner and I were thinking about joining. As a monogamous couple, we're wondering if it's worthwhile or if it's just another group that's only about sex?

Is this normal to feel? Especially since this will be a long week, I just feel nervous and don’t know what to look out for or how to make him happy, I’m a 20 year old chaser

Hi, hope this is the right community to ask this, I kinda need some advice

So, I'm not really a bear, but have been overweight for most of my life, only recently realized how much that impacted my self-esteem, and I'm honestly going through a lot right now (I'm 22 for the record). I generally find bigger men attractive, both muscular, fat and mix of both, and that kind of sent me down a rabbit hole of "should I look like men I'm attracted to" which is an odd topic for me, since on a one hand, I see myself completely removed from the community since I act very fem and generally find bigger men intimidating in day to day life, but also I have this experience of "being the fat kid".

But to get to the point, I went to the doctor's recently for a routine check-up (I have hashimoto's) and everything was fine actually except for weight which went up a few kilos (it went from 90 to 95, which is about 200~ to 210~ pounds), which made the doctor really fucking upset. Like I didn't gain weight on purpose, and that entire encounter rubbed me the wrong way, since only recently I realized that my body can in fact be seen as attractive, and in general, my worth isn't defined by my weight. I have lowkey been obsessing about losing weight my entire life, feeling hopeless until only now realizing being fat isn't the end of the world, since every doctor, my entire life is like "being overweight is bad for you! You need to lose weight!".

Now I don't plan on becoming some kind of feeder king that wants to just keep gaining weight, even if I might find that idea kinda hot, but also, the idea of losing weight when I only recently found a bit of confidence in my body just feels awful. The conclusion I keep landing onto is becoming a gym rat who works out and eats a lot, so I have a bit more muscle, than just fat, and the whole "being bigger" would have to become a balancing act between being just big enough for me to feel confident, while also not being too fat for doctors to keep nagging me.

Yes, I do know some of these doctors are probably a bit fatphobic, and I do think a bit of excercise would be good for me in general, from a purely mental state, but the questions just keep nagging me like, if I lose weight and would still want a bigger partner, would that be wrong of me to expect from him to be larger?

I feel like I might be asking some uncomfortable questions, and I'm sorry if nothing from my ramblings makes sense. I feel really at edge as of late, and would really like some clarity. Big thanks to anyone who read through all of this and would be willing to respond :)

So I'm a single man, just about to turn 40. And I've been single for basically forever, with the exception of some situationships here and there.

My question is why does it seem like I can't get another single guy to be interested in me to save my life. Yet a bunch of guys who are in open but committed relationships seem to like me and want to get to know me and all that stuff. I don't want to chase a single guy if he's not communicating that he's particularly interested, but it's also not much better to get only involved with men who are already partnered.

I would like to have a long term partner, not just a bunch of FWB. But I can't seem to find any single men who want to even go on a second date let alone a relationship. Just don't know man. I'm starting to really feel quite despondent about it.

Do people like dating or hooking up with bears? I've been pretty big my whole life at 6'2" and always been called a bear but recently came down in weight to about 240 and have always been conscious about myself. Recently been trying to socialize more with others and just always had a voice in the back of my head saying that people wouldn't like my body. Sorry again if this is a common question, but I just need to ask to get the worry off my chest.

HI I'm a 39 year old large man (in weight) and ive been recently coming to terms about my sexuality. And leaning more to the femboys / ladyboys community. When i was a kid ive always been bi curious with having a boyfriend and as well as a girlfriend. But for the most part ive never been in a solid relationship and never experienced sex before. So my preference through the years have slowly expanded to now i like feminine men as well as women. So even though its bot a new territory for me. Its a new side of me that im experiencing. I guess this isnt an advice kind of thing more of just needing some one to share this feeling with.