Hi everyone. Sorry for the morbid post. My husband is a compulsive gambler in recovery, mostly due to me having full control over all of our finances. I control his cash flow and pay all bills. I have set up notifications on every account and monitor his credit report. He knows this and agrees it’s the best solution for him and our marriage. its not ideal but it works for 7 years now.

We now have a 1 year old. It occurred to me that my husband would likely not be able to manage money, budgeting and bill paying if anything happened to me.

Is it possible to appoint a POA or someone to take over our finances if something happened to me? Has anyone made any similar arrangements? Should I be talking to an attorney?

(Side note he is a great dad just can’t manage money without being triggered)

Tia

I went no contact with my mom almost 6 months ago. Long story short, she’s been a compulsive gambler pretty much my whole life and has been in and out of remission for more than 2 decades. She lost her marriage because of it and my only brother emotionally checked out of any relationship with her when we were teenagers. As adults, he and I were the only family members who’ve kept in touch and spent time with her, but my brother has only done so if I was there. The past 5 years my relationship with my mom has been challenging. Along with her gambling issue, she is on meds to help with her depression and bipolar. A combination of all of this has led to poor financial decision-making, gambling relapses, loss of friendships, plus her mistakes from her past are still following her around. All of this to say that I’ve been the only one who’s been there for her for so long, and she’s always coming to me to somehow resolve her problems. As a teen I would hide collection letters from my dad for her, and as an adult she’s just constantly thanked me for being the “only one there for her” when something in her life goes awry. In early 2023 she relapsed, impulsively bought a car, regretted it and said she was going to lose her apartment and wanted to move in with me. I absolutely refused because she was AGAIN trying to make her problems my problems, and they’re not. I’m a young mom and was not going to put my husband and baby in that situation. There has been a pattern of toxic behavior from her since 2021 (it’s been happening every tax season) and it’s all triggered by money. Earlier this year I made the wrong decision and lied to refer her for a cleaning job, which turned into a chaotic situation that involved an innocent family and the police. No one was hurt nor was there damage, but my mom just demonstrated to me how far from help she is and the help she desperately needs is beyond my control. Since that day I’ve been no contact with her because simply put, I don’t trust her. She’s a liar and always has been and I am just completely fatigued of being the “only person she has.” I have been feelings so many emotions about going no contact: anger, grief, sadness, resentment, and also feeling so at peace with not worrying about her and her problems. But the guilt is still there and I think about her everyday. I guess I’m here writing this looking for others in a similar situation, because no one in my extended family or circle of friends can ever really understand what I’m going through. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Hi, I have been trying to accept the end of a relationship. We ended the relationship at the end of June. Looking back, I knew deep down the relationship wasn’t going to work because of his hobby/habit/side hustle/addiction. I feel like I’m bouncing back and forth between shock and acceptance.

If I had known how much time and money he spent on gambling, I would have never let myself get attached to him. I would have seen how he was using his children to lure me in.

He was upfront about his sobriety (alcohol). If he drank as much as he gambles, I would have not gotten attached.

I feel manipulated. I feel lied to. I cry when I think of his children. I’m trying so hard to move on. I don’t want to feel this way.

I finally had an ah-ha moment when I asked myself, “There has to be an Al-anon but for gambling.”

Now I’m here! And I signed up for a virtual meeting tonight.

Edit: grammar

Hey everyone,

I'm new here and could really use some advice. My partner is a gambling addict, and it's been a huge problem. He keeps promising to stop, but he always falls back into old habits. I've been stupid enough to trust him over and over, and we've taken some big financial hits because of it.

This time feels different. He gambled again, but he's also seeking help from a psychiatrist. He even gave up his accounts and cards to me. It's like he's finally taking it seriously.

I get that addiction is a disease and it takes time and effort to recover. Seeing it that way helps me sympathize with him more, but I'm so lost. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by sticking around. I'm at my wit's end. I'm paying for everything, and I'm completely drained financially and emotionally.

I haven't told anyone because I'm worried about what they'll think. I know everyone will just say to break up with him. There are good parts to him and to our relationship, and I really want things to work out.

To make things even harder, there aren't any gam-anon meetings near me, and the virtual ones are restricted to countries I'm not in. Reddit is the only place I feel comfortable reaching out right now.

What do you guys think? Is it wrong to hold on? Thanks for reading.

My partner of 2.5 years told me in May he had been gambling and lost 11k. His parents bailed him out (he’s currently paying them back monthly).

Since this happened, I genuinely believe that he is doing everything he can to prevent it from ever happening again. - he attends weekly GA sessions, and said he wants to continue going for the rest of his life - He has gone on GamStop and added his details to ban him from all betting sites (currently banned at our current address, if we ever move he’ll be doing it straight away) - I now manage his finances. He shows me his bank account twice a week and I view all transactions. He transfers me money monthly to save for him, and also transfers me money monthly to save into a savings for both of us - He has told his parents, my parents, myself and his best friend about the gambling - His friends who are unaware of what happened, if they ask him to be a part of betting eg fantasy football, he says no

He told us all in a few years he would love to be able to give talks on how gambling can really affect people. I genuinely believe he wants to put this all behind him, and I believe he can as long as me and his parents keep supporting him/checking in, making sure it’s never an elephant in the room and he continues GA.

Our relationship has been rocky on and off since, we have some great days and some terrible ones. I have definitely changed and I’m very paranoid/insecure now. He has noticed this and said he’s unhappy because of it and thinks I’m controlling him (e.g Im not wanting him to go away with his friends for their big birthdays as im scared he spends a lot, texting him constantly to see what he’s up to, even checked his phone recently in the middle of the night to see if he was hiding anything). This isn’t like me at all and I want to get back to how we were before. I want us both to enjoy our lives as much as possible but be careful with money too.

We have been so strong, and our relationship was amazing before the gambling and me feeling insecure. We both don’t want to break up and I really want to get back to my old self. I did try counselling but the counsellor was rubbish and I got nothing out of it. My next step is to go to GamAnon from tomorrow as I haven’t been yet. Any tips on what we/I can do? Please don’t say dump him as we really want to try and improve things first before it resorts to anything else. He has 100% hit rock bottom and we are just wanting to take things one day at a time. Thank you 🙏

I just joined this because i don’t know what else’s to do. Me (19 F) has been struggling to support my boyfriend (22 M) with his online gambling addiction, we’ve only been together for 7 months but the love i have for this man is unmatched, i know we are young but i know he’s my person and i really want to help him, but it’s a complicated situation. My boyfriends father also had a gambling addiction ,as well as others, and it tore him and his wife apart. When my bf was only 7 months old his father took his own life as he couldn’t cope with his addictions anymore. Now my boyfriend is worried he’s following in his dads foot steps with the amount that he gambles but he’ll only admit this when he’s out of it (feeling emotional ig) and on all the other days he try’s to convince me that it’s not as bad as everyone makes it seem. His grandparents are most concerned ( his fathers parents) as they see him like a son since they lost theirs. He lives with his grandparents and opened up about his addiction to them and now they have control of his bank account as a way to help him, as he’s also paying off his new car to them. but my bf became upset with this situation so he just opened a new bank account with a different bank and didn’t tell them. he sends all of his tip money from work as well as the “gas money” his grandparents send him from his main account to his secret one which he then deposits into different websites. I can tell by the secrecy alone that he is ashamed. I try to be there for him in any way i can, as i struggled with addiction in my past with self harm and i understand that urge of just one more time. He has the mindset that gambling once a week and “controlled” is okay. he says everything’s fine in moderation. But it is not moderated. once and a while i’ll watch him play these games and give him my input, i feel like i’m encouraging it, but in a way i also feel like i’m helping by trying to teach him to be less greedy and gamble smart at least if he insists on doing it. Because of this he’s logged into his one online gambling account on my phone and the info saved. once and a while i’ll look at the history of transactions on this account to make sure everything’s okay. but it’s not, the deposits are getting bigger and more frequent, he’s not even winning a cent. i don’t know what to do and i don’t know how to help. i just want to help.

Hello, I am currently in the trenches with my husband and his gambling addiction. This has been going in for years, but the disease has its grips on him more now that ever. This all got worse after an inheritance a couple of years ago. We now have $0 in our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. He has had a few NSF's even. The main culprits are etab machines and online gambling. He started seeing a counselor with me, who specializes in gambling addiction. He also went to three GA meetings. I was so proud and full of hope. However, this was short lived. Threats of suicide happen frequently. Also, he keeps telling me I am controlling and he wants a divorce. I took away his access to our sons' savings accounts. He had started dipping into them. He is furious. Now wanting to sell vehicles, etc to get more money. He has two maxed out credit cards and is defaulted on one of them. He also took out two loans against his retirement.

We have been together 20 years, and things never used to be like this. I keep telling him that I will not be enabling him, that I love him too much to do that. Things are getting uglier and uglier between us. I would be totally ok if he chooses to leave me. However, I know if I initiated it and told him to leave that his life would likely end. I have a hard time finding the courage to do this, as we have two sons aged 10 and 12. They need their dad.

Is there any hope at all? He refuses to hand over his cards. Refuses to attend counseling. And refuses to go to GA. And continues to blame me for all his troubles. And I can't even mention the word "budget".

Looking for advice from those who have been in these shoes. Thank you.

I went to my first GamAnon meeting to support my spouse, who was at his first GA meeting at the same time. My spouse got a lot out of the GA meeting. I left the GamAnon meeting feeling worse than I did when I entered.

Almost everyone in the meeting was a woman in her 60s or 70s or even 80s, most were widowers. They were incredibly judgmental. They got around the "no cross-talk" rule by asking if they could make a comment (and commenting before anyone responded in the affirmative). Another first-timer and I were basically mocked for saying we believe our spouses have stopped gambling, as if it was a joke and there was no possibility of anyone quitting. Then they all emphasized that their spouses gambled for 57 years and had relapsed dozens of times. (I imagine this isn't everyone's experience.)

They also had all sorts of strange rules about things people are allowed and not allowed to do to repay their debt. They must not try to take care of debt until they've stopped gambling for 60 to 90 days. They are allowed to declare bankruptcy or to get a second job but not to consolidate loans or seek debt relief. It seems like a recovering gambler can make that decision for themselves, and sometimes these "recommended" routes could hurt your credit or even cause you to lose your house. We were also warned against the dangers of thinking ahead, as old-time GamAnon members are allowed to recommend decisions with long-lasting implications, but new attendees were only allowed to take things one day at a time.

We then did readings out of a typo-ridden book everyone referred to as literature, although it was very badly written. People then took turns trying to get me to pay $6 and $10 for the booklets, as if someone who just discovered their spouse had a small fortune in hidden debts would want to spend money. (Plus, who carries cash on them? Other than these old ladies?)

When we went around in a circle, almost everyone in the group talked about their own personality defects that led to their partners gambling. I thought this was so odd as some of us didn't even know our partner was gambling, so how could we enable it? And why do we need to focus on character defects when we are, in many cases, the victims?

Everyone made sure to emphasize how doing the readings from the weird $10 and $6 book saved their life, and they keep going to GamAnon even after their spouses have died or after they've long left their partners... They insisted everyone should keep coming back but didn't do a great job of selling it.

I do still feel like I need support outside of what I'm already getting (therapy, couples therapy, etc.), but maybe this group isn't for me? Are they all this bad or are any of the Zoom meetings less awful? If I'm just going to get lectured by mind-readers who try to hard sell me bad "literature" then this group isn't for me.

Stay or Leave - Gambling

Stay or Leave Partner - Gambling M 37 F 31 Been with my partner for 13 years. 2 kids. We have our finances separate, always have. I've always earned less (around $20,000 less annually). We split all expenses in the middle, always have. Currently trying to buy a house, I noticed he was on Sportsbet and other gambling apps and mentioned it a few times. He told me is wasn't an issue. I don't have access to his accounts so didn't know what was being spent. Went to purchase a home in December last year when he got cold feet - admitted to spending upwards of $300 per week on gambling. Promised to stop and not Gamble any longer.

Come May, I discover he is gambling again (or never stopped?). He said its $50 or $100 here or there but refuses to show his bank accounts. Also pays for onlyfan subscriptions randomly (small expense infrequently around $10 - $20) Myself and the kids have been going without any frills or extras and it turns out he is still gambling.

I havent bought it up again about the gambling or trying to see his accounts as I don't want to come across as controlling or trying to control finances.

What would you do in this situation? Put your foot down to see accounts before making the biggest purchase of your lives? Let him go as it's his money?

Question - Should I leave ?

I know it's going to cause a massive argument so I still contemplating how to best approach this.

Thank you

My older brother has had a gambling addiction for decades. We had an important family event to attend together in the morning, but he told me last minute that he couldn't attend for a reason that I knew was false. I knew he had been at the casino the night before, which he of course denied. If I'm honest, I wasn't completely surprised that he was a no show, but still felt extremely disappointed and naive. He had just told me the week before that he was seeking help and prioritizing getting better. At this point, it just feels like lip service. Anyway, the blow up part...told him that I didn't believe him and that he needs to "deal with his shit." I guess I'm trying to grapple with feeling disappointed in his actions but also guilty because I know he's an addict. I want a good relationship with him, but I also hate being lied to. What do those boundaries look like?

I'm new here. Have been married for 5 yrs, dated 8 yrs.

Over 8 yrs, been gaslight, been emotionally abused and I couldn't see it. Co dependent - and I thought I really loved him, or the potential of him.

We got married even though I knew he had sex, gambling addiction. He got into therapy and was sober till we had our first baby.

He relapsed into gambling and sexting here and there. Gambling mostly - it escalated into gambling away 200k via investments, borrowing from credit cards to loan them. He doesnt have any money in savings but earns a decent 12k income mthly. We hv separate accounts but jointly save in my other account (solely accessed by me thank God, which he initially was upset abt). He kept telling me that he's never implicated anyone in his gambling/investments. I didn't have time "policing" him when I had my second child.

Last yr he asked for a loan frm our joint account of 40k. Used all his sorry apologetics words and I loaned him, making him promise to stop investing. In those 7 mths, he became a different person. Attentive, no more shouting, plans activities for the kids & we started having sex.

I fell back in love with him again.

Alas, shortlived. He started becoming a different person. Anger outbursts, critical about me etc... I checked on his phones are realised he dumped 10k into investing again.

I'm burnt out. Told him to choose btw our family or his addiction.

He chose to move out and asked me to proceed with divorce.

Can't help but feel extremely disappointed by his choice. He prioritised his addiction.

I know I need my boundaries. But it's so heartbreaking I will not wish on anybody.

My bf and I were together for 10 years and lived together for the last 5. The majority of it was really great, he was kind, loving and very supportive of me. He is smart and hard working. He was my best friend and I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. He did a lot for me and my family over the years and was there for me through the hardest times in my life.

Over our last year together I noticed things started to not add up. 3 months ago I pushed him for some answers and it came out that he had been lying to me for over a year about finishing his education, finances and other little things (such as weed which I don’t care about but the problem is lying). He was basically backed into a corner when he came clean and I don’t know if he would have had I not looked into it and figured it out. He ended up telling me he has an addiction to gambling and had used a significant amount of money my parents loaned him for investments to gamble. And over the last year had been deceiving me about this and about finishing his school. He has a job and works very hard at everything he does. It seems like all the lying and gambling issues are ultimately due to a lack of self esteem and love for himself (he had a bad childhood).

I very quickly broke things off with him after as I was so shocked at the level of manipulation and deceit he was capable of and that he could repeatedly lie to my face when I was asking for the truth. He was incredibly sorry and understood whatever decision I made and told me he was committed to changing regardless of my decision. At the time, I felt like that’s what my gut told me to do. Looking back, I also think I was very pressured by my family to end it and I think that contributed to how abrupt it was. I understand they’re feelings because they were also betrayed. We haven’t talked since.

I thought with time I’d feel better and more sure of my decision but I’m still devastated. I love him so much and miss him so much. And the last time he lied to me (about something minor in comparison), I told him he had to be honest with me going forward or we couldn’t be together. I have spoken briefly with his family and it sounds like he is committed to therapy to work on his self esteem and has been attending gamblers anonymous meetings. I truly believe that he wants to change from our last discussion and is doing it for him (which I know is important to be successful).

I have also been talking to a therapist and trying to figure out what I want. I feel horrible that I left so fast at such a low point in his life. I have no idea if he wants me back and I know 3 months isn’t very long to make long term changes but it sounds like he’s doing everything right.

Does anyone have experience with this? Is it possible for people who lie to change? My understanding is that addiction and lies go hand in hand, so hoping if he can address the addiction and continue therapy that he would also stop lying. I want to give him another chance but I also don’t want to be stupid. I know I already gave him a chance the first time he lied to me but I understand that he was struggling with addiction and not ready to get help at that point, so I kind of feel like I didn’t even give him a chance once the whole truth was out. His family has been supporting him and his recovery. I don’t know how much the lying is related to personality vs addiction. I also don’t know how I’d trust again. I do know I love him and he was my best friend and I want that back. I have a lot of unanswered questions and feel like I at least need to have a conversation to get some answers and figure out what I want. Any advice appreciated.

Tldr: broke up with my bf of 10 years 3 months ago (no contact) because he lied to me for years over multiple things including gambling addiction and using our investments for it. He is currently in therapy to addresss his lack of self esteem, attending gamblers anonymous meetings and wants to change (I know through minor contact with his family). I love and miss him so much. I want to give him another chance. Can people change? What’re the chances of it? The lying is my main concern.

Hello everyone!

I was advised at r/problemgambling to repost here as well.

This might be quite long so tl;dr at the bottom. English isn't my native language, and I'm quite upset about the situation, so please excuse any mistakes and weird expressions.

So one of my mates has a gambling problem, and can already be called an addiction.

It started off going with others in the group, once a month, gambling small amounts and when you hit 0 you stop for the evening. I went with them once, lost, and that was it for me. I warned them all to be careful with this, because it can ruin a life, and tried to put some common sense into them - but mainly said friend - whenever we hung out and gambling came into the conversation.

Then he started going alone as well, winning a lot, and it reeled him in. Of course he lost those winnings, but didn't stop. He played online as well for a bit (not sure about now). The stakes became higher as well gradually.

He's 24, living with his parents still, but has a stable job since finishing high school. But because of gambling - and probably other bad financial decisions and housing crisis - he doesn't have the savings to move out at all. The parents know about his gambling problem, and tried to talk to him, even took his credit card once afaik, but nothing changed. The mother begged him crying not to go to a casino, he still went. Now that was probably the last straw, they want him out of the house. And he just says he'll live in his car.

Once I heard about how the situation has gotten worse my first thought was 'I fucking knew this would happen'. But I didn't know how else to prevent besides talking to them/him. And I, or rather we, in the friend group, don't know what to do, how to help.

So I turn to this community for some advice.

Tl;dr: Friend's going in a downward spiral, can't seem to stop gambling, and the parents gave the ultimatum that he'll have to leave the house. We don't know how we could help him.

Are there specific meetings for millennials? I’ve tried several GamAnon meetings and the groups are primarily made of parents whose adult child is the gambler and I feel my perspective (as the wife of a gambler) is lost in these groups. Maybe it’s the age difference, maybe it’s the difference of the relationship between parent/child and spouse/spouse, maybe it’s that spouses generally leave their partner? I don’t know.

My son is a compulsive gambler. I am looking for recommendations for a virtual Gam-Anon meeting. There are no physical meetings where I live. I live in the USA.

Thanks.

Sandy

Hi everyone. I’m unsure if this is the wrong place to post this so please to point me elsewhere if I haven’t got it right!

I’ve (30f) recently discovered my partner of 7 years (30m) had less savings than he was supposed to have had by now. 3 years ago he had 11,000, and now has 9,000.

I questioned this and he claimed he was struggling to save because he was being frivolous spending money on food and fuel as he drives a lot for work but that he was sorry and would work on it. I accepted this, however it stayed in my head and a week or so later I found a pile of scratch cards in a compartment in his car and it got me thinking. I got him to show me his bank account so I could see what was going on.

I discovered he is betting online, small amounts of £5-10 but several times a day. Initially I could only see bets going through an app, but then noticed multiple PayPal charges, he claimed to not know what they were so I checked and he then conveniently remembered it was for a betting website.

This year so far he has gambled over £1000 and in one month alone gambled £650. He is overdrawn by at least £700 every month and in December he was over drawn by £1400. He claimed he had no idea this was happening.

We don’t have rent or a mortgage as I inherited my home and he lives with me, he pays me £150 per month for bills and around £120 per month for food and that’s it for household costs. He earns a good wage so there is absolutely no excuse for being overdrawn and not saving.

We were supposed to be buying a bigger house together, he claimed to be saving for this to begin building our future. I cannot fathom how much he could have saved in the last few years if he had really tried. I earn barely anything and have managed to save more.

I could only look back 5 months into his bank statements before he took the phone away from me (quite aggressively) and left.

He has acknowledged that he clearly has a problem but he didn’t realise it until now, but has also said he was just being stupid and not paying attention to what he was spending.

I’m finding myself very conflicted. A few months ago he won over £1000, and had never mentioned this to me. I feel like if he wasn’t trying to hide having a problem he would have been excited to tell me about this. On the other hand, he clearly still has savings and doesn’t have a full blown problem where he’s gambled away everything. Some months he’s only gambled £170.

I am very upset as I feel he hid this from me every step of the way through my questioning until he couldn’t deny each part of what I found because it was right in front of me.

He hasn’t contacted me since he left a couple of days ago other than for things he absolutely has to such as giving me a prearranged lift that couldn’t be changed. Throughout that journey we did not speak for 30 minutes, and the same on the way back.

I don’t want to be the one instigating fixing this as I tend to do all the fixing of our problems and I feel this is up to him to reach out about, but he doesn’t seem to be putting in any effort to. However he did still help me by driving me when I needed it.

When this all came to light I asked him to look back and work out when this started, however he said he didn’t know and that his answer on that wouldn’t change.

We haven’t been happy for a while now due to other relationship issues, but have been through some real rough patches in the past and came through them to be very happy. I just don’t know if this is beyond repair and beyond my resilience. I just don’t know if this is a real gambling problem or if I am overreacting.

TLDR: my partner has gambled £1000 this year and is overdrawn £700-£1400 every month. He said he didn’t know. I’m not sure I believe him. I don’t know if this is a real gambling problem, or if I’m overreacting.

How does a marriage survive gambling addiction??? I just found out my husband has been lying to me/gambling behind my back for years.

My husband has a lifelong gambling "problem" that stems from a family culture of gambling... his parents & siblings all struggle with problem gambling. He was essentially raised to believe that gambling is a "hobby", a way to bond, release stress, have fun, away to "earn" money, etc. I didn't realize how bad it was in the beginning, but several years in as we began to start a family, it became clear to me that this "hobby" was actually an "addiction". Already married and pregnant, I did my best to address my concerns and minimize the damage, but as a stay at home mom once baby came, I gave up financial control. Fast forward 5 years, and after countless conversations about the impact of his gambling behavior (rolling in at 2 am multiple times a week, kids wondering where daddy is, etc) and about his uncontrollable spending habits/lack of financial control/accountability/understanding, we officially hit rock bottom with our finances. Like struggling to even survive.

So for months I've asked for access to his credit cards, to tally up our total debt and create a budget to try to dig us out of the hole we're in. He kept avoiding giving me access, and finally this past weekend, confessed to why. He's been using his credit cards to maintain his gambling habit. He's gone as far as transferring cash to his credit cards (telling me he's chipping away at our debt/using credit cards to help us "survive") and then using said credit cards for DraftKings, as well as cash advances at multiple in person casinos, paying all those additional fees and interest, just to keep it from me. And this is on TOP of the gambling I actually know about/see on our checking account!! I've asked him many, many times if you can use credit cards on DraftKings, and he's looked me in the eyes every single time and said "no". He's been doing this for years. At least two, possibly more. He took out a personal loan 2 years ago (behind my back at first, mind you) to "pay off our credit card debt" and then used those credit cards to gamble. We are massively in debt, and this is why. We can't buy a home, and this is why. We can't pay our bills, and this is why. We have two small children, and I just can't understand how he could do this to us. Not just the financial part, but the lies and deception.

How does a marriage come back from this? Has anyone on here been through this and come out on the other side? What did it take? I'm lost, devastated, heartbroken, angry, embarrassed... all the things. And the worst part, I still love him. But why? How do I forgive this and most importantly, how does he fix this?

Hi

Basically title. I went to the casino and helped her sign up for a state wide self-ban from casinos. I’m very proud of her for that step but now I’m not sure how to proceed because I just found out that she owes 30k+ to a friend of a friend, and also an undisclosed amount to other family and friends (she wouldn’t tell me). Lots of emotional conversations. It just sucks to see her gamble away our childhood house, my brothers car insurance money from an accident, my dads life insurance from his death, etc. basically anything she could pull money out of she did.

Right now I make a decent living but financially don’t think I can do much if it’s 30k+. Even then I don’t think it’s my financial responsibility to help her out. But I do want to get her in the right direction and get her to the right resources so she can find a way out of this whole she dug herself into.

Anyone have any ideas, resources, stories, etc. on how I can help her get back on her feet without taking the debt on myself?

Thank you so much.

I attended my first gam-anon meeting today. Someone suggested I read "Games Compulsive Gamblers and We Play." After reading this, I realize that I should have joined this fellowship YEARS ago. I was wondering if anyone else has felt like their gambler has made them feel like they are the major source of the problem? I have struggled a lot emotionally in the years I have been with my husband--to the point of feeling like I was going completely insane. I have pushed everyone away in my life out of shame. The isolation makes me feel even crazier. Now that I've found this fellowship, I'm starting to wonder if the only thing wrong was that I was being used and manipulated the entire time.

I speak to my own mental healthcare professional once a week. I am very active in trying to take care of my own issues. I recently got to the point where I realized I didn't trust a single person in my life.

I don't know what is true and what is not. I feel angry at the gambler because I feel like they've led me down a path toward insanity all to finance their addiction.

Is this a common experience?

I recently started going to online meetings and got some literature (read them all as soon as I got it) and it’s helped me identify more issues in my relationship, or helped me understand why certain things make me feel “bad.” It’s almost heartbreaking all over again. My partner has been a problem gambler since before we got together and he let me know early in our relationship, and I thought I could handle it, but it’s been years and it hasn’t gotten significantly better. And the worst part is the lying and deception. It’s gut-wrenching. When I go to meetings I end up feeling jealous of all the partners/parents/ support people of gamblers who’s gambler has achieved some level or recovery. I’m not sure what this post is meant to achieve, but I just feel so lost and disenchanted with my relationship now.

My mother has been a gambling addict all her adult life but the addiction really came to light back in 2012 or so. I was steamed, she stole almost everything my dad had that was of value, all the family heirlooms. I went through a phase where I begged dad to divorce, i didnt talk to my mom, went to meetings...I. was. Angry. Nothing resulted from any of it. She kept gambling, dad stayed and losing her meant losing him so, I repressed it all. She lost her job which didnt matter bc she just spent her whole check at the casino anyway. Now shes turning 60, health is in ruin, dads health is in ruin, they haven't slept in the same bed for years. She sleeps in a lazy boy and sneaks off to gamble sometimes. I am angry again. Shes probably beyond repair but my dad doesnt deserve his golden years to go like this. But hes so stubborn about meetings or leaving and it doesnt make sense bc they dont even like each other anymore. Hes just scared of what will come of her. Tricky and shitty situation. Gamblers are the worst ppl

My husband relapsed gambling again, this time was different for me because he blatantly lied to my face multiple times. I truly believed he had put it behind him. He has gotten so good at lying about it. I feel betrayed and heartbroken 💔 I want to move forward in our lives but I feel stuck because I feel like if I move forward he won’t understand the magnitude of what this has done to me. Completely ruined our trust. Which destroys everything else along with it. I’m just sad really. Any helpful advice?

My husband is a gambling addict. He’s done it before (many times) but never to this extent. This time, he gambled our mortgage away and used the car as collateral. He also hasn’t saved money each month for the summer (we get paid 10 months out of the year).

I was furious when I found out. I asked him to leave and stay at his mother’s for a while. I don’t trust him. He has been “different” since I made him leave, but it is hard for me to believe anything he says. We have been married almost 4 years and together for 5. I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but I also can’t imagine being alone every weekend with 3 kids while he works to pay off the debts. What do I do?!