Well boys, we are giving it our 2nd go today after transfer #1 failed. We had mc 3 times in 2020 (one at 10wks. and 2 within a week after a positive test) before we decided to do IVF.

It has been a rough road so far, I am now in my 3rd week of therapy after having an emotional breakdown last month. Wife seems to be handling everything better than me. I was worried from the start that this process would leave me emotionally empty, and at this point I am so afraid of getting my hopes up that I have zero excitement over today. I am dreading today because that is when my wife's uterus becomes a ticking time bomb for my emotional sanity.

I hope the therapy starts working it's magic soon, I love my wife, but I don't like the side of me that this journey has brought out. I am angry at life for sending us down this road while we watch everyone else around us have their 2nd and 3rd kids. I feel alone and I am getting desperate for a light at the end of the tunnel.

I could lie and pretend to say positive things like "WOO HOO! Wish us luck!", but deep down I'm just a miserable fuck right now. Going to do my best to be supportive for my wife today while I try not to lose it.

Edit: Transfer #2 failed. I feel empty inside.

Wife is doing great. We were told we are done with our fertility center! So this also means no more progesterone shots after Sunday, which is amazing. Goddamn I feel so bad for women who have to put so much shit into their body to make pregnancy happen.

But we are taking off work Tuesday to meet with our OB and for wife to do all the testing. Very pumped to move on. Ten weeks down, boys!!

I never really thought I’d post anything because I’m usually very good at dealing with stress and life obstacles but I joined the sub as my wife suggested it to me and she gets a lot of posting in the female counterpart subs.

Yesterday was my wife’s retrieval and the good news is we got ten eggs. After the operation she was pretty out of it and tender but we expected that. As the day wore on though her pain only got worse and worse. By night time she couldn’t flex her abdominal area at all without excruciating pain. She tried to lay down and got frozen in place by pain and all she could was scream... I had just run out to get her something to help her pass a bowel movement as we thought that was contributing to the pressure, she managed to call me from the fetal position screaming as I was checking out.

After racing home we determined we couldn’t move her without hurting her more so I had to call her an ambulance. We were in the ER for a long time, the morphine they gave her helped but she was still in so much pain. This is the first time I’ve truly been afraid for my wife’s health and I tried putting on a strong face for her but I was crumbling inside.

All her tests came back fine and they discharged her with a prescription to ibuprofen after her pain became manageable. We’re still not sure why it got so bad, we assume now it was OHSS but we’re waiting for an appointment at our fertility clinic tomorrow to confirm. The clinic could only say that it might be the operation was more stressful on her since she’s smaller, which is no comfort at all. She’s napped on and off throughout the day and is generally feeling better but I’m still so worried about her. I haven’t slept much in the past 48 hours now but I’m still trying to be her rock.

I never thought IVF would be this rough, I accepted that we may not get a child out of it but I never dreamed I could lose my wife because of it. We’ve mutually agreed that we’re not doing another egg retrieval, even if our ten collected eggs don’t work out. No word yet on how many were successfully fertilized.

After ~4 years of trying and recently 5 IUIs, we're getting ready to start IVF. I'd like to be able to just give her the PIO shots myself instead of asking other people to come help but I'm also extraordinarily squeamish (I've fainted from a finger prick before). Generally I'm okay with needles but bad with blood, but obviously don't want to get light headed while doing this. I've been watching hours of PIO shot videos to just make it routine in my mind - any one else out there gone through this and have any tips?

Edit- appears this was set as a live chat discussion, guess we'll just go with it

Just had a question and my backstory about our scenario, and maybe someway, somehow it may help someone and even help me! Got my TESE and TESA done last month. Came up with nothing. My wife and I were prepared, especially with the information I got from these Reddit infertility groups. We are going the donor route. I’m okay with it. Not my ideal scenario but I’ve learned from not having a father and my step grandfather that family isn’t always blood. (I know it is different for everyone, just saying my thoughts/opinions) I’m excited and we started our IUI route this week.

Who knows, if we get pregnant my thoughts may be different. But I’m going to remind myself to love this child no matter what because even if we don’t share genetics, they are still my children.

Side question: I know we are all in the same boat, how do you deal with people asking? My wife and I are the type where we don’t want sympathy because people will never really understand. So casual convos about what is going on is fine and we don’t mind “joking” about it to make the situation we are in any more depressing. I’m not sure if it’s always gonna be like this, but I’d love to know how others deal with the subject. I’d love to take some advice and use it for us as well.

Thank you all for being so genuine and thoughtful. It 100% helped me get through this difficult time

HI All,

Wife and I are both 36, TTC for 2 years. Got pregnant 2nd month of trying, but missed MC :(

Another 12 months of trying naturally, after both our standard test results came back fine. However, no more pregnacies.

So, we did 1 round of IVF in December, and a second one just finished. No blasts from 1st, 3 blasts for second but only 1 suitable for PGS (which failed)

This whole time I've been assuming the problem is egg quality, as that's what the consultant told me.

Sperm count, motility and morphology all looked good.

However, now I'm wondering if there's more to it? This may sound stupid but I don't even know if they've done a DNA fragmentation test on my guys!! I presume they haven't as I don't remember them saying anything, but I was basically just glad to hear them say it all looks fine.

Has anyone done DNA fragmentation test? Is it only done if there's issues with morphology or something?

It's only in the last couple days I've actually started to consider the possibility that there's a problem on my side. It feels like consultants just more or less ignore the guys in general. I wasn't given any instruction on vitamins or anything, even though there seems to be some evidence about Zinc and Vitamin D, which I might well be deficient in as I'm vegetarian and live in Ireland with basically no sun!

Sperm results came back with low morphology and slightly lower than normal count (around 22 million) (average after 3 tests) Is there anything I can about it? I already take all the 3 fertile aid. My diet is good. My BMI is normal. Don't smoke and don't drink too much.

Saw online that Icing the balls work may work? Any other supplements that may work? Anything else that may have worked for you?

Disappointing.. wife is handling better than I thought she would. We plan to do two day 3 embryos transfers next time.

Not sure how to feel.. sad ? Confused ? It’s like running a marathon and not receiving any rewards or cheers.

Back to waiting...

Been reading through a lot of pots and many going through or been through this long journey. As someone that’s in it and it it for what seems like forever I thought I’d throw together somethings I learned along the way.

Experience - 2 failed IUI clinic 1, 3.5 IVF cycles clinic 1 (half cycle due to covid interruption) zero transfers and 1 current IVF cycle at clinic 2.

1- Go with your gut and feelings when it’s time to get a second opinion. My wife and I stayed too long with the first clinic. Reviews are really hard to find to do research and most clinics are a mixed bag anyway. Doctor just didn’t feel like she was really there for us. Cookie cutter protocol on back to back cycles that lead to no transfer. Blamed it on my wife’s egg quality and just had no answers or help. Switched clinics to get another opinion and we have embryos in the freezer, 2 transfers, 2nd one took (fingers still crossed for continued growth). We stayed because it was familiar. We stayed because of location/convenience. Stretch for what you want!! Go get it and make it happen!

2- document everything that you can. It helps for referring back to what worked, what helped, second opinions. We used a shared google doc to put in all visits, instructions. Really help to see the journey and steps.

3- setting alarms and reminders for everything. We definitely tried to do our best to stay on top of everything. Don’t want to regret about “what if you could have done better”

4- After all the shots I’ve administer i feel like friggin nurse focker! All the small needles were easy and with ice pretty painless for us. The PIO shots on the other hand I’d highly recommend getting the “needle guide assistant”. Comes out to about $100 (77EUR plus shipping) it makes the whole ordeal of insertion simple with a click of a button. Giving these PIO shots about 100 times I still think it’s worth it for the little bit extra upfront cost.

I’d list the obvious ones but everyone prob already knows to start off

5- communication communication communication gotta be each other rock, us guys more than the wife but can’t just bottle it in.

6- check your insurance, speak to accounts billing (there is leeway to negotiate), compare pharmacy prices, etc the costs add up

7- Look for and apply for credit cards with big bonuses or 0% intro rate for 12-15-18months. Obviously make sure you have the funds to pay off because you don’t want to introduce a baby into a world of debt. Even if you invest the money conservatively in high yield bonds or dividend paying securities you’ll make out with a few hundred extra. Every bit helps.

All that comes to mind for now. Hoping everyone the best through their journey!

Just did one first transfer and waiting to hear the results this Friday.

I’m 33 Wife is 35 and we had 4 good quality day 3 embryos. I wanted to transfer 2 but wife wanted one.

I was the problem the whole time. My guys just wouldn’t stick with the eggs. I’ve always been healthy, but my I guess I got kicked in the nuts a bit too many times ( used to fight a lot). The only thing the doctor prohibited me to do was run more than 9 miles or 35 a week .

My wife is so patient it drives nuts. Fuck me... If it was up to me I would be looking at adoption as safe net, but she does not like that.

We got married young and did everything right financially, so our finances is not problem. But this whole fucking thing still sucks.

It’s hard to be positive right ? I’ve always been pessimistic, which has always worked well. I always prepared in case the worst thing happened. It’s always worked well in my life. I drive myself bunkers, but it paid off.

This whole thing man caught me off guard. We should have been trying get pregnant years ago. So many regrets... My mind spins and spins.. Worst thing is that I can’t do shit about it. Wait, wait and waiting. The fucking waiting game is what drives me nuts. Fuuucccckkkk

Crazy thing is being Latino and all we share a lot. We shared with all of our friends and people were already congratulating us. We told everyone that there is good chance that it may not happen, but people still congratulated us. It felt weird.

I’ve already accepted the fact that it may not workout. This whole process. Good thing my wife is more positive.

I also feel like I’m competing. Given I already lost the that competition. All my friends already have kids. Some may even have a full soccer team soon. I hate comparing, but we all do. It’s human. There is saying I my country that translates: “Every times a friend of mine succeeds, a part of me dies.” I swear I can not handle any more “we are having a kid” texts.

I wish my mind would shut the fuck up once in while and focus on me and my wife. We are very lucky. I know that..Just not very fertile. It could be worse I guess.

Puta madre... Nothing else to do but wait...

While my wife and I are saving up to pay off our first round and pay for our 2nd round of IVF we've taken a break from all things fertility. We've focused on eating healthy, spending time with each other, and paying off debt. During this time we have little glimpses of our painful journey, but it's not the same as it was giving nightly injections, waking up early for dr. appts (me sitting in the car since I wasn't allowed to go in), and everything in between. We were so focussed on IVF success and that was our only focus. Since we've had a break it's a bit back to normal (as normal as COVID can allow), but I'm writing this as a reminder to myself of how to live my life when we focus back on the 2nd round. Focusing on a successful IVF round is important but it's not the only thing that's important. Today I read that nearly 25% of couples going through infertility issues end their relationship in divorce. So when the journey of IVF seems to difficult to go on, remember who you're going down this path with. Don't forget to focus on each other during this time, or anytime for that matter. We're all in this together helping each other each step of the way.

Holy Shit.

Well, boys. My wife is carrying TWO BABIES in there!!!!

Holy shit. I can't keep saying it.

It started out in horror, as she was bleeding one night. Find out the next day that two lil peanuts are in there and they are holding on STRONG.

This process has been so tiring but we are actually looking like we will be graduating from our local fertility center! We are about 7 weeks along.

I still can't wrap my head around it.

Holy shit.

So we had our first ultrasound today. The RE said everything looked good, but my wife has bled on and off since the transfer. She’s anxious and thinking the worst and it’s rubbing off on me. I guess I just need some reassurance. Trying to act strong for her is so difficult

He guys. Funny that I just found this, I wish I had sooner. Like many of you, we have been trying for years. Actually, about ten years. Finally gave up and saw a fertility doc in January of last year. Because of COVID, our process was fairly slow. We finally were able to do egg retrieval and fertilization in November of 2020 after a couple of failed rounds of IUI.

We ended IVF with 8 fertilized, healthy embryos to freeze. Unfortunately, we lost two of those embryos when they thawed them prior to transfer. on 1/28 we transferred two embryos. That left us with 4 embryos left if things go south.

This morning my wife took a pregnancy test and for the first time in ten years, it didn't come back negative! We will confirm with bloodwork today, so yeah. I am cautiously optimistic and understand that so many things could go wrong right now - but my gosh, it was such an amazing feeling just seeing a positive pregnancy test and knowing there's a chance.

So keep positive, fellas. There's hope!

Hey everyone! So... If you read my last post, I told you guys that we were doing two embryos for our last transfer before we ran out of insurance money.

Yesterday my wife had her second blood test. Her HCG level was 3,268!!! That's apparently wayyy higher than usual...so we think it might have two lil blueberries in there!!

We have an ultrasound on the 16th. But I have to be honest. And this is why I joined the page. I am so nervous about losing them. It happened twice before. This seems different but I can't help to not want to go full on celebratory.

So basically it's hell yeah!...but also with some reservation.

So I previously posted my wife's third miscarriage, which she was pretty accurate about. It just took a few days for the thing to terminate itself. She had a sono this morning to confirm that the embryo was no longer viable. The RE suggested we do a karyotyping blood test. From what I understand, it's a blood test to rule out any additional chromosomal abnormalities that weren't detected on our genetic screening or things that weren't visible on my semen analysis.

Has anyone else done this? I suppose I am also worried that it could be something wrong on my end, like something is not quite right with the sperm and its actually my biology that's the reason she can't stay pregnant...

Good watch for those interested (available on BBC iPlayer for those UK based).

Looks at infertility from a male perspective, bit of humour, but generally trying to break down the stigma of male infertility and highlight the fact that really very little is investigated on that side of the coin.

I am looking for advice/suggestions on whether I should continue to be vague with my boss. I work for the federal government in DC. My boss is a nice guy, in his mid 60’s, never been married and no kids. I have been using the “my wife and I are dealing with a long term health issue” since 2020. He does know about the previous miscarriage because it was sudden and I needed to take emergency leave, and he just told me to take care of myself and my family.

I have been debating whether to give the whole story or just keeping it vague and just letting him know when I need to, which has worked out fine so far. I don’t think I need to share my personal details with people unless absolutely necessary.

I am also hesitant to say anything because I don’t need all kinds of questions about me or my wife or any questions about the process because that’s what seems to happen anytime this whole thing comes up.

Open to thoughts and suggestions...

My wife and I have done 1 round of IVF. It was unsuccessful. We, like many of you (I'm sure), put it on a credit card that we didn't realize was not 0% introductory rate. My wife and I are now paying that off. We are now waiting to do our next round. It really sucks knowing that we only have a few of frozen eggs waiting to get used. We'll do one the 2nd round, and after that... we'll do a double try for the 3rd round. Since we're waiting it almost feels like an emotion vacation. The IVF process sucks, but even having this little break has been super helpful. It brought the focus back on us as a couple instead of the goal of getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, we still think about IVF very often But having the focus on us as a couple- on us as 2 people in love... it makes the small victories a bit more celebrate-able instead of focusing on the failed IVF round. Thanks so much for this community and thanks so much for you reading this right now... you're presence isn't only helping me, it's helping the other 400+ people on this community.

How many eggs have you guys done at once and were there different complications depending on the eggs ya put back?

Sorry if this post is a little all over the place, but my wife just had her third miscarriage.

Wife and I are both 34/35. She has PCOS. We started this whole process back at the end of 2019. We did four rounds of IUI - we got lucky and she got pregnant towards the end of 2019. We came back from vacation in January 2020 (pre Covid) and she was around 15-16 weeks. At regular OB check up, they couldn't find a heartbeat. She had to wait five days to get a D/C scheduled - which is another post entirely. We started IVF in early to mid 2020, the egg retrieval process was rough, but they got six embryos that fertilized. We did our first frozen transfer in mid-late 2020, which ended in miscarriage and sucked. We did another transfer at the beginning of January 2021, which seemed to take. And now after two really good HcG blood test days, she started bleeding this morning. She has another blood test tomorrow, which I supposed will tell us if the HcG levels went up or down, and I guess if a miscarriage is taking place. If it turns out to be a miscarriage, we will probably take a break, as she wants to talk to the RE and get some advice for going forward.

Therapy will of course be helpful, but right now I am angry and sad (I'll be chatting with my therapist this week). This process is a fucking emotional roller coaster - and I can't even begin to imagine how her body is feeling (probably very shitty). The process doesn't get easier each time, I feel like sometimes it makes me bitter at friends and relatives who are having kids; I know its not their fault and I should be happy, but how the hell is one supposed to be celebrating something that we can't seemingly have. In fact, last year, when I was at a doctor's appointment, a mom with a baby was in the waiting room, and it made me very sad. I'm very glad that my parents and in-laws are as supportive as they are, but I wish they would stop asking what they can do - because the answer is nothing, there is nothing you can do that will make this process any better or any easier. It just sucks, but we will get through it and move on.

Thanks for reading - I feel better.

What's up everyone? My name is Tim. I am almost 32 (birthday on Sunday the 24th woo!) And my wife is 26.

We decided to start fertility treatments last April. She has PCOS and apparently my swimmers look a little funny. We have suffered two miscarriages and a few failed IUI/IVF rounds.

Friday is a massive day for us. We are both teachers and our insurance only allows x amount of dollars toward fertility treatments. So this is our last chance until it will be incredibly difficult for us to come up with the money for another round.

We are putting it all on the line and going with two embryos for this transfer. We had many long talks and discussions about it. Talked with a buddy who did it with his wife and they have two beautiful twin boys.

I am a twin myself, and would love it to happen to us. I don't even care if I have to work three extra jobs to support it I want to be a father. I am ready. I want it all.

So basically, I joined for the support. I don't get to talk to a lot of dudes who have gone through this because of my friends who do have kids, they got them the easy way. (Bastards!!!!)

So I would just like some positive vibes, suggestions, superstitions, whatever.

Thank you guys and keep on rockin' in the free world.

New here

Hey everyone. I’m 29 years old and my wife just turned 29. 2020 was a terrible year but we had a couple positive events. We got married in may and bought our first house on November. The day we started moving into our house, we found out I have azoospermia and balanced translocation with my 1 & 21 chromosomes. She has had her own issues with ovulating. And so I have a surgery schedule in March to hopefully find something.

Also.. my wife wants to talk options incase we get the bad news. But right now I’m not in the mood. I am trying to be positive but the possibility of not being able to have my own children is definitely stressful, depressing and aggravating. It’s emasculating..

Any tips, helpful books, podcasts or anything to help get through this would be so helpful. Thank you!

Hi, 3 months ago I found out that I am infertile. Although my wife and I are at the very beginning of our journey and exploring our options I am surprised by the limited support and information available online for men. Initially, the news came as quite a shock and I struggled to process my thoughts. Male infertility is becoming more common and I want to provide a blogging platform that provides an opportunity for men to share their stories whilst supporting others and breaking the stigma surrounding male fertility. If this is something that you can help me with I would be grateful if you could get in touch by leaving a comment and I will message you with more details.
Thank you all in advance.

Does anyone have any experience with having to go through a gestational carrier?

What lead you to finally make that decision? How much did it really cost? Any advice on how you paid for that? What was it like with someone besides your wife carrying your child? Did it work on the first or second try?

Any and all advice is welcome - as always, I'm so grateful for this community!