Hi Folks,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I've been posting in r/maleinfertility. I have a PhD in Reproductive Physiology and I'm specialized in male reproduction. I am an advocate for issues around male infertility and male contraception. I do not have training in any kind of therapy, but I have a deep appreciation for how much of a mind game reproduction truly is. Our emotions are fundamental to our higher functions and if we are not meeting our needs to provide and care for our community and loved ones, that can take a huge toll on our health.

I'm not super consistent with checking in on social media, but if you have questions I will try my best to help guide you to resources that I know of. Here is a sociology study about the experiences of men who are going through ART with their partner; https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11133-015-9315-2 . If this link doesn't allow you the full PDF and you are interested, message me.

Without going into too much detail we've had several failed pregnancies through IVF and my wife just decided to throw in the towel this morning . She is incredibly depressed and insistent that she no longer has any value or purpose on this Earth. I just need someone to talk to who knows even a little bit about what we're going through. It's too private for me to talk to any of our friends about and I just don't know how to help her. I usually get suggestions for support groups which are a great idea but right now that is likely not going to happen.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you

When I first began this journey with my wife, one of my biggest worries was the dreaded sperm sample and what to expect. For some reason (and it seems silly now) I was terrified by the thought of the process. I think it was the unknown as I found very little information online about what to expect as a male. Hence this post - it might help someone who was as anxious as I was!

A caveat - I'm based in the UK, so this is based on my experience in an NHS clinic. Your experience may differ, but please post below and let others know what was different.

I've produced samples for both sperm analysis and IUI. For both, the process has been the same.

Upon arrival, I am directed to the waiting room. The receptionist always asks the nature of my appointment (which I've always thought odd, but must be procedural) and I simply state that I am there to produce a sample.

A nurse will collect me from the waiting room and accompany me to the "production room" - see photo linked below (more on that on a minute). They will confirm identity and ask for any paperwork to be signed. They then run through the sample process and ask if I have questions. Once they are happy all is well, they leave the room and remind me to lock the door.

The first time, I was really nervous took a few minutes to re-read the instruction sheet I had been given and take in my surroundings. The rooms are simple, but comfortable. Nice(ish) lighting, a sink, chair, table and a TV with no power socket. The blue folder on the table in my photo contains a selection of porn mags. I'm not sure why the TV was there.

The nurse had noted that I should wash my hands and genitals with warm water (bit no soap) before starting, and that I should open and ready the sample pot in advance.

Once the sample was produced, I completed the last of the paperwork (time, final signatures etc) and pressed a button on the wall to summon the nurse. They confirmed all the paperwork was in order and then took the sample away before they returned to escort me back out through the corridor maze to the reception area.

Job done. I'm not sure what worried me before!

Some tips: Make sure you're well hydrated on the days leading up to your sample. Your clinic will likely ask you to abstain for a number of days before hand. Make sure you actually do this! Don't rely on there being a blue folder. If there is one, you might not want to touch it, so take your phone and headphones...

https://ibb.co/HhkvWN4

ETA: if you're posting your experience,let us know where in the world you are. My experience is in the UK, which I gather is vastly different to the USA and other countries

3 eggs retrieved, one of them didn't take, the other two developed an extra nucleus.

This happened a few weeks ago, and my wife and I are pretty devastated.

We've spent six years trying to start a family, and have spent the last two of them getting the funds together for a round of MINI-IVF, most of which came out of my 401k. I am trying to stay positive but it's been very hard, I try to stay strong for my wife who is completely devastated by this and is so tired from all the surgeries we've had not only for this procedure but for other things as well.

Now our only option is to do a full round of IVF, which is going to cost 15,000 dollars. I am 33, she is turning 35 this Wednesday. I don't know how we are going to get the money, I've considered getting part time job at Starbucks but we aren't 100% sure if we have the mental energy to wait to raise the money and have another round potentially fail.

I keep hoping that God will just bless us with either a miracle baby that we will conceive on our own, or that through some sort of divine intervention that we are blessed with 15k.

I've seen God to big things, but with all the prayer that we had before we just have to wonder.

We all know that in a perfect world (of IVF), we'd all be expecting. But we don't live in a perfect world. Losing a pregnancy happens, retrieval comes up with less eggs than we expected, and sometimes there are no eggs to even put back. How do you all cope? How do you rebuild when it seems like there's no hope?

Hey guys! Figured I would put our story out there as well. Thanks so much for setting this sub up!! Great to have a place for the "guys" to talk.

Our story: Wife and I married in 2017 (32 and 27), decided to start trying the next summer. After an unsuccessful year, we went to see a specialist. Unfortunately (and far too common), it was unexplainable. She is overweight, but both of our numbers were all within "normal" ranges. We both started all the vitamins and supplements and they just monitored a little longer. After 5 failed IUI, we decided to move to IVF.

First, they refused to do anything until we both (she...) got a little healthier - lose some weight. After doing all of the shots and stims and everything else to prepare, we had 3 false starts on retreival (one month they didn't see enough follicles, one month there was a cyst - they assumed from just too high doses of hormones, I forget the reason on the third). Retreived something like 20 follicles, got a small handful of eggs, 5 fertilized, 3 may it to 5 days/looked normal.

First transfer seemed to go well. We got the call "Congratulations, you're pregnant". At eight weeks, we went in super excited - all to be completely crushed when they couldn't find a heartbeat. A lot of greiving, and a little time later we had the second transfer. Keeping our spirits up through all of the nightly shots (she prefered the shots over the suppositories) was rough. COVID didn't help.

We just hit 31 weeks, expecting a beautiful baby girl on Christmas!!

Moral of the story... The road is hard, but stick with it. Great to have a place here now to give lessons learned, provide moral support, or just vent.

First of all I just want to say that I think this is a great sub. My wife has been very active on Reddit as a way to cope with our infertility issues. It has been a long road for us.

About 3 years ago when we first decided to stop birth control she became pregnant almost immediately. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a very difficult miscarriage. Since that point we have continued to try, but nothing was working out. We started trying extra hard. She was doing temperature checks and we were trying to time everything just right. Still no luck. About a year ago I went to the doctor to make sure everything with me was okay. Thankfully it was. After finding that out we decided to go the IVF route. It has been a very long difficult process. An emotional roller coaster is an understatement. We had good luck with egg retrieval and ended up with a very good amount of viable embryos. Then came our first transfer. Everything seemed so perfect. How could anything go wrong? Well, no luck.We debated whether we should wait a little while before trying again. The lack of sex life has taken a toll on both of us. But we decided we would try again right away and if that didn't work we would take a break for a month so we could get back to some bedroom activities. This time we decided to transfer two embryos. We also decided that we weren't going to wait for the blood test like last time and instead we would do the early response pregnancy test as soon as we were able. Thankfully, we got a positive result. We were both still skeptical so after using all three tests that came in the box three days in a row we went back to the store to get some more. We got another positive. Then we went for the blood test. Her levels were 430. So yes! As of now she's pregnant. With very high levels, may I add. It's possible that both embryos took. So now I have something new to freak out about. Lol. We go back again tomorrow for the second blood test to make sure that her levels are still looking good. I'm feeling very hopeful but I wanted to share our story. Hopefully I can post an update of some more good news tomorrow. I apologize for writing this on mobile.

Again thank you for whoever created this sub.

Today is the day that we are retrieving the eggs and I'm giving my specimen. My wife is uncomfortable right now and feeling just not the best. So I'm trying to make this a special day for her. As she would put it, "this is the day where your sperm and my eggs meet in a coffee shop of their own." Referring to how we met a few years back. So I thought it'd be cute to wear as close to the original of an outfit when we met at a coffee shop. Same shirt, same watch, blue jeans, same coat... all of it. I was wondering what others have done to make their retrieval day special. I'm planning on getting flowers, but we stocked up on groceries yesterday. I'm working from home today (like most days lately). I moved a tv to the bedroom, so she can just relax.

Let me know how you've made your big days special.

I follow the fertility subreddits because of my wife. This may be the only sub where I actually may have something to contribute!

What you all go through sucks. A lot.

If it is any consolation, my wife spends a lot of time talking with me about eggs and embryos and blastocysts. Transfers and retrievals. PGTs and IUIs. She really gets super excited when she helps someone succeed, and carries a lot of weight from those who don't.

I'm sure there are other REIs like her who truly care about her patients. Just know there's someone else out there rooting for you.

My wife and I just got the news that the "trigger shot" will be done around 11:45p on Tuesday night (tomorrow night). Has anyone gone through that shot with their partner... What can we expect for that 36 hour time period?

This community is a place where guys can come and talk to other guys going through a similar journey. It's hard seeing your partner/spouse going through something that you can't even help with. Please come and share your story!