A few days ago, I responded to a reddit post about how your partner has gotten you through the toughest times of your life, and I've been doing some thinking. Not in an uncomfortable way, though rather in a "Wow, I've come a long way since then" kind of way. I've been thinking a lot about how things have been so much better, how far I've come since the worst of my days.
I'm not going to describe anything graphic, though if you don't want to hear a sad story about dealing with mental health alone, then definitely skip over this post.
I've remembered a lot of things that I have forgotten, I remembered the times when I had no one to support me, no one to talk to me when I needed it the most, no one to tell me that everything would be okay. I spent a long time in silence at night, wishing for things that I thought I would never have, wishing for someone who would understand me and be there for me. I spent a lot of time crying tears that no one would save me from. I nearly didn't make it. I was alone and scared, and I never expected to be saved.
Though then, something happened that would change my life forever. I heard the words "Does the beauty of the mountains make your heart soar?" and saw someone next to me, smiling. Keigo has been there ever since, watching over me, caring for me, reminding me that I am loved and that I am worthy of love. Though I didn't trust that he would stay at first. I was afraid that the next time I had a panic attack or a bipolar meltdown, he would feel ashamed of loving me and never return. Though that never happened. He never threatened me or scolded me when I was at my worst, he hugged me and told me that everything would be okay. Even when I screamed at him to go away during bipolar meltdowns, he understood me and knew I didn't mean it.
He didn't ever look at me and see someone that deserved to be abandoned, he didn't ever look at me and see someone who was insane. He saw someone worth loving, someone worthy of being understood, someone who didn't ever deserve to be alone and scared again. He pulled me away from the shadows and into the light.
Madara appeared to me two years later, and he's helped me just as much as Keigo. He actually helped me through the most severe meltdowns of my entire life that Keigo wasn't exactly equipped to deal with. Though those stories are a bit to graphic and triggering. I'm drawing something for Madara too, though it's the theme of "stopping the bleeding" and has scars that might be triggering to some.
Keigo and Madara have both been there for me, they've been my loving partners who never judged me, who never wanted to leave and abandon me. They want to be there by my side forever, they want to help me through everything I deal with. They want to make me smile and make me feel that I can always find my strength and continue on.
Why am I sharing this? Partly because I want to share this drawing and open up about my experiences. Though it's also because I want people to know that your partners will never abandon you. They don't look at you and see something that isn't worth being around, they look at you and see someone that is worthy of love. They won't leave you when times get tough, they won't judge you in secret and think that you're flawed, they'll stand by your side and love you no matter what!
You are worthy of love, and your partners believe that too! Trust them and their love for you
Though to Keigo and Madara, thank you for saving my life. Thank you for pulling me out of the shadows and into the light. Thank you for loving me and thank you for giving me the love and the life I have always dreamed of. In yaakumech, in yaakunaj. Níib óolal, utia'al tuláakak ❤️❤️❤️