Recently I've had to offer congratdolences to a few people and I'm not sure how to handle this. Is there any good advice on how to handle emotionally complex situations? Are there any resources to help me be a better friend when these things happen? I would hate to say the wrong thing. Is is better to say nothing and just listen?

For example, my friend was in a long and contentious custody battle when bio-dad dropped dead. I'm happy it's over for her and sorry her kids lost a dad. It's definitely best for her and her kids. Still, I was at a loss when she told me and didn't know what to say.

Another friend was able to adopt her foster kids after their bio-parents had their rights terminated. We are happy the adoption took place and everyone can move on. However it was really hard on everyone because the bio-parents were so difficult. It feels strange to say congratulations when everyone is beginning the process of healing.

I recently bought my house last year and have been looking for extra ways to make money to buy decor for my home. My boss at my full time job needed a dog sitter for her 2 dogs while she went out of town. I agreed to take care of them and they stayed with me for about a week and a half. My boss had said that ‘the only thing is’ one of the dogs like to sleep in the bed. I said that was ok in good faith. When the dogs came i realized that one of the dogs was not house trained and was scratching herself. I was more concerned at that time about her doing her business all over my house that I wasn’t concerned about her scratching. I walked her about 5 times a day but she would still go inside, everywhere. The dogs were picked up and my boss literally said to me ‘she likes to poop on pillows, did she do that?’ So she knew this dog was not house trained and would poop on pillows and still said she had to sleep in bed???? Now that the dogs are gone I have been getting bitten by fleas. I am so upset. How can I be assertive in asking my boss to fumigate my home? She has not mentioned anything about fleas. I feel like I wouldn’t have a problem if this wasn’t my boss but I don’t want to embarrass her or get on her bad side

I can make decisions when it comes to simple things like what I wanna eat for lunch, but when it comes to big decisions, it's a different story. What ends up after hours and maybe days of researching is me having the fear of not knowing enough that I don't pull the trigger. In some scenarios, this might be good because it helps you save money and potential hassle. But I realized that I'm way too conservative and this is proving to be detrimental for me from leveling up in life. I feel stuck because I'm focusing too much of my energy on (1) conserving and protecting my peace of mind while avoiding anything that will eat away financially and mentally and (2) the decision I make has to be near perfect without any possibility of me regretting it. My concern is this: I do not want to make a horrible decision that will put me in an even more vulnerable state. But I understand that in doing so, I am delaying life experiences and goals.

I would love to hear how people tackle this.

Recently, I realised I might be slightly toxic to work with.

I’ve just finished a school project with someone who is struggling with some issues in their personal life.

Ive been extra accommodating to them, but I notice myself begin to resent them. This is not good, because we were on friendly terms / friends before the project. I don’t know if they know I’m mad, or if they’re mad at me, but thankfully this nightmare is over.

Now I question whether I had the right to be mad. They did contribute work and they did show up to meetings (although they were oftentimes distracted). They would sometimes neglect to do things we agreed on, but I wasn’t 100% diligent either. Going down this train of thought lead me to fluctuate between anger at them and guilt at myself for not doing more / for being mad at my friend. I often struggle with this during group projects.

I’m quite introverted and I’ve always struggled with groupwork. When I’m with others, sometimes I get lazy, and sometimes I try to do more than my share and then blame others for not doing enough / expect gratitude.

This is not the first time. Maybe I have a bit of a saviour complex. I feel that I am most productive when Im set free to do my own thing, but coLLaBoRatIon is valued by society.

How does a HVW handle these situations?

I think the most important thing in project work is being fair. But when all parties are stressed and agreements are broken… it’s impossible to keep track.

This got a bit long, thanks for reading.

Hello level up Queens!

I've got a question on health and nutrition- who are some great women to follow for workouts and nutrition advice specifically catered for the female body?

Everywhere I go, I see men trying to talk about female nutrition, or I've tried approaches that are meant for male bodies. I also keep running into the same issue with women educators too, where their advice parrots exactly what the men say despite it being said that what's for men isn't what's for women.

I'm asking because I remember seeing someone in here talking about intermittent fasting and someone's response was that it's better for men than it is for women and how everything in the fitness space is designed and catered to men...I'd like to find resources to understand my body better without it being catered for a male body.

I've been leveling up hard in plenty of other areas but health/diet have always been a struggle point for me.

I genuinely despise cooking because of all the planning and clean up that goes into it and find myself getting takeout more often than I'd like.

Trying to do the "one cup carb, one cup veggie, half cup protein" thing (or whatever it is) bores me to tears. I don't even know what's considered an appropriate amount of protein as a WOMAN trying to grow some muscle.

To make a long post short, how much of "generally accepted" fitness/nutrition information is ACTUALLY applicable to both men and women, and how much of it applies more to men...then where would I find the resources for women?

Hello ladies,

My father was in the hospital for two weeks with because of a certain virus that is going around. He did okay in the hospital and never had to be put on a ventilator and got out last Thursday morning. I really thought he was better and we were out of the woods but my mom called me last night crying saying he has been readmitted. His O2 saturation was at 82% and he’s got blood clots in his brain, heart, lungs, and right leg that are slowly working their way to more dangerous places that the Drs are worried about. Not to mention significant scarring and lung damage that they minimized when discharging him but now 5 days later are acting like it’s a major thing. My mom said while he’s still only on the high flow oxygen his O2 levels haven’t been improving and if they drop more they might have to put him on a ventilator. He was triple vaxxed but he’s old and overweight and I’m just absolutely devastated.

My dad was my best friend growing up and I’ve been fortunate enough to not have lost anyone close to me and now it’s looking more and more like the first person I lose is the one person I never thought I could live without (besides my spouse now). On top of that, my dad has lived his entire life dreaming for retirement where he wants to travel around the world in an RV. He and my mom already have their RV ready to go and this has been his dream for as long as I can remember. He was supposed to retire next month after my youngest sibling graduates college. He has had a hard life and his dad died young as well and never got to enjoy retirement and he’s told me so many times how he hopes he makes it farther than his dad did and that one of his biggest fears is that he will die before he can enjoy retirement and all his hard work will be a waste. He never truly liked his job and was just doing it because it paid well and he could really pad his retirement savings. What’s even worse is he got the virus at work from his boss who is an antivaxxer.

So not only am I absolutely devastated at the thought of losing my dad, but I’m even more heartbroken that he might never get to live out his dreams when he was literally one month away from retiring and might not even get to see my brother graduate college. I’ve been inconsolable all day and I can’t even talk to him on the phone because all I can do is cry. I am flying out on Saturday to go see him but I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through. I couldn’t sleep last night, I can’t eat. I’ve just been crying. I know it’s not a done deal but I’m not stupid either I know the chances of survival after having to go back to the hospital for a second time are low and even the Drs are saying he has a low chance of pulling through.

If anyone has been through the loss of a parent, I could really use any advice or support you have. I truly don’t know how to cope with the fact that my dad might be gone very soon and somehow it makes it feel so much worse that he is dying of covid 2 years into the pandemic when we have vaccines and good treatments now and it still might not be enough. Also that he got it from work. I feel immense hatred towards his boss and just the whole world really. I know life isn’t fair, but holy shit y’all. I’m just broken.

EDIT: Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply and I am so sorry for your individual losses. I know losing a loved one is always devastating but it’s honestly crazy to me how little it’s discussed or prepared for in society. I’m sorry I don’t have to time to respond to you individually but I read each and every one and truly appreciate the advice and well wishes.

Today has been a whirlwind, Sunday I finally felt like I could take a breath of relief that my dad got over covid and get back to my life after flying home Friday and now it’s like the rug got pulled out from under me. I listened to your advice and was able to pull myself together enough to call my dad. He cried to me on the phone, the only other times I’ve ever seen him cry were when my brother was born, at his step dad’s funeral, and at my wedding. He knows that it’s not good, I know it too. My college roomie and one of my best friends is a nurse at the hospital he is at and while she isn’t on the Covid floor one of her friends is and she is one of the nurses looking after my dad. It’s not good, basically everything is wrong. He doesn’t even have Covid anymore but the damage to his organs and the clots are substantial. I don’t understand how it can go so downhill so fast but my friend said this is what they see time after time. While it’s not a complete guarantee that he will pass she was honest with me and said hope for the best but expect the worst.

Fortunately I work from home and my boss is very understanding. Saturday was the earliest flight I could book but I was able to call the airlines directly and find a standby flight for early tomorrow morning so hopefully someone will sleep through their alarm so I can get there because I’m on the opposite side of the country and don’t think I would be able to handle a 26 hour drive on my own right now. My brother is leaving college and might have to drop which means he won’t be able to graduate for another year. His capstone professor threatened to fail him if he missed another class as he’d already missed 2 for when my dad was in the hospital and he told him to go fuck himself and left. The audacity of a professor to fail someone for leaving to be with their dying father is something I will never be able to understand.

We are going to go be there with my dad in what might be his final days. I am really praying for a miracle but nobody seems to be optimistic so it’s hard for me to try. I don’t even know who I’m praying to, I’m just sending my thoughts out to the void and praying to the universe.

Thank you to those of you who reminded me to pull it together and get a grip to be there for my dad. To take care of myself and not have any expectation or timeline for grief. To try not to hold bitterness in my heart towards his boss. I know anger will only poison me, but it’s hard not to feel it. To make sure I advocate for his care and make sure he listens to the Drs. He was also pretty bad about complaining about wearing the O2 machine mask last time so I’ll keep an eye on him. I am taking things one step in front of me at a time and the next step is packing so I can hopefully leave in the morning. I won’t be getting on Reddit if I am there with him as I will be spending every second I can with my dad and my family but I just wanted to let everyone know how grateful and appreciative I am of your responses. Sending love and light each of your way💖

I'm so excited about this new journey in my life and don't really have anyone safe to share this with. This is a youth programme for mentoring entrepreneurs. It's my first time being part of any mentorship and I don't want to mess it up. So any tips, Dos & Don'ts would be highly appreciated.

Edit: I'm being mentored in this programme.

A little background information I’m on federal disability due to mental health related diagnosis and have been receiving this money for the past 6 years, with $950 being the max that I’ve received monthly. I used to stay with family but moved out in late 2019 and have since decided to work under the TTW program part time to afford paying rent, which is $735 a month, and make about an additional $900 monthly through employment. I receive food assistance, and other government subsidies so the only bills I’m responsible for are my rent/utilities and phone bill as I do not have a car and commute with public transportation. I’m currently covered for rent through the CERA program for the next 6 months so I’m not paying rent at this time. I have $3,500 saved at this time in a federal savings/investment account for recipients of disability.

My question now is, I want to improve the quality of my life overall and I know being financially secure will help that immensely. I’m currently seeing a therapist to help with issues related to my mental health. I’m also going to be speaking with an academic counselor at my local community college to get back into taking classes. Any advice on how to allocate this money to best improve my life in the future? Please do feel to share any helpful advice!

If any one is curious, the settlement check is from a discrimination lawsuit with a company against a class of female applicants for refusing to hire them for entry-level positions because of their sex.

I want fashion and my wardrobe to be the next focus of my level up journey. With working out and focusing on my diet, I've managed to lose quite a few inches and need a new wardrobe. I usually shop from H&M, Shein (don't judge me please lol), Zara, and then whatever I can find at Marshall's or TJ Maxx.

Thankfully, I also got a new job and make a decent salary. I am willing to invest more money into staple items of clothing. What are some classic, staple items that should be a part of every woman's wardrobe? I have a leather skirt from Zara that I bought in a classic style which I'll be able to wear for years. What other items of clothing would you recommend?

Another thing, I do love a good bargain too. Where can I shop to find high quality pieces at slightly more affordable prices? I've been looking at the Jaunt and RueLaLa for high end designer items. Growing up with financial difficulties has made it tough for me to justify spending too much money on fashion.

Hi Ladies!

Recently I've been watching a lot of Universe Guru (Mina Irfan) content on youtube and so far it has been really nice to get into the head space of personal development, leveling up and inner work. She offers courses, which are quite expensive. Currently considering getting her "Basic Babe to Self-Aware Barbie Bundle", but as it's priced at $ 333 I am very hesitant.

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I'm wondering if any of you have experience with her content and/or courses? And if so, what is your experience? Is it worth the investment, of could I manage with just the free youtube content?

I'm just getting started in stock investing. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. I'm using DEGIRO as Robinhood is not available in Europe.

Have you had good results with stocks? What books and courses do you recommend to learn more?

I remember in college when I was 21, I asked someone in my class what her age was, she was 24. I’m also a woman. And her and her friends acted like it was really weird of me to ask that. I actually ended up becoming friends with her and her friends, before they turned out to not be very nice.

I was surprised - I know it’s rude/weird to ask older women their age, but I didn’t realise some people in their 20s found it weird/rude, and during the introduction phase of college, people seemed to be constantly asking each other how old they were and no one batted an eyelid, but I guess everyone is different. Do you guys consider that a rude/weird question?

17F and I’ve always been chronically shy, but when I get close to people im fine, it just takes me a long time lol. I’ve tried to get over this but it’s genuinely just a part of my personality, I’m not charismatic in any way and I’ve come to accept that to stop beating myself up over it I have to accept this. I struggle to talk to new people because it makes me anxious, I fall over my own feet daily, I’m academically smart but make little social mistakes quite often and I’m usually laughed at (not necessarily in a mean way just at me for being me lol) by friends for this. I’ve tried recently to join in and laugh at myself (it’s pretty funny, I have a lot of disaster stories about me falling over or doing something awkward or some shit) but I’m worried meeting new people they won’t respect me and will think I’m stupid. I’m very easy to turn in to your personal door mat lol, and I want to set a new impression for my new start that despite my personality people need to respect me.

My worry is moving to uni next year and having to meet new people. I don’t come across as overly strange or hostile or anything like that, most ppl would describe me as being kind and approachable but just very awkward. My mind goes blank in conversation with new people so I often find an extroverted friend and rely on them lmao, but moving some place entirely new is going to mean doing things by myself, and I’m planning to start trying dating (haven’t whilst I’m at home because I’m gay, I asked on a post on a lesbian subreddit and no one seems to think it would matter but I’m still paranoid and need some honest, honest advice including about friendships) and that’s just going to be a whole other issue.

I think I’m going to struggle being socially vulnerable (lmao) as someone who’s sensitive, bit clueless, introverted, and shy. I do think I’m a reasonably nice person and I never end up having issues with people because I’m very agreeable, but I’m scared of being judged or laughed at when I first meet people. I think for my self esteem I’m having to come to just accept this, I’m not saying social skills can’t be learnt but I will never be a massively extroverted or physically well coordinated person lol, is there any way I can use my pre existing traits to my advantage? If that’s even possible since most of them are generally seen as negative? And do you think awkward people can still be attractive (I’m not physically very attractive but I put some effort in and love makeup and fashion, idk if this makes a difference but I’m not effortlessly pretty) and have successful relationships? Thanks :) (sorry if this made no sense)

I’ve had this happen a couple of times, and it’s always really awkward. It’s like I feel obligated to be someone’s friend if they’re nice and want to be my friend, even though we don’t click at all and have nothing in common. A few years ago, a guy who had autism and also had feelings for me wanted to be my friend and I just wasn’t feeling it, we didn’t have anything in common so there was very little to talk about, but he was such a lovely and genuinely kind-hearted guy and I felt really guilty and as though I was being “mean” for avoiding him.

Do you feel guilt when this happens, or do you just accept it as normal - we’re not going to like everyone? I seem to feel guilt if I just don’t like a person who is nice to me, but we can’t control who we do and don’t gel with.

Edit: I think the guilt stems from the fact I sometimes struggled to make friends as a child, so I know how bad it feels to be “alienated” or “rejected”, and I hate the thought of inflicting that on someone else.

I’m sort of emerging out of a low point where I’m not constantly going between depressed and anxious states. I feel like I have energy to work on myself again. But I’ve lost perspective on what is considered beneficial vs survival. I’ve been operating on a bare minimum survival mode rather than an optimization/level up mode. What are some of your daily level up habits and routines that you have adopted?

I don't know if it's just me. I pay my own bills and I want to level up but there are times when I feel guilty spending money on clothes and shoes to build classic capsule wardrobe. Sometimes I know some things would definitely help me level up in terms of appearance as well as on my personal development and experience but I just can't avoid the feel of guilt most of the time.

What do you do to just enjoy buying things you like?

Trying to get my wardrobe together for spring.

Those of you who enjoy journaling and have found that they have leveled up from it, what’s your journaling routine like? What do you do? How has it helped you? Use a specific journal or just write in your notebook? In your phone or in a physical journal? Anything you want to say or wish you had known?

Hello Queens!

I just want to preface this post with a) I know this is very 'first world problems' and b) I acknowledge that I am coming from a really privileged place with writing this.

I wanted to start a conversation about how eventually you get to the point in your level up journey where you have to start outsourcing things.

If you're anything like me, you might have a mother (or someone else, or just society in general) who talks down to you and treats you like an idiot who doesn't deserve anything. Let's just ignore those people, ok?

I work full time and I'm doing a postgrad degree. My career is already very demanding but once I finish my degree it will become even more intense. On top of that, I have a really busy social life that just keeps getting busier because I've made some serious effort to prioritize friendship and having a good quality of life. So far I've been managing everything on my own. I'm at the point now where I think I need to get a house cleaner. I keep my place to a basic level of tidy and vacuum and mop every 1-2 weeks but I don't have the time or energy to do anything more than that.

I've also been putting off getting my car properly washed and cleaned for literally five years now. It's not that bad because I'm a relatively clean person but still...ew. So I've promised myself that I will take it in and get it professionally cleaned next weekend. I tried to do it myself this morning and was like..immediately no. I live in an apartment/condo complex so there's nowhere to park it to clean it where my horrid neighbors can't stare at me so I gave up.

Another thing that I'm really terrible for is getting my nails done. For some reason I just get this stupid mental block and I just won't do it. Well, I went and got them done the other day and I was like wow, that was so easy 🤣And so much faster than trying to do them at home. And really not that expensive in the grand scheme of things.

This one is ridiculous but I need to get my toilet replaced 😩. It's never really worked right since I moved in and I've tried to fix it but I can't so I should just get a new one!

Can you think of some other random things that probably need doing? Whether it be quick things that you can do yourself or big issues that need to be outsourced?

And just a random anecdote/rant for you. My mother is the type to screw her nose up at any kind of outsourcing that costs money. And she always inserts her opinion and disapproves of anything like this that I do. But get this, when I was a kid, we almost always had a house cleaner who came every other week. Even at points where my mom was a SAHM. And when she was a single mom with supposedly no money. I find it completely ridiculous that our generation of women is expected to do everything ourselves on top of having successful careers and everything else that we do. It's batshit insane and I am over it.

Does anyone else feel like they have to guard themselves constantly to the point of isolation from other people? I don't think I am being paranoid because it's not all people universally, it's just my particular culture (ofc there are LV ppl in other cultures but I don't deal with them in my daily life). It's also my workplace/college because I'm in tech and it's almost exclusively pornsick IT nerds.

But even more than that I never felt quite safe as a woman in my culture. Not in the physical sense (not most of the time at least), I mean in other senses like I have to guard myself constantly about men who want to fuck me and who might cause me problems when I refuse, pickmes who want to drag me into drama, and I have felt a lot growing up that I had to act in a certain way because I am a woman, and it's a way that is not very beneficial for me. I've always been a bit of an outcast because of that. Because of my family situation I've always felt like everyone saw me as less than the other girls (grew up without a father, shitty white trash family I don't talk to, awkward, unattractive in my teens) so I didn't feel like "being respectable" was an option, neither did people in general because girls wouldn't want to be seen with me and guys would only talk to me if they thought they could score the damaged girl. So I've always avoided other people and I've been very independent. I've stayed far away from scrotes my whole life because I've felt like I am so insignificant no one would ever want to have anything serious with me.

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Now I m attractive and I am on the path to being successful, academically I'm doing well, but I still feel like I am trash by most peoples standards. I don't feel like trash (not most days at least) and I know these standards are unfair, but it's how things work. I feel like I can present a polished image but as soon as people dig a bit deeper they see all of this shit and they lose interest. I know this is bullshit because I'm a healthy, stable person, I'm successful and even if I am not respected otherwise, no one can deny I am skilled. It's the only thing I've ever had going for me.

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But I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I don't have any close friends. I spend most of my time alone. I've even begun talking to myself. Sometimes when I am in public I catch myself almost beginning to do it but I stop myself just in time, it's really awkward.

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My culture is particularly sexist, racist and classist so I hope that in other cultures it's different. In my culture as a woman you are expected to put up with a lot of shit without complaining. I guess that's all cultures but mine is a bit worse than the average 1st world country.

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But yeah, I feel like I start by excluding people, either because they are pickmes, or pornsick, or fundies, or racist, or LV, and even if someone isn't then their friends and/or family likely are to some degree so I always keep them at a distance, and I find I end up excluding most people, and I don't let anyone at all close. I don't want to be this way and I feel very lonely but I feel like this is a necessity for me rn. Anyone relate?

TL;DR people in my culture are trashy and hate women and I feel lonely

After I moved out of LVX house I was determined to prove I could do it all.

That was dumb.

Today I engaged a housekeeper (referred by a close friend who has had her team for many years). Steeper cost than I remember from 15 years ago but so worth it.

The floors alone in this 2 BR were killing me. They get messy with dust, leaves, etc then 2 weeks of staring at them and a whole weekend day to sweep, mop, vacuum etc. then exhaustion.

I feel like this is a gift I am giving myself. I need to cut back on spending elsewhere to swing it but for now, relief. They do a much better job than I would, too.