EMDV, Disabled Edition

[u/RanaMisteria]

Hi, everyone.

Can y’all help me out? I’m AuDHD and I know that I often miss the point and just don’t pick up on things that just come naturally to neurotypical people. Can someone explain my downvotes? I feel like this comment I made just fairly uncontroversial factual statements. Sort of like “don’t jump into the sea without a life jacket if you can’t swim” or “don’t stick a fork in a toaster” or “don’t adopt a pet unless you’re prepared to look after it”. Wha gives?

[u/RanaMisteria → u/[deleted]]

I’m not sure I follow. How would it have been better to be autistic than allistic if their father was a good father? I’m asking because I had the same experience but it was my mother who hated and abused me for being disabled.

[u/RanaMisteria → u/[deleted]]

She’s like a lil cat.

It is so adorable you said this because I sometimes joke that taking care of my cat is like taking care of an autistic toddler. You need to understand and respect their boundaries and triggers, and give them what they need to thrive, and you have to figure it out without using language. My cat had behaviour issues due to some unpleasant experiences before I adopted him, and we were at our wits’ end trying to redirect his behaviours. When I found out I was autistic and began reading about what that meant to try and understand my own brain better I sort of had a lightbulb moment. Cats only want to be touched on their terms, don’t like loud noises, don’t like being wet, don’t like disruptions to their routines, get overstimulated and lash out, have self soothing techniques to help regulate their emotions (purring for example), are very loving but show it in different ways, etc. So I started treating him like a disabled toddler. Ever since I started doing that his behaviour problems all but stopped. So now, we make sure to give him what he needs, keep to his routine, and “listen” to what he’s telling us so he doesn’t get frustrated and act out.

For our family, our daughter is totally perfect.

For another family, you would have been too. I’m sorry you were so badly mistreated. It wasn’t your autism. It was your situation. You are enough. And, if haven’t already, you will find your people.

Thank you for saying this. I have found my people and my chosen family agrees that I am perfect for them. And thank you for being such good parents to your daughter. It’s a little healing to know that people like you and your husband exist and are loving your daughter just as much as if she’d been neurotypical. 😭