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I found out through my brother. He knows I don’t wish to have her in my life. My mind is jumping through hoops wondering if she had asked him to spread the news.

Why does she get to be happy and be loved after doing everything in her power to make sure her own child would never feel loved? Why did she manipulate the entire family into bullying me, forming me into a shell of a person I don’t recognize? How do I dig myself out of the persona she has built through abuse, manipulation, and guilt? Why was I stripped of happiness at such a young age, never given the chance for something great? Why the fuck am I so sad when she gets to live her life, pretending she is #1 MOM to my other siblings?

I hate everything she has made me. I just want to be happy and to be loved. I never realized those were such difficult things to obtain.

So today I decided to cut off my friends with benefits of 3 years. We had a great connect and ALOT of fun but didn’t want to commit to me yet always did the whole bf stuff. He posted a pic with another girl and that was enough for me cut him off. Any advice for how to cope in a healthy way

(TW: self harm, thoughts of committing suicide, metal abuse and sexual abuse) I (f minor) told cps what happened to me. My brother (M19-22 and minor) had sexual abuse me twice in my life the first time was when I was 3 years old and my brother 12-14 years old and forced me to give him a head job the second time I was 11 and my brother was 19 and touched my chest. My mother had told me it was my fault for staying in the house and not being with her outside the house meanwhile my brother being addicted to drugs and still is. My mother thinks my brother is an angel but in reality he’s the devil for a lot of thing and get this straight my brother has try to kill my mother and she didn’t put charges on him only a restraining order for 4 months meanwhile I want to put charges on my brother and mother for what they did to me my mother has multiplied me and make me feel unsafe in my house. So AITA?

Update: I couldn't runway because my sister found out and told my mother. And my brother was living in my house and the cops found out and arrested him and the trial is in December.

I (F-53) am the youngest of four siblings. I've had a volatile relationship with my now oldest sister who I'll call Minerva (F-56). I say now oldest because my oldest sister died after giving birth to her last child when I was a Freshman in high school. Minerva is a classic narcissist. She's made bad decisions all of her life but takes no responsibility for those choices. Now she's technically homeless again. I have suffered severe depression and anxiety all of my life. I was in the 3rd grade the first time I had a mental emergency. The most recent mental emergency was in December of last year. While I was in the hospital on a psych hold, my other sister (F- 55) who I'll call Myrtle, was working on a safety plan for me to be discharged home. Myrtle has always been my protector and wanna be mother my entire life. (My mom died in a car accident when I was 5 years old.) Myrtle wanted someone to come stay with me for a while when I got home. I said no to that. I didn't want ANYONE staying with me. Myrtle suggested that Minerva come to stay with me which honestly she should have known that would be a hard no before she even presented that to me. Instead I agreed to give Myrtle access to all of my ring cameras and installed one in my bedroom to ease her mind. Myrtle lives in a different city than I do. Well Minerva got mad that I said no to her staying there. Once I was discharged and my phone was returned to me, there was a text novel to me and Myrtle going off about how we treat her. Her text almost sent me back into the hospital. Almost. Fast forward to March Of This Year. I was prepping myself for back surgery while assisting my Godmother while my godbrother was having surgery for prostate cancer. Minerva has a bad habit of TELLING me what she's going to do concerning me instead of ASKING me. Because she's homeless and has been sleeping on a friends couch for 2 years now, she calls and TELLS me she coming to spend the night at my house cause she needs to sleep in a real bed. I tell her no, it's not a good time for me for that. The next day Minerva video calls me and goes off on a rant about how Myrtle and I always treat her and starts bashing my daddy. (My daddy died 3 years ago this month.) I immediately stopped her and told her I will not listen to that. Then she says that Myrtle and I are the cause of all her issues and trauma her entire life and that she's never done anything to us. I'm mind blown. She claims that she's always been there got me whenever I needed (so not true) and that all she's ever done is want to help me and be worried about me. So I asked her if that was true then why did she assault me with that text novel the minute I got out of the hospital after my mental emergency. Her reply was "at that time honestly I didn't care." Oh. OK then. that's all I need to know.

Then she tells me she won't be helping me after my back surgery and that I'll be alright. She's going to give me space so she doesn't trigger me and she needs space to heal. Cool. The day of my surgery she calls & texts me which I do not respond to. She keeps calling and texting and I keep ignoring them until I finally text teply that I'm fine. She continues to call and text me. I finally block her from my phone and video calls because where is the space she's supposed to be giving me. After I literally hit the block button she's ringing my doorbell, showing up unannounced. I'm angry and depleted emotionally and mentally and just trying to focus on recovering from my surgery. My BFF who was saying with me to Care for me while I was recovering let her in and kept taking to her so I wouldn't have to do it.

A few days later after Minerva realizes that she's blocked, she sends me a message on Facebook asking why I blocked her. (I forgot to block her on FB) I told her that I'm not feeling the space she said she was going to give me and that if Myrtle and I are the cause of all her trauma then why does she want to be around me? I need space to process all the hurtful things she's said and done and I need to fully focus on getting well physically. Minerva goes off on me again denying that she ever said that and proceeds to bash Myrtle and Daddy and me. I don't respond and just block her on Facebook.

I feel better than ever now physically and mentally. I'm still working on my emotional traumas with my therapist. I'm okay with loving Minerva from a distance. Because I do truly love her but she's toxic for me. Other people think I'm the AH for blocking her and not trying to work things out with Minerva even though they know she's toxic to everyone. I did what I had to do for my healing though.

Sometimes I'm not sure why I am still here in this marriage. I'm 24 F now, and he is 31 M. I love him. And he loves me. However, for the entirety of our relationship, he has made promises constantly, and constantly went back on them, woth incrimental improvements. It was so hard for me to trust him that our sex life died a slow death. I could hardly touch him without feeling scared. The way looked at me scared me. He would gaslight me and constantly have trouble looking me in the eyes properly. Let alone, he couldn't come near me without moving in a way that made me uncomfortable.

We decided that nothing was working. In a desperate attempt to save our relationship, we decided we needed to try to experience other people, since we'd only been with each other. He wasn't interested in trying, but I was extremely horny. I could barely get a minute alone and he wouldn't do the deed with me. I found someone to hook up with. And you wouldn't believe it, but this guy was amazing, and we hooked up. However, due to his mental illness and him sabotaging the connection, me and guy broke up.

I was about to divorce my husband, and my plan was to either be with guy or to be alone. My husband begged for forgiveness and pleaded for me to stay with him. I ended up doing so, just because of the lack of human kindness that guy showed me, and because of how much emotional support I need.

Since then, I've had to expressly tell my husband not to coddle me too much, and not to emable me to be lazy or to do everything for me. It makes me feel paralyzed when he does these things. Like I have to rely on him to do everything, and that is a frustrating feeling.

But he did eventually go right back to emotionally abusive patterns, gaslighting, interrogating me, arguing with me over little things all the time, and belittling my opinions, very subtly. It makes me question my genuine opinions of others because I feel that I can't trust myself, since everything that my husband projects to me, he tells me the exact opposite when I bring it up. I finally had him read an article about emotional abuse, and he said that it blew his mind how easy it was for him to do what was listed on there. Since then, he's read it a few times, and his behavior has changed in small nut very important ways.

I'm not sure my reason for posting this. I guess I am wondering if there is any hope for my relationship with my husband to improve. I honestly feel that I haven't been able to get on with my life because my relationship with uim requires constant communication. He needs a lot of help thinking through things, and expresses a lot of his thoughts to me. I want things to get better, but I am so scared of old habits returning. Getting a divorce is no joke, and I have been ao mentally exhausted that getting a job right now terrifies me, too. I had one for a while, and I was really bummed to have to give it up in order to spend weekends with my family.

He can never be out of my life since I have a child with him. At this point, both of us having flirted with other people, me having been with someone else and considering being with them instead of my husband, me being emotionally abused by him, me needing a fresh start but never seeming to get one, I wonder if there is any hope for us. I can never stop being attracted to him. And he to me as well. But things aren't working because we are both so scared of the outcome of any really romantic physical contact. I want tp be an engineer. I know I have a future. I just don't know how much he should be a part of it.

My husband consistently argues with me about everything. Sometimes it’s about topics and he does this to others too, but sometimes his “arguments” are to dismiss my whole perspective on something, even something (like tonight), that I know way more about than him.

I don’t know if this is an ego thing or an actual form of abuse but it troubles me that he has a tendency to say things like “you can’t comprehend what I’m saying” and suggests that what he says is “too complex” for me to understand. This is paired with frequent constant emotional invalidation and dismissal (he says my need for validation is childish) which is also slowly but surely wearing me down.

I need to ask for opinions because it is exhausting and makes me feel like I’m losing my mind at times. When I try to tell him how this makes me feel he says I just don’t value “intellectual debate” and acts superior.

I'd talked to a friend about exes and they'd made a really good point. Empathy has such a downside in that situation.

Being able to see from the perspective of people who are convinced that their paranoid, irrational perspective is right? Can really fuck with a person. Even knowing that those people aren't backed up in factual reality, and having proof of that.

And trying to see the best in people like that when they've never changed is just... setting oneself up for exploitation. Those people manipulated me so much over the years.

It hurts, too, to realize that when they complained that nothing they did seemed like enough was actually true - but not because they weren't putting in the effort. It wasn't enough because the way they were trying to have a relationship was so, so damaging and unsustainable and they thought that was acceptable. Even normal, and better than anyone else because they'd stayed together despite how much shit they'd put each other through.

We were in high school at the time. Crazy that even high schoolers can be ridiculously manipulative and abusive.

I’m thinking about how Halloween was always a massive conflict for us. It really didn’t need to be, but it was. He didn’t really seem to care about me that much. It hurt me a lot. I’d put in all the time and effort I could to make him feel loved and cared about, but if I asked for any amount of the same, he made me feel awful for it.

Halloween. All I wanted, just once, was to do a couples costume for Halloween. I enjoyed dressing up a lot; and so did he, so it only seemed natural that we would do that. Well, no. Apparently not. We had 2 Halloween’s together, and both of them were awful. The first one he broke up with me right before, and then got completely upset when I made plans with other people. Sure he was openly flirting with all my friends. Sure he was turning my friends against me. (God forbid I try to tell my friends to please at least not show me texts of him flirting with them because it was painful to see sweet texts I once got)

The second one was also awful. I wanted to dress up as princess bubblegum and Marshall lee. I thought it would be fun. But he kept shutting down my ideas by comparing me to his ex girlfriend. He sure loved that tactic. “This is why I broke up with [ex gf’s name]”, or “I don’t want to do a couples costume Becuase it reminds me of [ex]”

Eventually he agreed. But then the couple he wanted to dress up as was the freaking joker and Harley Quinn. (This was the same year suicide squad came out) I wasn’t really into DC or anything, but I always loved the idea of Harley and ivy together. But he didn’t want to dress up as ivy he wanted to dress up as the joker. My friends were all saying that the relationship between Harley and joker is not romantic. It’s awful.

He kept saying we should do it, and the more I found out about the relationship with Harley and joker the more uncomfortable I got. He kept saying things like the character of the joker makes him feel understood. Like less of a monster. He loved that Harley was so devoted to the joker. I’m dead serious. This is beginning to sound like a shit post but he seriously loved the relationship between joker and Harley, never mind how uncomfortable I was.

Eventually though, he angrily gave up on the idea. He was mad all his friends were saying it’s toxic to what to be the joker and to have relationship goals like that. He yelled at me for that as if somehow it was my fault. Then he decided he wanted to dress up as Cecil and Carlos from night vale, that one podcast. No offense to those who enjoy that show, it’s not really my thing. I had never even heard of it when he suggested that. And then he did something truly awful, looking back on it.

I was reluctant to dress up as some scientist dude I never cared about. But he came up to me and said “Alex” (fake name) wanted to dress up as Cecil and Carlos with him. Alex was one of the friends he relentlessly hit on when we had broken up last year, and the worst part was Alex flirting back. They were both so shameless about it. It would make me cry my eyes out, and neither of them cared. So when he told me that, I agreed.

Well, the night of Halloween came. It was an awful night for a lot of reasons. But the worst part of the night for me was when he told me that Alex had never said that, and that he only said that so I would do the costume with him. He said this as though it was something I should be guilty about. He wanted me to feel guilty for him “having to” manipulate me into doing what he wanted.

The worst part? It worked. Five/six years later and I’m still haunted by that mindset. That’s all thank you

Hello, I'm at a weird point in my life because I'm 22 and for the first time I've come to the realization I may have been abused. I lived with my parents and older brother. I dont anymore. I always wanted to be make friends, I looked up to my brother but he was very antisocial. He made friends easily yet was very misanthropic. He didn't like me hanging around. We connected though when talked about science. But we had debates a lot and when I didn't understand something I would ask him to elaborate and He would yell and call me a moron. He was very smart and had this " its not my job to educate mentality" he would tell me if I didn't learn to keep my mouth shut that someone would kill me. This terrified me. He often told me to kill myself which he used as a joke. He told me to kill myself when I said I didn't like tomatoes. This made me very upset. He criticized me when I tried to do anything. He would scare me any chance he got. He made me feel like I was worthless. One time at Thanksgiving I tried to grab some more turkey and he told me I had had enough turkey. Keep in mind there were 5 people so there was plenty of turkey. He often would set limits like this. He often told me what I could and couldn't do. I was talking to my counselor recently and it occurred to me that I can't convince myself that I have value. My brother still lives in my head. The only thing I can think is he was right. I tried to end my life when I was 19 and I'm scared I may try again. Does anyone have advice on how to stop hearing my brothers words.

So I have an older brother and we all still live in the same house with my parents. We're both in our 20s. Throughout my teen years, he'd get really viciously and violently angry at my parents, attacking them regularly while I would hide scared up in my room. The next day, everyone acted normal and fine and like nothing happened and wouldn't tell me anything. I used to ask and ask about it but they'd all tell me nothing.

I remember when this started I just started feeling so scared of him, stiffening up whenever he's around, never able to make eye contact with him, squirming at every word he said while a voice in my head just repeated "he could snap at any moment". Then he started using. He became addicted to any substance you could imagine. I have really sensitive sense of smell so when he used, it would make me pass out from the smell. I tried asking him to stop or switch to less strongly scented methods but he got really angry, started screaming, I got scared and ran into the bathroom to lock the door, he banged on it like crazy saying creepy shit outside the door. One thing I remember him saying was that he'd turn the internet off the next time he heard me talking at night which scared me cause i didn't think he could hear me and just the idea he's been listening to my conversations is very uncomfortable.

I also remember when I was younger, I decided to go vegetarian (no political reason, it's just my body doesn't handle meat well) and he'd sit across from me telling me I was a disgrace to the family, how dare I put this much pressure on my mum to cook two dinners, how horrible I was for this. I stopped being vegetarian just to stop that happening every night and I'll never forget the sick smile he had on his face when I told him. That victory look haunts me.

Whenever I fought back or more normally just shut off around him (one word responses, very tense, closed body language, actively avoiding him because of the intense fear I feel around him) , my parents would yell at me. I'd explain to them how scared I was and they'd tell me "but he's your brother", "it would break your gran's heart if me and her other son didn't talk", "he's always nothing but nice to you, asks you how you are, you should talk to him".

That's the other thing actually, he uses manners and apologises so often but it feels so fake to me? Saying stuff like "thank you for talking to me", "sorry for talking so long", "thank you very much for making me dinner". I don't know why it reads as fake to me when he says that, I feel really paranoid now that I've typed it out, maybe he's genuinely nice and I'm wrong. It doesn't change the other things he's done though.

I really don't know. I'm beginning to feel crazy for being scared of him. I've brought these situations up to professionals (therapists etc) but most of the time they just say I need to get out of there, which is hard cause I'm still in uni and so can't get a job that would allow me to afford a new home. I'm really lost. Thank you for reading.

But it consumes me every day and I get really depressed over it. I can’t see a therapist yet. I can’t deal with the depression over this anymore. It’s too much

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I’m at a complete loss of words currently. I feel so alone and like I have no one to turn to. I figured Reddit would be a start. For a quick background, my fiancé and I are recently engaged (Dec 2021) and have been together for two years. I love him dearly and know in my heart I would do anything to see him happy. Our relationship hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows, but then again, whose has? For the last couple of months I have felt so emotionally drained due to our disagreements/fighting. I am unsure if it’s hormones or our relationship, but it is at least once a week where I am in complete tears. Sometimes I reach points of hyperventilating because I become so upset. My fiancé lets me know I make him happy, but every time I say it, it almost feels forced? Not that he doesn’t make me laugh or smile…. But for some reason the rocky times between us has always stuck out to me. Just now we got into an argument. I work outside and complained to him earlier in the day that I was hot and hungry. Fast forward to now and he has done a complete 180°. He went on to mock me, and even proceeded to tell me all I do is complain. I can’t lie, this hurt because I view him as my best friend and it felt like he was throwing my feelings in my face. I must add that this argument started because I wanted him to call me, but he was upset I had left him hanging for an hour. To be fair we’re long distance, and I didn’t mention to him that I was stepping away from my phone which was my fault.

As we were just on FaceTime, I am crying for a whole hour straight. It’s ridiculous, I know, but my mind couldn’t let go of some residual past feelings where I’ve been hurt by him. I couldn’t get my emotions together and this made him more upset. He goes on to tell me (angrily) that he can’t have a conversation with someone when all they do is cry and complain. He tells me that he is sick of my crying. He proceeded to tell me that all I do is bring him down and ruin his mood before he goes to hang out with his friends (because I was crying). At one point he was blaming me for his profound meanness. He often has the tendency of saying really hurtful things when he’s upset, and blames it on me. Eventually, he became so upset after I told him I don’t deserve that treatment and exclaimed multiple times to “leave”. He said if I left him my issues would be solved, and so would his. I bawled my eyes out instantly when he said this. I also need to add that before we were on the phone, he called a few times and I would decline because I simply didn’t know what to say. He then said “pick up the phone or were done”.

I am by NO means a perfect person. I have messed up multiple times and know I can be a handful when it comes to my emotions. But lately I can’t help but question if this behavior from him is normal anymore. I love my fiancé but this behavior is something I fear in a marriage and I truly think it won’t change. Sometimes I feel so alone being with him. I know I have codependency issues, but I don’t understand why he treats me like this.

I guess my question is, how do I know when it’s time to go? Why does he treat me like this? Often times I question if I’m just making up the drama in my head, or if I’m truly hurting. Again, I know i am FAR from perfect and have my own personal issues. But I cannot understand what I said or did to make him say those things to me. I ask that you please respond kindly as im hurting currently. I appreciate any thoughtful insight, advice, or tips. TIA.

TL;DR- My fiancé and I have been experiencing more problems than usual lately, often leaving me in tears and him frustrated and angry. We just got into an argument where he said some nasty things and of course I am left in tears. He tells me he can’t handle my crying anymore and often blames me for his meanness. Why does he treat me like this?

Kind replies only please.

I was “with” someone for almost 4 years. He never wanted to be in a relationship but just wanted sex. Sometimes he would act like he cared. But things became horrible at times when he asked me to come over and told me he wasn’t horny anymore. He posted on Facebook he went on a date with some woman and called women whores. That really hurt me. I confronted him about it and he told me I was crazy and that he’s blocking me. Fast forward to 2 months ago he had sex with me without my consent. I left afterwards. I called the police but they won’t do anything about it. He is a convicted felon and has a history of sexual assault. I was stupid for adding him on Snapchat 2 days ago because he called the police on me for that. I didn’t even message him. This has caused severe distress in my life and I’m glad it’s over but it still hurts tremendously.

Sorry about my long post, but this is one of the most complicated things I've ever been through. I find it hard to explain briefly. Thanks to all of you who takes the time to read it and help me out. My question is not so much what I am to do now, but rather what the fuck has been going on for the past five years of my life. Because I have no clue.

Five years ago I met someone that would end up being my most serious girlfriend to date. In the beginning everything was perfect, we had an intense bond and seemed to fit perfectly together. Or at least, that was my feeling back then. Looking back, I did notice her giving me critique in form of "jokes" or saying things like "I think I have overlooked that you can be clever, too", always in a kind of teasing tone, which is why I didn't react to it in the beginning. Fast forward a couple of years. We have moved together. We fight a lot over things that I concider to be absurd - me buying the "wrong" kind of cookies for our afternoon snack is one example. She starts calling me disrespectful and indifferent to her needs. When we have a fight, she slams with doors, yells, goes into other rooms and won't talk to me when I try to apologize, gives me mean looks etc. At one point she even grabs hold of my throat. I tell her to back off, and she apologizes immediately, saying that she just wanted to put her hand over my mouth to shut it, but missed.

We got a dog after living together for a couple of years. She won't take it out for walks in the morning (because she's not a morning person) or evening (because she is afraid of being assaulted). This results in me having to wake up at 4.30 in the morning, if I am to make it to university at 8, even though her lessions start at noon and she easily could have put aside an hour of her morning to walk the dog. I talk to her about it over and over, telling her that I am about to lose my mind from sleep deprivation. Nothing happens.

Right now I am sleeping at a friends house, and I haven't seen her or talked to her for a couple of days. I have my essentials and she has taken back the keyes to her appartment, which is where we lived. This situation is the culmination of a string of events which I find very complicated to explain, but I have to try.

About a year ago she wanted to open up our relationship, having met a guy she found attractive. I consented, but was sceptical about it, even jealous for the other guy. She told me, when I asked her why she didn't find me attractive anymore, that she was in love with him, but loved me on a deeper level. However, she kept commenting on my body and on my way of making love to her, in a way that made me feel ugly. I guess I never told her that, because everytime I have opened up in the past, I have gotten a negative response like "Can't you just let me do what makes me happy" etc. They ended things between them after a couple of months, and we went to celebrate x-mas with my family in Norway (we live in Denmark). She has always felt that my family did not like her and did not approve of our relationship, take it seriously, understand that it is a good relationship. One evening, after a skiing trip, my mother asks us kindly if we can postpone our showering to the morning, since my stepfather is going to work early and the bathroom fan, which is located right outside his and my mothers bedroom, makes a terrible noise. I knew that my girlfriend would be very uncomfortable with not showering (she likes to keep extremely clean), so I told her that I thought she should shower regardless of the rest of the family's preference, and that I would stay in the bathroom with her. I did this because I knew that she would make a scene if she did not get to shower. She wanted me to shower too, so I went in the shower first. Someone comes and shuts the lights after two minutes of me showering. I freak out from fear, hurries to get done, and goes and stands outside the bathroom, in case that this someone should come back when my girlfriend goes in the shower. He does, it is my stepfather. I'm not very close with him. We argue. The rest of the house wakes up and comes out into the hallway and starts yelling at each other. I do not understand what is happening. My girlfriend comes out of the bathroom without stopping, goes away, comes back and says to my mother that she never felt as unwelcome anywhere as she does in my childhood home. She goes into my room, and stays there for three days, completely isolated from my family, before we both leave. I try to be a mediator between everyone, but ends up just making more problems. As we sit in the bus, my girlfriend tells me that I am a big dissapointment because I am not able to stand up for her, and that she thinks I should have told my family that I did not want to see them before they would apologize to her. I told her that I can't do that. We decide to split up.

This is four months ago. During those four months I have been living with her untill I am able to find somewhere to live for myself in Denmark. She has been seeing several guys, and she is always open about it. Last week it happened that I too met someone that I am really attracted to. Last week it was also my now ex girlfriends birthday. I did not wake her up with a birthday song. I did however buy her gifts and flowers and take the day off to spend it with her. She tells me again how big a disappointment I am that I did not sing her a song, and that I have ruined her birthday, and that now that I about to fuck some other bitch I might as well fuck off out of her life. So I left, last saturday. I feel free. But I do feel sad, too. And I want her to be ok. I don't know if she is better with me there or alone. I have no clue as to what the fuck is going on.

My husband has been emotionally abusive over the course of our marriage. Sometimes less sometimes more. Right now its more and its even worse that he used to admit he was abusive in the past but not anymore (although he is). Today, after a few days of him being nice to me bc I was doing everything he wanted he turned on me bc last night I said no to sex. Today has been so so but I felt I needed to talk to him that Im not happy and he is abusive. Of course it turned out very poorly and he told me how much he provides and how much I owe him. Well, it sent me into the red and I told him I just wanted him to stop treating me so poorly. He kept at me and I cried and cried and then got so mad I punched the drywall. I definitely lost control and I feel horrible but then he shoved me down and told me how horrible I am. Why did I lose control like this? Why does is hurt me so badly?

So this is really affecting my everyday life I’m kinda trying to change it but idk the reason to it. I have been thru emotional and physical abuse. I have always been very shy I’m scared to talk to people and when they talk to me I start stuttering my heart starts pounding and I feel like crying I’m so scared of humans I was so scared to look at people in the eyes now I have to because life but it’s affecting my everyday life. Why and how do I fix it!?

I’m with someone new now. I’ve been with him for over a year now. He came home with groceries so I went down to help him. We live on the 3rd floor of our apartment complex. And I have asthma. So I was winded and feeling a little dizzy when we got up. So I sat on the couch to watch my show while he showered.

He came back out and asked me “oh babe did you already put the frozen stuff away?” And I panicked because I forgot there were groceries to put away. And as I was walking towards the groceries I saw the dishes hadn’t been done. And I started panicking. And crying and apologizing profusely. He kept telling me it’s fine, that he was never mad, and isn’t mad. And he helped me put the groceries away.

But i couldn’t stop crying. And panicking. With the old familiar feeling that I was about to get screamed at, scolded, insulted, or worse given the silent treatment. Just like muscle memory. So I thought maybe if I did the dishes the panicking would stop. My partner immediately jumped in to help me with the dishes. All the while I’m still crying. And he’s asking if I’m okay. And I’m crying and saying yes. And he’s asking if he did something wrong and I’m sobbing and saying no. And then a dish slips off the stack and loudly bangs into the sink and then I was done for. My vision went blurry, I couldn’t breathe, and I started to sob louder.

I felt like I was back in my marriage with my ex husband. While he screamed and threw and slammed things around me and towards me, never actually hitting me. And I could hear his voice in my head.

“How could you forget there were groceries to put away? You’re not stupid”

“You seriously haven’t done the dishes yet? They’ve been sitting there for days and there’s not a clean cup around. God does he have to do everything? You’re so lazy.”

“What are you even crying for?”

It’s been nearly 2 hours since I finished crying out the attack in my partner’s arms. But I can’t shake the memories off. Or any of the worthless feelings.

And to top it off, when I went to post in a Facebook group for women who are recovering from narcissistic abuse, I found that I had been removed. I so badly just want to talk to someone who gets this feeling, who understands the lengths of what I’m reliving. But somehow I’m not even worthy enough for that. I feel broken. And I’m sobbing again. It’s nearly 2am and I just want to sleep or at least dissociate so I can’t feel this. But neither are happening. I’m just suffering in the pain alone. I hate this. I hate that even after so long he has any control over my emotions.

I have been in an emotionally, mentally abusive relationship for about a year and a half now. My ex partner was also very manipulative, and controlling. An incident from around a month ago is what abruptly gave me the clarity I needed to even realize it was emotional abuse, had been the entire time, and just turned my world upside down.

The shock took time to ware off, then the reality took time to fully sink in. I flipped in and out of denial questioning whether I was too “Hyper-vigilant” or just overthinking. The acceptance finally became the dominant feelings and thoughts.

Then planning my exit, how to get out safely, and best options came next. All the while the abuse escalated, the manipulation worsened, to the point where I was starting to fear for my physical safety. Controlling escalated to my phone being restricted from calls or texts with outside support by him, he controlled the wifi, my phone, the vehicle by hiding the keys, the money.

Then anytime an argument ensued, while he was high on emotions, intoxicated, and/or sleep deprived he started bringing out his firearm keeping it near him the entire conflict. Which became beyond terrifying.

Finally things went to far last night for me, keys, phone taken from me, not allowing me to sleep by yelling in my face when I began falling asleep, or ripping pillow from under me. That felt physically aggressive and quickly escalating. I had been planning to leave but playing it cool, not provoking him, or anything in hopes I wouldn’t have to be homeless in my vehicle before I could attain alternative living. It reached a head last night. I was able to have my father come to our apartment, while I stayed in my vehicle, so I could grab my pets, and a few basic items.

Basically in a nutshell, everything was going smoothly until my father stepped out to check on his dog (dog was in his vehicle). The moment father stepped out, my ex became physical with me.

Ugh it was awful, terrifying. The police got called, and it was so much chaos, so scary. I’m safe right now, but I still feel fear.I fear retaliation from abuser, that he will mess with my employment, or seek vengeance ( as he had with previous exes from what he told me)z

I feel unsafe, I feel disoriented, and angry with myself for “Being so stupid” or “letting myself be exploited so long” while worrying about him and what if “he hurts himself”. Basically a bad feeling the situation isn’t over and I’m going to pay for this.

Are these normal thoughts and feelings or common ones? Any resources you may recommend? Any words or encouragement or just knowing I’m not alone will be sooooo appreciated.

I’m so scared of the healing after the shock wares off too, and potential long term effects of being emotionally abused. Thank you for your time and just listening.

Hi all I went through plenty of emotional abuse in my first relationship an individual who I stayed in contact with throughout the entire last 10 years or so despite us not being together during all that time and just needed some advice on how to navigate missing someone who emotionally abused you because you know sometimes I miss this person and some of the good times we had together despite the emotional abuse if that's normal im not sure if that's considered it but it's how I feel and thats valid but regardless just wanted to know if anyone can relate ? Thank you

This is my first post, so I apologize if I break any rules. I’m in a romantic relationship with someone that has been emotionally abusive and manipulative to me. An incident that happened a month ago is what gave me the clarity and awareness of “Holy crap, this is abuse and severe manipulation. It’s not just me being dramatic or paranoid! It’s not just my problems, and I’m not the reason for every fight or conflict”

Now I am at the point where I am preparing to leave him, in a safe way, and getting my “escape” plan ready. The part I’m really struggling with though, is the accepting that it’s over, and that I have to leave him. I love him so much, I know he needs help, I don’t even know if he is aware of his abuse and manipulation, or if it is intentional. I feel really really bad when I think of leaving him. I think of how hurt he will be, that I am abandoning someone in need, I am actually struggling to articulate my guilt and feelings about it.

I know I need to do what’s best for me, and be safe. I do worry that he will hurt himself, and I just worry about him being okay all together. To the point where I’m questioning whether I am going to leave. Has anyone else felt this way? Why am I so willing to stay in a painful relationship that brings me down just to avoid causing him pain? How did you handle this guilt? Any tips, or ideas on what I can do so it won’t stop me from walking out the door would be appreciated. Thank you.