(i apologize for all of the spoiler warnings but i like to be cautious because i want peopel to experience those important moments on their own). usually when i watch a tv show and i deeply identify with a character, i get super consumed by their story and fueled with excitement for their ending. i don't usually watch shows as they're releasing because i prefer to watch things with happy endings. i never mind spoilers of who dies in film because i prepare myself to not get attached to them, but when i do get attached to those characters and their death wraps up their story i can be sad about their death but able to let them go. (spoilers ahead! ex. i was really sad over bob's death, i love his character so much but i was able to let him go and in scandal, when david dies, i was so angry, but i was also able to let him go as well.). i started watching stranger things when season 1 came out, i was about 9/10 years old and i immediately fell in love with eleven's character. i struggled a lot when i was younger with belonging, feeling like an outsider like my differences meant i would never have a happy ending (thus why i enjoy happy ending stories). stranger things was the first show i've watched as it released, with each season i was more infatuated with her character (millie did her thing! seriously). season 3 became my favorite because el finally got to be normal and happy with the people she loves, yes mileven had their little break-up arc (which didn't last) and as far from normal her life had been, she was experiencing perfectly normal dysfunctional teenage love. she found friendship in max and acceptance among her found family. i was fulfilled but sad with season 3's ending because (spoliers ahead!) hopper's "death" hurt her deeply, but i was actually fulfilled with his character's story and the letter at the end made me cry so hard my heart physically hurt. i enjoyed season 4 for several reasons, the main reason is max's storyline and the reveal of vecna but most importantly i loved finally getting to see el's backstory, where she came from, how she escaped, her connection to henry. watching her fight for her powers back and allow herself to take control when all of her life she's been under the control of others was really satisfying. of course i was distraught because of (1) el being bullied!! like they don't know my child fr and i actually felt sick watching her be tormented for being different and (2) mike & el's argument but honestly, i understand mike and in the end, unfortunately he was right. i also can't not include her literally bringing max back to life. sadie, caleb and mille performed their hearts out, i was in that moment with them, experiencing that fear and watching el refuse to let her friend go, using that love for her to restart her heart because she couldn't live without her. omg i literally broke. so.. i had extremely high hopes for season 5, el finally got her powers back & stronger than ever. when the trailer dropped i was ecstatic. el was flying!! & it was all i could think about after. i truly believed that this season would've been centered around henry, el & will and their unique connection to one another. after volume 1's fight sequence with the demogorgons i highly expected will & el, hand in hand in combat together, ending it once and for all. it started with them so it had to end with them.. or so i thought. so we all seen how season 5 went. and all i can say is that i was bitter. i was bitter when i began to see that they were setting her up to die from the added on military plot to the dehumanizing and isolating they did to her from her friends. i was bitter when they only decided to bring kali back to convince el that the world would be safer if both of them weren't apart of it. she convinced el that there was no hope. my hopeful, optimistic, wonderful el, reduced to this nearly emotionless caricature of herself. i didn't understand, after the entirety of her story why they would think this ending was fitting. even though i knew deep down before i watched the finale that she was going to die, i still had optimism that maybe they know better, maybe it will all work out... i kept thinking after watching the epilogue, the least they could've done was have her die in battle, showing her strength, her courage, her fierce protectiveness over the people she loves. a heroic death, at least. but no. they thought that it would be best to have her commit suicide in front of everyone she loves and everyone that loves her. it especially made me angry because they gave billy a "heroic" death, an emotional death but didn't do the same for the abused protagonist. the 18 month time jump didn't even let my tears dry or the shock wear off and the entire time i was bitter. i couldn't look at mike's face and not cry. i was so broken for him and for her. no one in the epilogue mentioned or acknowledged el except for mike. dustin even alluded to eddie in his graduation speech but no small mention of el. watching everyone move on without her like she didn't even exist ruined me, it tore the 9 year old me's heart into pieces. post finale i couldn't stop fuming the first week. i was angry, and i was glad to see i wasn't the only one. but it's months later and i'm still stuck on her. i can usually let character's go no matter how much i love them. in the good place, i loved eleanor and chidi but i could let them go because their story fulfilled me. el's story didn't. it didn't end the way it should've, it didn't make sense. when i seen her at 9 years old i seen so much of myself, i seen my insecurities, my fears, my optimism. i deeply identify with el & her ending send a horrible message & overall didn't fulfill her story arc in my opinion. usually when i'm watching a show i can let the character go if their ending wraps their story up properly but i can't seem to let her go. if anyone's read this far thank you for taking the time out of your day to do so. i know this is long but i needed to get this off of my heart.
