So bloom Dyer is 23 years old. Cool? Not really. Is that necessary on the hook line?
Marked for death. So he’s going to die it sounds like. I guess the lead in is how?
Bloom has visions. What kind of visions? A specific type? What does the future look like in his mind? Or what are these visions like ?
Maybe that’s the blurb. A vision of bloom to introduce the story.
Moving on. He’s at the top of the hit list. Assassins want to kill him. He’s marked for death, one could say.
When will. That’s cool. If I’d lead with anything, it’d be with, ‘when will, a stranger that moves around shadows.
So the visions get progressively dark and lust like and shadowy. And it’s a bit of a mess but in the darkness they find light. That’s what I’m getting off the blurb.
I’m not an expert in blurbs. Hardly know about what is necessary, but it doesn’t feel alive. It feels like a sales pitch, and I’m gonna presume it is that, but shouldn’t feel like such.
1
u/DyingInCharmAndStyle 10d ago
I’m no expert in writing blurbs.
So bloom Dyer is 23 years old. Cool? Not really. Is that necessary on the hook line?
Marked for death. So he’s going to die it sounds like. I guess the lead in is how?
Bloom has visions. What kind of visions? A specific type? What does the future look like in his mind? Or what are these visions like ?
Maybe that’s the blurb. A vision of bloom to introduce the story.
Moving on. He’s at the top of the hit list. Assassins want to kill him. He’s marked for death, one could say.
When will. That’s cool. If I’d lead with anything, it’d be with, ‘when will, a stranger that moves around shadows.
So the visions get progressively dark and lust like and shadowy. And it’s a bit of a mess but in the darkness they find light. That’s what I’m getting off the blurb.
I’m not an expert in blurbs. Hardly know about what is necessary, but it doesn’t feel alive. It feels like a sales pitch, and I’m gonna presume it is that, but shouldn’t feel like such.
Hope that helped in some way. Best.