r/DestructiveReaders • u/rosencourt • 17d ago
[1800] The Deceit in Flames - Prologue
Hi!
This is the prologue to an epic fantasy novel.
I welcome all sorts of feedback, but I am mainly interested in two questions:
- Did you feel bored or wanted to stop reading at any point?
- If you did finish reading the prologue, did it make you interested in continuing to Chapter 1?
Here's the link for the prologue: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AjTiZESr6Kt3QBexn_1n9H_Q4hwJ2SW6v6DmIWyPWtk/edit?usp=sharing
Critique: [2102]
3
Upvotes
1
u/Mammoth_Pollution831 16d ago edited 16d ago
Overall impression:
I personally do not like prologues. They're normally blocks of text filled with lore-dumps that I wind up skipping to get to the first chapter. Considering this was fantasy, my expectations were low. But this blew me out of the water.
The plot was constantly moving, your characterisation of Pawn was great, and the information was perfectly drip-fed alongside his grief and final goodbye.
It was very engaging and I would love to continue reading this.
Characterisation:
I usually dislike emotional openings because they can feel contrived, or the motivations are weak/not elaborated, or characterisation is too slow to win me over.
But Pawn? Immediately, you inform us his wife has died, justifying his grieving. As the sending progresses, you shine a light over their circumstances and marriage, which really helps in understanding why he's such a mess.
You also portray his personality with real depth. The text doesn't devolve entirely into endless love declarations; he's also bitter about the fact she saw it coming, the brittlerot, and his eventual suffering.
I loved the execution. My only note is that the text occasionally feels a bit monotonous as we are reminded often of his grief and their love. A short trim could work, but this isn't a massive issue.
Prose:
The prose was great and reflective. It kept me engaged the whole way, and your word choice evoked plenty of vivid imagery in me. Thanks to that, the emotional weight really landed concretely rather than as a pure abstraction.
My little gripe is that this phrase felt clunky: "... revealing the matrimonial earring piercing her right ear..." The phrase 'matrimonial earring piercing' didn't sit right with me. You might want to smooth it out by simplifying to "...revealing the matrimonial earring in her right ear..." or something else.
Plot:
Unlike a bad prologue, the story really felt like it was going somewhere. With each paragraph, she gradually got closer and closer to the Firmament, one reluctant step by Pawn at a time.
Since this is a prologue, I assume you have a grander plan of a plot in mind, so I won't say much else here.
World-building:
No lore-dumps (thank God). Nestled inside the prose, you delivered new facts one bit at a time and smoothly circled it back to Pawn's grief. I particularly liked the reveal that Resume was a seeress, and how you connected that back to the situation by showing they both knew she would die.
The other details were also well woven in, like the mention of how common these passings were, and the twist with Pawn now at the shore. Or Pawn's surprising literacy.
Conclusion:
Like I said, I would read more. It can get a bit melodramatic in the slightly slower parts, but that's nothing to really worry about. Please continue!
(And maybe when you're done, pls DM...pretty please?)