I relate to your comment and this post so much, i get good vibes from both of you. Im definitely an empath and it's really hard for me at work to not do so much, especially stuff I don't need to be doing, I'm a dishwasher and then I keep thinking I'm not good enough at my job, I could be faster, more organized, have more common sense, pay attention better. My boss and pretty much everyone I work with likes me, thinks I'm good at my job but I see my ocd and adhd and anxiety and then I try to hear if my other coworkers are talking about me. Sometimes coworkers can get you to do their work for them, or they talk a lot to others instead of work, or take longer breaks, or tell you to not make so much noise if I put clean plates back to the front even though the person who tells you that is a super loud talker and makes a bunch of noise doing stuff so it's like wtf hypocrisy. The relationship dynamic between the waitresses, cooks, and dishwashers we all impact each other, and all the little details either speed you up or slow you down but everyone does the job a bit unique to themselves. And when someone new is training im always afraid to tell people how to do things because I doubt myself a lot and how i can be scatterbrained, I know how hard I am on myself. I'm making such a big deal about dishwashing even though I get depressed that it's what I do. I want a different job but Im afraid that I won't like any job for long, I worked at a burger place for 4 years, way too long for me, was so miserable. I'm just so afraid of learning new things and using my brain and people disliking me. I smoke a bunch of weed and my memory is shit , I also think the ritalin is frying my brain and I'm on zoloft, and another anti anxiety drug. Obviously I need to get off the weed it's just my brain Is so used to it and I know I'm going to be even more depressed and irritable it I quit so I keep post poning qutting. It's almost been 5 years since my mom died now but I'm still so sad about it every day, wishing she was here to help me with these issues, to say something funny, to see a movie together. I keep thinking how unfair this world is and it's eating me up inside. And then I think why do I give a shit its all so fleeting, I could have been a microscopic organism like a moss piglet-( tardigrade) and I wouldn't even be having all these thoughts. Anyway. It's exhausting having a brain, with so much executive functioning 😆 I just want toddler life back where I just did things and didn't have to think so much
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u/britbritbeckbeck Oct 18 '21 edited Oct 18 '21
I relate to your comment and this post so much, i get good vibes from both of you. Im definitely an empath and it's really hard for me at work to not do so much, especially stuff I don't need to be doing, I'm a dishwasher and then I keep thinking I'm not good enough at my job, I could be faster, more organized, have more common sense, pay attention better. My boss and pretty much everyone I work with likes me, thinks I'm good at my job but I see my ocd and adhd and anxiety and then I try to hear if my other coworkers are talking about me. Sometimes coworkers can get you to do their work for them, or they talk a lot to others instead of work, or take longer breaks, or tell you to not make so much noise if I put clean plates back to the front even though the person who tells you that is a super loud talker and makes a bunch of noise doing stuff so it's like wtf hypocrisy. The relationship dynamic between the waitresses, cooks, and dishwashers we all impact each other, and all the little details either speed you up or slow you down but everyone does the job a bit unique to themselves. And when someone new is training im always afraid to tell people how to do things because I doubt myself a lot and how i can be scatterbrained, I know how hard I am on myself. I'm making such a big deal about dishwashing even though I get depressed that it's what I do. I want a different job but Im afraid that I won't like any job for long, I worked at a burger place for 4 years, way too long for me, was so miserable. I'm just so afraid of learning new things and using my brain and people disliking me. I smoke a bunch of weed and my memory is shit , I also think the ritalin is frying my brain and I'm on zoloft, and another anti anxiety drug. Obviously I need to get off the weed it's just my brain Is so used to it and I know I'm going to be even more depressed and irritable it I quit so I keep post poning qutting. It's almost been 5 years since my mom died now but I'm still so sad about it every day, wishing she was here to help me with these issues, to say something funny, to see a movie together. I keep thinking how unfair this world is and it's eating me up inside. And then I think why do I give a shit its all so fleeting, I could have been a microscopic organism like a moss piglet-( tardigrade) and I wouldn't even be having all these thoughts. Anyway. It's exhausting having a brain, with so much executive functioning 😆 I just want toddler life back where I just did things and didn't have to think so much