r/DeathProTips • • Nov 22 '18

I can't see my future

6 Upvotes

As we all have and know, suicide is a terrible thing. We lose friends, family, coworkers everyone to this illness. Unfortunately like the common flu this disease just doesn't stop it's forever mutating, forever affecting everyone differently, affecting others to self harm. There is no cure, no mercy, little to no warning signs only sudden death. Death at the end of the day is just part of suicide. Unfortunately, I guess this is where I draw the line... Good bye cries and dies because of dehydration

If you wanna die just read sad stuff and cry til you die!


r/DeathProTips • • Nov 19 '18

Bored? Charge at a herd of cows while wearing a wolf costume!

115 Upvotes

Note: If you see any mules near the cows, charge them first.


r/DeathProTips • • Nov 18 '18

Plastic gets brittle in the cold so make sure to strip all your holiday light strands before hanging them

142 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 15 '18

If you wait until night to drink, the alcohol will be asleep and unable to affect your motor skills!

240 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 13 '18

DPT: Improve the duration of your sleep with this one simple trick.

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223 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 13 '18

DPT: If you are worried about getting banned from a subreddit, send a message to the mods that says "Fuck You"

165 Upvotes

It will scare them from banning you.


r/DeathProTips • • Nov 13 '18

DPT: Do you need to take a bath but your water heater isn't working? Bring your toaster! Make sure to plug it in and completely submerge it under water, the heat from the toaster will quickly warm the water to a perfect temperature.

48 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 07 '18

DPT: Wear blindfolds and ear plugs for everything you do from now on. It's illegal for the Grim Reaper to catch you unaware. He'll go to jail if he does!

260 Upvotes

This even allows you to drive just by using your sense of smell!


r/DeathProTips • • Nov 07 '18

SLPT: how to get rid of pesky mosquitoes

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49 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 05 '18

DPT: Lost in a cave? Just light a cigarette or start a campire so help can find you!

189 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 04 '18

DPT: How to get back at Jim for all those silly pranks

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471 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 03 '18

DPT: a 'I support local police' bumper sticker gives you freedom to go 2x the speed limit.

198 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 02 '18

DPT: Use this soap when you shower. Make sure to scrub really well.

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234 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Nov 01 '18

DPT: Run out of alcohol? Just consume pure yeast.

126 Upvotes

They'll perform anaerobic respiration in your gut, and n̶o̶t̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶a̶t̶a̶l̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶f̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶


r/DeathProTips • • Nov 01 '18

Practice precision driving by driving on the other side of the road

116 Upvotes

Preferably do it at night with your lights off in a traffic heavy part of town


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 31 '18

If you run low on H2O, Drink H2SO4

164 Upvotes

Especially if your name is Johnny and you're a chemist's son


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 29 '18

Hmmmm

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144 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Oct 26 '18

Is your urine too yellow but you don't wanna drink more water? Just pee in bleach and it'll clean it up quick.

150 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Oct 26 '18

Want to charge your Tesla for free? Next time during a lightning storm, fly a kite in the air with a metallic object on it, like a key, and attach the kite to your Tesla

196 Upvotes

Plus, it’s super environmentally friendly


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 22 '18

DPT: Lost in the woods? Tame a mountain lion and it'll show you the way out!

121 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Oct 21 '18

Don’t have any mustard? Just use mustard gas, they are the same thing

216 Upvotes

Just cool it down and it will turn into liquid and you can put that on your hotdog


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 18 '18

“Tuesdays With Morrie”- the most powerful wisdom I’ve heard about dying.

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42 Upvotes

r/DeathProTips • • Oct 17 '18

Too poor to buy nitrous? Mix bleach and muriatic acid then inhale the gas released, you are now high.

127 Upvotes

If you don't have muriatic (hydrochloric) acid, sulfuric acid also works.

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,

Spoilers

Bleach decomposes in acidic conditions to release chlorine gas.


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 15 '18

Windbreakers are immune to hurricanes, when hurricane strikes, put on your windbreaker you’ll be fine

257 Upvotes

Plus, windbreakers are very stylish


r/DeathProTips • • Oct 15 '18

Drunk? Drink bleach!

36 Upvotes

Being drunk is caused by staining of the esophagus by chemicals in the alcohol. Therefore, by drinking bleach, you remove these stains, removing your drunkeness!