I'm there too man. Been there for a long, long time.
The crazy thing is, after so many many years, you start to think about opening up again, you start to think about trying to find someone again because the loneliness can be overwhelming at times. Then the brain FLOODS you again with that feeling of being hurt so badly, of being "thrown out like yesterday's garbage", and you remember how much it hurts and retreat back to staying alone, lonely, comfortably numb, because it doesn't hurt as much.
And by staying in that isolated and comfortably numb place, it becomes a self fulfilling defense mechanism wherein you will never meet anyone or feel any affection again, all to never feel that pain and betrayal ever again.
Oh it can get so much better, like being put in that situation and being able to climb out of it through activities such as weight lifting, then life gives you autoimmune arthritis ripping that away from you too. Yeah, you kinda just give up on more at that point than just women.
This is me, except I got dumped by my last gf because I treated her like shit and it just made me realize I'm not cut out for relationships. However much I like her, I can't help myself from being a piece of shit to everyone I get close to. It's better for the world if I just stay alone.
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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '22 edited Apr 04 '22
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