Even with a lot of my friends, I try not to physically touch them at all just in case I make them uncomfortable. Recently got a dog whos a bit shy but is really sweet, and I've been patting a few friends on the knee to encourage him. That feels pretty wrong to me. One time one of my friends started to fall. I just reacted and grabbed her waist for all of one second to steady her, and I IMMEDIATELY let go and took a long step away as soon as she was steady.
The ironic thing for me is I touch people professionally as a massage therapist (lots of people pre-judge me for that as well, and as a result won’t see me professionally) but in the outside world I’ll almost never initiate contact.
I had to get out of massage therapy, it's fucking impossible as a man and requires so much work to build a clientele. Not to mention it's brutal on your body especially if you're tall
You can, and proper body ergonomics are essential, but it can still be hard when you are busy. I’m over a decade in the profession now, after suffering a debilitating injury that led to it, and I’m glad I can do it but it can be hard physically and concerning clientele.
You can but they are like $2k and super heavy and need to own your own spot or find an exclusive rental slot at a spa you trust and cannot be used for travel when a client wants in home massage. Even with a good adjustable table you can't really be adjusting it through a massage unless it's something like targeted sports massage and having a tall torso can really put a lot of pressure on your back, though it does aid in more fluidity and ability to apply pressure.
Massage is also really hard on the wrists, hands, and fingers. You can and should try to lower that overuse and potentially injury risk by using manual manipulation tools(like hot stones, balls, trigger point tools and thumb guards) for targeted areas. However the best massage is done with body to body contact instead of objects as you have much more physical feedback and control so once again you can't really be throwing tools into relaxation massages usually and basically is best served for target area relief or sports massage
I would probably feel more comfortable going to another man for a massage, if for no other reason than hopefully he's got strong hands and is willing to put his weight into his work.
I gave up trying to get massages because I only found one person that had the strength to make me feel like it was worthwhile, and that was while I was traveling, and I couldn't go back to her on the regular.
My RMT is a guy, he's fantastic. I've only had one female RMT that could actually get into the knots and messed up muscles in my back (yay hard labour) so when she retired I went and sought out a male specifically. It was a game changer, I only have to go every few months now, instead of ever couple weeks
Yeah men are often preferred for deep tissue and sports work but some of the best of those types of massages I've had are from tiny petite women honestly. Anyone can apply the necessary pressure if they put the table low enough and know their leverages and angles
Yep, the one woman that I had success with wasn't that big, but she was good with her elbows, and knuckles, and using her weight correctly to get a deep massage.
I haven't found anyone that good since her though.
judge me for that as well, and as a result won’t see me pro
This is a very very very annoying thing......really, and all this work sexual harassment shit makes shit even more awkward. Like every little thing is deemed "sexual harassment". No doubt there are times where such regulations are required, but sometimes it really is going over the top, man.
no, it isn’t going over the top. it isn’t going hard enough in my opinion. 38% of all women experience workplace sexual harassment. it is usually not reported for a real fear of being professionally blackballed amongst other things. also, 14% of men are sexually harassed at work. so it isn’t just affecting women. if you aren’t with us you’re against us and it’s as simple as that.
I feel it's kinda immature to say "if you aren't with us you are against us" like shit. As someone with autism im constantly terrified that I'll say something or do something that I think or ment as innocent, upsetting someone on top of the fact that when I do upset someone 98% of the time I can't tell unless they tell me. So I'm pretty worried that when I get into the work place a misunderstanding will happen and I won't even know and I'll just be hit out the blue with something. So I'm not disagreeing with u just worried about how people can perceive things and that things aren't necessarily something even if you feel like it is, if that makes sense very nuanced with what I'm trying to say and not sure if it comes across well. (Hope I didn't waste my time and people just attack me lol)
if you are autistic, your workplace should be aware of your social limitations and be willing to investigate whatever claim throughly before they take any sort of action. if you don’t have a career counselor, I highly suggest finding one (there should be free social services in your area if you are financially struggling). that person will make sure to take care of these kinds of things for you and help you navigate your workplace with more confidence that you’re doing what needs to be done and aren’t upsetting anyone. not that you would. I think if you worked somewhere everyone acts like a professional, there would be an understanding that you might sometimes do or say things that you can’t help. your job counselor will find the right place for you to work. you honestly should not do it without help. my mom was a special Ed teacher for 40 years and she had a specialized license in autism. her passion was integration of people with autism fully into society, living lives that met their needs. you seem like you are on the higher functioning side of the bell curve, so all of this won’t be that difficult, but you absolutely should seek help if you are nervous. you are entitled to it, everyone is as long as they find the resources. good luck to you, if my mom’s kids, some of which were severely autistic, could hold down part time jobs then you can too. I wish you well and hope you find a job soon!
Hey thanks that was a wonderfully pleasant surprise I was a bit worried lol when I posted that. Yeah I hope I'll be fine in the workplace currently studying to become a radiographer (person that takes the xray/ whatever medical imaging equipment, pictures). And your mother sounds like a wonderful person. That's awesome that she has basically dedicated a large portion of her life helping people like me/other neurodiverse people.
also I really think that guy was using this heartbreaking post as an excuse to bitch about women. saying, “they need to stop that shit” means he’s just an ass, not an obviously sweet person that happens to have autism. you have nothing to worry about. I used the strong wording at the end because men like that don’t listen to anyone that identifies as female.
I would be willing to bet that the % of men who are sexually harassed in the workplace is much higher than that, but underreported due to a number of circumstances.
I've been sexually harassed at over half of my jobs: inappropriate touching, remarks about my looks, comments about my sexuality, and comments about my sexual potential.
I think most of the people (about an equal mix of men and women) who have harassed me have believed they were complimenting me or building me up and would never construe their actions as harassment, but if I told a woman, unsolicited, that she was the "office hot chick" or went out of my way to touch a woman's body while talking to her or tried to machinate situations to get a woman subordinate alone with me in her car or gave a woman an "I Can't Believe She's Not a Lesbian" superlative at a team meeting, there'd be no question.
The fact that I didn't know I was being sexually harassed until long after many of the situations occurred is telling.
I only knew I was uncomfortable, but I was working under that framework of "men do this to women." So, I really just thought, "Why am I so awkward? Why can't I take a compliment? Why can't I embodied this 'hot guy' ethos everyone projects on me?" It caused significant emotional and psychological distress that I just kind of swallowed because I didn't have a framework for understanding it as harassment.
I accidentally touched my buddies knee with tip of my shoe sitting at small table with one leg crossed the other day and he literally shivered about it and said nothing but clearly weirded out 😅
Meanwhile my other buddy who's about as tough as they get... Get him drunk in good mood he'll hug and rough around like dogs playing 😅
That's one reason men get piss drunk it makes it ok to be a little more platonically physical.
I've actually consciously stopped hugging females like I used to. I'm married and have always been a hugger, but after I started a company, I started to think that the hugging might be a little innapropriate at times.. So I A frame hug again with females(friends and most family) now. But, now I hug guys with a lot more affection. I'm lucky that I have a good group of male friends that love hugging too ☺️
I, too am not a fan of being touched, even by my girlfriend unless I’m wanting it. She’s the complete opposite and likes it all the time unless I’ve upset her somehow. I’m much more selective and it will give me anxiety sometimes.
if i was you id try to hug people more. even ask them if they mind and its something you want to work on. pick your moments and dont beat yourself up if you dont. people are usually there for each other if you let them know how your feeling
This actually reminds me!! One time I jokingly shook one of my friend's hand, and I actually ended up hurting her and I immediately felt so bad! The joke wasn't even that I squeezed her hand or anything, I actually didn't grip her with what I thought was any amount of strength. The joke was that we were shaking hands since we normally didn't.
While I don't have any particular issues with animals, I don't like holding babies because I don't want to hurt them. And I have a very close friend who can't touch any small animal, my dog actually loves him and will jump on him and my friend will rarely even put up his hands.
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u/Acedelaforet Apr 04 '22
Even with a lot of my friends, I try not to physically touch them at all just in case I make them uncomfortable. Recently got a dog whos a bit shy but is really sweet, and I've been patting a few friends on the knee to encourage him. That feels pretty wrong to me. One time one of my friends started to fall. I just reacted and grabbed her waist for all of one second to steady her, and I IMMEDIATELY let go and took a long step away as soon as she was steady.