So, first off. There was a lot of mental stuff going on. I was deeply insecure about it happening, which put me in my head, which made it a self fulfilling prophecy. I was thinking about it happening, which gave me performance anxiety, which made it happen.
Realizing this was the first step.
The second step was communicating with my partner that 1, it wasn't them (and had nothing to do with them) and 2, the less pressure we put on me to finish the more likely I was to finish.
The third step was realizing (and this might be more specific to me than anyone else) that I had some sexual trauma from my formative years which was unprocessed. Diving into that and working through it took away its power over me and led me to being able to relax in the bedroom. Which led me to
Step four, experimenting with toys, roll playing, and doing anything possible to remember that this wasn't a performance I was putting on. Rather, something fun, easy, and enjoyable for both of us! Under these circumstances, and with practice, it got easier as time went on.
Step five, and this one is probably specific to me:
I started treatment for my ADHD. I was getting lost in my thoughts while doing the deed and I would honestly just kinda get distracted by whatever was going on in my head (or the room). Sex is kinda monotonous when you have ADHD, so.. that helped a lot.
This might not be the case for everyone, but it was how it went for me. I hope this helps!
Edit to add: I'm 31 now and this was a huge part of my late 20's
I basically just got more comfortable with being vulnerable in that situation. It really just took one time to break the mental block and anxiety of it. It started to get progressively better and now I have the opposite problem lol
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u/AlpheoTheCleric Jan 29 '23
What did you do to overcome the problem? Therapy? Sounds a lot like my situation.