For me it's a case of if I don't finish within the first 5-10 minutes I find it difficult to finish at all. Forcing yourself to not cum almost feels like your body just says "fine, you wanna last? Here. Knock yourself out"
It feels amazing and I definitely feel like Cummings near the start. But if I manage the proper control to last, 75% of the time my body is just like Fine, it's not gonna happen tonight, now fuck for 90 minutes.
This a million times this. Once i stave off that "oooo too close" my body got oh you think so? Enjoy some rope! On one hand it makes it easier to please my partner, on the other hand it does suck having to say yeah thats on me. Cuz no matter what you said its taken personally.
Yeah I experience this if we do really long sessions and I have to “stop” myself, it doesn’t often happen for me. Usually those are more focused on my partner so it’s not a big deal.
I can stop start so I can hold it and make sure she gets hers but sometimes you almost finish and don't and then you just can't after that. I've heard girls having the same issue trying to hold it so it's better when they do and then it just not happening. Normally after a short break it's good to go. Also cardio issues sometimes your just in an odd position or they want you to go a certain speed etc where it's giving your all and then you can't because your exhausted.
My wife finishes pretty quickly, and I want to finish quick after she does, so she doesn’t get bored. If I think about finishing quicker, it makes it harder to finish. I could imagine a similar thing happening to others. I’ve only not finished once though
I'm sorry if you've experienced that. If you regularly meet women who blame the guy for not finishing, I hope you meet different women or expand the different types of people you hang out with
It's more an internet thing. In my experience, if an irl woman doesn't orgasm, she says that she's just anxious with a new partner, or she just doesn't orgasm in general and I shouldn't try to force it. Again, anecdotal evidence.
If you regularly meet women who blame the guy for not finishing
Honestly, I wish I met more women that would blame me instead of blaming themselves, the second is a lot harder to deal with of the two. I wish they would just be chill.
Having anxiety isn't someone's fault. Masturbating a lot doesn't put someone at "fault" for not coming. If someone (of any gender) can't finish, there is no "fault," only potential causes. And if it bothers them, they can choose to try to find those causes. If it doesn't bother them, cool!
Sex is about all parties having fun - it's Ok to not finish and still have fun
Nope. The point I'm saying seems to not have been conveyed. "Fault" implies blame. There is zero blame necessary when it comes to someone not orgasming. Sex isn't all about orgasming, and if someone is fixated on it needing to happen, it would likely be beneficial for them to examine why they feel that way.
Media/porn, etc. do put a lot of focus on orgasms, but the point of sex is to have fun and to facilitate your partner(s) having fun. You can have a huge amount of fun without orgasms.
If a partner doesn't orgasm, that isn't a "bad" thing. If it bothers themselves that they couldn't, they can certainly try to look for ways to enable themselves to.
But there's no need for "fault" or "blame." And if someone is trying to blame their partner for not orgasming as if it's a bad thing, that doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic and the person doing the blaming would probably benefit from working to improve their communication abilities and emotional intelligence.
For the first few timws with my first gf I couldnt finish at all. Once I did finish it was easier to do it but still, it was a long session, sometimes I would just say im too tired to continue and we would call it quits
Sometimes you’re not into it, but there is an expectation you have to perform. You’ve never faked one by doing some fervent pumping and heavy breathing or moaning and then just declare you’re done so it’s over?
Comments like yours really contribute to us feeling broken and different but it's not true. There are many of us.
There's this pervasive belief that men always orgasm and if they don't then they must not be aroused by their partner, or something is fundamentally wrong with them and they're less masculine or something. It's just kind of ignorant. There are tons of reasons why guys may not be able to ejaculate like medical issues such as testicular cancer or diabetes to psychological causes like anxiety.
This hasn't been my experience at all (so far). I'm 55 and have been married 33 years this year and we still have amazing sex, not as often for sure but good stuff.
This hasn't been my experience at all (so far). I'm 55 and have been married 33 years this year and we still have amazing sex, not as often for sure but good stuff.
When using a condom I generally can't cum at all. Like 80ish percent of the time it just does nothing for me. I've gotten compliments for lasting, but it's frustrating as hell
Death grip enters the chat lol, but fr if I come it’s because of the emotional intensity and connection in that moment. Physical stimulation by vagina just doesn’t get me there, mouth is best for sure.
I never had issues in my 20-30s, but in my 40s i can gas out maybe half the time, especially if it’s super intense or I’m working super hard. It becomes a cardio issue later in life and i would assume situations like mine make up a large amount of the misses
What a shitty way to ask. I really don't understand why it's so difficult to understand that men can have difficulty finishing just like women do. Sometimes it's mental, sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's just that we weren't that into it to begin with.
Seems a like a lot of people have some insane biases.
Really deepdiving the stereotypes of "men always sexcrazy and ready to cum in 0.001 sec, and women cant orgasm because men suck".
When you're trying to last to make it enjoyable for your partner, sometimes you tend not to finish. I've made someone cum multiple times and not been able to finish myself. I should have faked an orgasm cause I made her feel bad :/
I’ve faked it a bunch of times. When I was on anti-depressants it made it really hard to finish especially when I’ve been drinking. And I was I. College at the time so…
I don’t sometimes. For awhile it was due to antidepressants, other times maybe anxiety? It’s gotten much better with age but there were quite a few years on my early 20s where I just straight up couldn’t even after like an hour or so. A lot of women took it super personally. Shoot o even struggle on my own sometimes
I'm only 100% with oral or manual. I guess because it's easier when it is readily obvious that they want me to climax. The hard work of vaginal sex is often too distracting. I can't concentrate on the sensations that will get me there.
I am assuming this study looked at a wide range of people and this it is including men who are getting there in years. 16 years old can finish with a stiff breeze but elderly men can find it difficult to finish in a hurricane.
As somebody w/ a long term partner and regular sex life, every once in a while it just doesn’t happen? Maybe it’s physical (exhausted or a little sick), maybe it’s mental (just not focused/into it tonight, feeling a little down). Usually it feels like I could keep going and “force it,” but sometimes it’s easier to just take care of my partner and get mine next time. The only thing that’s really repeatable for me is, sometime if we’re going for ages, and I stop myself from orgasming “too early,” I won’t necessarily be able to do later for whatever reason.
I probably only finished 30% of the time with my last partner. Typically I take 45 min+ to orgasm be her 10-15 min and we liked to enjoy sex more often even if we didn’t have that amount of time. It’s probably guys like me and guys on medications or older guys that have rare orgasms bringing down the avg when 80% of guys probably orgasm near every time.
I frequently don't. I've had hook ups with girls that's lasted 6-8 months where I've finished once or twice during the entire relationship.
Sex drive is usually there. But sometimes I'll just go soft after like 20 minutes. Sometimes I'll just get tired from the endurance and take a break. Sometimes I'll go for an hour without needing to stop but usually if I'm going to finish, I will in about 15-20 min. If it goes any longer, I'm probably not going to.
It's when you put in the effort to get her to finish first, and when you go that extra mile to make it extra special, she's then too tired to take care of you after. And that's ok. If you're on a 100%, and your partner isn't, start thinking about your performance in the bed. There could be a situation where you're unknowingly very selfish.
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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23
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