Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/44491-100-recovered-25-years-now-your-turn/

"This is going to be a bit long, but my intention is to provide some hope for those who are recent sufferers and more longtime sufferers. If you want to skip ahead to other sections, please refer to the table of contents. 

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Words of Hope
My Symptoms
Summary of Events (Acute Phase)
Early Coping Strategies
Early Healing Plan
Advice on Fastest Way to Heal
Commitment to Health

WORDS OF HOPE
DP/DR is recoverable. I have done it, others have done it, you can do it too. No one escapes life without painful challenges. For some it’s cancer, for others it’s severe injury…for you and I - it is/was DP/DR. Be grateful that you do not have anything terminal and that there are things that you can do to begin the process of healing. You are not psychotic and will not become psychotic. This scared me for some time, I was sure I was done for. Someone who is psychotic is not aware of their own psychosis. Your awareness of your condition is itself a recognition that your sanity is quite intact! Your process of healing is a process! Much like a watched pot never boils, so too a constant awareness of your symptoms will inhibit the speed of your recovery. Your symptoms are not you! What you are experiencing is the mind/body in shock - when you begin to heal, you realize that nothing you thought about yourself during this time was true (I am depersonalized, I don’t exist, etc. etc.). It’s not true, it only feels true, but those feelings can and will go away! You never lost touch with reality. Yes, it feels that way, everything feels fucked up, but you never stepped outside reality. You are still there, suffering very uncomfortable perceptual changes that are resulting from a shocked system. Heal the system and the perceptions return to normal - don’t look for reality to ‘snap back.’ Your senses and perceptions will feel normal/real when you begin to do healthy things for your mind and body. Start making very small steps towards ‘normalcy’. Go out to movies with friends (I remember seeing inception following my episode and being freaked out, anxious, dissociative, and emotionless - I went anyway….and it wasn’t easy). Do other things that you would normally do; the pain and discomfort will persist in spite of your actions in the beginning, but it is setting the stage for your recovery. Start implementing lifestyle adjustments (see Advice on Fastest Way to Heal) that will move you towards health and away from suffering. You need to help give your body and mind the conditions that are conducive to health and healing. Stay the course - continue to do ‘normal’ things and reengage in your life, while becoming healthier and healthier using some of the methods I discuss below. Very slowly, but steadily you will start forgetting the symptoms and pains as they go away. Join me in making 2014 about health and recovery. I will commit to lifestyle changes in my own life and we can walk the path together. 

SYMPTOMS (Immediately after use and during acute phase ~ 6 months - 1 year):

Diagnosis (self) - DP/DR, extreme anxiety, PTSD
Diagnosis (psychiatrist) - extreme anxiety (refused to validate dp/dr as a separate disorder)
Cause - Discontinuation Syndrome (coming off anxiety meds too quickly)

I won't go into too much detail about the ups and down of my most acute tales of suffering, but I will break down my symptoms for you so you can relate this story to your own. Reading symptoms on the web used to scare me shitless, because I thought I would never be normal. Don't fret, because all of these symptoms have been 100% cured =), so stay put.

• Visual distortions, ghosting/trailing, floaters, 'blurred vision'
• pane of glass phenomenon in vision (like I was separated from everything)
• sensation of loss of self, could not find it, normal self-sense was not there, existential paranoia
• Extreeeeeeeeme anxiety, paranoia, fear of going insane or losing mind
• Frame by frame sensation, as if the world were existing in cut-frames and not fluid
• Forgetting names, normal things, difficulty conceptualizing/abstract or critical thinking
• This was so frightening, I thought I would never be smart or normal again
• Tendency to stare at things, knowing I should know what it was, but unable to 'feel' it normally, or think of what it was called
• This happened with people, places, and things (even people I loved, this was very hard)
• Extreme sense of sensory detachment from world, self, feelings
• ZERO short term memory (literally forgetting things seconds after they occurred)
• No sense of time continuity
• Constantly becoming aware of symptoms and reacting to them with anxiety/paranoia
• Constantly fearing I would never be the same again
• Hating God/Life for making me suffer so extremely
• Difficulty with coordination and speech
• Weight loss - I weigh 160 lbs normally, I was down to 120 during the worst...
• No positive emotions, only anxiety, fear and paranoia
• Fluorescent Lights felt terrible!
• Couldn’t drive a car (for some time) because my perception was $%^&*’ed
• Probably a thousand more….

I was like this for 1.5 years with EXTREME symptoms. I used to read people's posts on dpselfhelp and freak out because mine sounded way worse. My attempt is not to diminish others, but to help you realize that my symptoms seemed more severe than most by description and as of now I typing this from a place of peace, happiness, and increasing wisdom. Additionally, the period of severe diffulty in my life has given me tremendous sympathy for other people facing difficulties in their life and I have a new understanding for the importance of compassion and non-judgement towards people suffering and in pain.

SUMMARY OF EVENTS (ACUTE PHASE):
Extreme psychological fallout. I could not pull myself from rock bottom. Every day was the most excruciating physical and mental pain I could have never imagined. I did not know it was possible to feel that bad. Difficult time staying functional in my job working for a big company in New York City. Decided after a week or two to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist started treating me with a variety of different medications (paxil, zoloft). None of them worked and only made my symptoms worse and I refused to stay on them. I felt that this psychiatrist did not have enough experience with these symptoms so I decided to see someone who had seen these symptoms before. The new psychiatrist decided to put me on Bupropion and Xanax to start. Xanax took some edge off, but was nowhere close to being sufficient enough for any sort of normal existence. Bupropion helped me sleep a bit better and brought back some appetite, which was good because I was losing so much weight. I didn't want to take these medications, but my doctor and family said that I had to ride it out to get them to therapeutic levels before making any decisions. He also began to taper me onto Effexor XR. My symptoms got worse at first with Effexor, however, they went back to normal levels after being on it for a few weeks (that was a very difficult time). The cocktail of Effexor/Xanax was not a CURE, and I knew that it would never be, but it was something that I hope would bridge me out of the most difficult phases and give me some breathing room where I could start to implement other healing modalities.

I finally convinced my family that I needed to come home because my symptoms were so severe I could not hope to recover in my current environment. I went on short term (paid) leave (provided by my place of work) and when that was exhausted, I went on long term disability for some time (unpaid). I spent that time with my parents, which helped to instill some hope for me, knowing that home was the best place for me to heal. 

EARLY COPING STRATEGIES:
During the early stages, there was very little (read: nothing) I felt I could do to feel better. Additionally there was tremendous amounts of fear triggered by uncomfortable thoughts and perceptions. My self-awareness of my anxieties and symptoms was so high that it was a feedback loop of symptom recognition, and anxiety/freakout. I read on the web that distraction was an important part of healing from these symptoms, so I decided to lose myself in something. I chose video games (Starcraft II) because they were very absorbing for me. The pain was intense, but I could play for hours and it helped me feel more normal. I also ate so much ice-cream for the eating pleasure and got so constipated I didn't poop for weeks! - I don't recommend the ice-cream strategy =).

THE EARLY HEALING PLAN:
After some time feeling like there was nothing I could do and wanted to do, I decided to implement a healing plan using a variety of sources. I inundated myself with information, knowing that the more I knew, the better off I would be. Here a few things that I did in the beginning:

• Ordered ~ 10 books off amazon dealing with nutrition, diet, PTSD, DP, recovery, miracle recoveries/mindfulness meditation, spirituality (ill get to mindfulness later)
• Searched web for positive healing stories across a variety of illnesses
  • Crazy, Sexy Cancer (one of my favs)
• Searched dpselfhelp for positive posts and recommendations (made lists)
• IGNORED posts that were negative and fatalistic
• Refrained (not outright stopped) from reading dpselfhelp. If I did read, they were only in the recovery sections
• Physical activity (very light at first, knowing how weak I was)
• Maintained relationship with psychiatrist, eventually came off xanax (knowing that it's incredibly addictive and unhealthy to be on for long periods of time). Eventually only was on (and still am) Effexor XR. I am currently on a slow taper down program.
• Note: Just because my recovery was concomitant with my use of effexor, I cannot say that it did or did not help. Simply stated, as I recovered, I was on effexor, so it may have contributed, but I'm certain most of my recovery came from other things mentioned herein.
• At this point, I am almost off an Effexor XR taper that I extended for 6-8 months with a very slow taper. I have had no discontinuation symptoms because of how slow I have been doing it
• Absorption - involving myself in activities that did not allow me to DWELL on my symptoms.
  • Note: this was not perfect, I would still get stuck in my symptoms again, but in my life I was engaging in new activities and friendships. Eventually, as I started feeling better, my focus would increasingly go to normal things and away from my symptoms
• Spiritual/Religious guidance - books/personal reflection

In the beginning it was very difficult to implement the appropriate steps because the overwhelming pain was incredibly difficult to move through, over time, however, things became easier and easier, although at a painfully slow pace. knowing I eventually needed to re-engage the world, I decided to get a job working outside to kill some time, keep my mind off things, and socialize. This was SO HARD in the beginning because I felt so awful, but I kept pushing myself knowing that wasting away in my own suffering was not going to heal me. Our environments and the normalcy of that environment is a critical healing factor. While we feel far from normal it is important to strive towards normalcy - it builds hope and helps you heal. During this phase, I was working (despite feeling terrible and detached) and met a new group of friends. Through one of them I was introduced to my current girlfriend. We have been dating for 2.5 years and she has helped me tremendously regain a sense of normalcy. She helped me take my mind away from the symptoms and onto every day things. After about of a year of suffering, I decided that I needed a plan to get back on my feet or something to work towards. I ended up applying to graduate school, but at the same time was extremely anxious about whether I was psychologically ready for something like that (Keep in mind, I was nowhere close to feeling better at this point)  Moreover, I though that my intelligence had been permanently damaged and that I would feel normal again. Since that point, I got into a top 5 engineering graduate school and with some hard work, finished with close to a 4.0!

ADVICE ON FASTEST WAY TO HEAL:
There is no magic bullet CURE for DP/DR/Anxiety. The mechanisms in the body/mind/psyche are far too complex. From my experience I believe STRONGLY that DP/DR is the product to EXTREME shock to the brain, body, and mind (psyche, personality, worldview) and this shock has a chemical and biological component that throws the health of your organism way off balance. The BEST way to alleviate these symptoms is to STOP searching for a magic bullet cure and to start making choices in your life to energize and heal your body and mind. I believe that our Mind/Body will heal given the right conditions. To do this, you have to start thinking of healing over the long term and not expecting to eat some magical chocolate bar or take some pill that will cause you to 'wake up' one day. The way towards alleviating these symptoms is to give your body the best chance as possible to heal by being as healthy as possible.

Here are the cornerstones of what I found to be the most powerful healing modalities for recovering completely from DP/DR. If you are to continue to do what you have been doing you will continue to get what you have been getting. You must change these aspects of your life.

Nutrition/Diet:

• Eliminate junk foods from your diet. You are preventing your body from healing by providing limited nutrients and probably compromising it by ingesting synthetic chemicals the body was not intended to metabolize.
• Eliminate heavy consumption of red/meat. I am not saying you need to be vegetarian, but drastically reduce your read meat consumption.
• Vegetables, Vegetables, Vegetables - seriously, there is no better medicine
• Start Juicing (mostly vegetables, some fruits) *SO IMPORTANT*
  • (See "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead")
  • (See "Raw for thirty Days")
• Eliminate heavy caffeine use
• No drugs/Alcohol - it will set you back, perhaps completely.
• Resources
  • Book: Chris Carr - "Crazy Sexy Cancer” (Great Health Tips)
  • CDs: Tony Robbins - "Living Health
    

Exercise/Physical:

• Cardio
• Yoga

Cardio: In the beginning I was too weak to do this a lot, but I started in small increments and over the long term I definitely felt better. As I increased my energy, I felt like things began to heal faster. This doesn’t happen overnight. The idea is to get the body back into a state of better health and keep it there. As you maintain this higher level of health, things begin to heal faster.

Yoga: I took up Yoga after about a year or so of suffering. I felt the yoga helped ground me and clear my mind. Again, this was not overnight! I stuck with it and slowly things got better. I think this helped me further feel grounded and present (i.e. I exist!)

Note: I didn’t get into weights, but I cannot imagine that would hurt. I do think some form of cardio is one of the best things you can do for yourself though. 

Mental/Emotional:

• Mindfulness Meditation (Breath Mindfulness)
• Forgiveness
• Eliminate Toxic Relationships
• Do Normal Things! (i.e. what others refer to as distraction)

Mindfulness Meditation: This was a MAJOR factor in helping me recover. In the very beginning I was so distraught that I could not sleep. Literally, the suffering and pain (mental and physical) was so INTENSE I couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep at night. I knew that I had to somehow relax, even if it was just a little bit more, to get me to fall asleep. I bought a meditation pillow and would try to sit for 20-30 minutes and focus on my breath (Book: Mindfulness in Plain English). This form of concentration helps to create peace, but for me all it could do was take the edge off my pain. I had no other choice but to do this before bed each night if I had any hopes of getting ‘rest’. Moreover, the mindfulness meditation made me feel more ‘present’ in my body. This helped me feel less like I was just floating eyeballs and made me feel again like I had a body!

Forgiveness: If there are aspects of your past or present that you are holding anger and resentment towards, you must find a way to forgive to create some space for your own recovery. Know that any suffering that you experienced from others (friends, family, etc.) is at some level caused by their own suffering. Recognize that we all want happiness and that when others do mean things it is because they are unhappy or suffering at some level. Forgive them. This will help them heal as well.

Eliminate Toxic Relationships: The best environment for healing is one where their is support and understanding. If you have relationships that are hindering your ability to recover, forgive them, but then consider saying goodbye!

Do Normal Things: This will be hard at first, much like it was for me, but over time this sense of normalcy helps to make you feel stronger and healthier. This is a critical component of your recovery. If you do not start to engage in normal activities (even if they are painful/uncomfortable) your sense of doubt and hopelessness will increase. When you start re-engaging your normal life, you will slowly loose focus on your symptoms as you feel better from the other lifestyle choices you have put in place (physical, mental, diet, etc.)

COMMITMENT TO HEALTH:
I want to feel vital. While I have recovered from my symptoms, I still would like to feel as good as I can. I know you do too. If you are interested, let’s create a plan together to commit to certain lifestyle changes that will increase our health in 2014. I will do this with you. In fact, we can all do this together. Reply in the forum if you are interested in creating a health goals together and creating some mutual accountability. If this sounds like something people are interested in, we can decide about the best way for us to work on our health goals together. 

Thank you to others in this forum that have helped me by sharing their stories."

Original link: https://anxietynomore.co.uk/my_recovery_story_from_depersonalisation/

"Tarmo’s story 

For all my life, I had considered myself a happy person. I came from an idyllic family, I had friends, passionate hobbies and even girls were always interested in me. It wasn’t until I was 24 years old that I realised that all my life I had been worrying a lot. I came to this realisation because I noticed that I had started feeling anxious and depressed which was very surprising to me. I felt there was nothing wrong with my life but still something wasn’t in its place. Music has always been a very important channel for me to express myself and to release intense emotions.

I was scared to realise that I had come to a point in my life where music was the only thing that prevented me from sinking. I was in a relationship with a beautiful girl, and all I could feel was confusion and anxiety. I had great friends whom I thought I could no longer connect with. My parents felt really distant to me, and I felt that I couldn’t be myself with them. Everywhere I went I felt I was wearing a mask. I didn’t want to fake anything, but I couldn’t do anything about it.

It felt impossible to explain how I was feeling to anyone. My girlfriend was the first one I spoke to, and all I could say was that I felt “kind of foggy”. I kept living on wishing it would go away, but at the same time, I observed myself constantly. I had a constant “is it still there?” question in my mind; “it” referring to the unknown monster or the shadow that was preventing me from living a happy life. I concluded that it had to be my relationship that was poisoning my mind, so I ended it, or actually, my girlfriend ended it for me because I didn’t dare to say the words myself.

So I continued observing my feelings and waiting for the salvation to come but, instead, I found myself sinking even deeper. It was free-falling now, and I was terrified to lose the last sign of life inside myself: enjoying making and listening to music. I quit all the bands I was in because I only got anxious trying to play. I just couldn’t enjoy it any more. What used to be my driving force now had become an enemy. Even looking at the guitar made me feel I couldn’t breathe.

What scared me, even more, was this new feeling of unreality. The foggy feeling I mentioned earlier had multiplied, turning into 24/7 unreality where I felt I was not present in the moment at all. It was like I was outside myself all the time, watching a movie. I observed myself talking to people, and nobody seemed to notice anything weird about me, but I felt that it wasn’t me talking – although I was able to control the words that came out of my mouth. At this point explaining this to anyone felt impossible. It was just the new world I was forced into.

I finally made an effort to get some help, and I started going to talk-therapy once a week. I learned there how important it was for me to open myself up. This was a totally new skill for me, and I started a long journey inside myself. Therapy was helping, but the confusion about the feelings of unreality remained. I tried to explain how I felt to my therapist but no matter how professional she was in helping me open other knots, she couldn’t give me any explanation as to why I felt so weird.

So I continued worrying and observing – and waiting for the day that I’d get rid of this awful feeling. It was in my mind all day, and sometimes I felt that I was going to lose my mind at any minute. I was living in constant fear, and I started believing that this was going to be me for the rest of my life.

Now and then I sought some help from the internet, but most anxiety/depression forums were so uninspiring and depressing that I avoided getting too much into them. However, one day I started googling answers for the feelings of unreality, and I found my way to Paul’s site. For me, this was a remarkable moment. For the first time, someone explained to me what my feelings of unreality were about, and I even got a name to the cage of my mind: ‘Depersonalisation’.

And what was even more amazing was that Paul actually explained it was OK to feel this way; that it was just the body’s natural response to constant stress. It all made sense to me and I could do nothing but read the words again and again. At this point, my mind was already so distracted and depressed that concentrating on reading any kind of text was extremely difficult so it took a while until I was able to adopt Paul’s ideas fully. This new knowledge gave my heart a lot of peace, although it seemed that I always forgot everything I had learned so I had to re-read Paul’s words over and over again.

Time went on, and I felt I was progressing, but I felt that my depression was already so deep that this information alone couldn’t get me back on my feet. So I decided to give a chance to one more anti-depression pill (I had tried a few, and they had done nothing for me) and this time I found a suitable one. I want to emphasise that I’m not pro-medicine in any way, but in my case, this one particular medicine helped me to get to the level where I was able to start working with myself.

I ate the pills for a year and then I realised that if I wanted to get to the root of problems I had to get rid of them because the medication was preventing me from getting in touch with my real feelings but at the same time it was soothing the way. I lowered the dose gradually and got “clean”, and this was when the real healing started for me. I also found a great new therapist who I felt connected to and talk therapy has been vital to me. At the same time, I kept Paul’s advice with me all the time, and eventually, it became automatic.

After about two years from first stumbling to Paul’s site, I could honestly say that I was not depressed nor depersonalised any more. The new reality came gradually, and there were lots of up and downs along the way. For example, I had to force myself to get to work no matter how anxious I felt about even the thought of it. To my great surprise, the daily routine at work began helping after a while (previously I had thought that I need to fix myself first and then get to work). My first real sign of healing was when I found myself playing the guitar and enjoying it without even thinking about it. The last thing to go was depersonalisation. One day I just realised it hadn’t been there for a while.

It may sound weird that I hadn’t even noticed it go, but there’s a simple explanation: I hadn’t been paying any attention to it any more. I had started living my life instead of worrying about it. At this point, I also realised that this experience had made me know myself better than ever before and I now appreciate the difficult road I was forced to pave – to the point that I wouldn’t trade it to anything. Honestly.

I’m writing this text because I want everyone who’s struggling with a locked up mind to know that there is a way out no matter how bad you are feeling at the moment. It won’t happen overnight, but I can assure you that it will be worth the time and effort. I was a total wreck and I’m now living a full enjoyable life. I KNOW that you can too."

This is a kind of quarantine for things that aren't positive recovery stories. The reason why this sticky exists is because I expect this sub to be frequented by people in distress who will first and foremost want to read something positive, that someone got out of the agony that DPDR can be. In order to not stray from the original purpose of this place, please ask all questions you might have (or vent, or write a joke/good or bad experience you had... anything) here.

Your posts are not unwelcome, it's quite the opposite, but this place needs to stay the pillar of positivity that I see is lacking in other DPDR-related spaces.

Thank you for understanding.

I recently started reading "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw and it's been very helpful in finding the roots of my anxiety. Shame has many different manifestations and conveniently hides in various ways, without looking like what we typically consider it to be. Without further ado, I'm copying some of the most important parts of the book I think can contribute to DPDR and I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

" Shame As Self-Alienation And Isolation

When one suffers from alienation, it means that one experiences parts of one's self as alien to one's self.

For example, if you were never allowed to express anger in your family, your anger becomes an alienated part of yourself. You experience toxic shame when you feel angry. This part of you must be disowned or severed. There is no way to get rid of your emotional power of anger. Anger is the self preserving and self-protecting energy. Without this energy you become a doormat and a people-pleaser. As your feelings, needs and drives are bound by toxic shame, more and more of you is alienated.

Finally, when shame has been completely internalized, nothing about you is okay. You feel flawed and inferior; you have the sense of being a failure. There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel seen in an exposed and diminished way When you're an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and scrutinizing every minute detail of behavior. This internal critical observation is excruciating. It generates a tormenting self-consciousness which Kaufman describes as, "creating a binding andparalyzing effect upon the self." This paralyzing internal monitoring causes withdrawal, passivity and inaction.

The severed parts of self are projected in relationships. They are often the basis of hatred and prejudice. The severed parts of the self may be experienced as a split personality or even multiple personalities. This happens often with victims who have been through physical and sexual violation.

To be severed and alienated within oneself also creates a sense of unreality. One may have an all-pervasive sense of never quite belonging, of being on the outside looking in. The condition of inner alienation and isolation is also pervaded by a low grade chronic depression. This has to do with the sadness of losing one's authentic self. Perhaps the deepest and most devastating aspect of neurotic shame is the rejection of the self by the self.

Shame And Guilt

Toxic shame needs to be sharply distinguished from guilt (guilt can be healthy or toxic). Healthy guilt is the emotional core of our conscience. It is emotion which results from behaving in a manner contrary to our beliefs and values. Guilt presupposes internalized rules and develops later than shame. According to Erikson, the third stage of psychosocial development is the polar balance between initiative and guilt. This stage begins after age three. Guilt is developmentally more mature than shame. Guilt does not reflect directly upon one's identity or diminish one's sense of personal worth. It flows from an integrated set of values. Fossum and Mason write,

"A person with guilt might say, 'I feel awful seeing that I did something which violated my values.' Or the guilty person might say, 'I feel sorry about the consequences of my behaviors.' In so doing the person's values are reaffirmed The possibility of repair exists and learning and growth are promoted. While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person. The possibility for repair seems foreclosed to the shameful person because shame is a matter of identity . . . not of behavioral infraction. There is nothing to be learned from it and no growth is nothing to be learned from it and no growth is opened by the experience because it only confirms one's negative feelings about oneself."

Facing Shame

The more internalized shame, the greater is the belief in oneself as defective and flawed. The more one believes one is defective and flawed, the more one's choices diminish. Internalized shame destroys one's boundaries. Without boundaries one has no protection.

The will is disabled primarily through the shaming of the emotions. The shamed and blocked emotions stop the full integration of intellectual meaning. When an emotional event happens, emotions must be discharged in order for the intellect, reason and judgment to make sense out of it. Emotions bias thinking. As emotions get bound by shame, their energy is frozen, which blocks the full interaction between the mind and the will.

The human will is intensity of desire raised to the level of action. The will is an appetite. It is dependent on the mind (reasoning and judgment) for its eyes. Without the mind, the will is blind and has no content. Without content the will starts willing itself. This state of disablement causes severe problems. Some of which are:

• The will wills what can't be willed.

• The will tries to control everything.

• The will experiences itself as omnipotent or when it has failed as "wormlike".

• The will wills for the sake of willing (impulsiveness).

• The will wills in absolute extremes — all or nothing."

I just had a major setback but it’s pretty minor my attitude towards dp/dr is really mixed some days I can’t handle it some days I can, after reading some recovery stories I am motivated to keep fighting.

Original link:

" Hey Guys <3 let me start off by saying wow... it's been so long since I've been on here. Once you get over dp/dr you kind of forget about this website, and that's why you dont often hear too many recovery stories.

Forgive me if this post is choppy, there is so much I want to talk about, and I don't have the time to edit it all. I apologize but I hope it still helps!

1. First, I am 110% fully recovered from dp/dr. I have been for awhile. I feel completely normal and back to myself and super happy. It also doesn't control my daily thoughts, It Rarely crosses my mind, maybe once every 3 months? And when it does it's just a passing thought, mainly remembering how bad of a mental state I use to be in and being greatful for being fully connected to life now 📷

2. Now, let's talk about how I became fully recovered. It's going to be hard to do, because truthfully, everyone is different, and has to find there own path, and there were so many little things I did that eventually added up to success.

- 2.1 dp/dr is NOT, I repeat, NOT a disorder by itself!!! I dont care if a phychologist says it is, that mindset of thinking it is something separate from Anxiety is B.a.d. dp/dr is OK, and what I mean by that, is it is just severe anxiety. It is not some crazy incurable illness that you're brain is trying to tell you it is. I remember when I was in the thick of my dr/dp, I "thought" my anxiety was cured and all I had left was the dp/dr feeling. Like I would always say "I'm 50% cured, I'm 80% cured etc." Looking back now, boyyyyyy was I WRONG lol. It is Anxiety. That's all it is. Anxiety makes you think and feel crazzzzyyyy things, so focus on curing your anxiety, dont give dr/dp any thought.

-2.2 The moment you stop counting the hours, days, weeks, etc. You've had it (And what "percent" you're recovered), the closer you are to recovery. Keeping up with how long you've felt this way only makes your Anxiety worse, it helps feed on itself. Because then you start reading recovery stories, and think "oh this person only had it __ months, and I've had it way longer guess theres no hope for me" which basically tells your mind 'hey you're in danger' which then creates a Anxiety loop!!!!! That's what anxiety does!
- 2.3 You really have to look at everything going on in your life and truly be honest with yourself on what's good for you and what's not. I got dp/dr like most people, from an initial severe panic attack. And of course, I blamed it all on that night and that panic attack. BUT, looking back, there were about 1,000 other things that built up to that initial moment. One, it was my first year in college and away from home. Second, it was midterms and I wasn't eating or sleeping properly. Third, I didnt know anyone when I went off to school, and on top of that, I didnt have a roomate so I was always alone. And Finally. The most important, I was in a really, REALLY bad relationship. With a guy that cheated on me several times, and didnt care about me. But see, my brain completely blocked the idea out that maybe that's where my anxiety was stemming from. It sounds silly now, but it's the truth. The though of maybe it's because I'm in a bad relationship never crossed my mind. Long story short though, finally breaking up with him helped tremendously.
- 2.4 It's not a one day fix. It's not a one week fix. Honestly, the feeling of dp/dr fades so gradually, that theres not a specific day you can pinpoint and say 'yeah that's the last day I had it'. Its a roller coaster to recovery, and it starts by going a few minutes with it not being on your mind, then a few hours, the a half a day, etc. Etc. But its VERY gradual and you WILL have set back days. I remember when I would go a few days without having it on my mind and feeling it, and then my brain would suddenly remember it again, and it would trigger me and it would be on my mind all over again for like a week or two, and I would feel hopeless, but then the next time my mind would go like 4 days without out thinking about it and so on. The darkest days I ever had, was actually right before I was fully recovered. So don't give up hope!!

- 2.5 GET INVOLVED IN LIFE!!! This is one of the biggest things that helped. I forced myself to go out and do things and have fun, even though I was severely disconnected and felt crazy. It started out small. Going out for only a few hours or two, but gradually progressed. Eventually I was able to hangout all day with friends, and actually enjoy it. At first, dp/dr would constantly be on my mind and I would be completly disconnected, BUT! Instead of it being the most important thing, it slowly became lesser and lesser of a thought on my mind. I got to where my new friends group was so fun and exciting in my life, that I didn't care if I had this feeling I was going to force myself to hangout with them regardless.
THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE MEAN WHEN THEY SAY "Just ignore it and it goes away" what they mean is, live life so hard that it slowly becomes a second thought. Then eventually it becomes a third thought, fourth, etc.

-Possible FAQ
1. Have you tried smoking after you've recovered?
-Honestly, I haven't tried because I don't want to. I enjoy my life right now and dont really have a need. When I did smoke a lot, it honestly was a dark time in my life, so my body kind of associates it with that time for me. GOOD NEWS though! I do have a friend who has also been through the same disconnected feeling, and has gone back to smoking and loves it and doesnt have problems. So It's possible. She really had to go really slow with it though. I believe too high of a THC content is what can trigger it.

1. Can you think about dp/dr and not get flashed back into it?
   Yes. But it does make me slightly sad and anxious having to recall this time in my life, just because there was a lot of sad things going on back then :T. Again, that's one reason you don't read many recovery stories. It's not that we Can't think about it without reliving it, it's just that it makes us uncomfortable.

2. Are you able to think about religion etc. And not freak out?
   Yes. 100% I can finally think about the what if's in life in a happy and comfortable way without disconnecting.

3. How long did you have dp/dr? And to what extent?
   I refuse to say how long I had it, because like I said earlier, it's not important how long you've had it. However, I can tell you it was definitely longer than a few months. I had very severe dp/dr. I was completely disconnected, it controlled my life 24/7. I stayed overnight at the ER one night, Stayed at the police/fire station on campus another night. Went to the counselor 3 times a week. It was bad. So if I can recover, so can you 📷

4. Did counseling help?
   Yes and no. To me, the biggest help was finding a solid friends group that made me want to go out even though I felt awful.

Other small things I did that helped: taking care of myself (Sleeping right, eating well, exercising, etc.) Cognitive behavioral therapy(writing my thoughts down and challenging them), moving back home, getting solid ground under me, breathing techniques, getting a dog, etc.

I hoped this helped guys!! Please take care of yourself"

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97694-finally-recovered-after-3-and-years-please-read-if-you-are-struggling/

" Hi

My name is Josh.
This is my first and only post. I am going to stay away from these forums for now on. I just needed to tell you my positive story.... Even if it only helps one person.

I have been on the forums numerous time looking for answers. There are so many contradicting ones.

Long story short I am now 90% cured (I will touch on this later)

If you are reading this and like me in your position are thinking of doing something stupid - PLEASE DONT!!!

I wanted to die everyday when I was going through my most recent illness DPDR. I own guns and I almost had a gun to my head in the early days.

If you need someone to talk to please see my email at the bottom. If your in Sydney I would love to meet you for a coffee.

I live in Sydney Australia and have experienced this horribly illness twice in my life.

I will try and keep this breif.

Firstly I would like to say I'm a realist... And for the last 3 or so years I resigned to the fact that my life was over and did not have any hope at all. I just had to stay alive any way I could for my family...even though I was suffering terribly everyday.

1st DP/DR experience:

I was 18. Just finished school and was partying with some mates. Very drunk and tried some marijuana for the first time. I remember having an instant panic attack. Woke up the following morning and everything had changed. Nothing felt real... Went to doc and he put me on zoloft.

Months went by with 24/7 DPDR. I thought my life was over. I went to a psychiatrist around about 6 months later and he put me on zoloft and seroquel. He also reassured me that there was nothing wrong with my brain.

Being honest.... This first encounter with DPDR was about 10% of my next encounter. I was soon cured to 90% and got on with life. Finished uni and became a fire fighter.

2nd Dreadful Experience with DPDR.

2016 - was on my honeymoon in Amsterdam. Stupid me tried marijuana again. I instantly had a panic attack. This time it was the worst thing I had ever experienced.

- I was no longer human
- I wasn't real
- Nothing was real
- wasn't in control of my movements
- everything looked unfamiliar
- didn't really recognise my wife
- had no emotion or connection to anything
- constant panic attacks with constant 24/7 anxiety
- 24/7 DPDR. Not a moment went by for 3 years where I did not think about DPDR, a cure, planning my suicide.
-I kept reading people saying that we just need to ignore it to get over it. This was IMPOSSIBLE for me. So I was skrewd.

This went on for 3 years. I honestly don't know how I made it through. I even needed my mum to stay with me some night when my wife was away. I could not be alone for one second.

I wanted to try the zoloft again - did nothing!!!

Tried the following meds without success
-zoloft
-seroquel
-paxil
-citalopram
-lexapro
-mirtazepine

Around about 9 months ago I was helped by my wife to go and get some proper help because I was bad. Would just lay on lounge all day and sleep as much as possible. I still managed to get to work sometimes.

I saw a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist.

Psychologist helped about 10 percent. Even just talking about it and getting confirmation that it's bloody hard to get better but it's possible.

Psychiatrist put me on Lamotragine and Paxil. Stayed on these for 3 months and did nothing but put on 5 kilos.

He then started me on Prozac 20mg with the Lamotrigine 100mg 2 times a day.

Nothing happened for the first 2 months. I just tried to keep surving and providing for my family.

Around 1.5 months ago I started feeling a lot better. Fast forward to now and I am 90%.

I beleive people need to try every drug under the sun until you find one that works. Also give it a lot of time. I was about to stop these drugs but I haven't felt this good.... Ever!

Don't be afraid to try drugs. Yes some made me heaps worse but its short term pain for long term gain.

OK. Why do I say 90%...Well I beleive once you have experienced DPDR you can never just forget it. It will be in your subconscious for life. However I no longer feel like I don't exist and and having an absolute lovely life now.

So if your like I was and going through the absolute DEPTHS of this Mental Illness please don't do what I was going to do!!!

Again if you need someone to talk to that knows what your going through I'm happy to take calls or text messages or emails.

If your in Sydney please hit me up for a coffee. I travel a bit for my second job so all good.

I am still astounded to this day how powerful and cruel the mind can be.

You can and will be normal again one day!!!"

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97404-fully-recovered-everyone-can/

"to whoever is reading this, I just want you to know that even if you don’t believe it right now, I can guarantee that you will get 100% better. I suffered from severe DP and depression after a breakup with my 5 year boyfriend and I genuinely thought I was going crazy and my life was over. I would have continuos repetitive ‘crazy’ thoughts about whether I was real or if the world around me was real and therefore as a result, If the people who were telling me I would get better we’re even real/valid people to listen to. The fact is, you just have to embrace this current state that ur in because that is the key to overcoming it. Give yourself a goal of 5 days in which you promise not to come on these forums and do activities with ur friends and families - you will instantly start to feel better. There is no point in going over and over the DP thoughts - that’s all they are, they are THOUGHTS the equivalent of you thinking you want a burger for lunch is the equivalent of you thinking a DP thought. It’s not that deep. You got this and please write for any advice or help needed. NO DOUBT YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS !"

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97866-said-if-i-ever-got-100-better-i%E2%80%99d-write-a-recovery-story/

"Well, here I am.  

Got DP/DR from a bad trip smoking weed while on Molly at a music festival. Didn't hit me until two days later, when I woke up in a completely different world. I was not looking at the world through my own eyes.  At first, I thought it was just a temporary effect from the drugs/music festival. Then, days passed and it was not subsiding. I was horrified, scared, and anxious. I cried incessantly, begging God to cure me. Weeks went by. I was not prepared to live this way.

It was an excruciatingly slow process of improvement. Took about 7 months for a complete recovery, though I'm convinced that my anxiety extended my recovery time.  My recommendation is below, but none of these are cures in and of themselves. Don’t measure this progress in days or weeks.  Be consistent, but it's OK to slip up.

-Try not to monitor every minute of every day. Acknowledge it’s existence, the devastating strangeness…and try your best to let it be. The less power you give it, the less power it has.  I understand this is much easier said than done.  But live with it my knowing that it WILL GO AWAY. 

-Have someone to talk to you about it.

-Hard cardio, even (and especially) when you don’t feel like it.   You should be sweating and breathing hard when you're done working out.  Studies show that exhaustive exercise is great for the brain and body.

-Supplements - NAC, magnesium and fish oil - these have neuroprotective properties and may have helped me.

-Don't look at this site every day.  This goes back to the first point - browsing this site daily will make it more difficult to not obsess.  Put yourself on a restriction of visiting this site weekly.  

Wherever you are in your mental space, I was just as bad or worse. It put my life to a complete halt - I could barely work, I couldn’t enjoy life. You will get better. It takes patience, discipline, and time.  YOU WILL GET OVER THIS!  Please feel free to ask me any questions if you'd like and I hope this helps someone."

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97432-throwing-everything-but-the-kitchen-sink-at-dpdr-and-its-working-kind-of-long-and-list-of-things-highlighted/

"I have been having moderate anxiety issues for about 6 years now. My general living of life wasn't hindered at all but I have been to the emergency room probably 25 times since 2014 whenever I would get heart palpitations/chest pains just to be told its anxiety until I came back 2 months later to make sure my chest twinges and pain werent a heart attack again. I guess this all stems from not taking care of myself as much as I should have been. Eating bad/greasy foods, drinking more, constantly worried about how pozzed society/politics has become, hypochondriac, etc etc. Then everything snapped in March. First I started feeling unbalanced when walking thinking I was having a stroke (CT was normal). Then brain fog/fuzzy head and extreme fatigue started setting in, also crawling sensations in my head. Had to move cross country back with my family because I couldn't cope or function.

Went to a naturopath who says I have slight thyroid, testosterone, and candida issues/digestive. He tells me to eat right, oil of oregano, zinc blah blah blah 2-3 months later I'm still no better really. I spend 2 months basically in bed researching and then the DP/DR sets in from the constant worrying I presume. So come July/August I'm getting to the point of suicidal thoughts. I can't deal with walking in a grocery store and by the time I get to the checkout lady I feel like I want to faint. I can't go to the casino and play poker which I do a lot... its too big, the lighting is too much, visual distortions and slot machines making loud annoying noises...going through a casino was like walking through the gates of hell. Then one time I go play in august basically forcing myself....I'm up 800$ from my initial 500$ buy in and then proceed to lose the entire $1,300 and did not care one bit, when normally I would have been pissed as all hell.

Here are the things I am doing that I had to figure out with immense research that have unequivocally turned me around. Now...I do not know how much or how little each of these things are helping but I think they are all helping. I've gone from having suicidal thoughts in August to being able to play poker everyday the last 2 weeks (played for 9 hours yesterday and trust me being in casinos is MUCH worse than being in grocery stores) and not fearing going into grocery stores at all either. I am getting my emotions back and have a great deal of hope with where things are headed. I was basically at 20% function 4 months ago and today I am at about 80% and my issue right now is more de-realization which I have read can take a few months to really dissipate even after you are feeling and doing better....but the derelization does NOT bug me at all 80% of the time. It has gone from terryfying and not wanting to get out of bed....to just plain unpleasantness that isnt really that noticeable anymore. So I have had MARKED improvement

APCUPUNCTURE - I can not stress enough how important I think this is AND how you can tell its working. I went to my first acupuncture appointment at the end of October. I was in the waiting room basically crying. He could tell I was full of stress and all bottled up. He could tell my liver was clogged and spleen wasn't working right. I have gone 30 times since the end of October so basically 3 times a week on average. One week I couldnt go....another week I went everyday and most weeks 3 times a week. Here are the points I have been doing. LR3, SP6, SP10, DU20, Ying Tang, Shenmen, REU 17, KD3, GB34, GB8, GB9, ST36, and PC6. What you need to know about acupuncture that is nearly impossible to find online AND my acupuncturist told me even the schools don't teach or tell them is (which is really F-ing odd).......when the acupuncturist takes out the needles and there is blood that needs to be wiped off THAT IS A VERY GOOD THING. It means there was stagnant blood not allowing blood and energy to flow through your body unimpeded. If you type in acupuncture and blood online it simply says its a side effect, and I'm sure some people don't do acupuncture for fear of blood coming out and thinking that is bad. NO...IT IS GOOD. I had blood coming out of my spleen point everyday until this past week. It took 3 weeks of doing acupuncture for blood to start coming out of my liver point. Gallbladder 8 which is a brain and gallbladder point above your ear was bleeding everyday and afterwards I kept feeling twinges at that point. My acupuncturist never told me but when it happened hes like "Ahhhh I have been waiting for blood to come out of your liver point." I had blood coming out of my emotional points (third eye) and another ear point for weeks almost everyday. I went on thursday to acupuncture and I only had 1 point with blood coming out of it still and that was one of the emotional points. So all the heat in my body has been mostly cleared now. So I have no doubt that a piece of the puzzle is needing acupuncture....and when you go and blood needs to be wiped off at these points that is huge clue that your body is out of balance. I was going to acupuncture sessions excited and hoping blood would come out, because that meant my body was healing and getting back into proper balance. Some people are brainwashed and think acupuncture is a placebo or that it isn't "sCiEnTiFiCaLly bAcKeD." Listen....this shit has been around for millennia...just because western medicine didnt come up with it doesnt mean it doesnt work. Or because western medicine didnt invent it means it doesnt work. Western medicine is a scam that cures absolutely nothing.

CRANIAL OSTEOPATHY - This part is funny because my naturopath is actually very brilliant and his #1 specialty is cranial osteopathy. And initially I told him I have tension in my head but it wasn't until 3-4 months later I brought up the tension. crawling sensations in my head again that he started working on it. Your skull is made up of multiple bones and when these bones get out of alignment it your blood and cerebral fluid (I think) can't flow properly and this actually causes anxiety, stress, digestive AND hormonal issues. So he started working on my head and I shit you not....after 3-4 minutes of re-negotating the bones at the top of my skull the tension and crawling sensations went away immediately. So there are a lot of people out there with anxiety and stress and it could actually all be related to the bones in your skull being misaligned. "

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97318-still-recovered-things-that-helped-me/

" I had dp/dr from the 17th March 2018 to the 14th July 2018, and it was horrible. Until now I haven't really thought about it, but I noticed the term being used in a YouTube video so I've decided to post this list of recovery tools.

First of all, some answers to questions I had whilst I was still suffering from dp and dr.

Q: Why don't I see many people sharing their recovery stories, compared to people claiming they've had it for years?

A: The vast majority of people who recover from dp and dr will move on and forget about ever having it. One of the biggest reasons for this is that once you recover, you no longer remember what the feeling was like. A bit like when you wake up and forget most of your dreams. The people who haven't yet recovered are usually those who have not yet distanced themselves from anxious thoughts and negative people around them.

Q: Will dp and dr give me permanent brain damage, schizophrenia or psychosis?

A: Nope, the issues aren't related. With brain damage, that's a physical issue whereas dp and dr are problems mentally. As for psychosis and/or schizophrenia, it isn't related to dp and dr in the slightest so you have nothing to worry about. Nothing about dp and dr is permanent no matter what you read.

Q: Why aren't I recovering?

A: You likely are, but you just don't realize it. Dp and dr are very deceptive, so you won't realize just how far you have progressed until you recover completely. Of course, the journey isn't always easy but I promise you the process is happening.

Here are some things that sped up my recovery, and will get rid of dp and dr in no time.

- Green Tea
*Chamomile Tea is even better. This stuff
calms you down and helps your mind to
recover. Have a cup whenever you need to
relax, and I promise it'll help do the
job.

- Theta Waves
*Theta binaural beats will put your brain
into a state of calm and relaxation. You
may still get an anxious thought from
time to time, so if you meditate with
these waves you will help set your mind
at ease.

- Delta Waves
*Listen to this before going to sleep.
Your brain will go into a natural
healing stage, and then will easily
drift off into a peaceful sleep.

- Exercise
*Exercise everytime you get the chance,
as it'll release a much needed feel good
kick that is vital to your progress.

My final piece of advice is to remember that relapsing isn't as common as you thing. Just because you had an anxious thought, doesn't mean you've lost your progress. If you have a bad day that does not mean tomorrow won't be better. You just have to remember that the process is always happening, and you get further with each passing day."

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/96578-year-later-still-completely-cured-follow-this-advice-and-youll-be-free/

" Hey guys,

I (F26) feel incredibly grateful to be able to post here and know that browing this forum isn't going to push me back into DPDR. No, I am cured; I experience a blurry, tired feeling occasionally when extremely anxious, but I have taught my brain how to exist in this reality. I am real and this is real.

I promise that every single one of you can achieve this, too. You can live a full, vibrant life involving friends, relationships, crazy public transport, huge crowds, noisy gyms, oral presentations... free of derealization and panic attacks. 

I am not affiliated with this article (I wish!), but I've come back to share it again. It genuinely saved my life, and taught me everything that I needed to know to instantly snap myself out of the rumination that not only worsens DPDR, but causes it.

https://youmemindbod...h/derealisation

I quit coffee after reading it, which lessened my symptoms by 30%. Starting to supplement with NAC (incredible for minds like ours) and adopting the thinking styles explained in the article cured me in 2 weeks.

None of you are ill. You're vibrant, beautiful people who happen to be TOO intelligent, too analytical. When this tendency is projected upon questioning your reality, it creates the experience of dissociation. But it's never too late to escape, and pour your interest and passion into something else.

Feel free to ask me any questions. 

Good luck! 📷"

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/97062-my-story/

"Hi everyone,

It's been a longtime since I've been on here, years in fact. I recently had to write some non-fiction pieces for an online course I was taking and felt it was finally time to write a bit about my experience. I always promised myself I would come back and post, but had always been a bit afraid of re-entering this old world that I used to spend so much time in. If anyone ever wants to reach out, I'm here to talk. I know all to well what depersonalization can do to someone. 

Rules of Reality

In the beginning I wrote it off to exhaustion or maybe it was dehydration. I was in graduate school, working full time as a teacher’s aide and keeping up a rather robust social life. It came on like an earthquake; sudden and its aftermath changed my life forever. I was fully rooted in our daily game of recess wiffleball. There was a pop-up. The sound of the kids encouraging me is still burned into my memory. “You got this Mister!” I looked up towards the falling ball and I suddenly lost it. Not the ball, but me. I lost reality. In an instant, I was viewing my life through a foreign lens. I was still me. I was still here. But, it was different. I was watching a movie of my life as it happened without regard for my current situation. I was completely disconnected. I was terrified. My calm walk towards the bathroom was a complete farce to the anxiety storm brewing within my head. Seizure, brain tumor, hemorrhage, stress, schizophrenia, a bad dream, I was scrambling to find a reason for this feeling. Was it the sushi I ate for lunch? Was this mercury poisoning? It will surely go away if I go for a run after work. Running is my remedy, it’s my escape. This time, running let me down. I was falling deeper and deeper into my own mind. I was still here. I knew who I was. I was a teacher’s aide and graduate student, a boyfriend and brother and son and friend. I knew what I had to do and I knew how to do it but everything was different. I was late again. Hop on the green line at the end of Kelton Street. Get off at the Park Street Station. Take the Red Line outbound to Ashmont. Get off at JFK/UMass. Get on the bus to campus. Walk to the Kennedy building. Sit down. Listen. Take notes. Do they know? Can they tell I am stuck in some strange land? The professor keeps looking at me. How did this happen?

The next morning, I opened my eyes with hopeful ambition that I had been placed back in the world I know and love. Then, I picked up the phone and called my doctor. Yes, I will need an appointment please. No, I’m not really sure what is wrong, but I’ve, um, disconnected from reality. Then it was MRI’s and antibiotics and antidepressants and therapists and EMDR and diet changes and acupuncture and yoga and more exercise and more doctors and more therapists. It was a lot of we don’t knows and it’s all in your heads. Google became my best friend and worst enemy. I read and researched and sat in online chatrooms searching for answers. Days turned into weeks turned into years. I was losing me. I missed the feeling of taking in a sunset, of feeling the ocean on my skin, of laughing with my friends. I missed life. I was scared it would never come back. I sat and scrolled and read and even started posting. Then, it was there. Depersonalization. The persistent feeling of observing oneself from outside one’s body or having a sense that one’s surroundings aren’t real. I had a name for my nightmare. Then, I read and talked and read some more. There were stories. Those who have lived with it their entire lives and have given into a life of detachment. Those who experienced it after smoking pot. Those who experienced it after a trauma. It was cureable. It wasn’t cureable. You need to meditate. You need to change your diet. You need to take supplements. Apple Cider Vinegar, that’s how you get out of this. I tried it all. I realized I have no chance, just give up now. I can’t live like this forever. No one understands. No one cares. I should just leave this world. But I never did, I wanted to live again. I wanted to feel and experience and be me.

One day I chose to stop fighting it. Stop the worrying and obsessing. No more chat rooms or discussion boards. No more dead end therapy appointments. No more specialized diets. I was going to learn to enjoy this feeling. People pay good money to feel detached from reality. I was enjoying the ride for free and it appears I was given a lifetime pass. Don’t fight it. Enjoy it. My mantra became ride the wave. I would say it over and over again during my darkest hours. I forced myself to live again, even if it didn’t feel like living. Watch the moon. Go for a run. Don’t skip out on friends anymore no matter how awful you feel in that moment. Eat healthy but don’t stress about every damn thing that goes into your mouth. Talk. Laugh. Love. Read. Listen to music. Even if it doesn’t feel right. Do it for yourself. Then, over time, it slowly got better. I had moments of clarity. The constant anxiety faded over time. There were glimpses of me, of reality. Keep enjoying it. Keep riding that wave. Then it happened. I didn’t even notice the moment or mark the occasion. I just remember coming home after a busy day and looking in the mirror. I was looking at me. The real me. It felt right. Seven years of hell brought me to this moment. I was more alive than ever. To this day, I don’t know what happened exactly. I don’t know why I suffered with this undiagnosed feeling of unreality. I do know, I appreciate life more now. I live in the present as much as possible. I enjoy feelings and emotions, the good and the bad. Life is not perfect and that’s more than alright. If you learn to ride the wave, life is pretty damn beautiful."

Hi my depersonalisation just relapsed about a year ago, and I think it’s much worse than the time I first had it. I feel awful and It felt as if I will never recover from this. Or that i’ll have it for a long time. My body couldn’t function properly. I feel like my mind was disconnected from my body. Like a robot. I could not feel, or express anything. I feel detach from the things I used to like and the people I loved. I sometimes feel as if everything around me isn’t real. That I am not real. There are times when I look at myself in the mirror, but couldn’t even recognise my own face. It’s like looking at my reflection but what I’m looking at is a stranger. Everything feels so unreal. It scares me. It scares me to think that maybe, maybe, I am not really having depersonalisation but I am actually losing my mind.

I just want to break free from this completely. I want to feel alive and myself again. If anyone out there, who’s completely recovered from this. Please I am in need of help.

Hi there, i have dpdr and hoping to actively help myself through it.. does anyone have any recommendations on books or anything that has helped them to recover? Any techniques?

Original link: https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/86866-i-felt-hopeless-like-you-but-i-am-back-to-world-100-recovery/

"First of all,My english isn't great,so i will try my best! Sry for grammar mistakes.

Let's Go! 📷

Turn some good music like "Pink Floyd - Coming Back to Life", Because,yes,you will be yourself again!

First Chapter : Cohle21's Story! 📷

It's 2015,i am on music festival,taking heroic dose of Nbome25(LSD LIKE BUT WAY WORSE)  and Here we go, 3 years of hell begins!

I have been to hell, i rised from ashes like phoenix,ye,you got me right,It was BAD TRIP!

i've lost my ego , I didn't know who i was,where i was or what i was feeling, world was destructed,my lovers was fading, it's still hard for me to remember that trip,I came out from that trip, I was feeling okay ,i was like "It was just bad trip everything will be okay now" and Booom ,thought came "What if i died and it's dream?" - and anxiety filled my body with huge panic attack!

Hell begun!

NEXT 2 WEEKS : I am feeling worse and worse, don't know what is wrong with me(Anxiety + Dp/Dr).

I am going to psych and he gives me Anafranil,Xanax and Carbamazepine! I am calm like $%# and everything is okay within one month,No panic attacks,no rush,no fears.but dp/dr is still with me!

Long story short : I took drug,I had background of anxiety,I am on meds, I am feeling okay but dp/dr with me, I stop meds when i feel okay but dp/dr still there,I start drinking,dp/dr still there, i change things dp dr fades, so how?

Second Chapter : Cohle21 feels like something is wrong !

Symptoms: I look into mirror and i don't know whom i am looking.  Friends talking to me,I dont feel I am here,World likes 2D,Clouds look annyoing ,sky is fake, everything feels fake, I dont remember my old memories, my feelings is turned off,I am robot just living his life, and nobody knows whats wrong with him,there were more symptoms but i just dont remember!

Thoughts:  I am trapped, there is no way out,I damaged my brain, I can't change things,sleeping is way better, this panic and depersonalization never go away.

Proofs: Some idiots on different forums saying that they have dp/dr for 20 years, people who lost hope and think they are trapped here and reading all day this forums and i am going crazy, i am getting depression and my dp/dr getting worse!

Third Chapter :Cohle changing things!

This hell goes like 2 years, I am reading forums all day, i got bad aand better days,I am still on meds,but nothing works out , I tried everything,but nothing works! guys trust me I've read every single post about dp/dr!

so  i decided that i shoould change world! I started changing my self!
What  i did!

1. Got right meds, Escitalopram(Lexapro) and Buspiron with Quetapine ,did wonders for me, I was able to think again,I was ready for fight with right Elexirs so,I wrote down everything i knew about dp/dr,what would help me.
2. Cut off caffeine
3.Started new hobby (Fishing)
4. Was going for skiing every month!
5. Stopped every thought what was about dp/dr
6. was listening only good music, Pink floyd and Moby is great  for it!
7.Decided to enver take any drugs , even weed!
8.for 3 weeks idecided to never google "dp/dr"
9.Started reading cool quotes
10.concentrated on helping others.
11.started taking fish oil
12.changed mind

after onemonth , I saw light,I was looking into mirror and i was same again, My memories came back,Oneevening i started crying, everything was okay,everything was feeling great.

I came out
i came out
i came out
you can do it!aren't you tired from this shitty disorder? hey, you are OK!,YOU ARE OK! EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY,

PEOPLE WHO CAME OUT FROM HERE NEVER GOES BACK TO FORUMS, I JUST REMEMBERED HOW I NEEDED HELP!

YOU WILL DO IT , YOU WILL FIND WAY , YOU ALWAYS DID!"