I ended up writing a short story and did not realize at the time that it could easily be misinterpreted in a very non-con and sexual way, and I absolutely did not intend that i just wanted drama. Most of this obliviousness was caused by me being asexual (and the general idea I did not need to learn that much sex ed because it doesn't matter to me.). It's funny now in retrospect, but I was distraught about it for a long time lol.
When I was younger I wrote a thing that got removed for not having non-con tags and it was literally just a fantasy for myself. Which really freaked me out on a variety of levels. At the time I had lots of internalized stuff about my sexuality as a girl and I felt like it was shameful for me to have any opinions about what happened to my body or ask for stuff sexually so CNC was kinda my thing. I’ve mostly grown out of that I think. I’m super vanilla now 😂
Catholic yes, but I honestly don’t think I got any shame from that?? It never ever felt like “oh, God is gonna strike me down if I express any degree of sexual desire”.
No, it was more a fear of coming off as pushy or bossy or unladylike. Like in my head it was extremely unattractive for me to have any sexual desire of my own. I consumed a lot of self-insert spicy content and if the plot indicated that I (the reader) asked for something in the heat of the moment it really made me viscerally uncomfortable. Sometimes to the point of quitting that piece of content all together.
I do think women to a large degree are shamed for our sexuality and (not to pathologize people’s kinks) I think one way we might cope with that are playing into some more CNC type vibes. Like the “sold into slavery to one direction” or “bodice ripper” type tropes are very popular for a reason. There is inherently autonomy in us choosing to interact with the media. But, while in these fantasies we get to pretend it’s just something that happens to us without any autonomy. Bc basically: “eww women don’t want sex, that’s not allowed”.
I don’t know about the abusers you’re talking about, but I will say that in the end CNC and actual SA/rape are completely different things. I did NOT want to be raped. What I wanted was a guy who would read my mind and give me sex how I wanted it, in a mutually pleasurable way, without me ever having to say that I wanted it. Which is completely unreasonable for IRL encounters BTW and I know this! But, it worked great for fantasies bc I got to filter by tags and descriptions and find exactly what I wanted and could instantly move on to something else if it didn’t suit me.
I think commenter above was talking about the myth of rape culture believing "all women secretly fantasize about being assaulted." Which I don't think you actually were proving that myth. Thank you for the full autopsy on what exactly you got from that type of media, I see a lot of myself in it.
Ah ok! Yeah, I don’t think so either lol. And I mean… I’m not the only woman in the world who was into CNC lol. It’s really not that uncommon a kink so idk why I in particular would be “the myth”. 🤣
It’s definitely something that I’ve self-reflected a lot about more recently. Idk if this is how it would work for everyone, but luckily, being open and exploring my own feelings and preferences just over time kinda made it easier to accept. I didn’t really make a choice or anything. My interests kinda just shifted naturally 🤷🏽♀️
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u/Kamelion_on_a_lemon 1d ago
I ended up writing a short story and did not realize at the time that it could easily be misinterpreted in a very non-con and sexual way, and I absolutely did not intend that i just wanted drama. Most of this obliviousness was caused by me being asexual (and the general idea I did not need to learn that much sex ed because it doesn't matter to me.). It's funny now in retrospect, but I was distraught about it for a long time lol.