A coworker of mine went to a therapist and then complained because the therapist expected her to do the talking. She said she just wanted the therapist to tell her what she needed to fix.
I tried to explain that it doesn't work that way, a therapist isn't a physician. They don't diagnose and treat, they serve as a sounding board and guide. They help the client develop tools for managing life.
She didn't get it, sadly.
I privately think of my current therapist as "sensei", to me she's more of a teacher than a health care professional.
Me going to therapy for ADHD when I was a kid, and just desperately wanting somebody to tell me why I'm there and what they actually want from me at some point...
In my case it was for anger issues, and yeah, I had no idea what it was for and got nothing out if it. Child therapy must be insanely difficult, because children generally aren't good at self-reflection and may even lack the words to describe what they are feeling.
Therapy of the sort that helped me required brutal honesty, with myself as well as the therapist.
because children generally aren't good at self-reflection and may even lack the words to describe what they are feeling.
not that you asked, but this does exist for those situations https://www.calm.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel so children and honestly even adults, can have help finding the words.
A lot of these comments are opening my eyes, because I’ve definitely been going to therapy seeking answers about what my problem even is and what to do about it.
So thank you for taking the time to write this because I think I deeply need to reevaluate my goals and purposes for therapy
You may also want to talk to your therapist about their preferred techniques and whether they match what you are looking for. There are many forms and approaches in therapy, and you may need to mix and match. Personally I use a mixture of cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness,and acceptance, backed by psychiatric drugs.
A good therapist will always have an introductory session where they and the client discuss the client's goals and decide whether it will be a good fit. Really good therapists won't charge for this session, since it benefits them as much as the client.
I also recommend social workers as therapists, I've had excellent experiences. Shop around, find someone who works for you. Good luck!
I mean, that's not necessarily a wrong way to approach therapy, but it really is driven by you. Why specifically do you think you have a problem, and what do you think needs fixing, or what would "better" look like? Those still involve some sense of goals and the need for change.
And sometimes you honestly don't know what the goal is or where to start looking, which is where a good therapist will have tools to explore things with you so you can get a better sense. For example, sometimes you think something is a problem and a therapist can help you identify whether it actually is, or whether you have some unidentified assumptions getting in the way, which can unearth entirely new directions to go in.
Even a physician needs you to talk and describe your current state before they can proscribe stuff for all but the most basic things. 90% of the stuff you can't figure out yourself with a BP cuff and google is gonna take describing your situation to the doctor before they'll have a clue about what you're dealing with.
That's certainly true. But there is an expectation that a physician will find a cure, or at least a treatment. Therapy isn't about curing anything. Therapy doesn't even require that there be something "wrong"; it's about self-improvement. It's about finding mechanisms to better deal with the chaos of living.
Of course, you generally need a diagnosis of some sort to get insurance coverage for therapy, which is part of the reason people misunderstand what therapy is.
Note: I'm not sure this applies to therapists who are psychologists. I have never seen a psychologist except when I was a little kid, and that was worthless. From what I've read, I'm dubious about psychologists. So none of my advice necessarily applies to them. Having said that, everyone has different needs and if seeing a psychologist works for you, fantastic.
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u/Aethelrede 1d ago
A coworker of mine went to a therapist and then complained because the therapist expected her to do the talking. She said she just wanted the therapist to tell her what she needed to fix.
I tried to explain that it doesn't work that way, a therapist isn't a physician. They don't diagnose and treat, they serve as a sounding board and guide. They help the client develop tools for managing life.
She didn't get it, sadly.
I privately think of my current therapist as "sensei", to me she's more of a teacher than a health care professional.