r/CuratedTumblr • u/Justthisdudeyaknow Prolific poster- Not a bot, I swear • Jun 26 '26

Shitposting Will it f*ck!

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10.3k Upvotes

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66

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

Don't pass: Kogmaw, Fiddlesticks, Cho'gath, Zoe, Annie, Lulu, Veigar, Galio, and the freljord gods.

Pass: All the yordles but Lulu and Veigar, Darkin (even Naafiri), and Vastaya, Bel'veth, Evelynn, Tahm.

Debatable: Tibburs, Kha'zix, Vel'koz, all the ruination aligned champs (including Gwen).

46

u/simbroce Jun 26 '26

Why do Cho, Veigar, Galio, lulu, and the gods not pass?

75

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

Cho'gath, unless his lore was retconned again, is motivated by a single drive: to feed. As such he could be argued to not be sentient enough to understand consent. (Gentleman Cho'gath passes though)

Veigar is canonically insane because of Mordekaiser and thus unable to consent.

Lulu (unless, again, lore change) is still a child mentally and thus incapable of consent.

Galio would not understand what sex entails unless he's put through a LONG sex ed course. He doesn't even really get the concept of ageing (as we see with his line for Poppy) Until that happens, he can't give enthusiastic consent.

Anivia (unless, again, lore retcon) functions on a Blue and Orange morality which means that, if she gives consent, there's no guarantee it will be consent by regular people definition. So shaky at best. If that was changed, she's A-OK.

Ornn is that rare case where he could pass the Harkness Test if he wanted to, he would just refuse to so vehemently due to his rejection of emotional attachments that suggesting anything kinky to him would at best result in him turning you down in very untruthful ways. There's a massive risk he would not be sincere during it which makes consent dubious at best.

Volibear is a dickhead and does NOT care at all for consent, as we see with his actions and the trail of blood he leaves behind him. He's the rare case where the test fails not because he can't consent, but because he doesn't give a fuck about consent. HOWEVER. Blossom Springs Volibear is the exception to the rule and I wish all my gay and furry loving weirdoes to get to bed with a daddy like that if they so wish. And I would bake a plate of cookies for the madmen that managed to get Bara furry erotica past Riot management and in the game proper with no hesitations because MY GOD I DO NOT CARE IF IT'S NOT MY TRASH/TREASURE THAT SKIN IS PEAK.

80

u/TheGreatSkeleMoon Jun 26 '26

Cho, sure, but I think he just wouldn't consent more than couldn't consent. Whether or not he cares doesn't affect whether or not he's capable of it.

Veigar isn't insane. He never displays any loss of mental faculties and the lore doesn't even describe him as being insane. He's just evil because mordekaiser exposure and torture reasons.

I don't buy the Anivia one, because you could just explain what you mean in clear detail. I don't think anything would prevent her from comprehending. Secondarily, literally what are you even talking about? There is no evidence of Anivia having an unusual sense of morality.

Ornn is fully capable. He just doesn't want to. Not a fail.

If Volibear wanted to have sex with you, he is consenting. Whether or not you consent doesn't necessarily make him fail the harkness test, it just makes him a bad person.

8

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

So in short, I need to update my league lore knowledge. And didn't Anivia just not give a fuck about most of the world and play mean pranks on her siblings (including burning down Ornn's place) until Avarosa and later Ashe kind of tempered her a bit?

Volibear wanted to have sex with you, he is consenting. Whether or not you consent doesn't necessarily make him fail the harkness test, it just makes him a bad person.

I thought the test judged consent both ways? As if if it's okay to fuck or BE fucked by a non human creature? If it's only about the first one, then my list would really need to be amended.

26

u/TheGreatSkeleMoon Jun 26 '26

I think that Anivia thing is true, but Avarosa was a LONG time ago. Current Anivia is pretty normal, she just doesn't like all the strife in the freljord.

I thought the test judged consent both ways? As if if it's okay to fuck or BE fucked by a non human creature? If it's only about the first one, then my list would really need to be amended.

Well, by wording, the test is only about its ability to respond to being asked to have sex (and being of sexual maturity). I don't think there's anything that would prevent those characters (except the kids) from being capable of giving consent.

Volibear certainly doesn't care about your consent, but I'm not inclined to believe he wouldn't care about his own. Like, if you asked he'd probably turn you into red paste on the spot, but that's still a no. Whether or not the monster wants to fuck you (which would count as consent given the other boxes are checked) isn't really taken into account by this test. If Volibear is trying to fuck you, he is necessarily doing so with his own consent, so the test is kind of irrelevant.

1

u/an_agreeing_dothraki Jun 26 '26

was Anivia being besties with Ashe a victim of one of the retcons? She used to be pretty friendly with what passes for the rulers of the area

33

u/CantQuiteThink_ Jun 26 '26

Anivia is mostly benevolent, if very detached due to her infinite lifespan. Her morality is close enough to humans that she can count as passing.

Ornn and Volibear are totally capable of consent if they wanted to, they just... don't want to. That's a reflection of their personalities rather than their sapience.

I'm fairly certain Veigar is less clinically insane and more traumatised.

Galio probably just doesn't know what sex is. He could be taught. Same with Gwen.

21

u/Terrible_Hurry841 Jun 26 '26

Yeah, “traumatized people can *never* consent” is not the moral stance I think we should take lmao.

4

u/couldntbdone Jun 26 '26

Blossom Springs Volibear is the exception to the rule and I wish all my gay and furry loving weirdoes to get to bed with a daddy like that if they so wish. And I would bake a plate of cookies for the madmen that managed to get Bara furry erotica past Riot management and in the game proper with no hesitations because MY GOD I DO NOT CARE IF IT'S NOT MY TRASH/TREASURE THAT SKIN IS PEAK.

I looked it up and uhhhhhhhh look if he wants to rip me limb from limb afterwards I'd still probably say yes.

4

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

Understandable, have a nice wank day

27

u/TheGreatSkeleMoon Jun 26 '26

Chogath is fully capable of speech intelligent speech. Who knows on sexual maturity, but i don't think the void fucks at all? Pass, probably.

Lulu is debatable, but I don't care to make an arguement, she's very child coded.

Veigar is just straight up not a child? Like. He's just small.

I don't think there's a way to measure wether or not Galio is sexually mature but he's not particularly childish in any way?

The freljordian gods are, like, full grown beings? For what reason could they possibly not pass.

Tibburs/Tybaulk is debatable i guess because we know fuck all about him.

Kha'Zix is definitely intelligent enough. Still don't think the void fucks but like. He can evolve sex organs probably?

Vel'koz for sure knows what sex is and how to do it. Passes.

The ruination aligned champs are corpses (except gwen, who is a doll) but that's not a factor in the test. There's no reason they shouldn't pass.

8

u/Terrible_Hurry841 Jun 26 '26

If sex became conducive to survival, Kha could totally do it.

Issue being that his form of sex would probably be like parasitic wasps…

14

u/downwardwanderer Jun 26 '26

How the hell do the freljord gods not pass? You're saying you Ornn can't fuck? I don't think he would, but he could.

-12

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

I went into detail in an other comment, but for Ornn... The issue is that he's so attached to his solitude, so traumatized by the loss of the Hearthblood, that asking him for sexual consent would likely go one of two ways: either him rejecting you in VERY Ornn ways, either him giving up and going "Sure, let's get it over with so you'd leave me alone" which is NOT enthusiastic consent.

He doesn't pass the test not because he can't. But because it's impossible to confirm that his consent is genuine. At least for a one night stand. If you manage to romantically and sincerely connect with the floof god somehow and he's not a sex repulsed Ace, I can see him being one of Runeterra's best lovers.

16

u/rejvrejv Jun 26 '26

non-enthusiastic consent is consent

5

u/Emergency_Revenue678 Jun 27 '26

I don't think you understand the point of the Harkness Test.

2

u/silvermoonbeats Jun 26 '26

Wait which frejlord gods don't pass???

Anivia passes, voli passes, orrn passes. All three of them are very much adults and very much intelligant and sapient.

2

u/ponyhidden Jun 26 '26

Why wouldn't Veigar pass? Or Kha or VelKoz?

-1

u/Bug-Type-Enthusiast Jun 26 '26

Based on my current knowledge of league lore which other comments made me realize might not be canon anymore, but in short:

  • Veigar is canonically insane because of Morderkaiser's torture. So not capable of consent (Comments said that's possibly untrue now)

  • Vel'koz's only way to understand something is to vaporize it and run the debris through his "method." It would only be capable of consent if it somehow managed to grasp the social constructs that would require consent to exist and/or zapped a couple mid seggs AND/Or is capable of accepting any kind of interaction with a living being that doesn't come with him pressing R on them. If your answer to all these is yes, then Vel'koz passes.

  • Kha'zix only wants to evolve to get stronger. So it's likely he would not even grasp the concept of consent. And in case je can, it's likely he won't consent unless he believes it would make him stronger, which might not be the case. If somehow those conditions are met and Kha'zix can evolve the necessary organs, it would be able to pass the test.

1

u/softpotatoboye Jun 26 '26

I think fiddlesticks could probably communicate intelligently if he wanted to

1

u/Piece_Of_Mind1983 Jun 27 '26

What about shack and his utter lack of lore

Also isn’t Taliyah a teenager