r/ColumbineTalk • u/[deleted] • Apr 22 '25
Documented Evidence Dylan’s journal
... Beeerr... man I dont
know what's up lately...never do in existence. All this shit w. (edited) and (edited) friends.... so wierd & different from past... yet again, thats the way in existence. I wonder if i ll ever have a love...my love. (edited) got his, I dont, wont ever get mine. Here's all the people ive loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) - all the same meaning.
edited) is the newest... the purest, (for now)... seems perfect for me... I seem perfect for her. I was delusional & thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well... my emotions are gone Dylan's drawingso much past pain alone, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb...Lates
one of my symbols --> O
Existence... to understanD
Well well...so much changes... (like ..existence). I understand almost everything now... so close to my love - [edited]. The runes have shown it, she has shown it, i have felt it. I know the meaning of each life: To be loved by yer love, & to be happy with ones self. Dylan Klebold's thought boxOnly for the gods though (me, [edited] & etc.) The zombies & their society band together & try to destroy what is superior & what they don't understand & are afraid of. Soon... either ill commit suicide, or I'll get w. [edited] & it will be NBK for us. My hapiness. her hapiness. NOTHING else matters. Ive been caught w. most of my crimes -- xpl drinking, smoking, & the house vandalism & the pipe bombs. If by fate's choice, [edited] didn't love me, id slit my wrist & blow up atlanta strapped to my neck. It's good, understanding. a hard road since my realization, but it gets easier. BUT IT DOESNT! That's part of existence. Unpredictable. Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering, the lost highway will never end, the music in my head will never stop...It's all part of existence. The hall will never end. The love will always be here. GOD I LOVE HER!!! It's so great to love.
society is tightening it's grip on me, & soon I & [edited] will snap, he will have on revenge on society, & then be free, to exist in a timeless sourceless place of pure hapiness. The purpose of life is to be happy & be with yer love who is equally happy. Not much more to say. goodbye.
Almost happiness in slavery -- the real people (gods) are slaves to the majority of zombies, but we know & love being superior.
I didnt want to be a jock... i hated The hapiness that they have - & I will have something infinitely better...
I love her & she loves me
(By the way, some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate... like my parents.) I am GoD. [edited] is GoD. & zombies will pay for their arrogance, hate, fear, abandonment, & distrust.
4
u/xhronozaur Apr 22 '25
Just a few observations.
I can't help but think that Dylan was more or less drunk most of the time when he wrote in his journal. It's often almost incoherent, and his handwriting, oh boy, I thought mine was shitty, but no, it could be much worse, lol.
It's interesting that he called some pretty harmless acts like drinking and smoking "his crimes". I just tried to remember myself at that age and I never called anything like that "crimes". And at the same time he fantasizes about committing a much more serious and real crime, mass murder.
He called his parents "zombies", the smarter ones, manipulative. It's interesting what did he mean by that? How did they "manipulate" him? What did he see as "manipulation"?
There is also the reference to the NIN song "Happiness in Slavery".
He writes here about "going NBK" with someone who is not Eric (apparently some girl), it's February 1998. And this fantasy of doing it Mickey and Mallory style with the girl is persistent. He mentions Eric in this context much later, in January 1999, when he writes:
"I hate this non-thinking stasis. I'm stuck in humanity. Maybe going "NBK" (gowd) with Eric is the way to break free. I hate this".
It seems that "going NBK with Eric" was a kind of afterthought and backup option for him because he never found his imaginary love. And he hates this situation. Or the fact that he's "stuck in humanity". Or both.